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jacki_f's review against another edition
4.0
Moral: Don't marry men from other countries and cultures whom you have only know a short time.
Susan Blumberg-Kason grew in suburban Chicago and from an early age was fascinated by China. After graduating from college in the US, she seizes the opportunity to do a Masters degree in Hong Kong. There the somewhat shy and sheltered student meets a handsome Chinese boy called Cai. After only a few months he proposes, warning her almost immediately afterwards that sometimes he can lose his temper but it will only be temporary. Naive and in love, Susan determines to be the warm, soft, good Chinese wife that her husband wants her to be.
However almost immediately there are strains in the marriage as Cai puts his needs ahead of hers at every turn. For the most part Susan makes excuses for his behaviour and tries her best to keep him happy. When she does resist even mildly, he loses his temper and then refuses to speak to her, sometimes for days at a time. Once they have a child together, the stakes get higher and Susan realizes that she needs to stand up for herself once and for all.
I really enjoyed this book which gives a fascinating perspective of China in the mid 1990s. It's extremely readable and even when I wasn't reading it I found myself thinking about it. Susan takes us through her story in such a way that you feel you really understand what she was thinking and feeling and why she behaved as she did. She doesn't shy away from events that don't show her in a positive light and it's clear that they both had a part to play in the marriage's problems - although she puts up with a great deal more than I ever could. After I finished the book I discovered the author's website where you can see some some photographs taken at the time.
I received an advance copy of this book for review through Net Galley.
Susan Blumberg-Kason grew in suburban Chicago and from an early age was fascinated by China. After graduating from college in the US, she seizes the opportunity to do a Masters degree in Hong Kong. There the somewhat shy and sheltered student meets a handsome Chinese boy called Cai. After only a few months he proposes, warning her almost immediately afterwards that sometimes he can lose his temper but it will only be temporary. Naive and in love, Susan determines to be the warm, soft, good Chinese wife that her husband wants her to be.
However almost immediately there are strains in the marriage as Cai puts his needs ahead of hers at every turn. For the most part Susan makes excuses for his behaviour and tries her best to keep him happy. When she does resist even mildly, he loses his temper and then refuses to speak to her, sometimes for days at a time. Once they have a child together, the stakes get higher and Susan realizes that she needs to stand up for herself once and for all.
I really enjoyed this book which gives a fascinating perspective of China in the mid 1990s. It's extremely readable and even when I wasn't reading it I found myself thinking about it. Susan takes us through her story in such a way that you feel you really understand what she was thinking and feeling and why she behaved as she did. She doesn't shy away from events that don't show her in a positive light and it's clear that they both had a part to play in the marriage's problems - although she puts up with a great deal more than I ever could. After I finished the book I discovered the author's website where you can see some some photographs taken at the time.
I received an advance copy of this book for review through Net Galley.
hmonkeyreads's review against another edition
2.0
This book is just a series of giant waving red flags that our narrator chooses to ignore for about 7 years.
sanmeow's review against another edition
fast-paced
1.5
well that is. very misleading! this is not a book about the difficulties of an interracial marriage, because the author's relationship issues never stemmed from cultural differences in the first place. your husband isn't treating you horribly because he's chinese, he's treating you that way because he's a terrible person! the author just kept trying to excuse his behavior by going 'oh but cultural differences!' and it was so annoying. it does at least comment on relationship issues on general. oh and, the writing wasn't great.
kateh3077's review against another edition
5.0
This was a beautifully written book which told the story of a young girls life from being a post graduate student studying in Hong Kong to being a mother who leaves her marriage because her Chinese husband isn’t being supportive, which is why I would give it 5 stars & recommend it to other people.
It was a fascinating book because it enabled you to learn about Chinese culture and beliefs and how they can sometimes not mesh very well with western beliefs and customs. Although even taking that into account Cai did do so really nasty things even to their baby son, including threatening to send him back to China for his mother to raise him.
I also loved how Susan finally made the decision to Leave Cai finally when she got some legal advice about what would happen if Jacob was taken back to China against her wishes and found out that she likely wouldn’t be able to get him back. It was fantastic to see the light to ignite in her and made her make the decision to not to just leave Cai but to leave him that weekend, along with her son and with her mothers help to do it.
It was also very interesting to see how Cai reacted to the letter and the fact that Susan had left him because rather than getting really angry and detached as he usually would have done he actually was really upset, & heartbroken. But then following her leaving and their Divorce he rarely saw their son, no more than twice a year. However that was still more regular than how often he saw his daughter from his first Marriage.
I loved the fact that a chance meeting between two young people at University led to a marriage and the birth of a much wanted child, then to a separation and divorce.
It was a fascinating book because it enabled you to learn about Chinese culture and beliefs and how they can sometimes not mesh very well with western beliefs and customs. Although even taking that into account Cai did do so really nasty things even to their baby son, including threatening to send him back to China for his mother to raise him.
I also loved how Susan finally made the decision to Leave Cai finally when she got some legal advice about what would happen if Jacob was taken back to China against her wishes and found out that she likely wouldn’t be able to get him back. It was fantastic to see the light to ignite in her and made her make the decision to not to just leave Cai but to leave him that weekend, along with her son and with her mothers help to do it.
It was also very interesting to see how Cai reacted to the letter and the fact that Susan had left him because rather than getting really angry and detached as he usually would have done he actually was really upset, & heartbroken. But then following her leaving and their Divorce he rarely saw their son, no more than twice a year. However that was still more regular than how often he saw his daughter from his first Marriage.
I loved the fact that a chance meeting between two young people at University led to a marriage and the birth of a much wanted child, then to a separation and divorce.
kristinasshelves's review
4.0
Susan chronicles her relationship with Cai from their initial meeting while studying in Hong Kong, to their marriage living in parts of China and later California, to their eventual divorce. While I acknowledge that memoirs are naturally biased to make the author seem better than they are, I did not get much of that sense in this story. Susan is vulnerably honest in her recollections, describing herself as an inexperienced dater and timid partner to Cai until the birth of their son. I so enjoyed following her journey to stand up for herself and her son and her ultimate realization of how truly dysfunctional and abusive her marriage had become. I could not imagine sitting quietly in the face of things she suspected/knew Cai was doing. I appreciated the respect given to Chinese culture, which has much different norms from the Americanisms to which Susan was accustomed. I applaud Susan for sharing her story so candidly and for being brave to leave Cai for the sake of her son. I hope he was able to learn from their marriage and treat future partners better.
florapants84's review against another edition
5.0
As a lover of Asian culture, I especially loved this memoir! Kason returns to Hong Kong for her post-graduate studies in the early 90s after a high school trip. An aficionado of Chinese culture, language and customs, she plans on relocating permanently after finishing school.
Things change when she meets her Chinese Prince Charming, Cai, a Taoist Musical Studies graduate student from Mainland China. After a whirlwind “Chinese courtship,” Kason finds herself married to Cai, his extended family, and comes face-to-face with a different aspect of the culture. Overnight, Cai shows his true colors; he’s condescending, sexist, and mentally abusive.
Despite the rollercoaster ride within her marriage, Kason’s love of China is evident. It’s fair to say that this is a travelogue and foodie read as well. I love her style of writing, and I didn’t feel like she wasted one sentence on frivolous details. It was perfect. Highly recommended. Also, I appreciated that her memoir is personal. It’s not an affront on Chinese men, and it hasn’t robbed of her love of its culture.
While posting the picture above on Instagram, I came across her account. She is so down to earth and I just adore her! Since following her, I’ve already come away with so many Asian themed memoirs that I wouldn’t have otherwise found. I hope many more people read and love this book as much as I did.
ninjamoni's review against another edition
4.0
Painful to read but not because of the writing. Knowing this was nonfiction made me cringe. I felt like I got a really personal account of what happened, and I am so grateful she shared her story. Really a great read for those who have or had been in an international relationship. Some things are cultural, but you have to know where to draw the line.
cathy1969's review against another edition
3.0
Good Chinese Wife came highly recommended by a local book reviewer. I enjoy reading about other cultures so I thought I'd give it a try. The author starts by explaining how she is particularly interested in the Chinese culture and is living and going to school in China to fully immerse herself. She eventually meets Cai, who she would come to marry. The book describes very well their relationship and the different expectations in a marriage between the Chinese and American cultures.
Although the book starts out very interesting, it did tend to drag for me a bit in the middle. We, the readers, can pretty quickly gain an excellent grasp on the type of person Cai was and how it was affecting their relationship. I did feel very much for Susan having to live with the way she was treated, but unfortunately, it seemed like the same story over and over for awhile.
That being said, I was glad about the outcome and that she was a strong woman after all. I was glad I finished the book and learned a lot about the Chinese culture that I definitely did not know. I felt she relayed the story well and if she were to write another book, I'd most likely give it a whirl.
Although the book starts out very interesting, it did tend to drag for me a bit in the middle. We, the readers, can pretty quickly gain an excellent grasp on the type of person Cai was and how it was affecting their relationship. I did feel very much for Susan having to live with the way she was treated, but unfortunately, it seemed like the same story over and over for awhile.
That being said, I was glad about the outcome and that she was a strong woman after all. I was glad I finished the book and learned a lot about the Chinese culture that I definitely did not know. I felt she relayed the story well and if she were to write another book, I'd most likely give it a whirl.
abookishaffair's review
4.0
"Good Chinese Wife" is the memoir of Susan, who goes to study in Hong Kong and China as a young woman. She is fascinated with the people and the culture. She meets a man who is much older than she is, Cai. He is worldly and debonair and she falls for him. They get married quickly in order to sightsee around China and almost immediately, they begin having problems. Cai becomes very controlling of everything Susan does. Cai also seems to be hiding a lot of big secrets of his own. When the couple have a child, the stakes are even higher. This memoir is about one woman's struggle with trying to break away from an abusive relationship and how hard it is to do the right thing.
Blumberg-Kason recounts her relationship with Cai from the very beginning. He seems very different from a lot of the other men that she met in China. She sees him as worldly and smart. She can't help but to be attracted to him. I really felt for her. Yes, there were some warning signs but as the author shows us, it was really hard to see those warning signs at first. In fact, any of the signs that she noticed, she made up excuses for (it is so easy to think that things are going to get better and that you shouldn't worry about whatever is going on. This is definitely a classic case of someone being too scared to do what they know that they need to do. It really takes until Susan has her son for her to realize that she needs to do something to make the situation better for her child and her. You really feel for her in this book!
The writing of the book is good. This book gives the reader an unflinching look at how someone can be drawn and really paralyzed by the fear of leaving an abuser. We get a first row seat to see how the author stayed for so long. I think that she really captured her helplessness in a clear cut way. This memoir was often hard to read at times because of the subject matter but I really think that it would be a good pick for those who don't mind hard subjects who really want to understand more about why it is so difficult for people to get out of abusive relationships!
Blumberg-Kason recounts her relationship with Cai from the very beginning. He seems very different from a lot of the other men that she met in China. She sees him as worldly and smart. She can't help but to be attracted to him. I really felt for her. Yes, there were some warning signs but as the author shows us, it was really hard to see those warning signs at first. In fact, any of the signs that she noticed, she made up excuses for (it is so easy to think that things are going to get better and that you shouldn't worry about whatever is going on. This is definitely a classic case of someone being too scared to do what they know that they need to do. It really takes until Susan has her son for her to realize that she needs to do something to make the situation better for her child and her. You really feel for her in this book!
The writing of the book is good. This book gives the reader an unflinching look at how someone can be drawn and really paralyzed by the fear of leaving an abuser. We get a first row seat to see how the author stayed for so long. I think that she really captured her helplessness in a clear cut way. This memoir was often hard to read at times because of the subject matter but I really think that it would be a good pick for those who don't mind hard subjects who really want to understand more about why it is so difficult for people to get out of abusive relationships!