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4.24 AVERAGE
4.24 AVERAGE
4.5 ⭐️ This book really grew on me as I continued reading it. Cam is such an interesting character. Aunt Lori’s scariness is slowly revealed. I really appreciate how Smedley is able to write such complicated characters, who have major flaws but still show deep, real emotions and have strengths as well. He’s done this in both this book and Tonight We Rule the World (his 2nd book).
This story allowed me to read the perspective of a teen discovering and questioning their bisexuality, grappling with it along with how it will be accepted within their faith and by their family—all this in a more nuanced and relatable way than I’d been able to think about it before.
The connection between Nate and Cam was so complicated and so deep—I could really feel the emotions Nate had as I read it. Definitely cried at the end of this one.
Also, I wrote the author on IG and he wrote me back, which I think is about the coolest thing ever.
This story allowed me to read the perspective of a teen discovering and questioning their bisexuality, grappling with it along with how it will be accepted within their faith and by their family—all this in a more nuanced and relatable way than I’d been able to think about it before.
The connection between Nate and Cam was so complicated and so deep—I could really feel the emotions Nate had as I read it. Definitely cried at the end of this one.
Also, I wrote the author on IG and he wrote me back, which I think is about the coolest thing ever.
This book. I will never recover.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Religious bigotry
Moderate: Alcoholism, Cancer, Infidelity, Blood, Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Biphobia, Child death, Chronic illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual content, Death of parent, Alcohol
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This is a really hard read in that it's visceral and real, with a lot of shocking moments and a twist at the end that I didn't see coming (though it's obvious in hindsight).
It's from the POV of a Catholic school boy (Nathan) who is befriended by a new student (Cam) that very literally changes his world - from his views of religion, sexuality, and life itself. It starts after the end with Nathan giving a deposition to a lawyer about his life since he met Cam in class until the event that landed Cam possibly going to prison. While Nathan gives off the façade (that he himself seems to believe) of a perfect Catholic boy, what's behind it is a lot of family issues, abuse, and confusion that takes the reader on one hell of a dramatic rollercoaster. You want to reach in and really help Nathan out while also shaking some sense into him, because his life is trash and he just takes it because that's "just how it is."
The only issues I had is that these are younger high school boys and some of the dialogue is definitely not within that age group's purview, even those well educated. Also, the ending isn't quite satisfying but then it's also more realistic, because there aren't happy endings in real life and that adds to the realism of the narrative. Overall, a really good read.
It's from the POV of a Catholic school boy (Nathan) who is befriended by a new student (Cam) that very literally changes his world - from his views of religion, sexuality, and life itself. It starts after the end with Nathan giving a deposition to a lawyer about his life since he met Cam in class until the event that landed Cam possibly going to prison. While Nathan gives off the façade (that he himself seems to believe) of a perfect Catholic boy, what's behind it is a lot of family issues, abuse, and confusion that takes the reader on one hell of a dramatic rollercoaster. You want to reach in and really help Nathan out while also shaking some sense into him, because his life is trash and he just takes it because that's "just how it is."
The only issues I had is that these are younger high school boys and some of the dialogue is definitely not within that age group's purview, even those well educated. Also, the ending isn't quite satisfying but then it's also more realistic, because there aren't happy endings in real life and that adds to the realism of the narrative. Overall, a really good read.
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I picked this up because I needed something I thought I could get through fast for the end of August. It ended up ripping my heart out and putting me in the mind of a teenager in such an accurate way that I was disoriented whenever I put the book down.
Smedley did such an insane job at creating a realistic and heartbreaking scenario of what it's like to grow up in an abusive home while trying to discover who you are outside of those bonds. I hated Nate, but I also felt so incredibly sorry for him because I understood what he was going through (to an extent). Having his aunt be so cruel to him and not having any sane outlet to get those pent-up feelings out puts him in such an isolating scenario where he feels like he has no control, except to push himself further into a relationship with Cam that they both know is only explosive.
There were things his aunt did to him that he brushed off that absolutely broke my heart. At one point when she first hits him, he says something along the lines of, "not in an abusive way, though," and it just tore me to shreds. It's so tearing to see exactly why Nate acts the way he does but knowing he has to figure everything out for himself. The scene where he's crying at his mom's grave is just terrible to read.
I was shocked and disgusted when we find out it wasn't Cam at all who stabbed Nate, but his own aunt. Thank fuck she got taken away at the end. And it was so nice to see Nate's dad feel remorseful for not being there for his son, for not seeing what was happening, for not protecting him. He says he wants to do better, and I believe him.
At one point, I was reading this at the park with my friend. I asked how long we'd been there because I'd been so lost in this book, and she said it had only been an hour. I honestly thought we'd been there for at least three. This book is a vacuum; it made me feel as small and helpless as Nate felt, and even when I closed the cover I just felt jumbled and disoriented.
This was an incredible work of realistic fiction, and while I hate goodbyes, I'm glad Cam and Nate left each other on a semi-hopeful note, because we as readers know for a fact that Cam will remember everything that happened with Nate, and Nate will never forget Cam. It makes me hopeful that one day, maybe after college, when they've both worked through their issues, they can become friends again.
This was a fantastic book that took me completely by surprise. Best thrift-store find I've had in a long time.
Smedley did such an insane job at creating a realistic and heartbreaking scenario of what it's like to grow up in an abusive home while trying to discover who you are outside of those bonds. I hated Nate, but I also felt so incredibly sorry for him because I understood what he was going through (to an extent). Having his aunt be so cruel to him and not having any sane outlet to get those pent-up feelings out puts him in such an isolating scenario where he feels like he has no control, except to push himself further into a relationship with Cam that they both know is only explosive.
There were things his aunt did to him that he brushed off that absolutely broke my heart. At one point when she first hits him, he says something along the lines of, "not in an abusive way, though," and it just tore me to shreds. It's so tearing to see exactly why Nate acts the way he does but knowing he has to figure everything out for himself. The scene where he's crying at his mom's grave is just terrible to read.
I was shocked and disgusted when we find out it wasn't Cam at all who stabbed Nate, but his own aunt. Thank fuck she got taken away at the end. And it was so nice to see Nate's dad feel remorseful for not being there for his son, for not seeing what was happening, for not protecting him. He says he wants to do better, and I believe him.
At one point, I was reading this at the park with my friend. I asked how long we'd been there because I'd been so lost in this book, and she said it had only been an hour. I honestly thought we'd been there for at least three. This book is a vacuum; it made me feel as small and helpless as Nate felt, and even when I closed the cover I just felt jumbled and disoriented.
This was an incredible work of realistic fiction, and while I hate goodbyes, I'm glad Cam and Nate left each other on a semi-hopeful note, because we as readers know for a fact that Cam will remember everything that happened with Nate, and Nate will never forget Cam. It makes me hopeful that one day, maybe after college, when they've both worked through their issues, they can become friends again.
This was a fantastic book that took me completely by surprise. Best thrift-store find I've had in a long time.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Toxic friendship, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Alcoholism, Biphobia, Bullying, Death, Hate crime, Homophobia, Medical content, Grief, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Death of parent, Alcohol
Minor: Child death, Chronic illness, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual content
-1 star because of the internalized queerphobia; however, this book made me feel SO MANY things. The writing style was just...purely addictive and compelling. It was tough to get through, but I feel like it ended in a good place.
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
also honestly i wasn’t expecting aunt lori to be the one to stab nate, idk how i didn’t piece it together earlier, but yeah. looking forward to rereading this book to see all the obvious signs it was her
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Homophobia, Violence
this was an extremely powerful book. i'm going to read it again and again. you feel everything the characters do, and i loved the characters. it deals with incredibly heavy topics, so be prepared for that, but i literally could not put it down as i approached the end. it's an emotional nail-biter.