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Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Infidelity, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Abandonment, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Grief, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Body horror, Body shaming, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gore, Hate crime, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Medical content, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gore, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Trafficking, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Blood, Vomit, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Homophobia, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Racism, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Terminal illness, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Vomit, Medical content, Trafficking, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Fire/Fire injury, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gore, Homophobia, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Vomit, Kidnapping, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail
the good:
i did cry. while its not really that hard to make me cry, it does require a certain degree of competence from the author, so i have to give credit where its due here. this book was beautifully written, most of the time, and by the end i truly felt connected to some of the characters and i think thats admirable
the bad:
its so fucking long. it didnt need to be that long. i knew right away that there was a truly gratuitous amount of detail. for example, i left myself a note asking my future self if the detailed descriptions of JB's studio mates that we get in the beginning chapters would end up being relevant at all (answer: it sure doesnt!) and there's a lot of stuff like that. just pages and pages of shit that doesnt really matter or add much. again, this shit did not need to be that long. this is coming from someone who has read wheel of time and the stormlight archive and other long drawn out books so i think i have the authority to say this.
the ugly:
my primary qualm is that the depiction of self harm did not need to be so frequent and so descriptive. it just didnt. i did not need to read over and over about the techniques, the sensations, the visuals, etc. this is not to say that i think that books shouldn't depict self harm, or cutting, or anything like that. i think its a real life thing that should be present in stories about real life, but jesus christ this was the most triggering thing i think ive ever read. and im doing a bit of research on the author, and just pulled this quote from an interview with her:
"But I don’t believe in it — talk therapy, I should specify — myself. One of the things that makes me most suspicious about the field is its insistence that life is always the answer. Every other medical specialty devoted to the care of the seriously ill recognizes that at some point, the doctor’s job is to help the patient die; that there are points at which death is preferable to life."
and that just pissed me off so bad. to think that way is one thing, i understand how a person can think that. but to decry therapy and recovery so publicly, when you're writing a book like this, just feels so ... gross.
similarly, i found the whole caleb incident to be so transparently just for the sake of making jude suffer that it was distracting. we get a brief potential explanation for caleb’s behavior, that he hates seeing weakness because he watched his parents weaken after they got sick, but like …. this doesnt feel like a concrete reason for why he acted that way? this successful public figure would risk a murder charge just for that? obviously i understand abusers are gonna abuse but i kind of find the novel's reasoning for it hard to believe and so it just seems like a shallow attempt at characterization
i think most of qualms with this novel can be summed up with the word gratuitous. it was so, so gratuitous in every way
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Violence, Blood, Grief, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Abandonment
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Vomit, Grief, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Sexual harassment
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Pedophilia, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Trafficking, Grief, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail