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3.33 AVERAGE
3.33 AVERAGE
3.5 If I may. It’s a fascinating concept for sure. There are 4 perspectives in the book, (from most frequented to least) Lark (the believer), Calvin (the enabler ), Kane (the disenchanted ), & Deryn (the forsaken ).
I was pretty wrapped up in the mystery of what was going on and wanting the crew sans Calvin to get away from the circle of abuse. When one did and shook everything up I was pumped to see where things would go.
Even as a fan of magic and ritual, how they “recharge” is intense, and defo didn’t feel like it was meant to get any rocks off. It was just sad for me.
Horray for ot3s… I guess. This is a sentence I never thought I’d say as most three-way drama can be solved with that, but the literal love angle in the book is only connected at the top with the other sides as far away as possible, so seems like it will be mad awkward, but that’s their problem. I also didn’t like the new edition for many reasons, most because they are a donkey’s behind.
Is magic real? Maybe?
I was pretty wrapped up in the mystery of what was going on and wanting the crew sans Calvin to get away from the circle of abuse. When one did and shook everything up I was pumped to see where things would go.
Even as a fan of magic and ritual, how they “recharge” is intense, and defo didn’t feel like it was meant to get any rocks off. It was just sad for me.
Horray for ot3s… I guess. This is a sentence I never thought I’d say as most three-way drama can be solved with that, but the literal love angle in the book is only connected at the top with the other sides as far away as possible, so seems like it will be mad awkward, but that’s their problem. I also didn’t like the new edition for many reasons, most because they are a donkey’s behind.
Is magic real? Maybe?
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Deft and yet light handling of serious religious trauma that never minimizes or looks away horrible things but never descends into torture porn. Beautiful and horny and healing.
*3.5 stars*
K.M. Szpara is never scared to go as far as possible when it comes to exploring pleasure, sex and pain. Whether that’s good pain or not. Having read both his major novels I can wholeheartedly say I love his writing and the exploration of the topics we see as ‘’taboo’’. I have recently read something which stated that if we don’t explore these things in our art, whether that be movies or books, where else are we supposed to discover them? And I couldn’t agree more. I think K.M. Szpara his writing is a safe space to discover these topics and make up your own mind. His writing triggers my thought process, which is something I really appreciate in art.
I totally think that his writing might not be for everyone but if you’re someone like me, who likes exploring the extents of these topics, it really is a wild ride.
TW: || Rape, self-harm, abuse, assault||
**listened on audiobook**
K.M. Szpara is never scared to go as far as possible when it comes to exploring pleasure, sex and pain. Whether that’s good pain or not. Having read both his major novels I can wholeheartedly say I love his writing and the exploration of the topics we see as ‘’taboo’’. I have recently read something which stated that if we don’t explore these things in our art, whether that be movies or books, where else are we supposed to discover them? And I couldn’t agree more. I think K.M. Szpara his writing is a safe space to discover these topics and make up your own mind. His writing triggers my thought process, which is something I really appreciate in art.
I totally think that his writing might not be for everyone but if you’re someone like me, who likes exploring the extents of these topics, it really is a wild ride.
TW: || Rape, self-harm, abuse, assault||
**listened on audiobook**
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Confinement, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, Religious bigotry
QUICK TAKE: I liked, but didn't love Szpara's previous book, DOCILE. That being said, the synopsis for the new one had me intrigued (5 minutes in the future where a special group of people have been trained to fight monsters that have overtaken humanity). Unfortunately, I don't think this author is for me. It's hard to go into details without spoiling the story, but once the "monsters" infiltrate the Fellowship's training camp, the book takes a hard 180 and becomes something completely different...I was intrigued by the exploration of disinformation and gaslighting here (again, to give much more away would really spoil this story), but ultimately was a little bored and unsatisfied with FIRST, BECOME ASHES. d
Okay. I truly did not know what I was getting into with First, Become Ashes. On the one hand, it is a pretty quick read and I enjoyed it as a nice “beach read.” On the other hand, it’s a book about a really damaged person who was groomed and explicitly abused by an extremely manipulative and chillingly vile cult leader. On reflection, I’m not sure it’s appropriate that those two things be true about this book. I think it leans into the “fun” of its premise: the romance, the magic, and the mystery while only very superficially dealing with the very serious abuse and trauma it attempts to depict. In short, the themes of this book are very very messy and often head-scratching or downright yikes.
All that said… Yes this book is very imperfect but I’m really glad it exists. We need more trashy, superficial queer reads and if more existing, so much pressure wouldn’t be on authors like K.M. Szpara to write “respectably” or “responsibly.” So I dunno. Ideally, all books handle important topics like abuse and trauma well… But I don’t think that’s either fair to marginalized authors to be forced to provide or realistic that everyone will write that way. I’ll settle for some fun gay trash that isn’t a good depiction of serious subject matter.
All that said… Yes this book is very imperfect but I’m really glad it exists. We need more trashy, superficial queer reads and if more existing, so much pressure wouldn’t be on authors like K.M. Szpara to write “respectably” or “responsibly.” So I dunno. Ideally, all books handle important topics like abuse and trauma well… But I don’t think that’s either fair to marginalized authors to be forced to provide or realistic that everyone will write that way. I’ll settle for some fun gay trash that isn’t a good depiction of serious subject matter.
adventurous
dark
emotional
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Religious apocalyptic cult meets brainwashed gay/queer unreliably narrated fever dream.
What is the point of a blurb, or a description of a book that has no bearing on the actual book itself?
I was expecting a story about cults and the people of that cult coming to terms with everything they thought about the world being a lie. What I got was not that.
Firstly, this seems to be very metaphorical and the metaphor was lost on me.
Secondly, whilst I was expecting sex - cults usually have an element of sexual control/abuse about them - what I was not expecting was lots of very graphic other stuff? (Also lots of male gay sex - which obviously is fine if this is your thing, but it's really not mine and yeah, there was A LOT).
Thirdly, the actual cult itself and philosophy and how it came to be wasn't explained or explored at all.
This was just very disappointing and really not anything like the blurb purports it to be. The story itself isn't that great, and the events make very little sense.
I was expecting a story about cults and the people of that cult coming to terms with everything they thought about the world being a lie. What I got was not that.
Firstly, this seems to be very metaphorical and the metaphor was lost on me.
Secondly, whilst I was expecting sex - cults usually have an element of sexual control/abuse about them - what I was not expecting was lots of very graphic other stuff? (Also lots of male gay sex - which obviously is fine if this is your thing, but it's really not mine and yeah, there was A LOT).
Thirdly, the actual cult itself and philosophy and how it came to be wasn't explained or explored at all.
This was just very disappointing and really not anything like the blurb purports it to be. The story itself isn't that great, and the events make very little sense.
challenging
dark
sad
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Plot
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
quick read.
i give it two stars for deryn and miller only and the first chapter and one scene near the end. the rest…. Nah.
also calvin when i catch you and your stupid little folie a deux act absolutely nothing will protect you from the full two-ton velocity of my citywide carshare EV hatchback
if you are like me and came in blind because you were like, “oh hey! cult deconstruction with a person who literally thought they could do magic! sounds cool. i would love to read some fiction about a person coming to terms with realizing they’re not special and they’ve been lied to!”
turn around. this book is not really focused on that part of the story. tbh, this probably qualifies as erotica? with a massivenonconsent kink.
i am not here for that, but like i said, i do fw the FBI lady and the nonplussed sidekick. i honestly wished i just dropped this book, but i skimmed the second half for them and read their chapters only in that part. and the second to last chapter, which has that once scene i really liked.
i… this was pulled in a lot of different places. didn’t help i knew nothing about the author, so i wasn’t expecting the warnings at the start to be forgraphic depictions of abuse laid out as sex scenes. whoops! everyone’s got their erotica choices, should’ve looked into it more, but uuuuhhh. 100% thought this book would be a breakdown of building a life after a cult, and not the weird wild goose chase this was.
also not a fan of the “is magic real or not”? it made things clunky. and also, glow sticks should have made more of an appearance.i wanted to see lark lose his mind over realizing it’s just a fuckin’ glow stick and i do in fact, feel robbed. of that, and the time i spent reading this book.
thescene at the end with the ritual and emotional catharsis was really good. and also what i thought this book would be about: people rebuilding their lives and reckoning with it all. instead it’s quite literally trauma porn/erotica. and one tugged in a bunch of directions, at that.
if you’ve got a noncon kink and want a quick, sexual read, go for it i guess.
but jesus h. christ, nowhere in the book description was i aware of what i was getting into. and if someone would write the breakdown of self and trauma and recreation of identity book i thought this was: fork it over, please and thanks.
book cover’s fantastic though! super misleading and should be changed! fantastic though!!
i give it two stars for deryn and miller only and the first chapter and one scene near the end. the rest…. Nah.
also calvin when i catch you and your stupid little folie a deux act absolutely nothing will protect you from the full two-ton velocity of my citywide carshare EV hatchback
if you are like me and came in blind because you were like, “oh hey! cult deconstruction with a person who literally thought they could do magic! sounds cool. i would love to read some fiction about a person coming to terms with realizing they’re not special and they’ve been lied to!”
turn around. this book is not really focused on that part of the story. tbh, this probably qualifies as erotica? with a massive
i am not here for that, but like i said, i do fw the FBI lady and the nonplussed sidekick. i honestly wished i just dropped this book, but i skimmed the second half for them and read their chapters only in that part. and the second to last chapter, which has that once scene i really liked.
i… this was pulled in a lot of different places. didn’t help i knew nothing about the author, so i wasn’t expecting the warnings at the start to be for
also not a fan of the “is magic real or not”? it made things clunky. and also, glow sticks should have made more of an appearance.
the
if you’ve got a noncon kink and want a quick, sexual read, go for it i guess.
but jesus h. christ, nowhere in the book description was i aware of what i was getting into. and if someone would write the breakdown of self and trauma and recreation of identity book i thought this was: fork it over, please and thanks.
book cover’s fantastic though! super misleading and should be changed! fantastic though!!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm
adventurous
challenging
dark
hopeful
reflective
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated