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4.19 AVERAGE
4.19 AVERAGE
emotional
hopeful
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
4.5 stars
rep: pansexual/queer biracial (Colombian, Irish) protagonist, bisexual Colombian-American protagonist with OCD, lesbian Filipino-American side character, non-binary Filipino-American side character, Black side character
cw: mentions of loss of a loved one (best friend / brother) by suicide, grief, depression, suicide ideation, panic attacks
Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago grew up together and were inseparable before Santiago moved away and Bryce died by suicide. Three years later, Santiago has moved back in town to discover that Beatriz is the town’s loner and doesn’t want anything to do with him after he ignored all her messages over the years. Over the course of their senior year, they gradually rediscover their friendship and maybe something more.
I’ve really enjoyed Racquel Marie’s first two books, especially her writing and way of capturing the messy, complex nature of being a teenager. This one was no exception and honestly is my favorite of her books. There are a lot of nuances to this book but overall it explores grief and the way it shapes the rest of your life, even when other people have moved on.
I loved all of the characters, especially Santiago’s and Bea’s character arcs. Bea is known as the dead boy’s girlfriend, and she’s honestly just trying to get through life and not worry her mother anymore. Santiago has been living away from everyone, and the town’s grief, having moved to California with his father. Now that he’s back, he can’t help but see Bryce everywhere he goes and has some difficulty reconciling the town and people he remembers from his childhood.
With Santiago back in town, the two of them are forced to navigate their grief together in a way since they can’t really avoid each other in a small town. I loved how they rediscovered their friendship and gradually realized something more, as well as the way they cared and supported each other. Their conversations were also so funny to read; they clearly know each other so well and bring something out in each other that other people don’t, at least anymore.
The side characters were also all very fleshed out. Bea’s mother loves and supports her so much that Bea feels the need to try to be a perfect daughter; similarly, Santiago is very close to his grandfather, whom he’s moved back to take care of. Whitney and Olive, Bryce’s stepsiblings, are also navigating their own grief in their family, with Whitney obviously feeling shut out from how Bea and Santiago feel despite growing up with them all the same.
I could go on and on about this book, but honestly it’s hard to put into words exactly why I loved it. It was just so beautifully written and funny in the right moments, navigating grief and mental illness with the knowledge that you have your whole life in front of you as a teenager. I loved the characters and the character arcs and the writing.
This Is Me Trying was a gorgeously and intricately written book about grief and love and forgiveness. Admittedly, I put off starting this book because I knew it was going to wreck me, and it absolutely did. This was Racquel Marie at her best and I can’t recommend This Is Me Trying enough if you are able to read it.
racquel marie you have done it again :’))) gorgeous gorgeous book on handling grief in different ways and how it shapes the rest of your life even when you’re supposed to be “over” it
read on my blog
rep: pansexual/queer biracial (Colombian, Irish) protagonist, bisexual Colombian-American protagonist with OCD, lesbian Filipino-American side character, non-binary Filipino-American side character, Black side character
cw: mentions of loss of a loved one (best friend / brother) by suicide, grief, depression, suicide ideation, panic attacks
**I received an ARC from the publisher through Netgalley. These are my honest opinions, and in no way was I compensated for this review.**
Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago grew up together and were inseparable before Santiago moved away and Bryce died by suicide. Three years later, Santiago has moved back in town to discover that Beatriz is the town’s loner and doesn’t want anything to do with him after he ignored all her messages over the years. Over the course of their senior year, they gradually rediscover their friendship and maybe something more.
I’ve really enjoyed Racquel Marie’s first two books, especially her writing and way of capturing the messy, complex nature of being a teenager. This one was no exception and honestly is my favorite of her books. There are a lot of nuances to this book but overall it explores grief and the way it shapes the rest of your life, even when other people have moved on.
I loved all of the characters, especially Santiago’s and Bea’s character arcs. Bea is known as the dead boy’s girlfriend, and she’s honestly just trying to get through life and not worry her mother anymore. Santiago has been living away from everyone, and the town’s grief, having moved to California with his father. Now that he’s back, he can’t help but see Bryce everywhere he goes and has some difficulty reconciling the town and people he remembers from his childhood.
With Santiago back in town, the two of them are forced to navigate their grief together in a way since they can’t really avoid each other in a small town. I loved how they rediscovered their friendship and gradually realized something more, as well as the way they cared and supported each other. Their conversations were also so funny to read; they clearly know each other so well and bring something out in each other that other people don’t, at least anymore.
The side characters were also all very fleshed out. Bea’s mother loves and supports her so much that Bea feels the need to try to be a perfect daughter; similarly, Santiago is very close to his grandfather, whom he’s moved back to take care of. Whitney and Olive, Bryce’s stepsiblings, are also navigating their own grief in their family, with Whitney obviously feeling shut out from how Bea and Santiago feel despite growing up with them all the same.
I could go on and on about this book, but honestly it’s hard to put into words exactly why I loved it. It was just so beautifully written and funny in the right moments, navigating grief and mental illness with the knowledge that you have your whole life in front of you as a teenager. I loved the characters and the character arcs and the writing.
This Is Me Trying was a gorgeously and intricately written book about grief and love and forgiveness. Admittedly, I put off starting this book because I knew it was going to wreck me, and it absolutely did. This was Racquel Marie at her best and I can’t recommend This Is Me Trying enough if you are able to read it.
original review:
racquel marie you have done it again :’))) gorgeous gorgeous book on handling grief in different ways and how it shapes the rest of your life even when you’re supposed to be “over” it
This book was so heartbreaking and intense and I cared for all these kids so much.
No major heterosexual characters phew!
No major heterosexual characters phew!
grief is a topic that’s often talked about but it’s always talked in many many different ways. we all have experienced it, one way or another, and our reaction to the losses could have been like this or not. grief is a sensitive topic, and not every book your read with this as a main topic will hit you the right way.
i loved reading this book, and mostly about the guilt one could feel for simply living. in the context of the book, it made even more sense but a lot of people do feel that guilt even when the cause of death isn’t suicide. it felt so important to read about what these characters were going through, about how they dealt with the loss and still being alive…
i enjoyed the way the author wrote these conflicting thoughts and emotions about wanting to live and be happy but always being brought back to IT and realising that maybe. you cannot be happy. it was well brought together and not too much; i really enjoyed it.
i wish we had since more of the friend group together and/or how the other characters dealt with the death, cause while i think seeing through these 2 main characters was good, i feel like when you mention a group of 4 being so tight, it would have been good to see the 3rd member of said group that was still alive living through/with it (yes we do learn about jt through the other two but mh i think it would have been interesting to see)
it was lovely book, it made people who ever had any of the thoughts/issues in the story feel seen and understood. it makes you see hopefulness and it makes you understand that grief is just always gonna be there; it’s never gonna go away and maybe that’s the whole point.
4.5⭐️ thank you for this one
i loved reading this book, and mostly about the guilt one could feel for simply living. in the context of the book, it made even more sense but a lot of people do feel that guilt even when the cause of death isn’t suicide. it felt so important to read about what these characters were going through, about how they dealt with the loss and still being alive…
i enjoyed the way the author wrote these conflicting thoughts and emotions about wanting to live and be happy but always being brought back to IT and realising that maybe. you cannot be happy. it was well brought together and not too much; i really enjoyed it.
i wish we had since more of the friend group together and/or how the other characters dealt with the death, cause while i think seeing through these 2 main characters was good, i feel like when you mention a group of 4 being so tight, it would have been good to see the 3rd member of said group that was still alive living through/with it (yes we do learn about jt through the other two but mh i think it would have been interesting to see)
it was lovely book, it made people who ever had any of the thoughts/issues in the story feel seen and understood. it makes you see hopefulness and it makes you understand that grief is just always gonna be there; it’s never gonna go away and maybe that’s the whole point.
4.5⭐️ thank you for this one
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Grief, coping, and the awful things we might do. The flaws of the characters are the core of this book; I liked the complexity of the main friend group and their over- and under- reliance on one another. They are all hurting and young and working on it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Suicide, Grief
Minor: Cancer, Car accident
This book. This book. It took me a while to get through mostly because I wanted to give it the respect it deserves. This book is a masterclass on grief and loss and reconnection. Beatriz holds such a special place in my heart and having the author narrate her on the audiobook was just so incredible. This book is so beautiful and messy and just all around amazing. I love how it doesn’t sugarcoat grief and how just brutally honest and real it is.
Racquel Marie continues to be one of my absolute favorite authors, each of her books just truly fills me with all the best feelings.
There is an extensive trigger warning in the beginning of this book so please check that out. This deals heavily with suicide so please take care of yourselves.
Racquel Marie continues to be one of my absolute favorite authors, each of her books just truly fills me with all the best feelings.
There is an extensive trigger warning in the beginning of this book so please check that out. This deals heavily with suicide so please take care of yourselves.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Grief
Moderate: Child death, Cursing, Death, Mental illness, Suicide, Vomit, Alcohol
Minor: Cancer, Suicidal thoughts, Terminal illness, Blood, Car accident, Death of parent, Abandonment
This book is so heavy, complex, and powerful. I cried multiple times. I love Racquel Marie's writing so much such an amazing writer.
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.
A must-read for any lover of quiet YA contemporaries. I'm not always the biggest fan of alternating POVs, but hearing from both Bea nd Santiago worked so well in this case. I loved the messy characters, the bottled-up feelings, and the constant confusion. This is definitely a slower book, but for a novel about grief, I wouldn't want anything else. Beautiful.
A must-read for any lover of quiet YA contemporaries. I'm not always the biggest fan of alternating POVs, but hearing from both Bea nd Santiago worked so well in this case. I loved the messy characters, the bottled-up feelings, and the constant confusion. This is definitely a slower book, but for a novel about grief, I wouldn't want anything else. Beautiful.
