Take a photo of a barcode or cover
3.56 AVERAGE
3.56 AVERAGE
Think, Men are from Mars...but more scholarly. Tannen is a linguist and offers great insights into men and women's varying communication styles. Tannen shows why women and men can walk away from the same conversation with completely different impressions of what was said. I could relate to much of what she said. In fact, I saw the exact pattern she described with my parents and their constant bickering due to miscommunication.
informative
slow-paced
I didn't massively enjoy this. I felt a lot of the points were very generalised and often had no relation to the experiences I have had. Many of the items presented as evidence or case studies were creative pieces like plays or movies. I would have preferred something more factual.
I have owned this book for a number of years; I may have tried it previously, but put it down without completing it. I picked it up about a week ago. While I found some of it relevant and interesting, it is hard for me to buy into such gender generalizations. And although Tannen used a lot of anecdotes and literary references, the book still read like a textbook to me. On the very last page of the book (aside from the voluminous Notes), Tannen says that "Understanding style differences for what they are takes the sting out of them." (298)
Other points that rang true for me are:
"We look to our closest relationships as a source of confirmation and reassurance." (73)
"One situation that frustrates many women is a conversation that has mysteriously turned into a lecture, with the man delivering the lecture to the woman, who has become an appreciative audience." (125)
"...interuption is a hostile act, a kind of conversational bullying....And being accused of interupting when you know you didn't intend to is as frustrating as being cut off before you've made your point." (189)
"...in a casual conversation among friends or family, it is acceptable to chime in when you think you know what others are getting at; if you're wrong, they are free to correct you, but if you're right, everyone prefers the show of connection and rapport that comes from being understood without having to spell everything out." (211)
"...when boys and girls talked together, they talked more or less the way boys talked when there were no girls present. But when girls got together with no boys present, they talked very differently." (237)
"Boys and girls grow up in different worlds, but we think we're in the same one, so we judge each other's behavior by the standards of our own." (254)
"...when women are with partners, they make more adjustments and accommodations, buying harmony at the cost of their own preferences. Therefore, being with partners is more of a strain on them than it is on men, who are less inclined to accommodate." (294)
Other points that rang true for me are:
"We look to our closest relationships as a source of confirmation and reassurance." (73)
"One situation that frustrates many women is a conversation that has mysteriously turned into a lecture, with the man delivering the lecture to the woman, who has become an appreciative audience." (125)
"...interuption is a hostile act, a kind of conversational bullying....And being accused of interupting when you know you didn't intend to is as frustrating as being cut off before you've made your point." (189)
"...in a casual conversation among friends or family, it is acceptable to chime in when you think you know what others are getting at; if you're wrong, they are free to correct you, but if you're right, everyone prefers the show of connection and rapport that comes from being understood without having to spell everything out." (211)
"...when boys and girls talked together, they talked more or less the way boys talked when there were no girls present. But when girls got together with no boys present, they talked very differently." (237)
"Boys and girls grow up in different worlds, but we think we're in the same one, so we judge each other's behavior by the standards of our own." (254)
"...when women are with partners, they make more adjustments and accommodations, buying harmony at the cost of their own preferences. Therefore, being with partners is more of a strain on them than it is on men, who are less inclined to accommodate." (294)
Tannen gives readers an easy to understand introduction to her research in this book. The insights she offers are a strange mixture of familiar and new. She articulates conversational patterns that I have tacitly noticed, but never had language to express. It's hard to argue with her idea that men and women grow up in different cultures, even though they grow up in the same physical environment. The only limitation I found with this book comes from the fact that it focuses almost exclusively on heteronormative relationships that follow inherited binary notions of men and women. However, I feel like this limitation is a product of the time the book was published, and the readers Tannen targets in this work. That aside, though, she really cuts to the core of many miscommunications that occur between men and women. She makes it apparent from the beginning that this book deals with honest and earnest attempts at communication between the genders that, even though the intentions are good, break down due to a distinct difference in conversational styles. This focus gives the book a practical edge that I really enjoyed. Even if it is just an awareness of the difference in styles, it has already helped me get better at communicating with Ruthie :)
I highly recommend this book. However, I will, in future reading, probably try to find linguistic studies that are more inclusive of queer individuals and converstaions. I feel like studies of that nature could be really useful for disruptive purposes.....
I highly recommend this book. However, I will, in future reading, probably try to find linguistic studies that are more inclusive of queer individuals and converstaions. I feel like studies of that nature could be really useful for disruptive purposes.....
If you love reading about how men and women communicate and get it all wrong at times, this could be a great book for you. It is funny, you might learn a lot, and probably see yourself in situations that were a lot like what Tannen describes. 5 out of 5 stars.
a very helpful reading for a young woman starting out in the public realm of the world. I have found now at this stage of the game that men are often listening to reply, and doing a hellava lot of translation of what I or women are saying.
Absolutely fascinating! I thought it was about male and female communication, but it also delves into cultural differences and personality differences in communication styles as well. On more than one occasion I found myself thinking, "Oh, *that's* why she does that!" I've used this book to explain some of the fundamentals of male/female conversation differences ever since I read it, particularly the male focus on hierarchy vs the female focus on cooperation. It explains so much!
informative
reflective
medium-paced