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4.32 AVERAGE
4.32 AVERAGE
Where does one even begin with a review for this book. Do you start with the plot, storyline, characters, the writing style, the execution, the trauma, how it makes you feel every emotion there is for one to feel?
I want to write about it all and tell you about how my heart squeezed for Willem and my body physically ached for Jude, all that I felt for JB & Malcolm, for Henry & Andy, for how I still cry when I think of this book. For how I am still so emotionally hung up and connected to this book. But I fear my words won’t do this masterpiece any justice.
It’s not one I would recommend lightly, there are so many trigger warnings and I understand it may not be for everyone but it was everything for me. I hope if and when you read this book, that you love it too and you let its powerful story seep into you so that you can fully appreciate and feel it.
I want to write about it all and tell you about how my heart squeezed for Willem and my body physically ached for Jude, all that I felt for JB & Malcolm, for Henry & Andy, for how I still cry when I think of this book. For how I am still so emotionally hung up and connected to this book. But I fear my words won’t do this masterpiece any justice.
It’s not one I would recommend lightly, there are so many trigger warnings and I understand it may not be for everyone but it was everything for me. I hope if and when you read this book, that you love it too and you let its powerful story seep into you so that you can fully appreciate and feel it.
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
ooooooof idk
Likes:
Good writing, makes you invested in the characters, captivating even though nothing goes on. I thought her portrayal of Pastor Luke and his emotional manipulation was great. I loved the buildup to the reveal about Jude's past. She really peeled back the layers slowly, showing just enough to keep you wanting more. I also loved the tender relationship Jude had with Harold and Julia, and Willem as well.
Dislikes:
So fucking bloated, could have edited down A LOT of the parts of the book. This did not need to be 800 pages long.
Lots of repetition in the Jude's cycle of self hatred, and how his loved ones try to understand him, but after the 2000th time he says I'm sorry to Willem or whatever it gets a bit boring. Also, where's the representation? Basically zero focus on any female characters, they had 2 black characters that she started focusing on.... and then nothing about them really.
Limited focus on JB, and NONE on Malcolm. Are we just going to ignore the complexity of him questioning sexuality? Did Hanya really flesh out this character for him to become an architect with no other depth? JB WAS LITERALLY AN ADDICT, and I feel like there was no expansion on his story. She could have delved into the crippling reality of addiction. I mean this guy was addicted to METH for a few pages, went to rehab and just... was cured? No talk about the lifelong struggle of addiction people feel. Just another cheap plot device honestly. It could have been so much deeper than: he addicted, he scared cause of some dude, his friends help, he not addicted.
Also, the torture porn. Suffering for the sake of suffering. He started to cut off pieces of his flesh? He suffered sexual abuse literally at every single place until the age of 15. Really? He could not have met ONE truck driver who didn't want to use him sexually.
Also, the cartoony villainess of some people. Caleb literally turned into a cartoon villain especially with the repeated rape and the brutal beating he gave Jude. Like throwing him naked onto the street. Is this not far fetched or am I just nitpicking? The fact that the root of JB's depression comes from this evil dude named Jackson that's egging him on and is the main driver of his addiction. Why create another cartoon villain. I also hated that This doesn't extend to evil as well, a lot of the characters and black and white, and we never see any of Willem's flaws, or Julia and Harold's.
They have all these "inside" jokes and quirks they mention like "hotel contractor" and the "post man" and then NEVER mention again. I understand she wants to display how close they all are or wtv, but it's a pretty poor way of displaying their closeness and their inside jokes.
It was great for the first half or maybe even 75% but after that you quickly realise how disjointed it is as a whole. Not really... worth it tbh.
Likes:
Good writing, makes you invested in the characters, captivating even though nothing goes on. I thought her portrayal of Pastor Luke and his emotional manipulation was great. I loved the buildup to the reveal about Jude's past. She really peeled back the layers slowly, showing just enough to keep you wanting more. I also loved the tender relationship Jude had with Harold and Julia, and Willem as well.
Dislikes:
So fucking bloated, could have edited down A LOT of the parts of the book. This did not need to be 800 pages long.
Lots of repetition in the Jude's cycle of self hatred, and how his loved ones try to understand him, but after the 2000th time he says I'm sorry to Willem or whatever it gets a bit boring. Also, where's the representation? Basically zero focus on any female characters, they had 2 black characters that she started focusing on.... and then nothing about them really.
Limited focus on JB, and NONE on Malcolm. Are we just going to ignore the complexity of him questioning sexuality? Did Hanya really flesh out this character for him to become an architect with no other depth? JB WAS LITERALLY AN ADDICT, and I feel like there was no expansion on his story. She could have delved into the crippling reality of addiction. I mean this guy was addicted to METH for a few pages, went to rehab and just... was cured? No talk about the lifelong struggle of addiction people feel. Just another cheap plot device honestly. It could have been so much deeper than: he addicted, he scared cause of some dude, his friends help, he not addicted.
Also, the torture porn. Suffering for the sake of suffering. He started to cut off pieces of his flesh? He suffered sexual abuse literally at every single place until the age of 15. Really? He could not have met ONE truck driver who didn't want to use him sexually.
Also, the cartoony villainess of some people. Caleb literally turned into a cartoon villain especially with the repeated rape and the brutal beating he gave Jude. Like throwing him naked onto the street. Is this not far fetched or am I just nitpicking? The fact that the root of JB's depression comes from this evil dude named Jackson that's egging him on and is the main driver of his addiction. Why create another cartoon villain. I also hated that This doesn't extend to evil as well, a lot of the characters and black and white, and we never see any of Willem's flaws, or Julia and Harold's.
They have all these "inside" jokes and quirks they mention like "hotel contractor" and the "post man" and then NEVER mention again. I understand she wants to display how close they all are or wtv, but it's a pretty poor way of displaying their closeness and their inside jokes.
It was great for the first half or maybe even 75% but after that you quickly realise how disjointed it is as a whole. Not really... worth it tbh.
-0.5 star because Jude deserved better fuck this book I loved it
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
Whoever green-lighted this book needs to be psychiatrically evaluated.
It wrecked me. It is not just a novel, it’s an endurance test of the heart, a relentless excavation of love, trauma, and the unbearable weight of being alive. I felt both honored and ruined by every page.
I can’t call it “beautiful” without also calling it brutal. I can’t call it “tragic” without also admitting it’s luminous. It left me hollow, grateful, and furious all at once. I don’t know if I could ever read it again, but I know it will never leave me and I'll be staring at a wall for awhile. If books are meant to change us, this one succeeds devastatingly.
It wrecked me. It is not just a novel, it’s an endurance test of the heart, a relentless excavation of love, trauma, and the unbearable weight of being alive. I felt both honored and ruined by every page.
I can’t call it “beautiful” without also calling it brutal. I can’t call it “tragic” without also admitting it’s luminous. It left me hollow, grateful, and furious all at once. I don’t know if I could ever read it again, but I know it will never leave me and I'll be staring at a wall for awhile. If books are meant to change us, this one succeeds devastatingly.
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
what can i even say? Before i start recounting what I've read i'm going to say this.... This book was well written and I would consider it to be one of the better books I've read. But i would not recommend it to anyone nor would I want to read it again. I keep composing myself and then braking down crying thinking about it a couple minutes later so... ya.
SPOILERS!!!
.
.
.
THIS FUCKING BOOK...
it felt like the amount of things Jude has gone through would never end from the being abandoned as a kid, to the verbal and physical abuse, to the childhood prostitution, to the rape and mental abuse from brother Luke, to the being raped and whipped and trapped in the basement by the doctor, to the reproductions from the injury: his back pain, and leg infection, and eventual leg amputations: the death of ana, to the trust issues and inability to cope with his past, to his self hatred and cutting, to his abusive relationship with caleb where he was again raped, and emotionally abused, and beaten and thrown down a FUCKING STAIRCASE, to him trying to kill himself, and then to finally be happy (somewhat) with willem only for willem to die in a car accident that leaves Jude completely heartbroken and he eventually kills himself a year later.
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.
the other characters:
Malcolm: literally don't remember a single important thing about him except that he grew up rich and died in the car accident with willem.
Jb: Honetly I kinda hated JB. I get that he had his own issues but the way he acted around Jude was so immature and not what a friend should be.
Willem: I loved willem. Never once did I dislike him. His friendship was the best thing that ever happened to Jude. I was really excited to see the dynamic of how they were just friends and that was all they had to be and how that was going to work in their later life. Not that i was mad when they eventually started dating, but I think it would have been an interesting type of relationship to explore.
Writing Choices:
-I thought it was really interesting that we didn't read from Jude's perspective until the second section of the book.
-It was interesting that as readers we didn't really know what happened to Jude and we would see it as he was reliving it or as he was finally tell someone about it, but at the same time there was enough detail that we knew the very basics and went through the story knowing the weight he was carrying.
-that Jude is always cleaning. It made a lot of sense and was showing that he was trying to free himself from his "dirty"past
What I didn't like about this book :
-I have seen this book referred to as "torture porn"(a genre of horror in which sadistic violence or torture is a central aspect of the plot) and it a very accurate description. I think her point could've been made without making the number of traumatic events so extensive.
-How unrealistic it is. they all became so successful in their fields. All of the events that happened to them. other little stuff.
Please don't read this book unless you are thoroughly ready to be emotionally tormented.
SPOILERS!!!
.
.
.
THIS FUCKING BOOK...
it felt like the amount of things Jude has gone through would never end from the being abandoned as a kid, to the verbal and physical abuse, to the childhood prostitution, to the rape and mental abuse from brother Luke, to the being raped and whipped and trapped in the basement by the doctor, to the reproductions from the injury: his back pain, and leg infection, and eventual leg amputations: the death of ana, to the trust issues and inability to cope with his past, to his self hatred and cutting, to his abusive relationship with caleb where he was again raped, and emotionally abused, and beaten and thrown down a FUCKING STAIRCASE, to him trying to kill himself, and then to finally be happy (somewhat) with willem only for willem to die in a car accident that leaves Jude completely heartbroken and he eventually kills himself a year later.
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.
the other characters:
Malcolm: literally don't remember a single important thing about him except that he grew up rich and died in the car accident with willem.
Jb: Honetly I kinda hated JB. I get that he had his own issues but the way he acted around Jude was so immature and not what a friend should be.
Willem: I loved willem. Never once did I dislike him. His friendship was the best thing that ever happened to Jude. I was really excited to see the dynamic of how they were just friends and that was all they had to be and how that was going to work in their later life. Not that i was mad when they eventually started dating, but I think it would have been an interesting type of relationship to explore.
Writing Choices:
-I thought it was really interesting that we didn't read from Jude's perspective until the second section of the book.
-It was interesting that as readers we didn't really know what happened to Jude and we would see it as he was reliving it or as he was finally tell someone about it, but at the same time there was enough detail that we knew the very basics and went through the story knowing the weight he was carrying.
-that Jude is always cleaning. It made a lot of sense and was showing that he was trying to free himself from his "dirty"past
What I didn't like about this book :
-I have seen this book referred to as "torture porn"(a genre of horror in which sadistic violence or torture is a central aspect of the plot) and it a very accurate description. I think her point could've been made without making the number of traumatic events so extensive.
-How unrealistic it is. they all became so successful in their fields. All of the events that happened to them. other little stuff.
Please don't read this book unless you are thoroughly ready to be emotionally tormented.
I had high hopes going into this book as I’ve saw so many positive reviews but I was shocked to find I really struggled to finish it. About 200 pages could easily be cut between dragged out paragraphs to chapters about some of the friends (Malcolm and JB specially) I don’t see why we needed to know so much about them when they were barely mentioned later on.
The lack of consistent chapters and jumping of POV also annoyed me a bit as sometimes I was having to go back and reread a page or two after realising it wasn’t Jude anymore, but Willem or Harold.
It is a book that touches on a lot of dark subjects and I think it was handled well but I wish it had given Jude and Willem a happy ending. I don’t want to read 700+ pages and then feel depressed after. I personally wouldn’t read again or recommend it to anyone.
Updated Review (April 2): I realised when I couldn’t stop thinking how much time I wasted reading this and how angry it made me since I finished it that I was too kind when I initially reviewed it. It really is trauma porn and the fact that there isn’t even a glimmer of hope or satisfactory ending to give people the message that things can get better really annoys me. I’ve never been so annoyed by a book in my life.
The lack of consistent chapters and jumping of POV also annoyed me a bit as sometimes I was having to go back and reread a page or two after realising it wasn’t Jude anymore, but Willem or Harold.
It is a book that touches on a lot of dark subjects and I think it was handled well but I wish it had given Jude and Willem a happy ending. I don’t want to read 700+ pages and then feel depressed after. I personally wouldn’t read again or recommend it to anyone.
Updated Review (April 2): I realised when I couldn’t stop thinking how much time I wasted reading this and how angry it made me since I finished it that I was too kind when I initially reviewed it. It really is trauma porn and the fact that there isn’t even a glimmer of hope or satisfactory ending to give people the message that things can get better really annoys me. I’ve never been so annoyed by a book in my life.