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hmgelo02's review
4.0
This is the first book by [a:Gary Chapman|622|Gary Chapman|http://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1224779300p2/622.jpg] that explains this concept. He explains in this book how all people express and feel love in one of five ways: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch. In this book, he shows couples how to determine what their primary love languages are, and then gives examples of how to express love in those ways to further enrich and deepen the romantic relationship in a loving romantic relationship.
My husband and I both read this book and took the quizzes in the back to determine our love languages; we learned that his primary love language is Physical Touch (which was no surprise to either of us), and that mine... is nearly evenly split among all the others, but did not include Touch. So he and I have been working together to try to meet those love languages. Some days it's harder than others to remember to do so, but when we do, we find that we're better able to let the little things slide. Because we know that we love each other, and we know that we're communicating that effectively.
I would recommend this book to any romantically devoted couple who is looking to further build upon and strengthen their relationship. Although it is geared toward married couples, its principles certainly work for any couple at all.
My husband and I both read this book and took the quizzes in the back to determine our love languages; we learned that his primary love language is Physical Touch (which was no surprise to either of us), and that mine... is nearly evenly split among all the others, but did not include Touch. So he and I have been working together to try to meet those love languages. Some days it's harder than others to remember to do so, but when we do, we find that we're better able to let the little things slide. Because we know that we love each other, and we know that we're communicating that effectively.
I would recommend this book to any romantically devoted couple who is looking to further build upon and strengthen their relationship. Although it is geared toward married couples, its principles certainly work for any couple at all.
lauramitche11's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
rachylynn's review
4.0
Really enjoyed this book. Some of the strategies Chapman suggests are a little simplistic or silly sounding, but the basic idea of everyone needing to be shown love in a way they understand us excellent. Plus, it gives some great practical ideas for expressing love to your spouse.
jetia13's review
5.0
a reread from a long time ago. I love frameworks that divide people into categories.
infinitebatmans's review against another edition
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
fast-paced
4.0
I went into this book expecting some hippy dippy jargony nonsense, but instead found a realistic practical look at marriage and the effort it takes to make one last.
mollysticks's review
5.0
Wow. He took an abstract concept to me, love, and made it something tangible. Now I have a better understanding of what it looks like to give and receive love. I will use this concept of learning how others feel love so I can better my close relationships, especially my marriage to always have that love. It makes scientific sense to me so I gave it 5 stars!
anca_antoci's review
4.0
The book is insightful, albeit a little long-winded, but I noticed this is the norm for self-help books. I always read reviews before purchasing a book and focus on the negative ones. What struck me, in this case, was the high number of people who didn't read the back cover. Wanna know how I know this? Because of the high number of bad reviews complaining of lack of inclusivity. Another review mentioned the information is obvious and presented for dummies. Do I need to say that microwave ovens warn against putting pets inside? Or bleach containers warning you not to drink it? The fact is, common sense is not as common as people think. I've seen many married people who fail at communication. The divorce rate is high enough to prove that keeping love alive is a struggle and not as obvious as you think. If you think this book is for dummies, then you are more perceptive than most and have a better chance at a successful relationship with your partner. Congratulations! There's no need to be condescending toward those who are struggling.
Let me help you with some context if you didn't read the back cover. The author, Gary Chapman, is a pastor and marriage counselor for the church. Why does this matter? Because all his advice is aimed at monogamous married couples. If you're not Christian (or religious), don't worry. The book doesn't tell you to go to church or pray to fix your marriage. It mentions quite a few Bible verses that inspired the author. You can quickly skim over those and move straight to the advice. So, if you're looking for an inclusive point of view, this is not the right book for you.
Does this mean the book is irrelevant if you're living together but not married, queer, or in a polyamorous relationship? Absolutely not, provided you can manage expectations. If every time the author says spouse, you can read partner/partners (or whatever you call your significant other/others), then this book can be helpful to you. At the end of the day, love is love. You know what they say, there are two types of people:
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
You should skip this book if you didn't get the joke. If you got it, read it, take the advice you find valuable, and ignore what doesn't apply to you.
The main point of this book is that people feel loved and show affection differently (the five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch). For a relationship to thrive, you must show affection in the love language your partner speaks. We tend to show affection in our own language (how we like to receive affection), and if the partner speaks a different language, they might not feel loved as much as we think they should. For instance, if your love language is receiving gifts, you might feel inclined to shower your partner with gifts. But if their love language is quality time, they might not appreciate your gifts too much, and they'd rather you made time to do something together. And, of course, you'd be disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm when receiving said gifts.
If you choose to read it, I hope you find it helpful.
Let me help you with some context if you didn't read the back cover. The author, Gary Chapman, is a pastor and marriage counselor for the church. Why does this matter? Because all his advice is aimed at monogamous married couples. If you're not Christian (or religious), don't worry. The book doesn't tell you to go to church or pray to fix your marriage. It mentions quite a few Bible verses that inspired the author. You can quickly skim over those and move straight to the advice. So, if you're looking for an inclusive point of view, this is not the right book for you.
Does this mean the book is irrelevant if you're living together but not married, queer, or in a polyamorous relationship? Absolutely not, provided you can manage expectations. If every time the author says spouse, you can read partner/partners (or whatever you call your significant other/others), then this book can be helpful to you. At the end of the day, love is love. You know what they say, there are two types of people:
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
You should skip this book if you didn't get the joke. If you got it, read it, take the advice you find valuable, and ignore what doesn't apply to you.
The main point of this book is that people feel loved and show affection differently (the five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch). For a relationship to thrive, you must show affection in the love language your partner speaks. We tend to show affection in our own language (how we like to receive affection), and if the partner speaks a different language, they might not feel loved as much as we think they should. For instance, if your love language is receiving gifts, you might feel inclined to shower your partner with gifts. But if their love language is quality time, they might not appreciate your gifts too much, and they'd rather you made time to do something together. And, of course, you'd be disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm when receiving said gifts.
If you choose to read it, I hope you find it helpful.