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This book is technically for raising daughters, but I think it’s a great read for anyone who was raised in toxic purity culture. The authors do a great job of calling out faulty teachings and proposing how the church can do better. A little sample:
“Perhaps the modesty message is also a sign of internalized misogyny. After all, the modesty message prioritizes men’s comfort. It says men’s needs to be free of temptation and discomfort are more important than women’s needs to be free of shame, objectification, and harassment.”
“Boys are encouraged to please God by doing brave things while girls are encouraged to please God by not doing shameful things” (how tragic is it that we raise women this way??)
THEY’RE PREACHING!!!
I was ecstatic to receive an early e-book copy of this.
This book is so incredibly important -and it is beautifully written by Christians, scholars, and moms where you can feel the ferventness of their faith as well as their passion to do better for their children on every page. It's marketed as a mother-daughter book, but I think it's absolutely vital for ANYONE who is a parent, grandparents, aunt, uncle, family friend, youth group leader, pastor - or anyone who loves and helps leads young people.
This book shows how so much of what has been touted as Christian teachings on gender, sex, and gender roles is (A) not the only or universal way to understand things and (B) harming our children. It guides conversations for moms, daughters (and anyone who loves them) about how to approach these nuanced, complicated issues in grace and truth.
This book is robustly based in quality scriptural teaching and well-done research to give not just opinions and pontification, but hearty evidence of how we can do better. For example, the book starts by pointing out that yes, on the average, church attendance helps young people, especially girls. However, going to a church that teaches toxic, hurtful things is actually worse than not going.
Imagine the empowerment and awakening that could happen in the church if we really faced the hurt that our biases and selective misinterpretations of scripture have done and truly protected and empowered girls and women to live out the calling of Jesus in their lives. If we bound up wounds and unfettered those God has called.
Everyone in church circles these days knows about the "rise of the nones" and a younger generation less interested in church attendance. So many want to bemoan it and wring their hands, half worried, half resigned to the failures and weaknesses of "young people today" and sad that we just can't do anything about it.
But what if we can?
What if people are less interested in church attendance because it doesn't look and act like Jesus? What if, by radically listening and reflecting, we can get back on a path towards God where we seek His truth, not ours? What if Church didn't cover things up and hurt people? This is the kind of book, and the kind of difficult, reflective conversation, that we need to get us there.
This book is so incredibly important -and it is beautifully written by Christians, scholars, and moms where you can feel the ferventness of their faith as well as their passion to do better for their children on every page. It's marketed as a mother-daughter book, but I think it's absolutely vital for ANYONE who is a parent, grandparents, aunt, uncle, family friend, youth group leader, pastor - or anyone who loves and helps leads young people.
This book shows how so much of what has been touted as Christian teachings on gender, sex, and gender roles is (A) not the only or universal way to understand things and (B) harming our children. It guides conversations for moms, daughters (and anyone who loves them) about how to approach these nuanced, complicated issues in grace and truth.
This book is robustly based in quality scriptural teaching and well-done research to give not just opinions and pontification, but hearty evidence of how we can do better. For example, the book starts by pointing out that yes, on the average, church attendance helps young people, especially girls. However, going to a church that teaches toxic, hurtful things is actually worse than not going.
Imagine the empowerment and awakening that could happen in the church if we really faced the hurt that our biases and selective misinterpretations of scripture have done and truly protected and empowered girls and women to live out the calling of Jesus in their lives. If we bound up wounds and unfettered those God has called.
Everyone in church circles these days knows about the "rise of the nones" and a younger generation less interested in church attendance. So many want to bemoan it and wring their hands, half worried, half resigned to the failures and weaknesses of "young people today" and sad that we just can't do anything about it.
But what if we can?
What if people are less interested in church attendance because it doesn't look and act like Jesus? What if, by radically listening and reflecting, we can get back on a path towards God where we seek His truth, not ours? What if Church didn't cover things up and hurt people? This is the kind of book, and the kind of difficult, reflective conversation, that we need to get us there.
This is the best, most data-driven book I've read about the impact of the evangelical Christian teachings of my youth since Gregoire et al.'s last book, The Great Sex Rescue.
If you have been a part of American evangelical culture (being raised in it, being raised in an environment where ~everyone else was a part of it, etc.) anytime from, say, the 1980s to the present, this book is an extremely useful tool for picking apart some weird teachings there about gender and sex and providing evidence for why they should be discarded. I double recommend the book if you're raising children in such a context.
The authors are very big on looking at the fruit of a teaching & not just "does it fit with what my specific fork of Christianity teaches?" - based on taking seriously this passage from Matthew 7: "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."
They measure fruit largely through data gathered from scientific survey research of thousands of women: did this help people flourish, or lead to negative consequences for them? Does this sex teaching mean you're more likely to have orgasms or more likely to have vaginismus? That kind of thing. They genuinely care about women who have endured long-term damage because they were taught and believed untrue things, which is a welcome change from some other authors in this segment of book publishing.
They share from their specific vantage point of evangelical Christianity, which may not be your exact position in the family tree, but with reasons for their takes that you can evaluate independently. You don't have to agree on every point to get a great deal from this book.
The scenarios to discuss with your child at the end of each chapter are a very nice touch.
If you have been a part of American evangelical culture (being raised in it, being raised in an environment where ~everyone else was a part of it, etc.) anytime from, say, the 1980s to the present, this book is an extremely useful tool for picking apart some weird teachings there about gender and sex and providing evidence for why they should be discarded. I double recommend the book if you're raising children in such a context.
The authors are very big on looking at the fruit of a teaching & not just "does it fit with what my specific fork of Christianity teaches?" - based on taking seriously this passage from Matthew 7: "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."
They measure fruit largely through data gathered from scientific survey research of thousands of women: did this help people flourish, or lead to negative consequences for them? Does this sex teaching mean you're more likely to have orgasms or more likely to have vaginismus? That kind of thing. They genuinely care about women who have endured long-term damage because they were taught and believed untrue things, which is a welcome change from some other authors in this segment of book publishing.
They share from their specific vantage point of evangelical Christianity, which may not be your exact position in the family tree, but with reasons for their takes that you can evaluate independently. You don't have to agree on every point to get a great deal from this book.
The scenarios to discuss with your child at the end of each chapter are a very nice touch.
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
fast-paced
It's going to take some time to process everything I read. I don't think I agree with everything, but I highly recommend it for girls who grew up in the purity culture movement. It doesn't give a lot of ways to move forward for those who were hurt by the movement, but it does help identify the problem and, hopefully, keep it from happening again.
To be clear, this is not a theological book. It does not claim to tell you what Biblical womanhood does or doesn't look like. It merely sets out to show what the fruit of many hyper conservative messages has been, and let you judge for yourself.
To be clear, this is not a theological book. It does not claim to tell you what Biblical womanhood does or doesn't look like. It merely sets out to show what the fruit of many hyper conservative messages has been, and let you judge for yourself.
How do I start…oh wait, I LOVE THIS BOOK. I have to be honest it has been highly controversial, and I believe it will continue to be. This book defies the side of christian conservative culture that has no biblical base with evidence based arguments and actual biblical interpretations. Personally, I’ve had a horrible time with purity culture growing up, but this book has shed a lot of light into the subtle ways that being “set apart” became isolation. How our beauty as women has been turned into a “stumbling block” for men. How our confidence can be frowned upon with accusations of “having a rebellious spirit” or lack of submission. And this is only scratching the surface.
This book presents a very bold but compassionate approach on what it means to be a woman (made in God’s image and loved by Him), with practical exercises and conversations starters for mothers and daughters to share together. I’m forever grateful for these authors and their hard work for this book.
This book presents a very bold but compassionate approach on what it means to be a woman (made in God’s image and loved by Him), with practical exercises and conversations starters for mothers and daughters to share together. I’m forever grateful for these authors and their hard work for this book.
challenging
emotional
informative
medium-paced
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Maybe I had issues because I listened to the audiobook, but I found the many discussions of survey statistics dry and boring, read as long lists that were overwhelming and not well analyzed. It took interesting percentages and buried them, and also confused correlation with causation. I agree with a lot of the tenets of the book, but found the data didn't always undergird the arguments the way the authors hoped to support their premises.
Content is excellent, audio is good. Listening got a bit tedious when all the statistics from all the graphs were read out loud.