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4.52 AVERAGE

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This book is an individuals brutal truth combined with years of mastery of craft delivered in one’s choice modality with the reflection of lived experience, thorough academic research, and lyrical and poetic prose read by the author in its audible form and boom…
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I believe that fundamentally, the novel says what can not be explained with fewer words. To say "I grieved" is different to hear reports on one grieving over the TV, which is different than to check in with a friend who has grown conspicuously absent, which is different from living in a house with someone who has been changed by loss, which is different from the losing. It takes many words to even approximate a single person's hurt, but many words form a space for us, where we can understand better, if not perfectly. That is not to say the measure of this or any novel is in the weight of its grief, nor of how perfect the picture it conveys, or that a single novel can constitute perfect understanding. But this story hits like a house. The I/you split, the subtle loves and interests of Machado woven in through its narrative, the abandon with which it pursues a love which will later be torn itself apart, the fear it evokes in its moments of stark, visceral abuse, all are in service of a narrative that is laden with a hard subject that it captures so so well. I loved this book; this book destroyed me.
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Achingly beautiful and haunting and thoughtful. This will stick with me for a long time. I know I’ll need to revisit because I tried to savor every word and every piece of imagery the first time around but it’s just impossible. This book deserves readers who give it as much thought and care as Machado put into it. I can’t recommend it enough as a tool for understanding/processing abuse within queer relationships. She understands the gravity of not just her own personal situation but the topic as a whole, which has not been explored to the extent it deserves.