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3.42 AVERAGE
3.42 AVERAGE
informative
reflective
fast-paced
such a quick read. she’s a very good writer. unfortunately i agree with the other reviews about the conclusion falling a bit flat
This was a quick read that felt very affirming to me as a single woman in her early 40s. It's hard to know how you fit into society when being a single woman is a relatively new phenomenon. I appreciated that this book went into the reasons for all the pressure to build a family unit, and ended with a call out to build a society that is more inclusive of people overall.
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
reflective
slow-paced
It’s so unfortunate this book doesn’t seem to know what it should be. At times it’s trying hard to be sociological study, but ends up more being awkwardly inserted social justice that’s weirdly at odds with the memoir aspects.
Which, in the end this is all the book really achieves for me - it’s a memoir. It’s well written but sadly empty with a lot of self centred navel gazing and complaining.
The most uncomfortable part of all of this is the cognitive dissonance scattered throughout. The writer is a queer woman who seems oddly obsessed with finding heteronormative love. Her “person”, who despite being bisexual she seems far more invested in finding a man. Maybe she swings more that way which is fine but there’s some feeling of a lack of self awareness.
The conclusion which is all social justice feels at odds with a lack of insight of the writer’s privilege in finding love. The focus on physical attributes of her various dates (and get own) just one aspect of that.
The last aspect is her almost complete derision of polyamory as a choice in love. She acknowledged that a lot of what she encounters are heirarchy based and ironically unloving to anyone but the central couples, yet has very typical monogamy based judgements about this style of love. Extra odd given the entire premise of the book being that our search for love is broken.
I will say she doesn’t shy away from at least trying things but as with many of her dates her approach seems quite selfish.
In the end I found the whole thing unfortunately felt like a rant filled with nostalgia for things that have hurt the author. Randomly inserted science and social justice to temper it maybe!
Which, in the end this is all the book really achieves for me - it’s a memoir. It’s well written but sadly empty with a lot of self centred navel gazing and complaining.
The most uncomfortable part of all of this is the cognitive dissonance scattered throughout. The writer is a queer woman who seems oddly obsessed with finding heteronormative love. Her “person”, who despite being bisexual she seems far more invested in finding a man. Maybe she swings more that way which is fine but there’s some feeling of a lack of self awareness.
The conclusion which is all social justice feels at odds with a lack of insight of the writer’s privilege in finding love. The focus on physical attributes of her various dates (and get own) just one aspect of that.
The last aspect is her almost complete derision of polyamory as a choice in love. She acknowledged that a lot of what she encounters are heirarchy based and ironically unloving to anyone but the central couples, yet has very typical monogamy based judgements about this style of love. Extra odd given the entire premise of the book being that our search for love is broken.
I will say she doesn’t shy away from at least trying things but as with many of her dates her approach seems quite selfish.
In the end I found the whole thing unfortunately felt like a rant filled with nostalgia for things that have hurt the author. Randomly inserted science and social justice to temper it maybe!
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
medium-paced
There was a lot I identified with in this book - the shallow, or rather, hollow nature of most interactions in modern dating, the loneliness that is exacerbated by feeling judged for your aloneness, and the frustrations that come with being told if you only acted or looked a certain way, your true love would come along - as if all people in relationships are perfect physical and emotional specimens who have reached some higher plane of existence. I laughed out loud at the accuracy of some of her observations, for instance, the explosion in polyamory in online dating, and what it feels like to ghost and be ghosted.
However, I was ultimately disappointed in the conclusion of the book, which didn’t feel like a conclusion at all, and it sometimes felt like the research was included awkwardly. The chapter on COVID felt forced. While the author very accurately captures what it feels like to be a single woman in your thirties - her descriptions of Tinder dates and being the odd person out at social gatherings, feeling uncelebrated due to your lack of “achievements” such as marriage or children, it didn’t feel like she ultimately had a message about the significance that could and does exist in living your life alone.
However, I was ultimately disappointed in the conclusion of the book, which didn’t feel like a conclusion at all, and it sometimes felt like the research was included awkwardly. The chapter on COVID felt forced. While the author very accurately captures what it feels like to be a single woman in your thirties - her descriptions of Tinder dates and being the odd person out at social gatherings, feeling uncelebrated due to your lack of “achievements” such as marriage or children, it didn’t feel like she ultimately had a message about the significance that could and does exist in living your life alone.
“Whoever else rejected me or dismiss me or mocked me, there were other people out there who knew who I was, who care what happened to me, who understood my flaws and decided I was still worth knowing. I let myself remember that, let myself live in acceptance” ❤️
2.5*
I feel like this could have easily been a lot shorter and been more impactful.
Ultimately, this book seems more about how bad dating is than coping with loneliness. It makes some good points about relationship dynamics when your friends pair off and how the expectation is there for women in their 30s to want to be married or feel like they're missing out on things.
2* feels unfair, but I don't think it was good enough to be 3*.
I feel like this could have easily been a lot shorter and been more impactful.
Ultimately, this book seems more about how bad dating is than coping with loneliness. It makes some good points about relationship dynamics when your friends pair off and how the expectation is there for women in their 30s to want to be married or feel like they're missing out on things.
2* feels unfair, but I don't think it was good enough to be 3*.
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
It's half memoir and half an examination structural contributors toIloneliness. I found the latter very interesting and there were some chapters that were thought-provoking
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual content
Minor: Alcoholism, Cancer, Death, Drug use, Mental illness, Grief, Death of parent, Alcohol, Dysphoria