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3.93 AVERAGE
3.93 AVERAGE
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
reflective
slow-paced
dark
reflective
sad
fast-paced
sad
slow-paced
This book felt like the executors of Didion's estate saw a chance to exploit and profit from private files.
I've read some of Didion's work, but I'm not a superfan. Her notes from her psychiatric appointments were sad, that she struggled so much to figure out how to be a parent, that she had such anxieties, and that her relationship with her husband was (to me) claustraphobic.
Her daughters alcoholism is what prompted these appointments and as she delved into their mother-daughter relationship there was little doubt why their dynamic was so screwed up.
It was depressing to me how involved she was in her adult daughters life.
It was also concerning how the daughters psychiatrist was talking directly to Didion's psychiatrist and he was sharing that info in turn with Didion. Seemed messed up to me.
It wasn't an enjoyable book, it's just notes, so it's not great writing, and I"m left with it was just a way for heirs to profit one more time.
I've read some of Didion's work, but I'm not a superfan. Her notes from her psychiatric appointments were sad, that she struggled so much to figure out how to be a parent, that she had such anxieties, and that her relationship with her husband was (to me) claustraphobic.
Her daughters alcoholism is what prompted these appointments and as she delved into their mother-daughter relationship there was little doubt why their dynamic was so screwed up.
It was depressing to me how involved she was in her adult daughters life.
It was also concerning how the daughters psychiatrist was talking directly to Didion's psychiatrist and he was sharing that info in turn with Didion. Seemed messed up to me.
It wasn't an enjoyable book, it's just notes, so it's not great writing, and I"m left with it was just a way for heirs to profit one more time.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Alcohol
Moderate: Chronic illness
Minor: Death
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Moderate: Alcoholism
Reading this book felt like an ethical dilemma, I enjoyed it, but it feels weird reading such personal journal entries from someone who passed in 2021
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
I'm of the opinion that this book shouldn't exist but I don't think I'm strong enough not to read it.
**
Update:
I read the book, as I knew I would. And I'm still not sure what to think of it. For almost half of it I felt like there was no way Joan wouldn't have wanted this published, that it was so raw, so painful, that she would have destroyed any evidence of these notes before dying if she had truly never intended for them to see the light. She was that kind of person; anyone familiar with her work would know that. So I convinced myself that she wanted this, but that she couldn’t bear to see it published while she was still alive. These notes remove the opaque cloth she used to cover and protect Quintana from the world, even after writing a whole book about losing her. And it also exposes things about herself that she didn't tell anyone, particularly about her health, aging and money. So it made sense to wait, right? It made sense not telling anyone about these pages so no one would have to even read them while she was still here. Well, I'm not so sure anymore.
In general, every page of this little book is filled with intense worrying for her then 34-year-old daughter and trying to help her recover from her alcoholism, analyzing every detail about anything she said or did, navigating multiple emergencies, AA meetings, supporting her financially, neglecting her own health to look after Quintana's, even going back to Joan's childhood (under the guidance of a Freudian psychiatrist that I honestly didn't like, and who often seemed to exacerbate Didion's anxieties and guilt) to search for clues that could help her understand her relationship with her daughter better, all in order to save her. And while reading it, I felt very sad knowing it was all in vain.
At the end, the only certain thing is this: we will never know what she really wanted. I don't think she even knew it herself. The pages were there, she didn't destroy them, and the final decision wasn't hers. I don't regret reading this, but I'm not sure we as readers really needed to. I hope I didn't disrespect her memory by doing so, and I also hope that she's with John and Quintana now.
**
Update:
I read the book, as I knew I would. And I'm still not sure what to think of it. For almost half of it I felt like there was no way Joan wouldn't have wanted this published, that it was so raw, so painful, that she would have destroyed any evidence of these notes before dying if she had truly never intended for them to see the light. She was that kind of person; anyone familiar with her work would know that. So I convinced myself that she wanted this, but that she couldn’t bear to see it published while she was still alive. These notes remove the opaque cloth she used to cover and protect Quintana from the world, even after writing a whole book about losing her. And it also exposes things about herself that she didn't tell anyone, particularly about her health, aging and money. So it made sense to wait, right? It made sense not telling anyone about these pages so no one would have to even read them while she was still here. Well, I'm not so sure anymore.
In general, every page of this little book is filled with intense worrying for her then 34-year-old daughter and trying to help her recover from her alcoholism, analyzing every detail about anything she said or did, navigating multiple emergencies, AA meetings, supporting her financially, neglecting her own health to look after Quintana's, even going back to Joan's childhood (under the guidance of a Freudian psychiatrist that I honestly didn't like, and who often seemed to exacerbate Didion's anxieties and guilt) to search for clues that could help her understand her relationship with her daughter better, all in order to save her. And while reading it, I felt very sad knowing it was all in vain.
At the end, the only certain thing is this: we will never know what she really wanted. I don't think she even knew it herself. The pages were there, she didn't destroy them, and the final decision wasn't hers. I don't regret reading this, but I'm not sure we as readers really needed to. I hope I didn't disrespect her memory by doing so, and I also hope that she's with John and Quintana now.