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thednfdarling's review
I didn’t care for the format of the book. The learnings of Adlerian psychology are framed as a conversation between Philosopher and student.
nerdiediaries's review
3.0
"The Courage to Be Disliked" is an exploration of Adlerian psychology challenging conventional wisdom and societal norms, presented in the form of a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. The book encourages readers to find happiness by embracing the courage to be disliked.
Key Takeaways:
1. Freedom from the Past: The book argues that individuals have the power to choose their own paths and are not bound by past experiences or traumas. "No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on. That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life".
2. Courage to Be Imperfect: Kishimi and Koga assert that embracing one's imperfections and vulnerabilities is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment. Acceptance of oneself, flaws and all, is the first step toward true happiness. "Unless one is unconcerned by other people’s judgments, has no fear of being disliked by other people, and pays the cost that one might never be recognized, one will never be able to follow through in one’s own way of living. That is to say, one will not be able to be free".
3. Interconnectedness: The authors stress the significance of interpersonal relationships in shaping one's identity and outlook on life. They advocate for empathy, understanding, and cooperation in fostering healthy connections with others. He also emphasises that our relationships, whether personal or professional should be horizontal and not vertical.
4. Challenging Conventional Notions: Kishimi and Koga encourage readers to confront the fear of disapproval and societal norms. However, the assertion that "Trauma does not exist" might be a tough pill to swallow for those who have experienced significant hardships. "We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so called trauma—but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self determining".
While "The Courage to Be Disliked" offers valuable insights, some of its assertions may be challenging to accept. The idea that "trauma does not exist" might be difficult for individuals who have experienced big adversities in life, which is most of us. Similarly, the notion that "people choose to be unhappy" oversimplifies complex psychological processes and may invalidate the struggles of those dealing with mental health issues.
Furthermore, the book's writing style, presented as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, can feel contrived and artificial at times. The repetitive nature of the dialogue can sometimes become tiresome.
Overall, the book prompts readers to reconsider their perspectives on happiness, relationships, and personal growth, making it a worthwhile read for anyone interested in psychology and self-improvement.
A few excerpts from the book:
As long as you live that way, in the realm of the possibility of “If only such and such were the case,” you will never be able to change. Because saying “If only I could be like Y” is an excuse to yourself for not changing. I have a young friend who dreams of becoming a novelist, but he never seems to be able to complete his work. According to him, his job keeps him too busy, and he can never find enough time to write novels, and that’s why he can’t complete work and enter it for writing awards. But is that the real reason? No! It’s actually that he wants to leave the possibility of “I can do it if I try” open, by not committing to anything. He doesn’t want to expose his work to criticism, and he certainly doesn’t want to face the reality that he might produce an inferior piece of writing and face rejection. He wants to live inside that realm of possibilities, where he can say that he could do it if he only had the time, or that he could write if he just had the proper environment, and that he really does have the talent for it. In another five or ten years, he will probably start using other excuses like “I’m not young anymore” or “I’ve got a family to think about now.
The pursuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are not diseases but stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth. If it is not used in the wrong way, the feeling of inferiority, too, can promote striving and growth.b
Why is it that people seek recognition from others? In many cases, it is due to the influence of reward-and-punishment education.
Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.
But as long as one continues to use one’s misfortune to one’s advantage in order to be ‘special’, one will always need that misfortune.
Key Takeaways:
1. Freedom from the Past: The book argues that individuals have the power to choose their own paths and are not bound by past experiences or traumas. "No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on. That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life".
2. Courage to Be Imperfect: Kishimi and Koga assert that embracing one's imperfections and vulnerabilities is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment. Acceptance of oneself, flaws and all, is the first step toward true happiness. "Unless one is unconcerned by other people’s judgments, has no fear of being disliked by other people, and pays the cost that one might never be recognized, one will never be able to follow through in one’s own way of living. That is to say, one will not be able to be free".
3. Interconnectedness: The authors stress the significance of interpersonal relationships in shaping one's identity and outlook on life. They advocate for empathy, understanding, and cooperation in fostering healthy connections with others. He also emphasises that our relationships, whether personal or professional should be horizontal and not vertical.
4. Challenging Conventional Notions: Kishimi and Koga encourage readers to confront the fear of disapproval and societal norms. However, the assertion that "Trauma does not exist" might be a tough pill to swallow for those who have experienced significant hardships. "We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so called trauma—but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self determining".
While "The Courage to Be Disliked" offers valuable insights, some of its assertions may be challenging to accept. The idea that "trauma does not exist" might be difficult for individuals who have experienced big adversities in life, which is most of us. Similarly, the notion that "people choose to be unhappy" oversimplifies complex psychological processes and may invalidate the struggles of those dealing with mental health issues.
Furthermore, the book's writing style, presented as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, can feel contrived and artificial at times. The repetitive nature of the dialogue can sometimes become tiresome.
Overall, the book prompts readers to reconsider their perspectives on happiness, relationships, and personal growth, making it a worthwhile read for anyone interested in psychology and self-improvement.
A few excerpts from the book:
As long as you live that way, in the realm of the possibility of “If only such and such were the case,” you will never be able to change. Because saying “If only I could be like Y” is an excuse to yourself for not changing. I have a young friend who dreams of becoming a novelist, but he never seems to be able to complete his work. According to him, his job keeps him too busy, and he can never find enough time to write novels, and that’s why he can’t complete work and enter it for writing awards. But is that the real reason? No! It’s actually that he wants to leave the possibility of “I can do it if I try” open, by not committing to anything. He doesn’t want to expose his work to criticism, and he certainly doesn’t want to face the reality that he might produce an inferior piece of writing and face rejection. He wants to live inside that realm of possibilities, where he can say that he could do it if he only had the time, or that he could write if he just had the proper environment, and that he really does have the talent for it. In another five or ten years, he will probably start using other excuses like “I’m not young anymore” or “I’ve got a family to think about now.
The pursuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are not diseases but stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth. If it is not used in the wrong way, the feeling of inferiority, too, can promote striving and growth.b
Why is it that people seek recognition from others? In many cases, it is due to the influence of reward-and-punishment education.
Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.
But as long as one continues to use one’s misfortune to one’s advantage in order to be ‘special’, one will always need that misfortune.
dominiqueisageek's review against another edition
4.0
Fascinating - but I found the dialogue format very challenging. Listening to the audiobook helped.
lexish00's review against another edition
DNF, did not like.
I do however like these 2 opposite reviews of the book: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2826135479
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2965618111
I do however like these 2 opposite reviews of the book: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2826135479
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2965618111
o4leonie's review against another edition
5.0
Das Buch hat viele Ansetzte der Psychologie nach Adler sehr verständlich besprochen und in in Frage gestellt, was ich sehr interessant fand.
nelsbels's review against another edition
informative
reflective
slow-paced
2.75
This book made me think a lot and brought up some great topics, but the format was really frustrating. I like the idea of introducing philosophical debates as a discussion, but both of the characters often annoyed me, and every chapter had almost the same structure (sage introduces topic, kid gets mad and gives a mediocre rebuttal, sage partially responds to the critique, kid acquiesces)