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giftsintogold's review
4.0
Good read. Well researched and some good points about strategies that are not all sugar-coated optimism and positive thinking.
mpop's review
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
3.75
This was a more philosophical book than I was expecting - I thought it would be more of a self-help book. It was interesting, informative, and helped me think about some things differently.
vasta's review
3.0
I had a friend, once, who would spend her idle hours in bookstores, browsing the titles in the self-help section. Her interest was not necessarily in the content of the books—there was no rush for growth and betterment in her browsing—but instead in the delivery, in how self-help books, ostensibly, actually provide the help they claim.
The Antidote is exactly the kind of self-help book she'd enjoy. It bills itself as a guide for "happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking;" as such, it positions itself as a self-help book for people who don't necessarily believe they need help.
The message of The Antidote is simple enough: positive thinking can be a hindrance to achieving happiness. Instead, Oliver Burkeman focuses on seven other strategies, none of them groundbreaking, all of them self-evident but illuminating when put together.
I've been told that I come across as permanently-happy, and overly-positive. The truth is that my happiness and positivity aren't results of positive thinking, but instead of the same strategies Mr. Burkeman elucidates but that I had never named or thought of in a regimented fashion: stoicism (don't get bothered), Buddhism (feel and experience deeply), goal eradication (embrace uncertainty), self-release (you are not your mind), failure (don't hide your errors), and memento mori (contemplate mortality—something I do often, it seems).
The strategy of insecurity, that we should be comfortable with impermanence, is the one I struggle with most. Insecurity (particularly in the form of financial worrying) brings me anxiety; instead of embracing that insecurity, I fight that sentiment, much to my detriment. This is where I wish Mr. Burkeman's book was more than just a lit review. While The Antidote is excellent at positing theory and providing anecdotal and academic reference for those ideas, the information sits mostly at the surface level. There is a paucity of depth, and it is this reluctance to dive deeper that makes this self-help book feel like all the others, no matter what its claims.
Mr. Burkeman's "literature review" on happiness strategies pitches itself as just the kind of self-help book that would intrigue my friend, but fails to deliver on that pitch. There are some nuggets of goodness, but that is all they are: tasty morsels, but inherently not-filling. It's a book to pick off the shelf and peruse, but then return, fairly quickly, and continue browsing down the aisle.
(originally published on inthemargins.ca)
The Antidote is exactly the kind of self-help book she'd enjoy. It bills itself as a guide for "happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking;" as such, it positions itself as a self-help book for people who don't necessarily believe they need help.
The message of The Antidote is simple enough: positive thinking can be a hindrance to achieving happiness. Instead, Oliver Burkeman focuses on seven other strategies, none of them groundbreaking, all of them self-evident but illuminating when put together.
I've been told that I come across as permanently-happy, and overly-positive. The truth is that my happiness and positivity aren't results of positive thinking, but instead of the same strategies Mr. Burkeman elucidates but that I had never named or thought of in a regimented fashion: stoicism (don't get bothered), Buddhism (feel and experience deeply), goal eradication (embrace uncertainty), self-release (you are not your mind), failure (don't hide your errors), and memento mori (contemplate mortality—something I do often, it seems).
The strategy of insecurity, that we should be comfortable with impermanence, is the one I struggle with most. Insecurity (particularly in the form of financial worrying) brings me anxiety; instead of embracing that insecurity, I fight that sentiment, much to my detriment. This is where I wish Mr. Burkeman's book was more than just a lit review. While The Antidote is excellent at positing theory and providing anecdotal and academic reference for those ideas, the information sits mostly at the surface level. There is a paucity of depth, and it is this reluctance to dive deeper that makes this self-help book feel like all the others, no matter what its claims.
Mr. Burkeman's "literature review" on happiness strategies pitches itself as just the kind of self-help book that would intrigue my friend, but fails to deliver on that pitch. There are some nuggets of goodness, but that is all they are: tasty morsels, but inherently not-filling. It's a book to pick off the shelf and peruse, but then return, fairly quickly, and continue browsing down the aisle.
(originally published on inthemargins.ca)
julia_may's review
5.0
4.5 stars rounded up. Despite the somewhat gimmicky name, this book had valuable insights to offer. The following notes are as much a summary/reminder for myself as a review. I got this book from the library and intend to purchase a hard copy at a later point. I have no doubt that I will re-read it, at least in part.
Chapter 1 was on the issues with the rah-rah positivity and all the bullshit motivational seminars. This covered familiar-to-me ground, mostly. I watched a documentary some years ago about the motivational/positive/magical thinking seminars and how it's big business that's pretty much a scam. Lots of repeat attendees who get a temporary boost in optimism and motivation that then wears off and they book themselves in for another "hit".
Chapter 2: Stoicism and negative visualisation - I was already familiar with the Stoic philosophy and concepts so this didn't have anything new for me but still a concept I think is hugely valuable and I've been relying on during the 2020 plague year.
Chapter 3: Buddhism, non-attachment and meditation. Interesting points about the true objectives and value of meditation, which isn't to make you giddy with joy, despite the popular Western ideas. Interesting theory about treating your inner thoughts as another sense (like smell, sight, etc) - implying impermanence and encouraging non-attachment to own thoughts.
Chapter 4: The issues with goals and goal setting. I loved this chapter and this was one of the two favourites (the other one was chapter 8 on mortality). It articulated and expanded on the issues I have with goalsetting as a supposed panacea to all things wrong with your life. Amusing and entertaining insight: The "Yale Goals Study" - which I've also seen referred to so the "Harvard Goals Study" - does not exist. Nope. It's a big freaking lie. Yet I don't know how many books and articles about motivation and goalsetting refer to it. Fascinating. And you can be certain that any book still referring to it has been written by someone who hasn't done their research. Other interesting concepts/sources: Goalodiocy and Lisa Ordonez's academic paper "Goals Gone Wild" (the more specific goals encourage unethical behaviour).
Chapter 5: the concept of Self, consciousness and Eckhart Tolle's theories. This was one of the more abstract chapters and I didn't find it hugely helpful, mostly because I wasn't entirely certain how to translate the information into something practical. I suspect this one will need re-reading and dwelling on the ideas for longer.
Chapter 6: safety/certainty - unachievable objectives, pursuit of which leads to more problems, including falling into the trap of certain cognitive biases. Interesting concept: the temptation to make suboptimal decisions to end uncertainty. This chapter actually led me to re-think a major decision I was contemplating and re-evaluate my solution to a problem. I realised that I had fallen into the trap in pursuit of ending uncertainty. Allowing myself to be more comfortable with uncertainty made it clear that my proposed decision was not objectively the best one. So definitely brownie points for practical application.
Chapter 7: the value of failure - is it even that valuable, despite what the self-made entrepreneurs tell us in their autobiographies? An exploration of survivorship bias. This was one of the weaker chapters for me because, again, I couldn't quite figure out what the practical application should be. I feel like this one needed a bit more analysis and the ideas needed to be mature a bit more. I might get more out of this on the second re-read.
Chapter 8: death and mortality - my other favourite chapter, together with the goals. Mostly due to the shift in thinking about the fear of death. We are not afraid of death, we are afraid of not existing... as if we will be conscious to realise that the benefits of living are ceasing. Why be afraid of death if we are not afraid of unconsciousness/sleep? Interesting exercise about contemplating mortality and potential regrets at deathbed. Interesting concept: denial of death - see Ernest Becker book by the same name.
I don't know if this book will/can make me happier, but I know that the strategies in it have made me less anxious and have given me more coping tools than any positive affirmations ever have.
Recommended for: people interested in exploring cognitive biases, dismantling their own incorrect assumptions and those who suspect that accepted common knowledge is sometimes wrong/based on wrong or unproven data.
Chapter 1 was on the issues with the rah-rah positivity and all the bullshit motivational seminars. This covered familiar-to-me ground, mostly. I watched a documentary some years ago about the motivational/positive/magical thinking seminars and how it's big business that's pretty much a scam. Lots of repeat attendees who get a temporary boost in optimism and motivation that then wears off and they book themselves in for another "hit".
Chapter 2: Stoicism and negative visualisation - I was already familiar with the Stoic philosophy and concepts so this didn't have anything new for me but still a concept I think is hugely valuable and I've been relying on during the 2020 plague year.
Chapter 3: Buddhism, non-attachment and meditation. Interesting points about the true objectives and value of meditation, which isn't to make you giddy with joy, despite the popular Western ideas. Interesting theory about treating your inner thoughts as another sense (like smell, sight, etc) - implying impermanence and encouraging non-attachment to own thoughts.
Chapter 4: The issues with goals and goal setting. I loved this chapter and this was one of the two favourites (the other one was chapter 8 on mortality). It articulated and expanded on the issues I have with goalsetting as a supposed panacea to all things wrong with your life. Amusing and entertaining insight: The "Yale Goals Study" - which I've also seen referred to so the "Harvard Goals Study" - does not exist. Nope. It's a big freaking lie. Yet I don't know how many books and articles about motivation and goalsetting refer to it. Fascinating. And you can be certain that any book still referring to it has been written by someone who hasn't done their research. Other interesting concepts/sources: Goalodiocy and Lisa Ordonez's academic paper "Goals Gone Wild" (the more specific goals encourage unethical behaviour).
Chapter 5: the concept of Self, consciousness and Eckhart Tolle's theories. This was one of the more abstract chapters and I didn't find it hugely helpful, mostly because I wasn't entirely certain how to translate the information into something practical. I suspect this one will need re-reading and dwelling on the ideas for longer.
Chapter 6: safety/certainty - unachievable objectives, pursuit of which leads to more problems, including falling into the trap of certain cognitive biases. Interesting concept: the temptation to make suboptimal decisions to end uncertainty. This chapter actually led me to re-think a major decision I was contemplating and re-evaluate my solution to a problem. I realised that I had fallen into the trap in pursuit of ending uncertainty. Allowing myself to be more comfortable with uncertainty made it clear that my proposed decision was not objectively the best one. So definitely brownie points for practical application.
Chapter 7: the value of failure - is it even that valuable, despite what the self-made entrepreneurs tell us in their autobiographies? An exploration of survivorship bias. This was one of the weaker chapters for me because, again, I couldn't quite figure out what the practical application should be. I feel like this one needed a bit more analysis and the ideas needed to be mature a bit more. I might get more out of this on the second re-read.
Chapter 8: death and mortality - my other favourite chapter, together with the goals. Mostly due to the shift in thinking about the fear of death. We are not afraid of death, we are afraid of not existing... as if we will be conscious to realise that the benefits of living are ceasing. Why be afraid of death if we are not afraid of unconsciousness/sleep? Interesting exercise about contemplating mortality and potential regrets at deathbed. Interesting concept: denial of death - see Ernest Becker book by the same name.
I don't know if this book will/can make me happier, but I know that the strategies in it have made me less anxious and have given me more coping tools than any positive affirmations ever have.
Recommended for: people interested in exploring cognitive biases, dismantling their own incorrect assumptions and those who suspect that accepted common knowledge is sometimes wrong/based on wrong or unproven data.
shoelessmama's review against another edition
4.0
This book absolutely delivers on what is promised in the title. It is the anti-hero of self-help. I am the target audience for this book (per the title) and already practice much of what it preaches. That being said, I'd never thought deeply about the why of those practices and this book added appreciated insight. This was chock full of thought provoking information from great thinkers from all across the spectrum. The author shared his own experiences and conclusions very well with an appreciated dose of dry wit. This type of book could have easily meandered all over the place but didn't and I really appreciated the layout. It would be easy to reference specific content with a quick flip through. Highly recommended to those who eschew motivational gimmickry and the cult of optimism.
nencsa's review
5.0
I read a lot of self-help book lately and I liked this one.. No fairy-tales about positive thinking and all that.. Just facts and good ideas.
rhythimashinde's review
4.0
A real honest book on what actually works in tough situations. Highly recommended, especially for today's world which is too obsessed with everyday successes (when the real world has very limited actual 'successes'). It helped me personally to actually 'let go'.
nithou's review
4.0
A must read in this ocean of positive thinking and impossible goal settings society. This book teaches you a lot about how the whole positive thinking movement can do you more damages than good, while thinking about possible failures and the possibility of death can, inversely, lead you toward a better understanding of life and its challenges.
mandybee's review
5.0
I thought this book would be a big moan-fest but I really loved the whole thing! The negative mindset he talks about is more about being a realist and savoring the good while knowing it could be gone any minute (the two practices that stood out to me were non-attachment from the Buddhist tradition and Stoicism). Obviously, he goes into much more detail and there's a lot more to it, but I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants to change their own mindset to be happier but just can't get into the ultra-positive messaging a lot of other 'self-help' books share.