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The writing is beautiful, and each character is gripping, thoughtful and unique. But ultimately didn't enjoy this read. Maybe that was the point.
Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gore, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Abandonment, Sexual harassment, Dysphoria, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Child abuse, Death, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Ableism, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Toxic relationship, Grief, Suicide attempt, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Addiction, Body shaming, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Car accident, Death of parent, Fire/Fire injury, Alcohol
WOW.... Just wow.
It is rare for a book to break me, build me back up again and then break me yet again -- over and over. Jesus Christ.
I found myself so immersed in the lives of the characters, as if I was part of their little group. It was as if I was growing up with them as well
I ask myself: what did I learn from this book? And I just can't give one definitive answer, as there is so much and would depend from which character. And also because I am still quite stunned by it (I just finished reading the book a few minutes ago). I am just glad that it is over and yet also sad that it is... That their lives, or should I say my witnessing of their lives, end here.
TLDR: a HUGE caveat. This isn't an uplifting story, by any means. This isn't a fairytale. There's no happy ending. It's messy, it's fucked up, it's tragic... But it's LIFE. Sometimes, life is like that. And that's what makes this book beautiful. That's what makes life beautiful.
Graphic: Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Suicide attempt, Sexual harassment
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Death, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Blood, Kidnapping, Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Confinement, Domestic abuse, Vomit, Fire/Fire injury
Especially Willem Andy and Harold, while they all have really great moments, also have reflections of hopelessness and a sort of twisted expectation for who Jude is that I think sends the wrong message. It’s like they expect him to be condemned to a life of suffering and to see him die young. I enjoy their perspectives, but they are almost uncharacteristically pessimistic at times at what I think is a detriment to the book as a whole.
It is a comforting novel if I ignore the leeching of hopelessness that seeps from the people who are supposedly mentally healthy and un-traumatized, who are said time and time again that they love Jude. It is clear that they do, but they never expect Jude to get better. They seem almost afraid to hope for it. Even in those Happy Years, Willem speaks to having to accept Jude as he is. Don’t get me wrong, I agree with aspects of this, and I by no means think he should try to fix Jude himself, but the way it is written has an air of inevitability and hopelessness that I think negatively affects the story and its readers.
I loved this book when it wrote out the often illogical thought processes that stem from trauma and mental illness, when it discussed coping and friendship and struggles. I think it could be a beautiful book for people who are suffering to feel seen, if only it didn’t discourage getting help and portray the people who are supposed to care despite everything as also believing that Jude’s suicide and suffering is inevitable. I think Jude being hopeless makes sense. I think everyone else’s retreat into inaction except in dire circumstances is cowardly and poorly thought out. Over and over they are said to care, said to love Jude and shown that they are smart, capable, reportedly empathetic and kind people. I don’t think Jude dying by suicide is the issue. Sometimes that is how a life ends and it doesn’t matter how much love and support you have. And it can be hard to care for someone who so desperately wants to show you why you should do the opposite. But the way the people who love Jude are written as reflecting on who he is/was, how they don’t even hope that he will one day be better, not fixed but better, that I think is the books biggest issue. It changes it from being a comfort for the damned to being enabling and harmful to its readers.
Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Confinement, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Forced institutionalization, Vomit, Medical content, Trafficking, Kidnapping, Grief, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Body shaming, Child death, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Toxic relationship, Blood, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Toxic friendship, Abandonment
Minor: Cancer, Dementia, Abortion, Death of parent, Pregnancy, Alcohol
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Body horror, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gore, Infidelity, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Terminal illness, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Vomit, Dementia, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Body horror, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gore, Hate crime, Homophobia, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Blood, Medical content, Trafficking, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Homophobia, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Medical content, Trafficking, Kidnapping, Grief, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Abandonment, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Terminal illness, Blood, Medical content, Trafficking, Grief, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail
Upon further research, I have changed my mind of how highly I would rate this book.
Graphic: Ableism, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Addiction, Drug abuse, Drug use