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3.32 AVERAGE
3.32 AVERAGE
3.5 ⭐
What you don't get from having a mother versus being a mother is how consuming it was, how profoundly one-sided. The child's job was to need her mother less and less, a progression toward independence. But the mother's job was to always help, always be there when needed, and never, ever stop worrying. (p 51)
At the meeting with the [college] counselor, Sam had wanted to scream, College? Reach schools? Do you realize how fucked our kids are, what they will witness in their lifetimes? But then Sam understood what it was all about, the unspoken agenda. It was all about getting them a place on the lifeboats. On some level, they all knew what dire things were coming. And they also knew that those spots on the lifeboats were for sale, were reserved, really, for the ones who made the cut. (p 80)
Why was so much noticed only in the breach, in the loss, by the regret-filled longing for what was left behind? (p 112)
There is a lie in young fit bodies. There is something human - touching - in the older body, in its honest relationship to decay and time. ... It was as if people mostly lived in a state of terror about what is to come, what is happening to their bodies. It wasn't just terror; it was shame. You had to hide the shame of your body's age and your body's fragility from others and from yourself. (p 123)
Her mother's hands - the very hand that stirred the coffee - was now thin and knuckled and ugly. Her once-perfect skin mottled, her veins exposed, her body clearly stiffer, less able. But how can we notice such things when they happen so slowly, so gradually? And why should we? We are designed to not notice, to accept and stay with the moment. (p 155)
Four is an early morning; one is a late night. Two and three are only for violence and prayer. Desperate hours. (p 194)
"Death is both life's greatest flaw and the inevitability that perfects it. Clearing enough space in yourself to accept this paradox is midlife's great project, and the impetus behind Sam's most wayward - and inspired - acts." (from Slate review 2021)
What you don't get from having a mother versus being a mother is how consuming it was, how profoundly one-sided. The child's job was to need her mother less and less, a progression toward independence. But the mother's job was to always help, always be there when needed, and never, ever stop worrying. (p 51)
At the meeting with the [college] counselor, Sam had wanted to scream, College? Reach schools? Do you realize how fucked our kids are, what they will witness in their lifetimes? But then Sam understood what it was all about, the unspoken agenda. It was all about getting them a place on the lifeboats. On some level, they all knew what dire things were coming. And they also knew that those spots on the lifeboats were for sale, were reserved, really, for the ones who made the cut. (p 80)
Why was so much noticed only in the breach, in the loss, by the regret-filled longing for what was left behind? (p 112)
There is a lie in young fit bodies. There is something human - touching - in the older body, in its honest relationship to decay and time. ... It was as if people mostly lived in a state of terror about what is to come, what is happening to their bodies. It wasn't just terror; it was shame. You had to hide the shame of your body's age and your body's fragility from others and from yourself. (p 123)
Her mother's hands - the very hand that stirred the coffee - was now thin and knuckled and ugly. Her once-perfect skin mottled, her veins exposed, her body clearly stiffer, less able. But how can we notice such things when they happen so slowly, so gradually? And why should we? We are designed to not notice, to accept and stay with the moment. (p 155)
Four is an early morning; one is a late night. Two and three are only for violence and prayer. Desperate hours. (p 194)
"Death is both life's greatest flaw and the inevitability that perfects it. Clearing enough space in yourself to accept this paradox is midlife's great project, and the impetus behind Sam's most wayward - and inspired - acts." (from Slate review 2021)
funny
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Almost deterred by the Goodreads mediocre score, but read this because of George Saunders glowing review, and so glad I did. This is the story of a woman in the “sandwich generation” with complicated relationships with both her mother and her daughter, trying to find her own way after she leaves her husband. The city of Syracuse is a prominent character in itself.
This book was boring, went off on all sorts of essay type explanations and I didn’t care what happened to the main character.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship
I didn't like the characters, the superfluous use of unnecessary words and just didn't gel with the story.
I thought a long time about my rating for Wayward because it's not terrible. There are moments of poignancy and deep recognition. But there is also something about it that's so off. I never enjoyed myself reading it.
The characters are unlikable, which is usually whatever, not uncommon, but in this case they're so boring and trite and the whole situation is obnoxious. I couldn't buy the idea of Sam abandoning her family on a whim. The description for this book is wrong, she doesn't fall in love with the house and then decide to take it on as a passion project—she barely cares about the house at all—she's just a middle-adged woman having a reckless teenaged experience and makes a series of stupid, whiplash decisions just because she wants to and because no one tries to stop her.
In between all of the midlife crisisy stuff is a barrage of Trump-era zeitgeisty bullshit, too. There are pages and pages on Facebook groups and political meetings and thoughts about racism and ageism and misogyny and homelessness and so on that do less to create an understanding of the world Sam lives in and feel way closer to parody. There's no valuable cultural criticism or commentary added by including all of this stuff, it's just embarrassing and boring to flip through. And that stuff is like half of the content, so it seems like it's supposed to be there for some reason or another. But I really would have rather done without it.
I do feel like there is something valuable here with what it says regarding what it means to be a mother, daughter, and/or an aging woman in general but it just wasn't worth it to get through the rest.
The characters are unlikable, which is usually whatever, not uncommon, but in this case they're so boring and trite and the whole situation is obnoxious. I couldn't buy the idea of Sam abandoning her family on a whim. The description for this book is wrong, she doesn't fall in love with the house and then decide to take it on as a passion project—she barely cares about the house at all—she's just a middle-adged woman having a reckless teenaged experience and makes a series of stupid, whiplash decisions just because she wants to and because no one tries to stop her.
In between all of the midlife crisisy stuff is a barrage of Trump-era zeitgeisty bullshit, too. There are pages and pages on Facebook groups and political meetings and thoughts about racism and ageism and misogyny and homelessness and so on that do less to create an understanding of the world Sam lives in and feel way closer to parody. There's no valuable cultural criticism or commentary added by including all of this stuff, it's just embarrassing and boring to flip through. And that stuff is like half of the content, so it seems like it's supposed to be there for some reason or another. But I really would have rather done without it.
I do feel like there is something valuable here with what it says regarding what it means to be a mother, daughter, and/or an aging woman in general but it just wasn't worth it to get through the rest.
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
While the story is a bit preachy, the book is rich in relatable detail of middle aged suburban womanhood.
I thought I would like this much more than I did. As I'm also a 53 year old woman going through peri-menopause, I was looking forward to reading about how another woman was navigating this obnoxious second adolescence. I loved how it started with her leaving her husband and buying a house because it's such a bold move (not that I'm thinking about leaving my husband and buying a house. He's adorable and I love him), but it very quickly devolved into just a mishmash of every issue facing women today and didn't bring any real insight to any of them. And Sam was a very unlikable person. She was selfish and whiny and so weirdly obsessed with her daughter. I was hoping to walk away with some new knowledge about how to get through this awkward time of life and all I got was a story about a spoiled, unlikable, super judgmental rich lady who thinks way too highly of herself.
I love everything Dana Spiotta writes and this did not disappoint. First of all, it takes place in my hometown of Syracuse and nothing ever takes place there, so points for that. It's a great weaving of family, getting older, life changes, politics and social justice, and centers on this house that she describes so richly. I also love how she references the weather and changing seasons as a part of the story.
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes