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The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps by Melissa Orlov
kinneiksu's review against another edition
4.0
This book was a really unexpected gem - it helped me clarify a lot of things I was struggling to understand, and Melissa Orlov gave me an ENORMOUS sense of relief over being seen and understood as the non-ADHD partner. Extra points as Orlov continuously references one of my favourite self help books of all time - The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner!
My only caveat is that this book is very heteronormative in nature. It's primarily written for cis-het relationships where the ADHD partner is male and the non-ADHD partner is female, with both in more traditional gender roles. If you don't fit into this category, I would recommend reading a different piece of literature on ADHD as you may find the examples in the book very hard to relate to.
Additionally, it's difficult to address this specific type of relationship without also taking onto account gender issues and deeply ingrained ways of unhealthy male-female relating. Because of this I would recommend reading The ADHD Effect in combination with other books, particularly All The Rage by Darcy Lockman and of course The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
My only caveat is that this book is very heteronormative in nature. It's primarily written for cis-het relationships where the ADHD partner is male and the non-ADHD partner is female, with both in more traditional gender roles. If you don't fit into this category, I would recommend reading a different piece of literature on ADHD as you may find the examples in the book very hard to relate to.
Additionally, it's difficult to address this specific type of relationship without also taking onto account gender issues and deeply ingrained ways of unhealthy male-female relating. Because of this I would recommend reading The ADHD Effect in combination with other books, particularly All The Rage by Darcy Lockman and of course The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
bradyemmett's review against another edition
4.0
This feels like it will be a very important tool for me and my family.
madfoot's review
2.0
The writing style is excessively chirpy and I really have a hard time believing anything the author says. She seems so anxious to convince me how great her marriage is now. I feel like if I google her I'l find that she's divorced. Anyway, the advice is useless to me because both my husband and I have ADHD and nothing in the book applies to us particularly. I mean it does, but any solution is predicated on the person with ADHD getting treatment, and since my husband can't/won't, what can I do? Also, the advice is of the very standard women's-magazine variety, like "set date nights." We're so far past that. so I dunno.
foxgloveandcrow's review against another edition
3.0
Ehh. It includes good advice about navigating a relationship where one partner has ADHD, but so much of it is aimed at male ADHD. I’d love a version for women with it.
Also, and I’m sure this wasn’t intentional on the part of the author, but so much of it makes the ADHD partner sound like an irresponsible asshole. Tbh it didn’t make me feel great about myself as a partner with ADHD. I know I have a lot of flaws that cause issues in my relationship but damn.
Also, and I’m sure this wasn’t intentional on the part of the author, but so much of it makes the ADHD partner sound like an irresponsible asshole. Tbh it didn’t make me feel great about myself as a partner with ADHD. I know I have a lot of flaws that cause issues in my relationship but damn.
hadewygh's review against another edition
5.0
A helpful book to understand the effects that a partner with ADHD can have on the relationship. It explains really well how ADHD symptoms effect both partners. It gives a good idea how to deal better with those symptoms and a step by step plan to improve the relationship. It touches all parts of the relationship, from doing the dishes to sex. I liked that the ineffective thoughts and the feelings of both partners are explained and for me it was eye opening that there are patterns in relationships that are impacted by ADHD. For instance a lot of non-ADHD partners develop anger towards the other because they take on too many responsibilities and get overburdened. Dealing with this anger gets a lot of attention in the book. The book could have been a little shorter for me because I found some parts a bit repetitive, although not much compared to other self help books I have read. I also got a little tired of all the bullet point lists. I would highly recommend the book to be read by both partners in the relationship and discuss it together.
emilosophy's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
3.25
The book is probably more helpful for hetero ADHD couples where the man in the relationship has ADHD and struggles with communication and having feelings.
joramz's review against another edition
1.0
Sexist drivel that assumes cultural expectations of men to be irresponsible fathers and cheaters can be blamed on ADHD. Ignored the sexism of the typical ADHD diagnosis because females and non cis het males present different than th the males the diagnosis was developed for. Women can be ADHD too!! FFS...don't waste your time.
crowyhead's review against another edition
2.0
Meh. There's some stuff here that's helpful, but it's a very heteronormative book, and most of the book assumes that the ADHD partner is male and the non-ADHD partner is female. It also doesn't say much about relationships where both partners have ADHD.