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3.99 AVERAGE
3.99 AVERAGE
I’ve seen this book referred to a lot and decided to read it. I was totally put off by the Loving the Unlovely chapter but think the idea of acknowledging the individual response to different types of communication is what brings so many people to talk about it.
I've known about the love languages for a while, but had never actually read it so I figured I might as well. I skimmed some of it, but overall an interesting and informative read.
I had read this book many years ago. (An older version of it, the original 5 Love Languages Book) So when a friend gave us this version I planned to just read a couple chapters as a quick refresher course. But I was quickly sucked in and reminded of the great principles Dr Chapman shares and found myself finishing that book with many notes and highlights in just one sitting! I’m grateful for friends who were inspired to share this book with me and help give me some tools I’ve been needing. I would highly recommend this book to any couple!
So, I think Gary Chapman has some good ideas about how to love and care for your significant other, but what I did not like about this book was his heavy reliance on anecdotal evidence and his insinuating that the five love languages is a cure-all for most marital problems.
Here are the things I liked:
1) He mostly uses gender-neutral terms for your significant other in this book. It’s a small detail, but I appreciated it.
2) He asserts that household chores are not gendered, and that men and women both have to take responsibility.
3) He says that the love languages are not gender stereotyped, either. For a conservative Christian author, I appreciated his progressive outlook on gender roles.
4) He is not overly preachy and does not mention religion unless his client brings it up.
5) His approach to a loving relationship is compassionate and egalitarian.
Here are the things I didn’t like:
1) His advice is largely heteronormative. I would love to see a more progressive version of his ideas for all types of couples.
2) I feel like a lot of his ideas are over-simplified. Relationships are tricky, and it’s kind of annoying when he seems to be saying that the love languages are a cure-all for relationships.
3) At one point he advises a woman who was in an unhappy marriage where her husband was very unkind to her, and he advises her to stay in the relationship and basically martyr herself so that he might see she’s trying to love him. It was very icky to me, and just didn’t seem right.
Overall, I did get some helpful information from this book, and I love the idea of the love languages themselves, but I would definitely not use this book as the be-all-end-all for relationships.
Here are the things I liked:
1) He mostly uses gender-neutral terms for your significant other in this book. It’s a small detail, but I appreciated it.
2) He asserts that household chores are not gendered, and that men and women both have to take responsibility.
3) He says that the love languages are not gender stereotyped, either. For a conservative Christian author, I appreciated his progressive outlook on gender roles.
4) He is not overly preachy and does not mention religion unless his client brings it up.
5) His approach to a loving relationship is compassionate and egalitarian.
Here are the things I didn’t like:
1) His advice is largely heteronormative. I would love to see a more progressive version of his ideas for all types of couples.
2) I feel like a lot of his ideas are over-simplified. Relationships are tricky, and it’s kind of annoying when he seems to be saying that the love languages are a cure-all for relationships.
3) At one point he advises a woman who was in an unhappy marriage where her husband was very unkind to her, and he advises her to stay in the relationship and basically martyr herself so that he might see she’s trying to love him. It was very icky to me, and just didn’t seem right.
Overall, I did get some helpful information from this book, and I love the idea of the love languages themselves, but I would definitely not use this book as the be-all-end-all for relationships.
I read this book for my Psychology of Personal Adjustment class. I'd recommend it to any married couple!
"By the Book" podcast brought me to read the Five Love Languages. https://www.panoply.fm/podcasts/bythebook/episodes/3dmA4S79lKwo4kyU6MUkeI.
I love the hosts Jolenta and Kristin. They did an amazing job living "by the book" for two weeks.
The core ideas of this book are great - the idea that your partner shows and receives love in one or two of five different "languages" including acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts of love, and quality time. Once you can figure out your own and your partners "languages" it makes it lot easier to understand
However, I struggled with this book. It was extremely heteronormative and very Jesus-y. If you were looking for a Christian focused book for support in a marriage where the husband goes to work, wife stays home marriage then ***ding ding ding you've found a winner.
A synposis of the key ideas would have been enough for me.
I love the hosts Jolenta and Kristin. They did an amazing job living "by the book" for two weeks.
The core ideas of this book are great - the idea that your partner shows and receives love in one or two of five different "languages" including acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts of love, and quality time. Once you can figure out your own and your partners "languages" it makes it lot easier to understand
However, I struggled with this book. It was extremely heteronormative and very Jesus-y. If you were looking for a Christian focused book for support in a marriage where the husband goes to work, wife stays home marriage then ***ding ding ding you've found a winner.
A synposis of the key ideas would have been enough for me.
I understand why this is a bestseller now. When it was first published, it revolutionized the way people can communicate their love and affection to their loved ones in ways that are sure to come across. While this book has finally seeped into culture enough that people have at least heard about the five love languages, it is still important for anyone actively trying to achieve a healthy relationship to read this book.
I've wanted to read this book since taking the love-languages quiz a couple years ago. Although the book is outdated, I think it still offers good insight and reflective questions that help with the understanding of self and how to love others. My biggest critique is how it is written through the white, christian, heterosexual, cisgender lens - I would like to see similar studies/books written from a more diverse and inclusive lens.
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I mean, it's good to know these things, but is this THE secret to love that lasts? I doubt it. Also, Chapman seems to believe that there is no such thing as the wrong partner for you - you just need to find their love language and voila!