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yeehawmommy's review against another edition
5.0
I wish I had read this when I was 13 (it wasn't written yet, but I don't think today's 13-year-olds are reading it either). Being a girl and developing/understanding your sexuality can be a very isolating experience. This book reflects a number of experiences and opinions that would have been so valuable for me to see as a younger person. I also see huge value in this read for any of my friends wanting children.
Onto "Boys & Sex" next...
Onto "Boys & Sex" next...
amlibera's review against another edition
4.0
Thought provoking examination of current issues surrounding, well,... girls and sex. There's an incendiary aspect to all of this (this is definitely one of those books that you first read in a provocative essay in the NYTimes Sunday Revie) and I found myself at several points wanting to see the issue in a less binary, reductive fashion. But in the final chapter, I found the approach of Charise Denison toward the topic to be inspiring - especially the idea of revise, reflect, redraft as it applies to young peoples experiences with sex, relationships, (as well as drugs and alcohol).
thecavewoman's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
Gripping, informative and Orenstein is a great engaging writer. Once I get back to my uni I'm picking up her other book (the companion) "Boys & Sex."
alexisrt's review against another edition
4.0
Peggy Orenstein has written a great book that parents of both boys and girls should read. It has its limitations; her pool of interviewees is imperfect, for example (with only about 70 girls, it can only do so much). Parents should steel themselves not to panic and start generalizing from stories; I started doing that.
The value of the book is in the way it asks us to reconceptualize how we discuss and present sexuality to teens, especially girls. Orenstein takes the expected shots at abstinence only education and purity, but she's also skeptical of sexuality as empowerment: the girls interviewed still use it in a performative way that is about the desire of those (usually boys) that they wish to attract. Is that really so empowering? The overall theme is how the girls haven't really been given the tools and encouragement to seek out sex and relationships on their terms, and to do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. They don't have adequate education about sex and sexuality for the most part--and what they do have is negative. They know how to avoid HIV and pregnancy, but they don't have a positive image of what they do want. Meanwhile, the boys have acquired the attitude that they are entitled to sex and that their own desires and pleasure is what counts, not that of the girls they see.
The final chapter is devoted to discussing what we need to do to change this and give our kids lessons about sex and sexuality that will lead to true self respect (not chewing-gum metaphors) and respect for their partners. We need to get past our own prudishness about talking about sex.
I'd give it 4.5 stars if I could.
The value of the book is in the way it asks us to reconceptualize how we discuss and present sexuality to teens, especially girls. Orenstein takes the expected shots at abstinence only education and purity, but she's also skeptical of sexuality as empowerment: the girls interviewed still use it in a performative way that is about the desire of those (usually boys) that they wish to attract. Is that really so empowering? The overall theme is how the girls haven't really been given the tools and encouragement to seek out sex and relationships on their terms, and to do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. They don't have adequate education about sex and sexuality for the most part--and what they do have is negative. They know how to avoid HIV and pregnancy, but they don't have a positive image of what they do want. Meanwhile, the boys have acquired the attitude that they are entitled to sex and that their own desires and pleasure is what counts, not that of the girls they see.
The final chapter is devoted to discussing what we need to do to change this and give our kids lessons about sex and sexuality that will lead to true self respect (not chewing-gum metaphors) and respect for their partners. We need to get past our own prudishness about talking about sex.
I'd give it 4.5 stars if I could.
mjoyced's review against another edition
I couldn't finish this book. Maybe it's because I'm so close in age to the generation of girls interviewed that most of the information simultaneously wasn't new/interesting to me and seemed to judge me, but the book seemed so voyeuristic and negative. Everything is bad. Maybe I didn't read far enough to get to the positive things in this book (I hope there were some!), but it was both too boring and too sensationalist to read. It's too bad because I liked a lot of the interviews with Orenstein about this book!
jazminrose's review
3.0
The interviews with young women are what really shine in this book. These voices are relatable, observant, cutting, smart, and so much more. I loved reading their experiences and their ideas. They truly felt like girls and women that I knew personally.
I wish that I could say the same about the author. A lot of what Orenstein has to say is fine, and sometimes even interesting. But a large part of the book felt like her grappling with an evolving world while not evolving her own way of thinking and interacting with that world. Too many of the themes she presented were behind the times and the result was a little bit, “third-wave feminism failing to write about fourth-wave feminism”.
Speaking of behind the times UGH how did some of the language she uses get past an editor? Flip-flopping between pronouns for a trans woman and placing scare quotes around the term little person jumped out at me before I’d even finished the first chapter.
Similarly, the chapter about queer issues rubbed me the wrong way – love that she included this chapter, really DON’T love that she *only* included this chapter. Why wasn’t this woven throughout the entire book, rather than confined to one small section? A section that also focused almost exclusively on online interactions. One of the women being interviewed had spent time questioning her gender, but no trans women were interviewed. Finally, for a book that includes ‘sex’ in the title and candidly discusses that very topic, sex was suspiciously absent from this chapter. It felt very much as though, “love is love but gay SEX is gross and won’t be spoken of”. What a huge missed opportunity this chapter was.
Overall, this book kind of fell flat for me. I’d be interested to see what another writer would have done with the same data and interview subjects. Two of the three stars I’ve given this book belong solely to the young women being interviewed, rather than to the author, as it was their insight and reflections that really stood out.
I’d recommend this book to people interested in the subject matter already and willing to engage critically with the author’s takes. I would NOT recommend it to anyone looking for an intro or primer to this topic, as it feels quite biased at times.
I wish that I could say the same about the author. A lot of what Orenstein has to say is fine, and sometimes even interesting. But a large part of the book felt like her grappling with an evolving world while not evolving her own way of thinking and interacting with that world. Too many of the themes she presented were behind the times and the result was a little bit, “third-wave feminism failing to write about fourth-wave feminism”.
Speaking of behind the times UGH how did some of the language she uses get past an editor? Flip-flopping between pronouns for a trans woman and placing scare quotes around the term little person jumped out at me before I’d even finished the first chapter.
Similarly, the chapter about queer issues rubbed me the wrong way – love that she included this chapter, really DON’T love that she *only* included this chapter. Why wasn’t this woven throughout the entire book, rather than confined to one small section? A section that also focused almost exclusively on online interactions. One of the women being interviewed had spent time questioning her gender, but no trans women were interviewed. Finally, for a book that includes ‘sex’ in the title and candidly discusses that very topic, sex was suspiciously absent from this chapter. It felt very much as though, “love is love but gay SEX is gross and won’t be spoken of”. What a huge missed opportunity this chapter was.
Overall, this book kind of fell flat for me. I’d be interested to see what another writer would have done with the same data and interview subjects. Two of the three stars I’ve given this book belong solely to the young women being interviewed, rather than to the author, as it was their insight and reflections that really stood out.
I’d recommend this book to people interested in the subject matter already and willing to engage critically with the author’s takes. I would NOT recommend it to anyone looking for an intro or primer to this topic, as it feels quite biased at times.
allysonbogie's review against another edition
4.0
I read about half of this book and then had to return it to the library. The part I read was fascinating and also totally disturbing. I have two young daughters and I think I'll return to this book in a few years when they are a bit older. It was helpful to be aware of some of what is going on in with girls now. One major critique I have of the book is that Orenstein says that the majority of the girls who she interviews are upper middle class, many of them in college. I wish that she had spoken with a more diverse group of girls, and been more explicit about the role of culture, color, and economics in the development of girls' sexuality.