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williebenz's review against another edition
5.0
This is Jules and Bodhi's love story. It is also very much about Bodhi learning to love himself, work through his trauma and demons, and to feel okay in his own skin.
Bodhi has been dealt with a card no person should endure. He believes his past is behind him and is in control but that is tested when one of his clients happens to be his high school best friend's dad.
I love the way Jules never gave up on Bodhi and not only told him but showed him that's he is loved, valued and cherished.
TW/Tropes
Severe mental illness, heavy suicidal ideations, abuse and sexual assault of a minor, sexual assault, bullying, death, drug use, eating disorder/ disordered eating, fatphobia, and homophobia.
Merged review:
This is Jules and Bodhi's love story. It is also very much about Bodhi learning to love himself, work through his trauma and demons, and to feel okay in his own skin.
Bodhi has been dealt with a card no person should endure. He believes his past is behind him and is in control but that is tested when one of his clients happens to be his high school best friend's dad.
I love the way Jules never gave up on Bodhi and not only told him but showed him that's he is loved, valued and cherished.
TW/Tropes
Severe mental illness, heavy suicidal ideations, abuse and sexual assault of a minor, sexual assault, bullying, death, drug use, eating disorder/ disordered eating, fatphobia, and homophobia.
Bodhi has been dealt with a card no person should endure. He believes his past is behind him and is in control but that is tested when one of his clients happens to be his high school best friend's dad.
I love the way Jules never gave up on Bodhi and not only told him but showed him that's he is loved, valued and cherished.
TW/Tropes
Severe mental illness, heavy suicidal ideations, abuse and sexual assault of a minor, sexual assault, bullying, death, drug use, eating disorder/ disordered eating, fatphobia, and homophobia.
Merged review:
This is Jules and Bodhi's love story. It is also very much about Bodhi learning to love himself, work through his trauma and demons, and to feel okay in his own skin.
Bodhi has been dealt with a card no person should endure. He believes his past is behind him and is in control but that is tested when one of his clients happens to be his high school best friend's dad.
I love the way Jules never gave up on Bodhi and not only told him but showed him that's he is loved, valued and cherished.
TW/Tropes
Severe mental illness, heavy suicidal ideations, abuse and sexual assault of a minor, sexual assault, bullying, death, drug use, eating disorder/ disordered eating, fatphobia, and homophobia.
brutalistemerald's review
1.0
I have so, so many issues with this book. Some of them are niggly little things, others not so much. All together they made this book a painful read. I’m not even sure why I persisted - it was a little like watching a car crash, knowing you shouldn’t but you can’t tear your eyes away.
Jules stalks and pursues Bodhi, and doesn’t seem to understand the word “stop”, nor does he respect the boundaries of a hired sex worker, he’s purely driven by his desires for his ‘pretty boy’ who he seems to fetishise.
There are trigger warnings, but I think you need to go to the author’s website to actually view these which isn’t the best. I prefer the trigger warnings to be in the book, upfront and obvious. Two of the biggies for me:
There is a short but somewhat graphic scene involving the sexual abuse of a child. Which is then mirrored in a scene involved the sexual assault of an adult.
The stalkerish, obsessive behaviour of Jules towards Bodhi, particularly early in the book. Is this supposed to be romantic or endearing? It wasn’t; it was creepy, unsettling and deeply unromantic/unsexy. “Stop” means stop, not ignore what the other person is saying and do what you were going to do anyway.
There were a couple of factual things that I found distracting too. I had a problem with the premise of Jules as a Supreme Court Judge. Perhaps the author meant he was a State Supreme Court Judge, and the more I read I think this was the case, but for a significant part of the book I thought Jules was supposed to be a Supreme Court Judge … who lives in North Carolina and not Washington DC, is only 42, and pays for male escorts. I can suspend disbelief a certain amount, but this was a step too far for me. If a character is referred to as a Supreme Court Judge my mind is automatically going to think of those select few judges who sit in the Supreme Court.
Frustratingly, Jules’s wife is described more than once as “braindead”. Just to be clear, a person with brain death cannot breathe on their own.
Also, I’m just putting it out there that I’m fairly confident that complementary hotel lotion shouldn’t be used internally - eek!
I read a review here on Goodreads where someone referred to it as ‘torture porn’ - that’s about right. There’s nothing romantic or sexy in this book. It’s a whole heap of abusive and toxic relationships.
Yeah, so I didn’t like it very much.
Spoiler
I’m not a big fan of age gap romances and this one just made me feel a bit grubby. Jules was literally old enough to be Bodhi’s father and had known Bodhi as a child, and possibly as a vulnerable child. As an adult Bodhi is vulnerable too, and Jules seems to recognise this early on (he thinks he looks “broken”), but yet he still pursues him even when Bodhi is clearly rejecting his advances. That Jules calls Bodhi “pretty boy” all the time is weird too - infantilising Bodhi that way is creepy given the age gap and what we the reader know about Bodhi’s abusive childhood.Jules stalks and pursues Bodhi, and doesn’t seem to understand the word “stop”, nor does he respect the boundaries of a hired sex worker, he’s purely driven by his desires for his ‘pretty boy’ who he seems to fetishise.
There are trigger warnings, but I think you need to go to the author’s website to actually view these which isn’t the best. I prefer the trigger warnings to be in the book, upfront and obvious. Two of the biggies for me:
There is a short but somewhat graphic scene involving the sexual abuse of a child. Which is then mirrored in a scene involved the sexual assault of an adult.
The stalkerish, obsessive behaviour of Jules towards Bodhi, particularly early in the book. Is this supposed to be romantic or endearing? It wasn’t; it was creepy, unsettling and deeply unromantic/unsexy. “Stop” means stop, not ignore what the other person is saying and do what you were going to do anyway.
There were a couple of factual things that I found distracting too. I had a problem with the premise of Jules as a Supreme Court Judge. Perhaps the author meant he was a State Supreme Court Judge, and the more I read I think this was the case, but for a significant part of the book I thought Jules was supposed to be a Supreme Court Judge … who lives in North Carolina and not Washington DC, is only 42, and pays for male escorts. I can suspend disbelief a certain amount, but this was a step too far for me. If a character is referred to as a Supreme Court Judge my mind is automatically going to think of those select few judges who sit in the Supreme Court.
Frustratingly, Jules’s wife is described more than once as “braindead”. Just to be clear, a person with brain death cannot breathe on their own.
Also, I’m just putting it out there that I’m fairly confident that complementary hotel lotion shouldn’t be used internally - eek!
I read a review here on Goodreads where someone referred to it as ‘torture porn’ - that’s about right. There’s nothing romantic or sexy in this book. It’s a whole heap of abusive and toxic relationships.
Yeah, so I didn’t like it very much.
readsomemorekatie's review against another edition
5.0
My reviews for Ashley’s books are always biased, but trust me when I say this book is the real deal if you love broken boys and hurt/comfort.
Here’s some insider information about SCaD that I don’t think will be a shock once you read it:
Bodhi means the world to Ashley.
And me. And (hopefully) everyone who reads this story, but more than anyone, to Ashley. A lot of his pain is her pain and that is tangible on the pages. It’s right there in front of you, screaming in ink to FEEL IT.
The ultimate broken boy, this story is Bodhi’s redemption arc within his own head. Haven’t we all been there in some shape or form? You feel yourself digging into the hole of your darkest thoughts but have no way to stop the depth from getting deeper. In Bodhi’s case, he had a few choices. He’d tried them all before but this time… this time he looks up and sees a hand reaching in to help him out. Jules. The man he should not want and cannot have.
There’s always the fear that he’s too much, his burdens and body too heavy. That the hole is too deep. That he’ll pull the person trying to help into the darkness with him. The weight of it all is suffocating - but Jules is used to getting what he wants, and what he wants is Bodhi. What Bodhi doesn’t see is that he’s rescuing Jules at the same time.
Sometimes being saved is having someone meet you where you are right at that moment and having them say that it’s enough. You’re enough.
Then you take a small step toward the light.
Merged review:
My reviews for Ashley’s books are always biased, but trust me when I say this book is the real deal if you love broken boys and hurt/comfort.
Here’s some insider information about SCaD that I don’t think will be a shock once you read it:
Bodhi means the world to Ashley.
And me. And (hopefully) everyone who reads this story, but more than anyone, to Ashley. A lot of his pain is her pain and that is tangible on the pages. It’s right there in front of you, screaming in ink to FEEL IT.
The ultimate broken boy, this story is Bodhi’s redemption arc within his own head. Haven’t we all been there in some shape or form? You feel yourself digging into the hole of your darkest thoughts but have no way to stop the depth from getting deeper. In Bodhi’s case, he had a few choices. He’d tried them all before but this time… this time he looks up and sees a hand reaching in to help him out. Jules. The man he should not want and cannot have.
There’s always the fear that he’s too much, his burdens and body too heavy. That the hole is too deep. That he’ll pull the person trying to help into the darkness with him. The weight of it all is suffocating - but Jules is used to getting what he wants, and what he wants is Bodhi. What Bodhi doesn’t see is that he’s rescuing Jules at the same time.
Sometimes being saved is having someone meet you where you are right at that moment and having them say that it’s enough. You’re enough.
Then you take a small step toward the light.
caseroo7's review against another edition
4.0
My heart broke for Bohdi. I loved him and Jules so much. They had so much chemistry. I loved that Jules never gave up on Bodhi. As much as the two of them were this story, it was really Bodhi's book and I loved seeing him finally get the help he needed to heal and move forward. I can't wait to see more about Elias next.
tesssiob's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
xxbooksilovexx's review
5.0
It’s been a while since I have come out of book this shaken up. Bohdi went through so much. More than one person should have to go through. It tore me apart
dinohakari's review against another edition
5.0
I knew since Ashley James announced the release of this book that it was going to be painful, and when I started reading it, I thought I was ready. Not my first time with this author. But I was wrong. I was not prepared in the slightest.
From the beginning, from the first page, you are met with a deep despair. You can feel it, and touch it and you can even see it. After all, it’s a vast, dense, suffocating blackness. At this point, I had to stop for a while, and had only read the prologue. And while I was turning it over in my head, I was thinking: How can a person feel something like that? How could Bodhi surrender like this?
And so I kept reading, because I had to know.
I’m not going to go into detail about who Bodhi is or who Jules is, what they do, how they met, etc. You have to read the book to know them. I’m just going to say for some reason, fate or who knows what brought them back together and that changed the course of their lives. Bodhi was just storm and darkness and though Jules carries his own load, maybe that’s why he was able to get through the storm and “see” the real Bodhi behind him.
What Bodhi had to go through during his childhood, his adolescence and even his adulthood was what led him to feel hopeless, empty and useless. Worthless. Invisible. And not even the love of someone like Jules seemed enough to save him. But as always, when you hit bottom, you only have two options, stay there, or take the leap up, and if you have an outstretched hand waiting for you, ready to comfort you in the hardest moments, then you try to fight tooth and nail.
Ashley has an amazing way of making you feel what the MCs feel. Your heart races when theirs too, the butterflies fly in your stomach when they flutter in theirs and it’s like you can see through their eyes and hear their thoughts as if they were your own. And this is also how she shows you mental illness and trauma, and how they affects not only those who experience them but also those people around them, and she does it in a way that is deep and careful, but so vivid that it seems real (and I’m not just talking about this book).
I cried at the beginning with the prologue. I cried halfway through when I already knew something of Bodhi’s hell. But mostly I cried at the end. Such a beautiful ending. Such a beautiful words. They are just a few paragraphs, but they are worth the lives of many who once felt like Bodhi and even Jules once. I think that part should be framed and put in view of everyone everywhere, regardless of gender, race or religion. They are words of hope. Of survival. Of love.
I was given an advanced copy and voluntarily wrote a review.
Merged review:
I knew since Ashley James announced the release of this book that it was going to be painful, and when I started reading it, I thought I was ready. Not my first time with this author. But I was wrong. I was not prepared in the slightest.
From the beginning, from the first page, you are met with a deep despair. You can feel it, and touch it and you can even see it. After all, it’s a vast, dense, suffocating blackness. At this point, I had to stop for a while, and had only read the prologue. And while I was turning it over in my head, I was thinking: How can a person feel something like that? How could Bodhi surrender like this?
And so I kept reading, because I had to know.
I’m not going to go into detail about who Bodhi is or who Jules is, what they do, how they met, etc. You have to read the book to know them. I’m just going to say for some reason, fate or who knows what brought them back together and that changed the course of their lives. Bodhi was just storm and darkness and though Jules carries his own load, maybe that’s why he was able to get through the storm and “see” the real Bodhi behind him.
What Bodhi had to go through during his childhood, his adolescence and even his adulthood was what led him to feel hopeless, empty and useless. Worthless. Invisible. And not even the love of someone like Jules seemed enough to save him. But as always, when you hit bottom, you only have two options, stay there, or take the leap up, and if you have an outstretched hand waiting for you, ready to comfort you in the hardest moments, then you try to fight tooth and nail.
Ashley has an amazing way of making you feel what the MCs feel. Your heart races when theirs too, the butterflies fly in your stomach when they flutter in theirs and it’s like you can see through their eyes and hear their thoughts as if they were your own. And this is also how she shows you mental illness and trauma, and how they affects not only those who experience them but also those people around them, and she does it in a way that is deep and careful, but so vivid that it seems real (and I’m not just talking about this book).
I cried at the beginning with the prologue. I cried halfway through when I already knew something of Bodhi’s hell. But mostly I cried at the end. Such a beautiful ending. Such a beautiful words. They are just a few paragraphs, but they are worth the lives of many who once felt like Bodhi and even Jules once. I think that part should be framed and put in view of everyone everywhere, regardless of gender, race or religion. They are words of hope. Of survival. Of love.
I was given an advanced copy and voluntarily wrote a review.
From the beginning, from the first page, you are met with a deep despair. You can feel it, and touch it and you can even see it. After all, it’s a vast, dense, suffocating blackness. At this point, I had to stop for a while, and had only read the prologue. And while I was turning it over in my head, I was thinking: How can a person feel something like that? How could Bodhi surrender like this?
And so I kept reading, because I had to know.
I’m not going to go into detail about who Bodhi is or who Jules is, what they do, how they met, etc. You have to read the book to know them. I’m just going to say for some reason, fate or who knows what brought them back together and that changed the course of their lives. Bodhi was just storm and darkness and though Jules carries his own load, maybe that’s why he was able to get through the storm and “see” the real Bodhi behind him.
What Bodhi had to go through during his childhood, his adolescence and even his adulthood was what led him to feel hopeless, empty and useless. Worthless. Invisible. And not even the love of someone like Jules seemed enough to save him. But as always, when you hit bottom, you only have two options, stay there, or take the leap up, and if you have an outstretched hand waiting for you, ready to comfort you in the hardest moments, then you try to fight tooth and nail.
Ashley has an amazing way of making you feel what the MCs feel. Your heart races when theirs too, the butterflies fly in your stomach when they flutter in theirs and it’s like you can see through their eyes and hear their thoughts as if they were your own. And this is also how she shows you mental illness and trauma, and how they affects not only those who experience them but also those people around them, and she does it in a way that is deep and careful, but so vivid that it seems real (and I’m not just talking about this book).
I cried at the beginning with the prologue. I cried halfway through when I already knew something of Bodhi’s hell. But mostly I cried at the end. Such a beautiful ending. Such a beautiful words. They are just a few paragraphs, but they are worth the lives of many who once felt like Bodhi and even Jules once. I think that part should be framed and put in view of everyone everywhere, regardless of gender, race or religion. They are words of hope. Of survival. Of love.
I was given an advanced copy and voluntarily wrote a review.
Merged review:
I knew since Ashley James announced the release of this book that it was going to be painful, and when I started reading it, I thought I was ready. Not my first time with this author. But I was wrong. I was not prepared in the slightest.
From the beginning, from the first page, you are met with a deep despair. You can feel it, and touch it and you can even see it. After all, it’s a vast, dense, suffocating blackness. At this point, I had to stop for a while, and had only read the prologue. And while I was turning it over in my head, I was thinking: How can a person feel something like that? How could Bodhi surrender like this?
And so I kept reading, because I had to know.
I’m not going to go into detail about who Bodhi is or who Jules is, what they do, how they met, etc. You have to read the book to know them. I’m just going to say for some reason, fate or who knows what brought them back together and that changed the course of their lives. Bodhi was just storm and darkness and though Jules carries his own load, maybe that’s why he was able to get through the storm and “see” the real Bodhi behind him.
What Bodhi had to go through during his childhood, his adolescence and even his adulthood was what led him to feel hopeless, empty and useless. Worthless. Invisible. And not even the love of someone like Jules seemed enough to save him. But as always, when you hit bottom, you only have two options, stay there, or take the leap up, and if you have an outstretched hand waiting for you, ready to comfort you in the hardest moments, then you try to fight tooth and nail.
Ashley has an amazing way of making you feel what the MCs feel. Your heart races when theirs too, the butterflies fly in your stomach when they flutter in theirs and it’s like you can see through their eyes and hear their thoughts as if they were your own. And this is also how she shows you mental illness and trauma, and how they affects not only those who experience them but also those people around them, and she does it in a way that is deep and careful, but so vivid that it seems real (and I’m not just talking about this book).
I cried at the beginning with the prologue. I cried halfway through when I already knew something of Bodhi’s hell. But mostly I cried at the end. Such a beautiful ending. Such a beautiful words. They are just a few paragraphs, but they are worth the lives of many who once felt like Bodhi and even Jules once. I think that part should be framed and put in view of everyone everywhere, regardless of gender, race or religion. They are words of hope. Of survival. Of love.
I was given an advanced copy and voluntarily wrote a review.
haileeraye's review against another edition
dark
emotional
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual content, Rape, Suicide attempt, Child abuse, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, and Domestic abuse
Moderate: Drug use
layla87's review against another edition
2.0
I don't get the hype honestly.
The execution of everything in ths book was superficial, from the trauma to the angst to the relationship development.
The ILYs came out of NOWHERE and then the ending felt so rushed it gave me whiplash.
The execution of everything in ths book was superficial, from the trauma to the angst to the relationship development.
The ILYs came out of NOWHERE and then the ending felt so rushed it gave me whiplash.