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2.75k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
2.75k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Minor: Suicide attempt
challenging
funny
hopeful
informative
reflective
fast-paced
Something every twentysomething should read at 19. Overwhelming but informative.
I was not ready for how good this was!!! This book took you through career, love, and personal advice. Although it was written for millennials, it’s not outdated yet, and I found the ideas to be very refreshing and helpful. A big idea throughout was that, despite our culture telling us that our 20s are for messing around and partying, it’s not quite so. You don’t have to commit to a 9 to 5 right away but you should spend your time doing valuable things, things that will set you up to succeed in the future. These ideas really resonated with me and I would definitely recommend to anyone else in their teens, 20s, or even 30s.
This book 100% put me into a panic. The book called me out for all of my behaviors that I see as fine when really they’re inhibiting me to reach my goals. Though it put me into a panic, I think it was a great wake-up call and one that I needed badly. I feel more motivated than I have in a very long time! That being said, I still think it’s okay to be wherever you are in your life. Everyone moves at their own pace and that’s okay, and I wish the book would have mentioned that more!
I found the overall message of this book, "you create the life you want by having goals and gaining meaningful experiences in your twenties," good and true. I resonated a lot with that sentiment and that it is what we do in our twenties that shape the rest of our lives. Like Meg said, we don't just suddenly have it figured out at thirty.
However, I found some of the patient examples used to be redundant and entirely stereotypical. They became "successful" in Meg's eyes when they got a stable 9-5 job, went to grad school, got married, or had kids. Pretty much what I have been told to do my whole life. Her take lacks nuance and depth and feels very surface level. I don't necessarily think all of this advice is bad, but it lacks an understanding of different socioeconomic backgrounds and that people tend to have dreams outside of the typical. This whole book I felt like I was being lectured by my parents who have no idea what it is like to live in my generation.
However, I found some of the patient examples used to be redundant and entirely stereotypical. They became "successful" in Meg's eyes when they got a stable 9-5 job, went to grad school, got married, or had kids. Pretty much what I have been told to do my whole life. Her take lacks nuance and depth and feels very surface level. I don't necessarily think all of this advice is bad, but it lacks an understanding of different socioeconomic backgrounds and that people tend to have dreams outside of the typical. This whole book I felt like I was being lectured by my parents who have no idea what it is like to live in my generation.
This was a super interesting read, and I really enjoyed it. I wish I had this book when I just graduated from college—a time I felt paralyzed; a time I felt like I was constantly failing. Regardless, this book still shed a lot of light on why this time is so full of uncertainty and how to take control and accountability of your life and prepare for the future. I think at this stage, so much of life feels like it’s happening to you instead of the other way around, and this book provides a way to grab your life and future with both hands and shape it to what you want. Mostly, this book is telling you take action, to start making hard decisions now instead of waiting for some lightning bolt strike of intuition as to what you’re supposed to be doing, because most likely it’ll never come.
I found the career and relationships chapters to be the most helpful and most engaging. One thing I really did not like about this book, however, was her insistence of people having children when many do not want/cannot have children. She suggests having children when you’re younger and not putting off until later—but if you’re not ready for kids, you’re not ready, so I didn’t love the chapter on fertility and having children. She seems almost pushy on the subject, and I didn’t really enjoy her suggesting that time before having a family is kind of “wasted.” In addition, sometimes her descriptions of jobs felt condescending, such as when she refers to bartending and retails jobs.
Otherwise, I enjoyed this book a lot and will definitely be returning to many parts of it later on, and will probably be recommending it to many others.
I found the career and relationships chapters to be the most helpful and most engaging. One thing I really did not like about this book, however, was her insistence of people having children when many do not want/cannot have children. She suggests having children when you’re younger and not putting off until later—but if you’re not ready for kids, you’re not ready, so I didn’t love the chapter on fertility and having children. She seems almost pushy on the subject, and I didn’t really enjoy her suggesting that time before having a family is kind of “wasted.” In addition, sometimes her descriptions of jobs felt condescending, such as when she refers to bartending and retails jobs.
Otherwise, I enjoyed this book a lot and will definitely be returning to many parts of it later on, and will probably be recommending it to many others.
inspiring
slow-paced
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
I picked up this book thinking I won’t learn much– I have a well-paying job, a comfy apartment, and a hobby that keeps me busy outside of work. In a traditional sense I’ve been “doing it right.” However Dr. Jay’s book contained things about your 20s, and inadvertently 30/40s, that I never even considered before. I recommend everyone to pick up the book. Especially if you’re in your 20s, but it’s also worth reading beyond those years when you need a bit of help deciding on a new direction to steer your life.