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3.99 AVERAGE
3.99 AVERAGE
Una manera de entender cómo amas y cómo amar a tu pareja. Después de leer este libro pude entender muchas cosas y mejorar mi relación.
3.5 stars
I was recommended this book by a friend, and if I hadn't been on a kick to read all recommended books, start-to-finish, I probably would've skipped it.
To be honest, this book was pretty good. I think the love languages are real and understanding mine vs my partner's was a real eye-opener. There were examples of how couples bridged the gap between their love languages that I actually tried. It was amazing how much easier certain actions became when I thought of them as a way to say "I love you" rather than just a thing that I should do.
There are some religious parts, but it really isn't too heavy on that. Where it was mentioned was done so pretty briefly.
You may not need to read the whole book to gain its benefit, but as a lover of counseling psychology, I did enjoy reading about how couples moved past difficult moments in their relationships.
I was recommended this book by a friend, and if I hadn't been on a kick to read all recommended books, start-to-finish, I probably would've skipped it.
To be honest, this book was pretty good. I think the love languages are real and understanding mine vs my partner's was a real eye-opener. There were examples of how couples bridged the gap between their love languages that I actually tried. It was amazing how much easier certain actions became when I thought of them as a way to say "I love you" rather than just a thing that I should do.
There are some religious parts, but it really isn't too heavy on that. Where it was mentioned was done so pretty briefly.
You may not need to read the whole book to gain its benefit, but as a lover of counseling psychology, I did enjoy reading about how couples moved past difficult moments in their relationships.
This is not necessarily an impressive bit of writing and the ideas are simple. That said, it is WONDERFUL marriage advice. So applicable to other types of relationships too. The concept is that we love others in the way we, ourselves, want to be loved, but what we SHOULD do is love others in the way that THEY need [to be loved]. I recommend this if you want something easier and more straight-forward than exploring personality types, like enneagram.
informative
slow-paced
The overall base message of this book is important and helpful: we all feel and express love differently and should learn how our partner wants to be loved. That being said, this book has some problems.
1. This is not a research-backed book. There are a total of 8 citations in the 201 page book. One is a random .com article, 4 are the Bible, and 3 are later editions of this book by the same author (The 5 Love Languages for Children, Teenagers, and Singles, respectively). He will occasionally reference research — “Recent research has shown that …” — but does not cite it so you can’t actually fact check it.
2. The author does not have any relevant education or training. He does not have a degree in anything relating to the study of humans, communications, social work, or counseling. He indicates that he did do some of his own anthropological research, but he’s really a pastor who began also providing marriage counseling for people in his church congregation. This is where he informally gained insight and collected qualitative data that he used to publish this book and all of the spin offs.
3. The first edition was written in the 1970s and, despite being updated (I read the 2010 version), it is still indicative of its time. It is VERY heteronormative, monogamous, and strictly reinforces traditional gender roles. He gives countless examples of how women can show their husbands they love them by doing acts of service relating to taking care of the kids, cooking, and cleaning.
4. It’s anti-divorce at all costs. He references a convo with a woman who said her spouse was emotionally abusing her but Gary still pushed her to try to repair their marriage by learning her husband’s love language. Sometimes marriages are just bad and you have to get out.
5. There were increasingly less subtle Christian undertones as the book went on. I did not realize this was a religious book before Bible verses started occasionally popping up and then Gary started talking about Jesus directly towards the end. I’m guessing his religion and role as pastor was why he’s so anti-divorce. The heteronormative, monogamous strict gender roles are probably equally because of his background.
6. Gary relays many conversations that he supposedly had with random people over the years. There is ZERO chance he remembers these convos word-for-word, but they’re in quotation marks with names and locations attributed. They’re also a bit ridiculous. One guy says his wife is always nagging him to do stuff around the house and it’s so annoying and makes him despise her. Gary tells him his wife probably isn’t feeling loved because her primary love language is acts of service. The guy was stunned and told Gary that he saved his marriage. 🙄 Please lmao.
7. There is SO MUCH FLUFF. This should have been an 1,200-word essay. There ARE some helpful suggestions in here(!!!), but you have to get through so much unnecessary text to find it.
There’s a really great If Books Could Kill podcast episode about this book. Highly recommend the listen!
1. This is not a research-backed book. There are a total of 8 citations in the 201 page book. One is a random .com article, 4 are the Bible, and 3 are later editions of this book by the same author (The 5 Love Languages for Children, Teenagers, and Singles, respectively). He will occasionally reference research — “Recent research has shown that …” — but does not cite it so you can’t actually fact check it.
2. The author does not have any relevant education or training. He does not have a degree in anything relating to the study of humans, communications, social work, or counseling. He indicates that he did do some of his own anthropological research, but he’s really a pastor who began also providing marriage counseling for people in his church congregation. This is where he informally gained insight and collected qualitative data that he used to publish this book and all of the spin offs.
3. The first edition was written in the 1970s and, despite being updated (I read the 2010 version), it is still indicative of its time. It is VERY heteronormative, monogamous, and strictly reinforces traditional gender roles. He gives countless examples of how women can show their husbands they love them by doing acts of service relating to taking care of the kids, cooking, and cleaning.
4. It’s anti-divorce at all costs. He references a convo with a woman who said her spouse was emotionally abusing her but Gary still pushed her to try to repair their marriage by learning her husband’s love language. Sometimes marriages are just bad and you have to get out.
5. There were increasingly less subtle Christian undertones as the book went on. I did not realize this was a religious book before Bible verses started occasionally popping up and then Gary started talking about Jesus directly towards the end. I’m guessing his religion and role as pastor was why he’s so anti-divorce. The heteronormative, monogamous strict gender roles are probably equally because of his background.
6. Gary relays many conversations that he supposedly had with random people over the years. There is ZERO chance he remembers these convos word-for-word, but they’re in quotation marks with names and locations attributed. They’re also a bit ridiculous. One guy says his wife is always nagging him to do stuff around the house and it’s so annoying and makes him despise her. Gary tells him his wife probably isn’t feeling loved because her primary love language is acts of service. The guy was stunned and told Gary that he saved his marriage. 🙄 Please lmao.
7. There is SO MUCH FLUFF. This should have been an 1,200-word essay. There ARE some helpful suggestions in here(!!!), but you have to get through so much unnecessary text to find it.
There’s a really great If Books Could Kill podcast episode about this book. Highly recommend the listen!
Some really great things in here for all couples. Would have appreciated if it was less focused on Christian couples, marriage only (vs long-term partnerships), and heteronormative.
Headway.
I wanted to see how if there was anything more that was said about the various love languages and how we could work on managing the discord but nothing.
Maybe the full book has something.
I wanted to see how if there was anything more that was said about the various love languages and how we could work on managing the discord but nothing.
Maybe the full book has something.
This was an interesting look into the patterns of love, with plenty of anecdotes and examples of the importance of love languages in relationships. The book focused mostly on marital love, but it can definitely be applied to platonic and familial love as well
This is a quick read with excellent principles that can momentally change relationships. I’ve definitely recognized patterns in my own life that are detailed in this book. I was pleasantly surprised with how many Christian teachings are explicitly intertwined with the authors therapeutic approaches.
I think this is a great book for every couple to read at some point. Very insightful