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3.26 AVERAGE
3.26 AVERAGE
i really enjoyed eric laroccas other horror novel, things have gotten worse since we last spoke, but for some reason youve lost a lot of blood simply didnt click with me. i always enjoy their prose and how gruesome some of the details are, and i thought the idea of gathering someones written and recorded media after their death was interesting (spoiler thats not really whats going on) but something about all of this put together didnt work for me.
martyr and ambrose are i guess protagonists? characters? and they fight constantly and seem to hate each other and its never fun or interesting or witty. and the novella within the book is more put together and easier to follow but i have no idea how it fits into the greater text. the novella was more interesting than the actual book itself! ultimately i just didnt love it and i think larocca got a little too clever with this one.
martyr and ambrose are i guess protagonists? characters? and they fight constantly and seem to hate each other and its never fun or interesting or witty. and the novella within the book is more put together and easier to follow but i have no idea how it fits into the greater text. the novella was more interesting than the actual book itself! ultimately i just didnt love it and i think larocca got a little too clever with this one.
good and gay but the last 30 pages made my head hurt with confusion
I have no idea what I just read but I liked it.
dark
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Plot
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I should have known my recent streak of reading mostly amazing fiction would come to an end. This book caused a relapse of my chronic hater-itis.
I truly don’t even know where to start.
So this book is very experimental in form. It follows two main plots: gay serial killers Martyr and Ambrose, and then a nested novella about a game designer and her brother. Martyr’s story is communicated via a mixture of conversation transcripts, first person POV diary entries (I guess… the actual nature of these snippets is never really specified), and poems. The conceit of the book being that it’s a compilation of Martyr’s writings edited together after his crimes have become known. Okay.
I love an experimental novel, and nested stories. For example, I think a book that did this amazingly was “Devil House” by John Darneille. But the form absolutely did NOT work for me in “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood”
I found that everything just felt so disjointed. I didn’t buy the novella as something written by Martyr. The character voices were just so different. And nothing about this character (from what little we get to know of him) suggests to me that he’d write a cyber-horror about a young woman. And then at the end of the book we find out that everything Martyr had written was plagiarised from his victims and I was like… hmmmm. Okay. And had to really think about if this changed my opinion on the efficacy of the novella vis-a-vis the Martyr and Ambrose plot. And nope. I still didn’t like it.
It then became a question of: so what was the point?
And that’s really the core of my dislike for this book. Thematically, what was the point? I can absolutely find links if I really try, but it feels like grasping at straws, and trying to see something that wasn’t actually there. Like, there’s something about authenticity, I suppose? About replication and originality? But it was badly done and I hated it.
I also hated the writing so much. It felt like something an edgy fourteen year old would produce. Some of the imagery in the novella was genuinely cool, but it was marred by prose that was overwhelmingly weak. Martyr’s sections were florid and overwritten in an achingly pretentious way. This is going to be such a self-report, but I couldn’t help compare it to badly written NBC Hannibal fan fiction. Like, you have this dark, murderous character waxing poetic about life and death… but the author wasn’t a good enough writer to actually pull it off and so instead it’s just kinda embarrassing to read.
The conversation transcripts were awful. It’d be Martyr and Ambrose talking and then italicised text that was apparently Martyr having retrospectively added to the recording to provide his internal monologue??? Okay. That’s silly. And why were they recording these audio snippets in the first place??? I just think that if the conceit of your experimental form is that these are collected pieces of evidence, or ephemera or whatever… it has to make sense, and those snippets need to be things that would. Like. Have a reason to exist.
Anyway. The poetry was also bad. Once again reminded me of something a high schooler would write. Surface level and messy use of metaphor, and once again: I just kept being like. But okay why am I reading this.
Ultimately, this book wasn’t OFFENSIVELY bad. It was just not good. Like, really, really not good.
I truly don’t even know where to start.
So this book is very experimental in form. It follows two main plots: gay serial killers Martyr and Ambrose, and then a nested novella about a game designer and her brother. Martyr’s story is communicated via a mixture of conversation transcripts, first person POV diary entries (I guess… the actual nature of these snippets is never really specified), and poems. The conceit of the book being that it’s a compilation of Martyr’s writings edited together after his crimes have become known. Okay.
I love an experimental novel, and nested stories. For example, I think a book that did this amazingly was “Devil House” by John Darneille. But the form absolutely did NOT work for me in “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood”
I found that everything just felt so disjointed. I didn’t buy the novella as something written by Martyr. The character voices were just so different. And nothing about this character (from what little we get to know of him) suggests to me that he’d write a cyber-horror about a young woman. And then at the end of the book we find out that everything Martyr had written was plagiarised from his victims and I was like… hmmmm. Okay. And had to really think about if this changed my opinion on the efficacy of the novella vis-a-vis the Martyr and Ambrose plot. And nope. I still didn’t like it.
It then became a question of: so what was the point?
And that’s really the core of my dislike for this book. Thematically, what was the point? I can absolutely find links if I really try, but it feels like grasping at straws, and trying to see something that wasn’t actually there. Like, there’s something about authenticity, I suppose? About replication and originality? But it was badly done and I hated it.
I also hated the writing so much. It felt like something an edgy fourteen year old would produce. Some of the imagery in the novella was genuinely cool, but it was marred by prose that was overwhelmingly weak. Martyr’s sections were florid and overwritten in an achingly pretentious way. This is going to be such a self-report, but I couldn’t help compare it to badly written NBC Hannibal fan fiction. Like, you have this dark, murderous character waxing poetic about life and death… but the author wasn’t a good enough writer to actually pull it off and so instead it’s just kinda embarrassing to read.
The conversation transcripts were awful. It’d be Martyr and Ambrose talking and then italicised text that was apparently Martyr having retrospectively added to the recording to provide his internal monologue??? Okay. That’s silly. And why were they recording these audio snippets in the first place??? I just think that if the conceit of your experimental form is that these are collected pieces of evidence, or ephemera or whatever… it has to make sense, and those snippets need to be things that would. Like. Have a reason to exist.
Anyway. The poetry was also bad. Once again reminded me of something a high schooler would write. Surface level and messy use of metaphor, and once again: I just kept being like. But okay why am I reading this.
Ultimately, this book wasn’t OFFENSIVELY bad. It was just not good. Like, really, really not good.
This book was all style with little substance. I found the style of writing to be enjoyable (if a little juvenile at times), however, the plot was very thing. I didn’t like that it was a story within a story, but the nested story was fictional in-universe. I didn’t care about the nested story because it was fictional, as it had no weight on the outer story. I also thought that reading the transcripts between Ambrose? and Martyr was so boring to listen to, and unrealistic with their dialogue.
You're right to not judge a book by it's cover, since in this case the cover is so much better than the book itself.
You're right to not judge a book by it's cover, since in this case the cover is so much better than the book itself.
Much like Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, this was an impulse read because the cover if horrifying and Kayla from BooksandLaLa endorsed it lol
The back cover and the, I guess, tagline was super disturbing and I was super excited.
I had a good time but I think LaRocca's stuff goes a bit over my head. I love his writing and wanted to crawl out of my skin at times. And the idea that in the novella-within-a-novella, Tamsen and Presley were the older siblings was neat even if I was a little confused.
Martyr being a plagiarist was kind of a surprise, too. But as usual, this wasn't a plot read so much as a language one.
And I had a good time.
I also liked that Kingston, NY was mentioned in the intro lol
The back cover and the, I guess, tagline was super disturbing and I was super excited.
I had a good time but I think LaRocca's stuff goes a bit over my head. I love his writing and wanted to crawl out of my skin at times. And the idea that in the novella-within-a-novella, Tamsen and Presley were the older siblings was neat even if I was a little confused.
Martyr being a plagiarist was kind of a surprise, too. But as usual, this wasn't a plot read so much as a language one.
And I had a good time.
I also liked that Kingston, NY was mentioned in the intro lol
You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood - Eric LaRocca
YLALOB is a weaving of events from the perspective of Martyr Black, a serial killer and writer, as well as entangling parts of a book that he wrote titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood”. Inside of the novel he writes, there is a story of a young girl and her younger brother who she has assumed the care of after their parents died in an accident. She is a game programer and has been offered an on-site job at a massive estate to work on a game titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood” – It’s very layered, but in a way that is completely understandable and doesn’t confuse me, someone very prone to being confused by multi viewpoint stories like this one. YLALOB paints the portrait of the man Martyr Black, his actions, his motives, his thoughts and inner workings. I felt very attached to Martyr Black for the first ¾’s of the book, and then once the disconnect happened I almost couldn't believe I had humanized him so much in my own head. Eric’s writing is really good like that - it helps you examine emotions that you do feel, as opposed to misdirection that leads you into false emotion. We aren't being led to believe that Martyr Black is a good man who is just misunderstood. Martyr Black is who he is, and he is honest about it (as far as we are able to recognize). We are being shown Martyr Black - the things he does, the conversations he’s had, the things he has written and we are allowed to form our own feelings and conclusions about how we feel about him, how we feel about his partner in crime Ambrose, how we feel about his writing. We make our own interpretations of these things and then more information is revealed that may or may not change your perception.
One thing that YLALOB seems to reveal to me is that as deeply as we would like to understand the feelings and motivations of those that commit heinous acts, there isn’t a way to thoroughly and genuinely do it. No matter what materials we procure, journals, voice recordings etc. - we can never be sure what is obscured, what is unseen, what they choose to hide and what they don’t even understand they are hiding.
Eric writes of the centipede, later called an engine, in ways that remind me deeply of Junji Ito’s UZUMAKI, a comforting relation in my mind. The way that Eric writes the existence of a chaotic banality that breeds resentment in relationships is uncomfortably realistic to me. There is a line in which Martyr refers to Ambrose citing “I never wanted to be his home.” and the line both broke my heart and resonated with me in an intense way, reflecting on the past. The moments in a bitter relationship where in that very moment you realize that you are doing something you want to be doing, with the wrong person. It’s a bittersweet revelation.
We meet Presley and Tamsen in a situation very reminiscent of one that occurs in Ari Aster’s HEREDITARY. Tamsen comes to, covered in oil with a lighter next to her and Presely in the back seat. The scene where the mother stands in her son's bedroom, gasoline and lit match in tow. The unconscious desire to end things that manifests physically our psyche desires it so deeply. A desolate gas station stops to fix a headlight, turning into a surreal moment where an older woman goes into a trancelike state revealing prophecies, a thick black centipede crawling out of her stoma. The words feel like they crawl off of the page and onto me. An unsettling and obviously malevolent atmosphere coats the segments of the book titled “You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood”.
One thing about this novel that I adore is the juxtaposition between the relationships between Martyr and Ambrose, and Dani and Tamsen. Dani and Tamsen building a relationship based on closeness, trust and protection - Ambrose and Martyr having a bitter and cold comfort in the horror of their union. Eric LaRocca writes the act of murder in a way that makes me feel a sense of deep warmth and inspiration. Martyr says he doesn’t mourn some corpses, as the beauty they achieved in death is greater than anything they would have accomplished in life. A brutal and romantic sentiment. The story of Tamsen and Presley evolves into a virtual nightmare, something extremely Cronenberg-esque in the sense of not just body horror, but the marriage between body horror and machine, ala CRASH. A nightmare and a daydream of sorts, as Tamsens' unconscious desires manifest in front of her. Metallic grinding noises, wires under skin, weeping so loud it drowns all other sound out, personal totems as vessels. A soft girl turning into cold metal as she devours another’s warmth, a mass grave and bodies as conduits. Martyr learns something truly vile about a man who he had exposed his vulnerability to, and he felt ruined. The feeling of not knowing who someone is, the ways that we can reveal ourselves to someone who is hiding terrible awful things. This made me wonder, the worst person you know - think of them. Who is the worst person they know? And so on and so forth. Could we get to the root of evil this way? Hmm. It’s like a spiral. A centipede crawling out of a stoma. Bodies in latex pods, clones of clones of clones. The hell of repetition.
In the end, I feel exposed. I felt raw, and confused in the best way. Confused, as I asked myself questions. Why did I feel so connected to Martyr and so repulsed by Ambrose? Why did I feel so much empathy for Tamsen? The tying together of the two stories rooted in what is the truth, what *is* objective reality, and does it exist at all? I wonder.
I’m still wondering about a lot of things You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood contained. Surreal and clear cut prose, born of romantic transgression. I do not understand for a second the people who said this doesnt have a plot or a point, or how they couldn't manage to link the two stories together, as I felt them interlock in so many ways. Eric knows exactly what he's doing.
5/5 stars.
YLALOB is a weaving of events from the perspective of Martyr Black, a serial killer and writer, as well as entangling parts of a book that he wrote titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood”. Inside of the novel he writes, there is a story of a young girl and her younger brother who she has assumed the care of after their parents died in an accident. She is a game programer and has been offered an on-site job at a massive estate to work on a game titled “You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood” – It’s very layered, but in a way that is completely understandable and doesn’t confuse me, someone very prone to being confused by multi viewpoint stories like this one. YLALOB paints the portrait of the man Martyr Black, his actions, his motives, his thoughts and inner workings. I felt very attached to Martyr Black for the first ¾’s of the book, and then once the disconnect happened I almost couldn't believe I had humanized him so much in my own head. Eric’s writing is really good like that - it helps you examine emotions that you do feel, as opposed to misdirection that leads you into false emotion. We aren't being led to believe that Martyr Black is a good man who is just misunderstood. Martyr Black is who he is, and he is honest about it (as far as we are able to recognize). We are being shown Martyr Black - the things he does, the conversations he’s had, the things he has written and we are allowed to form our own feelings and conclusions about how we feel about him, how we feel about his partner in crime Ambrose, how we feel about his writing. We make our own interpretations of these things and then more information is revealed that may or may not change your perception.
One thing that YLALOB seems to reveal to me is that as deeply as we would like to understand the feelings and motivations of those that commit heinous acts, there isn’t a way to thoroughly and genuinely do it. No matter what materials we procure, journals, voice recordings etc. - we can never be sure what is obscured, what is unseen, what they choose to hide and what they don’t even understand they are hiding.
Eric writes of the centipede, later called an engine, in ways that remind me deeply of Junji Ito’s UZUMAKI, a comforting relation in my mind. The way that Eric writes the existence of a chaotic banality that breeds resentment in relationships is uncomfortably realistic to me. There is a line in which Martyr refers to Ambrose citing “I never wanted to be his home.” and the line both broke my heart and resonated with me in an intense way, reflecting on the past. The moments in a bitter relationship where in that very moment you realize that you are doing something you want to be doing, with the wrong person. It’s a bittersweet revelation.
We meet Presley and Tamsen in a situation very reminiscent of one that occurs in Ari Aster’s HEREDITARY. Tamsen comes to, covered in oil with a lighter next to her and Presely in the back seat. The scene where the mother stands in her son's bedroom, gasoline and lit match in tow. The unconscious desire to end things that manifests physically our psyche desires it so deeply. A desolate gas station stops to fix a headlight, turning into a surreal moment where an older woman goes into a trancelike state revealing prophecies, a thick black centipede crawling out of her stoma. The words feel like they crawl off of the page and onto me. An unsettling and obviously malevolent atmosphere coats the segments of the book titled “You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood”.
One thing about this novel that I adore is the juxtaposition between the relationships between Martyr and Ambrose, and Dani and Tamsen. Dani and Tamsen building a relationship based on closeness, trust and protection - Ambrose and Martyr having a bitter and cold comfort in the horror of their union. Eric LaRocca writes the act of murder in a way that makes me feel a sense of deep warmth and inspiration. Martyr says he doesn’t mourn some corpses, as the beauty they achieved in death is greater than anything they would have accomplished in life. A brutal and romantic sentiment. The story of Tamsen and Presley evolves into a virtual nightmare, something extremely Cronenberg-esque in the sense of not just body horror, but the marriage between body horror and machine, ala CRASH. A nightmare and a daydream of sorts, as Tamsens' unconscious desires manifest in front of her. Metallic grinding noises, wires under skin, weeping so loud it drowns all other sound out, personal totems as vessels. A soft girl turning into cold metal as she devours another’s warmth, a mass grave and bodies as conduits. Martyr learns something truly vile about a man who he had exposed his vulnerability to, and he felt ruined. The feeling of not knowing who someone is, the ways that we can reveal ourselves to someone who is hiding terrible awful things. This made me wonder, the worst person you know - think of them. Who is the worst person they know? And so on and so forth. Could we get to the root of evil this way? Hmm. It’s like a spiral. A centipede crawling out of a stoma. Bodies in latex pods, clones of clones of clones. The hell of repetition.
In the end, I feel exposed. I felt raw, and confused in the best way. Confused, as I asked myself questions. Why did I feel so connected to Martyr and so repulsed by Ambrose? Why did I feel so much empathy for Tamsen? The tying together of the two stories rooted in what is the truth, what *is* objective reality, and does it exist at all? I wonder.
I’m still wondering about a lot of things You’ve Lost A Lot Of Blood contained. Surreal and clear cut prose, born of romantic transgression. I do not understand for a second the people who said this doesnt have a plot or a point, or how they couldn't manage to link the two stories together, as I felt them interlock in so many ways. Eric knows exactly what he's doing.
5/5 stars.
dark
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
challenging
dark
mysterious
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Animal cruelty, Body horror, Cancer, Child death, Cursing, Death, Gore, Pedophilia, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Blood, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Death of parent, Murder, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Gaslighting, Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail