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4.53 AVERAGE
4.53 AVERAGE
challenging
sad
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
reflective
sad
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
“That a mother could do all things humanly possible and sensible for a child, but still could not keep him alive - this was the fact that I would have to live with.”
“You did everything you could to help James find his place in life, but he wanted to leave, and one must let go…”
I don’t think I can review this book. It broke my heart, and now, a week after I finished it, I can’t think of it without tearing up. It felt like reading someone’s private grief made public with unbearable pain. How do you review a book written by a mother who’s buried both her sons? All I can do is stay with it, and perhaps share a little of my experience with it.
Things In Nature Merely Grow is Yiyun Li’s ode to her second son, James, who committed suicide during his first year of college. His death comes 6 years after the suicide of his older brother, Vincent. The brothers died in the same way. Li tries to honour James’ memory, but in a way that would fit his character. She does not seek comfort, yet she will teach you how to comfort grieving parents. She writes because there is nothing left to do.
The writing is clean and somewhat unsentimental, but every single line gurts. Li doesn’t use metaphors or embellishments, and doesn't try to make the pain anything other than it is: permanent and pressing. This is a quiet book, in a way, built on beautiful prose. It gave me a sense of who James and Vincent were, and it made me walk along Li, to understand her past, her own fight with depression (and her suicide attempt), and her being a wonderful mother, being there for and with the children, and always telling them “I love you” when they part. It’s the last thing she said to both of her sons.
This is a book about loss and grief, but also about how people grieve and how you can be there for them. Li didn’t restrain herself from criticising the media, her “fans”, and even friends and family who approached her with judgment and criticism in the worst time of her life, even when they tried to help. This part of the book made my blood boil. I can only hope that those people have read the book and got the message.
There is more to say: about Vincent and James, two very different individuals who chose to end their lives in the same way. Li doesn’t try to explain their choices - she even says she can only put her perspective on it, but she explains how she sees and understands and knows them. And that is enough. The “why” doesn’t matter by the end of the book (it was the question that I had on my mind when I started). The love she had for them, the love she gave them, the pain she will always feel in their absence - this is all that matters and all that stayed with me.
This is all I have, without shedding tears again. Read this book. It’s beautiful in its pain, and it will remind you to enjoy every day with your loved ones as if it were your last. I am grateful that Li shared herself with the world.
emotional
reflective
sad
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
devastating. I do not think I have ever seen someone write about suicide in this way before. I gained a lot from reading this.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Death, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Grief, Suicide attempt
emotional
informative
reflective
tense
fast-paced
Li reflects on what it means to be a mother who has lost 2 sons to suicide. The writing is concise and biting. The prose is straightforward.
Free will and radical acceptance are the two main themes of this book. A mother who can no longer mother can only live by doing what she can. Nothing can provide clarity for the situation they are in. There is only life to live.
Reading her reaction to other’s condolences has made me more aware on how to approach “grief” in conversations.
The main truth this book conveys is that Li cared for her children and respected them enough to honor their decision to end their lives without judgement.
Free will and radical acceptance are the two main themes of this book. A mother who can no longer mother can only live by doing what she can. Nothing can provide clarity for the situation they are in. There is only life to live.
Reading her reaction to other’s condolences has made me more aware on how to approach “grief” in conversations.
The main truth this book conveys is that Li cared for her children and respected them enough to honor their decision to end their lives without judgement.
reflective
sad
fast-paced
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced