Reviews with content warning for Alcoholism - Quero morrer, mas também quero comer tteokbokki

When I initially saw the book at the bookstore, I was intrigued by the title and the cover, and the blurb also caught my eye.

Upon taking another look, I quickly realized that I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki wasn't a fiction book about a woman suffering with mental health issues, as I initially thought, but is instead a memoir of a woman's experience with therapy and working through her problems. I was very interested in the way the author would portray her experience, so of course I bought the book.

Now that I finished, I'm not sure what to think about it. Certainly, the matter of the book and the described exoeriences are deeply personal to the author so I don't want to go too deep into describing how I only found myself relating to short passages at the time, while other experiences were strange to me.

As far as the style of the book is concerned, the fact that it is largely made up of transcripts from therapy sessions is interesting to me. Since therapy is usually a confidential setting between the patient and the therapist, being the 'third person in the room' as a reader was interesting. However, I didnt enjoy the parts in between as much and the epilogues felt a bit distracting to me.

I would probably have enjoyed the book more if it was entirely made up of therapy transcripts - maybe including the author's thoughts where necessary.

At times, the descriptions also felt superficial, which is why I would have preferred for the book to be longer and to go into more detail.

Nonetheless, it was an interesting and fairly quick read that did include some sentences that I will also keep in mind for myself from time to time.

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james1star's review against another edition

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informative reflective medium-paced

3.5

Title: 100/5 ⭐️

Cover: 20/5 ⭐️

Content and execution: 3.5/5⭐️

This is marketed as a mental health / self help / memoir but I don’t think that’s really an accurate description. It’s basically a transcript of Baek’s sessions with her psychiatrist and then some observations. “This is a record of a very ordinary, incomplete person who meets another very ordinary, incomplete person, the latter of whom happens to be a therapist.” So I think it was okay but not necessarily what I had expected or offered anything that insightful/different. There was parts I (and others from reading reviews) can relate to and understand about depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and others. Baek begins her sessions talking about past trauma (issues of domestic abuse, unhealthy relationship with her older sister to whom she depended on, embarrassment over her social status, passivity in romanic relationships, being bullied at school that made her scared of straying from the herd and some others) and then in her sessions talks over what was happening in her life at the time and how she’s feeling. Her psychiatrist does help, offering some good advice but at times what they say don’t seem to be the most helpful or put across in the best way. Two examples: “…don’t think about the future too much. Your anxiety can become a burden to others.” And “I understand this need of yours to confirm, but I think the way you go about it is perhaps a little… childish?” I don’t have any experience in psychology but do have some with mental health professionals so maybe I’m not the best judge - however, this argument is picked up in some other reviews by professionals.

I also don’t think the writing was all that good, it seemed a bit basic at times and just wasn’t too engaging. I understand it’s a transcript for most of this book and so the things people have said orally written down so there’s little editing one can do but this follows through to the parts where the author is summarising parts and her observations. It’s possible that the nuance, meaning and eloquence was lost in translation.

What follows are my notes and some quotes that stuck out to me. I am glad I did read this as parts I could resonate with and take from it into my own life. But I would say it’s not worth the hype and there are better variations of what this book was trying to do. Exceptional title but average reading experience.

“But the idea that I’m actually normal is somehow even more weird to me”

Likely she has dysthymia - persistent depressive disorder

Hedgehog’s dilemma - contradictory state of longing for intimacy but also wanting to keep others at arm’s length. “I have always wanted to be alone, yet always hated being alone.”

“The assurance that I’m fine makes me want to cry with relief, how embarrassing.”

Self-surveillance, psych says “forgetfulness can be liberating”

“Don’t compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to your past self.”

“You have this superego that exerts control over you, a superego built not only from your own experiences but cobbled together from all sorts of things that you admire, creating an idealised version of yourself. But that idealised version of yourself is, in the end, only an ideal. It's not who you actually are. You keep failing to meet that ideal in the real world…”

“I believe that the more I look into this strange being, myself, the more routes I will find to happiness.”

Humans beings are three-dimensional - try looking at people like this more

“The unhappiness floats to the top like oil while the happiness sinks below. But the container that holds both is what we call life, and that's where I find solace and joy. I'm sad, but I'm alive, and living through it.”

“I'm very good at objectifying myself, you see. I know I'm not ugly. But I'm not pretty, either. I know I'm just ordinary, and I hate that even more.”

“The social gaze is so insidious, and despite any escape being impossible, I want to escape it.” … “I don't know why an individual has to be treated as less-than and strive to fit society's standards when it's the people who denigrate others who are the real problem.”

Limit use of modifiers like age, job, education and stuff - it adds pressure that we may not be able to fulfil

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machiko's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

4.0

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kirstym25's review against another edition

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emotional reflective medium-paced

2.0

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leif's review against another edition

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emotional reflective medium-paced

3.25

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alexisgarcia's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful informative reflective fast-paced

4.5

i really loved the first 50-75 pages of this. it was so relatable and comforting to see someone struggle with similar things. however, i felt like in the late middle and end it got very muddled and repetitive. i felt like the original point of the book was lost in the last 30ish pages. they were not unenjoyable, they just didn't seem to pertain to the point of the book which lowered my initial 5 star rating

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snowwhitehatesapples's review against another edition

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inspiring reflective medium-paced

3.0

Review can also be found at Snow White Hates Apples.

Written from the author’s perspective, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki (IWTDBIWTET) is a collection of nonfictional dialogues and personal essays that centres around mental health, loving oneself and therapy. It touches upon her therapy sessions with her psychiatrist over 12 weeks (which can only show what we have despite her ten-year journey with therapy and mental health) and includes the author’s self-reflections toward those sessions.

“This is a record of a very ordinary, incomplete person who meets another ordinary, incomplete person, the latter of whom happens to be a therapist” (Page 156).

While I greatly appreciated the down-to-earth, straightforward approach the author took, the final few essays really accentuated the point of how IWTDBIWTET is ultimately directionless. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there’s no point to this book (having good mental health and loving oneself is a continuous journey, after all) and I’m not saying that I expected a happy ending or answers (re: the continuous journey). Rather, there comes a point where despite relating to and understanding where the author and psychiatrist are coming from, the book becomes evidently structureless, mirroring the sessions the author had. Moreover, I think the book would’ve been stronger had the postscript chapter not been included. At least then, the content seems to come to a circle with a final line that relates back to the title.

“To right every wrong you come across in the world would be an impossible endeavor for any one person. You’re just one person, and you’re putting too much of the weight of the world on yourself” (Pages 11-12).

Nevertheless, I think this is an alright place to start for those that have little experience with therapy or have only begun their healthy mental health journey. You won’t find the overly-positive vibe that self-help books have or the accusatory, scary voice that makes you feel like you’re not “normal” (whatever “normal” is). Instead, IWTDBIWTET has a hopeful, and reflective tone as the author looks back and reflects. Though, of course, when there are ups, there will be downs too.

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