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marstarr's review against another edition
challenging
dark
funny
mysterious
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
Hmm. I think this book almost does something, but it just fell short. There was such tonal whiplash in parts and it felt like it was handling really heavy and intense topics without sufficient care and without having it *mean* something. I just think if you’re going to do that much on-page rape and torture there has to be some sort of proper catharsis or narrative satisfaction at the end. I have to wonder who the intended audience is for this book, because I have to admit that it was not me
Content Warnings
Graphic: Self harm, Violence, Rape, Torture, and Physical abuse
bethmalena's review
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.5
This book constantly challenged my expectations, especially around the theme of magic. I loved how queer it was, and that it honoured the different ways people heal from [religious] trauma. I felt uncomfortable with the level of detail around some of that trauma, particularly the sexual trauma - it felt like torture porn in places, and distracted from the overall message. Honestly I could have used more dialogue and less sex in general. But I think it’s still a book that will stick with me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Violence, Sexual violence, Torture, Toxic relationship, Adult/minor relationship, Blood, Gun violence, and Physical abuse
alsoapples's review
adventurous
challenging
emotional
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Blood, Child abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, and Trafficking
Moderate: Gaslighting, Incest, Religious bigotry, Self harm, Violence, Torture, and Toxic relationship
cfell's review
adventurous
challenging
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Blood, Sexual violence, Torture, Violence, Child abuse, Fire/Fire injury, Gore, Gun violence, Injury/Injury detail, Physical abuse, Self harm, Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual content
surefinewhatever_'s review
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Magic (or maybe not?), cults, fandom culture, queer folks who get to exist and go on quests, this book hit so many marks for me. The themes of friendship and support and trust were really compelling. Though the darker parts of this book were incredibly hard for me to stomach (so please refer to the Trigger Warnings). I also felt that the author didn’t even need to include Deryn’s perspective to the split narrative. It wasn’t as present or fleshed out as the others, nor did it have much to offer to the story or plot. Overall, Deryn felt further neglected (which whether that irony because of Deryn’s story was intentional or not, tough to say). I think the text would have been stronger had that been scrapped. The rest of the then/now split worked for me, and it made sense to see Lark, Kane, & Calvin on this journey. This is a really heavy read about navigating trauma, life outside of a cult, and the possibility of magic. Moving, but tough tough tough.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Confinement, Fire/Fire injury, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, and Violence
foreverinastory's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Blood, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, Toxic relationship, and Violence
Moderate: Transphobia
Minor: Acephobia/Arophobia and Kidnapping
HP referencesmorelikelibrarybooked's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
* I was sent a physical ARC by the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
So let me start off with the good things, the things I actually enjoyed about the book. I liked the inclusion of a content warning page prior to the actual title page of the book. I think all books that have triggering content should include these content warning pages. There's nothing worse than reading a book and suddenly coming across something upsetting. So it's safe to say that I believe if a reader gets offended by anything that is warned on the content warning page, it is 100% on them and not the author. (The emboldened words at the bottom of the summary are the same on the content warning page, in case you were curious for the trigger warnings). In terms of the actual content of the book, I vibe with Szpara's writing. I think that his writing is very accessible and simple, but effective. When I say that the writing is simple, I don't mean that in a mean way. Simple writing is digestible, it makes the story more appealing for a broader audience. And though it was simple, his writing was also very strong and harrowing at different points. He was able to really capture the feelings and the intentions of the characters. Their trauma was not taken for granted, the things they went through were not romanticized. The traumatic events of the book were handled very effectively. There was inclusivity in the cast of characters, which was nice. I liked the addition of the open relationship/throuple because love triangles are dumb. Throuples are infinitely better.
Some of the characters felt well rounded enough for me to become attached. I definitely liked Kane the most of everyone, and Lillian (to a lesser extent). But, me saying that gives some insight into my feelings about the book. If you read it, I think you'll understand. I think that one's projected enjoyment of the book can be determined based on the characters that you like. If you just love Calvin, I think that you will like this book. Chances are that you have a more hopeful outlook, you're not as cynical and you can accept the premise this book begins to shift into in the latter half. This is where I start to get really negative.
I have to start my criticisms by saying that I think this book should have been 150-200 pages longer. I feel like most of my qualms would have been solved if it could have only been longer. If you took the chunk of Docile that almost made it too long and tacked it onto this one, it would've been much better. By this I mean the court case. I went into Docile not expecting a trial whereas I needed one for First Become Ashes and I didn't get it. I have so many questions about the cult, Nova, and what happened afterward. It was disappointing to me to never understand the true breadth of the Fellowship of the Anointed, that was what I really wanted the most. If it had had those extra 150-200 pages, then we could've gotten not only the trial, we could have seen some more healing for the characters. They went through so much and we only get a glimpse into the healing and that was mainly Lark (although not as much as I would've liked, which I will get into later).
I just could not understand the purpose of the book. I went into it expecting one thing, and I came out of it unclear what I was meant to get out of it. I don't know if magic was meant to be real. I did NOT want magic to be real. It felt to me, that if magic was real, then Nova won. It felt like justification for all of the awful things that these cult members went through. That obviously was not the point. The point was probably something more hopeful, more in the vein of "magic isn't real because of the pain, rather it exists in spite of it." But that just wasn't how I felt at all. If magic had been real, I would've liked a much more fleshed out system. If it isn't pain, then what is it? I need it to be fleshed out, because otherwise it just still feels like Nova was justified. Without a specific system (learned or just pre-established) magic feels cheap and convenient. It only seemed to be "real" when it was convenient to move the story forward. On the same page, it felt like none of the character's motivations made much sense to me. They did initially, but it felt like whenever they would have a change of heart they would backpedal almost immediately. This happened with Calvin, Kane, and especially Lark. Not so much Deryn, but Deryn kind of just got on my nerves. I didn't vibe with their whole personality, though it felt appropriate for their character. It felt like Lark never really learned anything. If anything, whenever he would begin to question things, he would be brought right back into his beliefs by something happening that justified his actions (his actions which were intention to commit felonies).
This book is very divisive, similar to how Docile was divisive, but for completely different reasons. This one depends on your ability to suspend your disbelief and accept what is happening. You have to be rooting for magic, rather than for boring, common sense (like me). As much as I hate to say it, I think people that love The Foxhole Court, will like this book. I really disliked The Foxhole Court, but a ton of people love it. Somehow this book has the same energy. Let me be clear again, I did NOT hate First Become Ashes. Compared to The Foxhole Court, this one was much better, far more palatable. But, I'm just saying that if you enjoyed that book, I get the feeling that this one will hit the mark for you as well.
So, I didn't really like the book. I found it to be disappointing for me personally. I do think that there are people who would really enjoy it though. I've seen reviews of people really enjoying it. So, if you're not naturally cynical/are able to suspend your disbelief for contemporary stories and you think the premise sound interesting, read it! For everyone else who did not like The Foxhole Court and is just naturally negative/cynical, maybe try Docile. It has some similar elements to this one, but with a Black Mirror feel. It had its' problematic moments, but I really enjoyed it.
So let me start off with the good things, the things I actually enjoyed about the book. I liked the inclusion of a content warning page prior to the actual title page of the book. I think all books that have triggering content should include these content warning pages. There's nothing worse than reading a book and suddenly coming across something upsetting. So it's safe to say that I believe if a reader gets offended by anything that is warned on the content warning page, it is 100% on them and not the author. (The emboldened words at the bottom of the summary are the same on the content warning page, in case you were curious for the trigger warnings). In terms of the actual content of the book, I vibe with Szpara's writing. I think that his writing is very accessible and simple, but effective. When I say that the writing is simple, I don't mean that in a mean way. Simple writing is digestible, it makes the story more appealing for a broader audience. And though it was simple, his writing was also very strong and harrowing at different points. He was able to really capture the feelings and the intentions of the characters. Their trauma was not taken for granted, the things they went through were not romanticized. The traumatic events of the book were handled very effectively. There was inclusivity in the cast of characters, which was nice. I liked the addition of the open relationship/throuple because love triangles are dumb. Throuples are infinitely better.
Some of the characters felt well rounded enough for me to become attached. I definitely liked Kane the most of everyone, and Lillian (to a lesser extent). But, me saying that gives some insight into my feelings about the book. If you read it, I think you'll understand. I think that one's projected enjoyment of the book can be determined based on the characters that you like. If you just love Calvin, I think that you will like this book. Chances are that you have a more hopeful outlook, you're not as cynical and you can accept the premise this book begins to shift into in the latter half. This is where I start to get really negative.
I have to start my criticisms by saying that I think this book should have been 150-200 pages longer. I feel like most of my qualms would have been solved if it could have only been longer. If you took the chunk of Docile that almost made it too long and tacked it onto this one, it would've been much better. By this I mean the court case. I went into Docile not expecting a trial whereas I needed one for First Become Ashes and I didn't get it. I have so many questions about the cult, Nova, and what happened afterward. It was disappointing to me to never understand the true breadth of the Fellowship of the Anointed, that was what I really wanted the most. If it had had those extra 150-200 pages, then we could've gotten not only the trial, we could have seen some more healing for the characters. They went through so much and we only get a glimpse into the healing and that was mainly Lark (although not as much as I would've liked, which I will get into later).
I just could not understand the purpose of the book. I went into it expecting one thing, and I came out of it unclear what I was meant to get out of it. I don't know if magic was meant to be real. I did NOT want magic to be real. It felt to me, that if magic was real, then Nova won. It felt like justification for all of the awful things that these cult members went through. That obviously was not the point. The point was probably something more hopeful, more in the vein of "magic isn't real because of the pain, rather it exists in spite of it." But that just wasn't how I felt at all. If magic had been real, I would've liked a much more fleshed out system. If it isn't pain, then what is it? I need it to be fleshed out, because otherwise it just still feels like Nova was justified. Without a specific system (learned or just pre-established) magic feels cheap and convenient. It only seemed to be "real" when it was convenient to move the story forward. On the same page, it felt like none of the character's motivations made much sense to me. They did initially, but it felt like whenever they would have a change of heart they would backpedal almost immediately. This happened with Calvin, Kane, and especially Lark. Not so much Deryn, but Deryn kind of just got on my nerves. I didn't vibe with their whole personality, though it felt appropriate for their character. It felt like Lark never really learned anything. If anything, whenever he would begin to question things, he would be brought right back into his beliefs by something happening that justified his actions (his actions which were intention to commit felonies).
This book is very divisive, similar to how Docile was divisive, but for completely different reasons. This one depends on your ability to suspend your disbelief and accept what is happening. You have to be rooting for magic, rather than for boring, common sense (like me). As much as I hate to say it, I think people that love The Foxhole Court, will like this book. I really disliked The Foxhole Court, but a ton of people love it. Somehow this book has the same energy. Let me be clear again, I did NOT hate First Become Ashes. Compared to The Foxhole Court, this one was much better, far more palatable. But, I'm just saying that if you enjoyed that book, I get the feeling that this one will hit the mark for you as well.
So, I didn't really like the book. I found it to be disappointing for me personally. I do think that there are people who would really enjoy it though. I've seen reviews of people really enjoying it. So, if you're not naturally cynical/are able to suspend your disbelief for contemporary stories and you think the premise sound interesting, read it! For everyone else who did not like The Foxhole Court and is just naturally negative/cynical, maybe try Docile. It has some similar elements to this one, but with a Black Mirror feel. It had its' problematic moments, but I really enjoyed it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Violence, and Torture
obscurepages's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Diving into this book, reading the content warnings, I knew I had to be prepared. I was excited for it because the synopsis sounds so interesting, but of course, I was also very hesitant. Now I've finished it! And it's sooooooo... I don't even have the word for it right now. 😂 See, it's unique but also very unnerving--unique because it blended magic and the supernatural with society, unnerving because this book featured sadomasochism and sexual/mental abuse so graphically and tried to show that the process of healing is not an easy one. It's brutal and raw, and some scenes made my skin crawl, but damn if this didn't take me on its own kind of journey.
I think that's all I can say for now. Full review will be posted soon as part of a tour hosted by Pride Book Tours! Hopefully, I'll have gathered my thoughts by then!
TW: sadomasochism, rape, sexual assault and abuse, torture, psychological abuse, manipulation, violence
Find me elsewhere: Instagram | Twitter | Blog
I think that's all I can say for now. Full review will be posted soon as part of a tour hosted by Pride Book Tours! Hopefully, I'll have gathered my thoughts by then!
TW: sadomasochism, rape, sexual assault and abuse, torture, psychological abuse, manipulation, violence
Find me elsewhere: Instagram | Twitter | Blog
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Child abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Torture, and Violence
booksthatburn's review against another edition
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
1.0
I loved the first third of the book when I thought the story was, “A young man raised to believe magic is real has to deal with finding out that neither it nor the monsters he was raised to fight actually exist”. However, it soon became apparent that that wasn't where the book was going. The narrative was consistently invested in keeping readers off kilter as to whether/how magic was or was not real. I think we get an answer at the very end, but it feels like I spent the whole book being juked, so when it does finally pick a direction I’m tired instead of being excited that I finally know.
The main characters are adults when most of the narrative takes place, but it’s ambiguous as to how many of the flashbacks featuring descriptions of abuse took place when they were teens. That made me very uncomfortable. It’s a book about abuse and pain, and I don’t feel like I got enough aftercare as a reader.
The world building is minimal, I don’t have a good understanding of what day-to-day life was actually like before the book started, after the first couple of chapters the main details of life in the compound are all about the abuse. The abuse is definitely a focus, but it makes it hard to understand why anyone would stay. Not to question why anyone actually ends up staying in a cult, I mean, but you think there would be some camaraderie or warmth or positive *something* between the members, and if it was there the book doesn’t show it. It’s extremely focused on a handful of characters and doesn’t appear to care much about any of the others. The handling of the FBI agent also felt a little too neat, especially when we find out why she’s the one involved.
There’s a point of view character and a secondary character where I don’t know why they’re in the book. I understand what they do, but it’s so minimal that, for the secondary character, if she weren’t in the book at all I wouldn’t notice. It feels like she’s there so that one of the MCs can be uncompromising in a particular scene and still have things work out okay. The POV character who felt irrelevant technically had a different perspective than the other main characters, but most of their role in the story could’ve been absorbed by one of the others with very little change. It felt like they existed as a cautionary tale, ready to infodump when needed and stay away when they weren’t being useful.
It's very hard to pull off an ending that is basically, "hey, we can power the machines by laughter instead of screams" á la the movie "Monsters, Inc" (2001), when the first 70% of the book is dedicated to making it unclear whether the machines are powered at all by anything, or if electricity even works. Lark's rose-colored glasses and insistence that magic is real made it feel like he got to exit the book without growing at all. He escaped an abusive situation, and I'm glad for him, he seems like he's in a better place, but I really dislike the ending, I think it undercuts what was so good about the start of the book. What hooked me was the prospect of watching someone slowly realize that their life had been a lie, finally getting objective proof that they were wrong, and having to deal with the emotional wreckage of that. What happens instead is that we find out they were right that it's real, and his journey is that he learns he can just use a different source. I have so many questions about the version of reality where if you think magic is real you can just do magic and other people can see it too. That would utterly transform everything about the setting, it just couldn't be the same setting if people really casually did magic.
If this were a psychological horror novel I would love it so much, though the ending and a few middle scenes would have to change, but the “actually magic is real you just don’t have to power it with pain” ending undercuts all the rest of the stuff with the cult. The idea that “magic is real and requires pain, and nothing is worth the pain of children” can take you really cool places, and this book decided not to go to any of them, so at the end I just feel confused and lost. If you're going to hook me with the intro and then subvert the premise, your subversion needs to be better than playing it straight.
The main characters are adults when most of the narrative takes place, but it’s ambiguous as to how many of the flashbacks featuring descriptions of abuse took place when they were teens. That made me very uncomfortable. It’s a book about abuse and pain, and I don’t feel like I got enough aftercare as a reader.
The world building is minimal, I don’t have a good understanding of what day-to-day life was actually like before the book started, after the first couple of chapters the main details of life in the compound are all about the abuse. The abuse is definitely a focus, but it makes it hard to understand why anyone would stay. Not to question why anyone actually ends up staying in a cult, I mean, but you think there would be some camaraderie or warmth or positive *something* between the members, and if it was there the book doesn’t show it. It’s extremely focused on a handful of characters and doesn’t appear to care much about any of the others. The handling of the FBI agent also felt a little too neat, especially when we find out why she’s the one involved.
There’s a point of view character and a secondary character where I don’t know why they’re in the book. I understand what they do, but it’s so minimal that, for the secondary character, if she weren’t in the book at all I wouldn’t notice. It feels like she’s there so that one of the MCs can be uncompromising in a particular scene and still have things work out okay. The POV character who felt irrelevant technically had a different perspective than the other main characters, but most of their role in the story could’ve been absorbed by one of the others with very little change. It felt like they existed as a cautionary tale, ready to infodump when needed and stay away when they weren’t being useful.
If this were a psychological horror novel I would love it so much, though the ending and a few middle scenes would have to change, but the “actually magic is real you just don’t have to power it with pain” ending undercuts all the rest of the stuff with the cult. The idea that “magic is real and requires pain, and nothing is worth the pain of children” can take you really cool places, and this book decided not to go to any of them, so at the end I just feel confused and lost. If you're going to hook me with the intro and then subvert the premise, your subversion needs to be better than playing it straight.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Violence, and Sexual violence
Moderate: Child abuse, Blood, and Gun violence
CW for emotional abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, sadomasochism (graphic), self harm, blood, gun violence, violence, sexual content (graphic), sexual abuse (graphic), rape (graphic). TW the ARC contains a Harry Potter reference 55% in which might not be in the final version.
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