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eiee's review
I DNFed this is the middle of chapter 7. Dunbar tries to do too much in too short a time, so the chemistry and intruige is lacking and the world feels rather flat. There’s surprise (non-biological) incest. Dunbar is quick to establish the queen is evil without explaining why on earth Aaliyah likes her at all beyond growing up (as sisters!) together. The lack of chemistry also carries through to the introduction of Mercedes. It’s more telling than showing. There’s a bunch of typos and little edits that would be so easy to fix with a little more time or a second pair of eyes. It’s an interesting concept, but the execution wasn’t something I was interested in finishing.
booktribe's review
adventurous
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
I enjoyed this novel! I like that in this magical world, we follow a main character with no magic, who is a warrior and can still fight these magical people (and win😉)! I also enjoyed the various queer representation (f/f, m/m, and trans rep)throughout this book and how it was completely no big deal in this world. Queerness was celebrated in this novel!
I will say that it definitely was a shock to me when I found out that 2 adopted siblings had a romantic & sexual relationship in this novel. I know they’re not blood related, but they did grow up together and they refer to each other as sister, so that was something… But other than that, I enjoyed this!
If you’re looking for a short fantasy read with a warrior main character, this is for you! (Just mind the trigger warning of the adopted sibling relationship)
Thank you Neon Hemlock Press for this copy in exchange for an honest review!
milointhewoods's review against another edition
2.0
there are some serious editing issues with typos, misspellings and weird speech issues, the prose is debatable, the characters are underdeveloped, the speech is really stilted and aaliyah’s taste in women is frankly awful, there’s too much incest, relationships are so rushed, reveals don’t make sense because there’s not enough context.
the world building is fascinating and i loved the premise. i think this story has so much potential and what it really needs is to be a full length novel, with some serious background work and a much better editor. but yeah, although i didn’t enjoy this, i liked the settings and a lot of the themes so i see a lot of promise in this author.
the world building is fascinating and i loved the premise. i think this story has so much potential and what it really needs is to be a full length novel, with some serious background work and a much better editor. but yeah, although i didn’t enjoy this, i liked the settings and a lot of the themes so i see a lot of promise in this author.
destineyd's review against another edition
2.0
Unfortunately, I didn’t like this. I found it to be disappointing and I had high hopes for it. 2.5 stars out of 5. It was just too short and there are things that needed to be explored in depth that weren’t. For example, the magic system. I don’t feel like I had enough information on what people can do with their magic besides Mercy. I also feel like back stories for the main characters were addressed briefly or not at all and I found myself going okay? That was it? And then pondering questions that were never addressed.
I also feel like some of the dialogue didn’t work in this setting. Some conversations read awkwardly to me.
As some reviewers have also pointed out, there are a few typos in the books. I also have to echo the sentiment that some points (such as the elements) reminded me of Avatar the Last Airbender.
Again, I think if things were flushed out more I wouldn’t have automatically thought of the connection. But the power that Mercy had reminded me of blood bending instantly.
Lastly, but the book was so short, I trudge through.
I also feel like some of the dialogue didn’t work in this setting. Some conversations read awkwardly to me.
As some reviewers have also pointed out, there are a few typos in the books. I also have to echo the sentiment that some points (such as the elements) reminded me of Avatar the Last Airbender.
Again, I think if things were flushed out more I wouldn’t have automatically thought of the connection. But the power that Mercy had reminded me of blood bending instantly.
Lastly,
Spoiler
the relationship between Aaliyah and Odessa was very off putting. I almost didn’t finish the book because of that incestuous relationshipnatcat's review against another edition
adventurous
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.0
I liked a lot of the concepts and ideas in this novella, but I really wanted more of all of them! The story covered huge amounts of ground in a limited number of pages, which meant it all felt kind of underbaked to me, and that the emotional impact of a lot of events was rather flat. The whole section where they go to ask for help from a neighboring king, discover the king's lover is the main character's father, and then the dad and the king agree to personally come help them defeat the queen just seemed very rushed and didn't make a lot of sense to me. I did love the focus on Black and queer characters though, and I really appreciated worldbuilding that wasn't just grounded in vaguely Western European fantasy concepts.
Unfortunately the editing of this book was also not good, including multiple instances where there were not line breaks when different characters started talking, which made keeping track of conversations very difficult, and incorrect spelling and punctuation scattered throughout.
But I am definitely interested to see what else this author writes, abd I'd love to see what they could do with a full length novel to world- and character-build in.
Unfortunately the editing of this book was also not good, including multiple instances where there were not line breaks when different characters started talking, which made keeping track of conversations very difficult, and incorrect spelling and punctuation scattered throughout.
But I am definitely interested to see what else this author writes, abd I'd love to see what they could do with a full length novel to world- and character-build in.
pandatheist's review against another edition
2.75
The story was fast paced, but swingy and a little too pat for my taste. Some editing choices, like switching speakers mid paragraph without signaling was frustrating and easily avoidable.
bachaboska's review
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? N/A
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
1.5
see_sadie_read's review against another edition
5.0
4.5
I liked this a lot. It's not perfect. For a person who grew up without legitimate connections, Aaliyah turns out to gather some surprisingly powerful allies (largely without trying), which felt too coincidental. The version I read didn't make it clear enough when speakers were changing. So, dialogue was sometimes hard to follow. (I don't know if this was just formatting or what.) And as a not huge fan of novellas, I, of course, wish it was longer and more developed. But, for such a short piece, it does what it sets out to do. It evokes a real sense of place and time, gives you characters you care about, is chocked full of diversity, and wraps up with a satisfying conclusion. I'll happily read more of Dunbar's writing.
I liked this a lot. It's not perfect. For a person who grew up without legitimate connections, Aaliyah turns out to gather some surprisingly powerful allies (largely without trying), which felt too coincidental. The version I read didn't make it clear enough when speakers were changing. So, dialogue was sometimes hard to follow. (I don't know if this was just formatting or what.) And as a not huge fan of novellas, I, of course, wish it was longer and more developed. But, for such a short piece, it does what it sets out to do. It evokes a real sense of place and time, gives you characters you care about, is chocked full of diversity, and wraps up with a satisfying conclusion. I'll happily read more of Dunbar's writing.
book_hoarding_dragon's review
3.0
I'm very conflicted with this story. I'm going to break my review into things I liked and didn't like.
The story is told from the perspective of Aaliyah, Aaliyah is a General and has returned home to Titus from a years long campaign. Aaliyah expected to see Titus prospering under the rule of Odessa; instead, the people are being neglected and hungry, and to criticize Odessa is treason. Aaliyah decides to do right by the people of Titus.
Things I liked:
-Eboni Dunbar is a good writer. The pacing of the story to be well done. It took me a few hours to get read the book.
-Dunbar did an excellent job with crafting Aaliyah's character and others.
-I found the magic system to be interesting. It appears people can control elements. There's fire, air, stone, bone mages. But people can be born without any magic, these people are called magli.
Things I didn't like:
-Sooo, the biggest thing that I had a problem with was the incest. In the first chapter, Aaliyah refers to Odessa, the queen, as her sister. Also, Aaliyah states, "She wanted her warm bed and her warmer women."
Chapter 2 reveals that Aaliyah's lover is Odessa, her sister. But wait, they're adoptive sisters, so Aaliyah argues it's completely fine. But within the world it must not be fine because there's this quote: "Not everyone would care that they did not share blood; after all, they had been raised as sisters." (The synopsis I originally saw for this book there was no mention of Odessa being Aaliyah's lover nor sister. I checked the synopsis on the back of the book and it does say that Odessa is Aaliyah's lover, but no mention of Odessa being her sister.)
Throughout the entire book Aaliyah refers to Odessa as her sister. To me it didn't read like "you're-such-a-great-friend-you're-my-sister. I don't care for incest in stories, so it really turned me off.
-I did like the magic system, but I was left with a few questions about it. There's this one scene where a mage uses stone and air during the fight, which was a bit confusing. It was my understanding a person could control one element. Does it vary? It wasn't explained in the book.
-Also, what was the relationship between Jalil (a royal clerk) and Helima (Aaliyah's second)? Was Jalil Helima's father? Lovers? I don't know because it was never explained.
-Love triangle. I'm not a big fan of the trope.
The story is told from the perspective of Aaliyah, Aaliyah is a General and has returned home to Titus from a years long campaign. Aaliyah expected to see Titus prospering under the rule of Odessa; instead, the people are being neglected and hungry, and to criticize Odessa is treason. Aaliyah decides to do right by the people of Titus.
Things I liked:
-Eboni Dunbar is a good writer. The pacing of the story to be well done. It took me a few hours to get read the book.
-Dunbar did an excellent job with crafting Aaliyah's character and others.
-I found the magic system to be interesting. It appears people can control elements. There's fire, air, stone, bone mages. But people can be born without any magic, these people are called magli.
Things I didn't like:
-Sooo, the biggest thing that I had a problem with was the incest. In the first chapter, Aaliyah refers to Odessa, the queen, as her sister. Also, Aaliyah states, "She wanted her warm bed and her warmer women."
Chapter 2 reveals that Aaliyah's lover is Odessa, her sister. But wait, they're adoptive sisters, so Aaliyah argues it's completely fine. But within the world it must not be fine because there's this quote: "Not everyone would care that they did not share blood; after all, they had been raised as sisters." (The synopsis I originally saw for this book there was no mention of Odessa being Aaliyah's lover nor sister. I checked the synopsis on the back of the book and it does say that Odessa is Aaliyah's lover, but no mention of Odessa being her sister.)
Throughout the entire book Aaliyah refers to Odessa as her sister. To me it didn't read like "you're-such-a-great-friend-you're-my-sister. I don't care for incest in stories, so it really turned me off.
-I did like the magic system, but I was left with a few questions about it. There's this one scene where a mage uses stone and air during the fight, which was a bit confusing. It was my understanding a person could control one element. Does it vary? It wasn't explained in the book.
-Also, what was the relationship between Jalil (a royal clerk) and Helima (Aaliyah's second)? Was Jalil Helima's father? Lovers? I don't know because it was never explained.
-Love triangle. I'm not a big fan of the trope.
ninoshmino's review
adventurous
emotional
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Tensely plotted and the perfect length for a commute. Love the characters in this, as well as the reflections on trauma, power and its abuses, and what those in authority owe the people under their leadership.