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4.24 AVERAGE
4.24 AVERAGE
I believe books come to you when you need them, and this book has been sitting bedside for about a year waiting on me. I don’t know that I would have been ready for it before. Reason being, I wouldn’t have been able to read past the first chapter on narcissists.
I don’t love how Brown discredits the influence of a narcissist on those close to them. She suggests that just listening and caring is what narcissists need, but I very much doubt she’s been in an abusive relationship with one as that is not at all a solution and can actually deepen the abuse if you’re not in a healthy space with sturdy boundaries.
So overall, some great bits I’ll incorporate into my life. BUT it’s woven in and out of maybe a little bit too sparkly and simplistic rose-colored glasses.
I don’t love how Brown discredits the influence of a narcissist on those close to them. She suggests that just listening and caring is what narcissists need, but I very much doubt she’s been in an abusive relationship with one as that is not at all a solution and can actually deepen the abuse if you’re not in a healthy space with sturdy boundaries.
So overall, some great bits I’ll incorporate into my life. BUT it’s woven in and out of maybe a little bit too sparkly and simplistic rose-colored glasses.
Another absolutely amazing book by Brené Brown mostly dealing with shame, its impact on our lives, and how to process and work through it.
really good, insightful and inspiring self-help book. Brene has some really good point and persepectives, but i had already read her book Gifts of Imperfections and found it a bit repetitive. I would really recommend this to parents or bosses as it gives good tips to being a leader.
I was disappointed by this book. It comes so highly recommended from so many people as life changing and revelatory, but I found it fairly passé. I think this is partially because I have already done some (not a whole lot) reading and investigation into these kinds of issues and many of the things presented as huge mind-blowing revelations fell flat. That’s not to say that there’s nothing of value here, chapter 3 was especially good, but much of the rest of the book seemed trivial, obvious, or irrelevant, at least coming from where I am. I do think, however, that for people in a different place could find real value here.
I was a little troubled by the research, which is almost always referred to obliquely and without details as to how the research was conducted or to what she was testing. Based on Dr. Brown’s description, this work sounds more like a free form investigation (certainly an academic one) and less like structured research. That doesn’t mean it’s lesser or not valid, but scientists need to be careful about drawing specific conclusions from fuzzy data sets. It happens in every field: people trust their own data too much and ignore the possibility of systematic errors. There’s an incredible amount of room for these kinds of errors in this type of research.
Finally, though I do think that some, maybe even most, of the philosophical conclusions Dr. Brown makes are good, her definitions of “guilt” and “shame” are a little fast and loose and give way too much room to squiggle around and twist yourself up into a state where you can basically make any conclusion sound reasonable. Philosophy lives and dies on the precision of language and definitions, and I don’t think the vernacular definitions are sufficient for this kind of work.
I was a little troubled by the research, which is almost always referred to obliquely and without details as to how the research was conducted or to what she was testing. Based on Dr. Brown’s description, this work sounds more like a free form investigation (certainly an academic one) and less like structured research. That doesn’t mean it’s lesser or not valid, but scientists need to be careful about drawing specific conclusions from fuzzy data sets. It happens in every field: people trust their own data too much and ignore the possibility of systematic errors. There’s an incredible amount of room for these kinds of errors in this type of research.
Finally, though I do think that some, maybe even most, of the philosophical conclusions Dr. Brown makes are good, her definitions of “guilt” and “shame” are a little fast and loose and give way too much room to squiggle around and twist yourself up into a state where you can basically make any conclusion sound reasonable. Philosophy lives and dies on the precision of language and definitions, and I don’t think the vernacular definitions are sufficient for this kind of work.
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
This book starts with a quotation from Teddy Roosevelt, which explains the title: "It is not the critic who counts.... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming.... who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly...."
Brown then defines vulnerability as when we "dare to show up and let ourselves be seen" (pg 2); when we show up in the "arena" and "strive valiantly" not knowing if we will succeed or fail. Brown also defines vulnerability as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure" (pg 34) if taken from a standpoint of examples/situations that people say make them feel vulnerable.
So you're like, okay, in order to live a meaningful life, we need to get out there (into the "arena") and live it. Makes sense. So what should we do to try to consciously "dare greatly" in our every day lives? I read on to find out.
Brown then jumps into her shame research. Which at first seems related, because she says, "In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame" (pg 61). And this chapter was probably the strongest in terms of getting you to think introspectively. She talks about why we feel it, how we react to that feeling, and also shame vs guilt ("I am bad" vs "I did something bad"). "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging" (pg 69). Brown defines shame as "the fear of disconnection" (pg 68), where "connection" is being loved or feeling as if you belong. And so to combat that, you would strive for connection and communication; empathy. And I'm totally on board for that.
But then you realize this really doesn't have much to do with daring greatly. Shame might be one thing holding you back from daring greatly, but it's probably not the only thing. At least for me personally, I do probably have trouble being vulnerable but I don't think it's shame that is the driving factor for that feeling.
Brown spends a lot of time talking about shame, the most common manifestations, and also her "four elements of shame resilience," which basically boil down to self-awareness, and then asking for help. And for anyone who has trouble with shame these are probably completely impossible to work on by yourself and therefore probably requires you to seek the help of a therapist, which is very interesting considering I'm reading this book on the heels of finishing [b:Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed|37570546|Maybe You Should Talk to Someone A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed|Lori Gottlieb|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1547189796l/37570546._SY75_.jpg|59181770] (consequently, Brown also mentions working with a therapist herself in the opening pages of the book).
Probably the only thing that resonated with me was when she said we have to "mind the gap" and try to bring together our "aspirational values" and "practiced values." But that was basically saying, don't use "do what I say not as I do" and really try to model the behaviors you want to see (in your kids, in your employees, etc.). And even though I agree with that, and I know I struggle with that, that piece of advice is not exactly revolutionary.
I read a review (after finishing the book) that basically said Brene Brown's TED talk was pretty good, but it couldn't live up to being turned into an entire book, and I think I agree with that assessment, although truthfully I didn't watch the TED talk before reading this. She has some interesting concepts that can get you to think deeply, but when spun out over 250 pages, you reach the end of the book and feel like most of it floated by without much impact.
Brown then defines vulnerability as when we "dare to show up and let ourselves be seen" (pg 2); when we show up in the "arena" and "strive valiantly" not knowing if we will succeed or fail. Brown also defines vulnerability as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure" (pg 34) if taken from a standpoint of examples/situations that people say make them feel vulnerable.
So you're like, okay, in order to live a meaningful life, we need to get out there (into the "arena") and live it. Makes sense. So what should we do to try to consciously "dare greatly" in our every day lives? I read on to find out.
Brown then jumps into her shame research. Which at first seems related, because she says, "In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame" (pg 61). And this chapter was probably the strongest in terms of getting you to think introspectively. She talks about why we feel it, how we react to that feeling, and also shame vs guilt ("I am bad" vs "I did something bad"). "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging" (pg 69). Brown defines shame as "the fear of disconnection" (pg 68), where "connection" is being loved or feeling as if you belong. And so to combat that, you would strive for connection and communication; empathy. And I'm totally on board for that.
But then you realize this really doesn't have much to do with daring greatly. Shame might be one thing holding you back from daring greatly, but it's probably not the only thing. At least for me personally, I do probably have trouble being vulnerable but I don't think it's shame that is the driving factor for that feeling.
Brown spends a lot of time talking about shame, the most common manifestations, and also her "four elements of shame resilience," which basically boil down to self-awareness, and then asking for help. And for anyone who has trouble with shame these are probably completely impossible to work on by yourself and therefore probably requires you to seek the help of a therapist, which is very interesting considering I'm reading this book on the heels of finishing [b:Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed|37570546|Maybe You Should Talk to Someone A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed|Lori Gottlieb|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1547189796l/37570546._SY75_.jpg|59181770] (consequently, Brown also mentions working with a therapist herself in the opening pages of the book).
Probably the only thing that resonated with me was when she said we have to "mind the gap" and try to bring together our "aspirational values" and "practiced values." But that was basically saying, don't use "do what I say not as I do" and really try to model the behaviors you want to see (in your kids, in your employees, etc.). And even though I agree with that, and I know I struggle with that, that piece of advice is not exactly revolutionary.
I read a review (after finishing the book) that basically said Brene Brown's TED talk was pretty good, but it couldn't live up to being turned into an entire book, and I think I agree with that assessment, although truthfully I didn't watch the TED talk before reading this. She has some interesting concepts that can get you to think deeply, but when spun out over 250 pages, you reach the end of the book and feel like most of it floated by without much impact.
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
It made me realize how small I have made my life for the safety of it and ways I am avoiding vulnerability.
I struggled to read this book solely because it was so content heavy in such relevant ways - I couldn’t absorb it all at once. I would like to revisit this book when I have the time to apply it and better comprehend it.
medium-paced