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3.62 AVERAGE
3.62 AVERAGE
Another brilliant book from Emma! This book discusses a really important topic around fertility and children. Olive realises she doesn’t want to have children, Bea is happily married with 3 kids, Cecily is happily married with a baby and Isla is married but struggling to conceive. Best friends who are trying to navigate the changes in their friendship and views around children! I feel this book highlighted the stigma around women not wanting to have children and it being either a ‘phase’ or ‘wrong.’ It showed that everyone can achieve what they want in life, whether that includes becoming a mum or not! Absolutely loved it and feel everyone should read this!!
Best for:
People who are childfree by choice, people who have kids but are interested in knowing a bit more about what their childfree friends’ lives are like.
In a nutshell:
Olive is a successful writer in her early 30s (I think) who is going through some major life changes alongside her three friends, all of whom are in various stages of trying to or having children.
Worth quoting:
N/A
Why I chose it:
I’m in a childfree community and saw people talking about this book, so figured I’d check it out.
Review:
SPOILERS because some of the things that bothered me about this book relate to items revealed near the very end.
In some ways this book reminds me of ‘So Thrilled For You’ in that there are four women and they are all in various different stages of life - Bea has three kids, Cecily is about to give birth to her first child, and Isla is going through IVF unsuccessfully. And Olive has just broken up with her boyfriend of nine years because he definitely wants ‘a family’ (ugh, I hate that family somehow only means kids) and she really doesn’t think she wants children.
Look, there are so few positive representations of childfree women in media that I think folks can sometimes be overly generous with the depictions we DO get. And I certainly don’t want to dissuade artists from putting out more content that represents us, but also its so frustrating when the limited media is just not very good.
First off, Olive is successful in her career. Like, kinda weirdly so. Most people aren’t working at that level, and I suppose everyone assumes childfree people focus on their careers but like, we can be mediocre in the workplace too! She’s also really bad at using her words. It’s frustrating, since she’s a successful writer in the book, but she repeatedly refuses to take the opportunity to tell her friends what she needs to say. And it is framed as something always coming up, and Olive making herself smaller for them, but also her friends aren’t mind readers! Like can you imagine not telling your friends your relationship of nine years ended, and sort of blaming it on them being busy with their kids? I mean its possible but it doesn’t ring true to me.
I also hated that Olive walked on so many eggshells with her friends and would ‘admit’ to them being right about things when no, they were just being insensitive. I get the sense the author was trying not to alienate readers with children or who want children, but it felt a bit like trying to ‘both sides’ situations where that just wasn’t necessary. Also, and this is just me maybe, but does everyone get drunk all the time in real life? Like that just has never been my reality. I now have a sober partner, so I drink maybe twice a year, but well before that I wasn’t opening a bottle of wine every night, or getting trashed on a Saturday just for funsies. That’s so unappealing and it seems odd to be such a focus of one’s life. It feels immature, and seemed like a bit of a subtle way to suggest that Olive is immature and that’s why she doesn’t want kids.
I also absolutely loathes the character Iris who led the Childfree By Choice group Olive visits. She was written as a caricature about what a childfree life is all about. Travel! Excitement! Hobbies! And like, sure, but also it’s just a life, and it feels like a weird pressure to put on people without kids that they have to live these extraordinary lives. Again - parents get to be mediocre in all sorts of aspects of their lives. Childfree people should be allowed that grace as well.
The most spoiler-y bit is probably a bit of stretch for some people, but it bugged the shit out of me, and I’m annoyed with the author about it. So we find out near the end that one of the reasons Isla has been so cold towards Olive (despite Olive being the friend who I’d argue is the most supportive of Isla during her fertility struggles) is because ONE TIME, WHILE DRUNK, Olive said she’d be a surrogate for Isla, and Isla was so upset when Olive shared that she was most likely not interested in having children and included in that discussions of her finding giving birth to be not for her. Literally one google search by the author - or even the character Isla - would tell you that someone can’t be a surrogate if they haven’t already had a successful pregnancy. So Olive COULD NOT ever even be a surrogate for Isla, at least not any time in the next probably three or four years, and it would all depend on Olive having a kid first. Like, nothing about that storyline made sense, and it really bugged me.
What I did like about the book was Olive’s genuine quest to learn more about the judgment and the pain childfree people experience. But even though it was ostensibly a focus of the book, I feel like it wasn’t explored nearly enough.
I guess I thought this book was going to be different than it was, which is why the rating is a three instead of a two - that extra star is because I need to manage my own expectations. I just expected and wanted more from this, since it’s like the only book I can find that ostensible was looking at the childfree perspective.
(Side note: maybe remove that Elizabeth Gilbert pull quote from the cover given her latest memoir ...)
People who are childfree by choice, people who have kids but are interested in knowing a bit more about what their childfree friends’ lives are like.
In a nutshell:
Olive is a successful writer in her early 30s (I think) who is going through some major life changes alongside her three friends, all of whom are in various stages of trying to or having children.
Worth quoting:
N/A
Why I chose it:
I’m in a childfree community and saw people talking about this book, so figured I’d check it out.
Review:
SPOILERS because some of the things that bothered me about this book relate to items revealed near the very end.
In some ways this book reminds me of ‘So Thrilled For You’ in that there are four women and they are all in various different stages of life - Bea has three kids, Cecily is about to give birth to her first child, and Isla is going through IVF unsuccessfully. And Olive has just broken up with her boyfriend of nine years because he definitely wants ‘a family’ (ugh, I hate that family somehow only means kids) and she really doesn’t think she wants children.
Look, there are so few positive representations of childfree women in media that I think folks can sometimes be overly generous with the depictions we DO get. And I certainly don’t want to dissuade artists from putting out more content that represents us, but also its so frustrating when the limited media is just not very good.
First off, Olive is successful in her career. Like, kinda weirdly so. Most people aren’t working at that level, and I suppose everyone assumes childfree people focus on their careers but like, we can be mediocre in the workplace too! She’s also really bad at using her words. It’s frustrating, since she’s a successful writer in the book, but she repeatedly refuses to take the opportunity to tell her friends what she needs to say. And it is framed as something always coming up, and Olive making herself smaller for them, but also her friends aren’t mind readers! Like can you imagine not telling your friends your relationship of nine years ended, and sort of blaming it on them being busy with their kids? I mean its possible but it doesn’t ring true to me.
I also hated that Olive walked on so many eggshells with her friends and would ‘admit’ to them being right about things when no, they were just being insensitive. I get the sense the author was trying not to alienate readers with children or who want children, but it felt a bit like trying to ‘both sides’ situations where that just wasn’t necessary. Also, and this is just me maybe, but does everyone get drunk all the time in real life? Like that just has never been my reality. I now have a sober partner, so I drink maybe twice a year, but well before that I wasn’t opening a bottle of wine every night, or getting trashed on a Saturday just for funsies. That’s so unappealing and it seems odd to be such a focus of one’s life. It feels immature, and seemed like a bit of a subtle way to suggest that Olive is immature and that’s why she doesn’t want kids.
I also absolutely loathes the character Iris who led the Childfree By Choice group Olive visits. She was written as a caricature about what a childfree life is all about. Travel! Excitement! Hobbies! And like, sure, but also it’s just a life, and it feels like a weird pressure to put on people without kids that they have to live these extraordinary lives. Again - parents get to be mediocre in all sorts of aspects of their lives. Childfree people should be allowed that grace as well.
The most spoiler-y bit is probably a bit of stretch for some people, but it bugged the shit out of me, and I’m annoyed with the author about it. So we find out near the end that one of the reasons Isla has been so cold towards Olive (despite Olive being the friend who I’d argue is the most supportive of Isla during her fertility struggles) is because ONE TIME, WHILE DRUNK, Olive said she’d be a surrogate for Isla, and Isla was so upset when Olive shared that she was most likely not interested in having children and included in that discussions of her finding giving birth to be not for her. Literally one google search by the author - or even the character Isla - would tell you that someone can’t be a surrogate if they haven’t already had a successful pregnancy. So Olive COULD NOT ever even be a surrogate for Isla, at least not any time in the next probably three or four years, and it would all depend on Olive having a kid first. Like, nothing about that storyline made sense, and it really bugged me.
What I did like about the book was Olive’s genuine quest to learn more about the judgment and the pain childfree people experience. But even though it was ostensibly a focus of the book, I feel like it wasn’t explored nearly enough.
I guess I thought this book was going to be different than it was, which is why the rating is a three instead of a two - that extra star is because I need to manage my own expectations. I just expected and wanted more from this, since it’s like the only book I can find that ostensible was looking at the childfree perspective.
(Side note: maybe remove that Elizabeth Gilbert pull quote from the cover given her latest memoir ...)
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
medium-paced
emotional
funny
reflective
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
this book was a bit cliche, but what’s a cliche if not true sometimes. Friend groups often look like Olive’s and have the same sort of tensions or ups and downs. The child-free themes are also cliche but folks often fall into those themes, myself included. I wish Olive didn’t spend so much time thinking she was a weirdo for not wanting kids; but perhaps it’s just the thought I put into being child free in my 20s or the wider conversations amongst my age group or friends, that that feeling doesn’t resonate. Another qualm I had was how much Olive drinks, especially as a coping mechanism, that amount would be worrisome to me if I was a friend to Olive.
emotional
hopeful
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
The first 200 pages of this book were so relatable and put so many thoughts into words. However the ending completely invalidated the first 200 pages. Clearly a child free woman could only be happy and fit in if she ends up with a man with children.
emotional
funny
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes