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reyeames's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
4.0
Well-written and an interesting story. A good way to help inform one's opinion about one of Britain's most powerful institutions.
Content Warnings
Graphic: War
Moderate: Mental illness, Gaslighting, Racism, Death, Emotional abuse, Pregnancy, Physical abuse, Death of parent, and Car accident
Minor: Drug use, Suicidal thoughts, and Miscarriage
vinnyvee's review
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug use, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Death of parent, and Racism
Minor: Suicide
brenee_reads's review
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
"Enough death- enough. When is someone in this family going to break free and live?"
This book is heavy.
It feels like a therapy session- the assignment of write it all down, get it out, and let it free.
I knew about Meghan as an actress, followed her blog, but didn't know about Prince Harry much outside of being Princess Diana's son. I knew about the abuse she faced.
And watching the abuse from UK press and weird trolls- I thought "Is Harry really worth it? Can't see just come home so they can STOP?" But, seeing the love and respect and reverence they have for each other. I then thought, yeah they're worth it. They'll protect each other like true spouses should, they'll find a way out.
This book is heavy.
It feels like a therapy session- the assignment of write it all down, get it out, and let it free.
I knew about Meghan as an actress, followed her blog, but didn't know about Prince Harry much outside of being Princess Diana's son. I knew about the abuse she faced.
And watching the abuse from UK press and weird trolls- I thought "Is Harry really worth it? Can't see just come home so they can STOP?" But, seeing the love and respect and reverence they have for each other. I then thought, yeah they're worth it. They'll protect each other like true spouses should, they'll find a way out.
And here we are.
Never expected Harry to be anti-monarchy so confused as to why people placed that on him. I knew he'd think, at first, that he HAD to continue working for the crown. That's all those in the family are raised to do. Accept your role, and accept abuse from false stories. Don't even stay whats a rumor and what's true. That's no way to live.
Also, there are some people who are committed to misunderstanding you no matter what- ignore them.
Never expected Harry to be anti-monarchy so confused as to why people placed that on him. I knew he'd think, at first, that he HAD to continue working for the crown. That's all those in the family are raised to do. Accept your role, and accept abuse from false stories. Don't even stay whats a rumor and what's true. That's no way to live.
Also, there are some people who are committed to misunderstanding you no matter what- ignore them.
To freedom Harry!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent, Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, and Grief
Moderate: Panic attacks/disorders, Bullying, Drug abuse, Racism, Car accident, and Drug use
Minor: Suicidal thoughts, Stalking, Miscarriage, and War
inkdrinkers's review
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
"Why's there a Union Jack on the coffin?"
I feel like Prince Harry needs no introduction, but in case you aren't well versed in the British monarchy or what's happened in the past thirty years, here is your incredibly brief run-down: Charles (the current king) married Diana Spencer, they had two boys. The press was always hounding Diana for years for not playing into their expectations for a princess. She died in a tunnel in Paris after being chased by paparazzi when Harry was only 12. This begins Harry's relationship with an institution who only sees him as an object to write about, rather than a human being growing up under critical gaze. This is Harry's story about his life, his relationship with his family, his military background, and his marriage to Meghan Markle.
MY REVIEW:
I don't blame you if you don't want context or dirt on anything that happened in this book. If you do, I've listed out a ton of things I noticed below. But overall, I'll give you my review here, at the top. Spare is an incredibly hard thing to rate because at the end of the day it's a man writing about his own life experiences and how are you supposed to rate that? The writing is flawless, though slow and boring a lot of times. Harry spends a lot of time on lengthy passages that just felt like they had no bearing on being in this book. There were also plenty of moments I noticed that he would set something up only for it to pay off later in life. I guess, when telling your life story, a lot of nuggets seem connected in retrospect.
Really, I do think this was well-written and I did find myself feeling horrifically bad for the events that happened to Harry. Prince, royalty, fame, or not - no one should have to live a life where they are scrutinized for every motion and free will stripped away. I just feel like it could have been about a hundred pages shorter. At the end of the day, this memoir serves to tell his side of the story, and yes, sometimes it's a boring one. I'm putting the content warnings below for anyone searching prior to reading.
Content Warnings: death of a parent, mentions of sex, emotional abuse, financial abuse, physical altercations, talk of war, racism (in relation to Meghan and war), dehumanization (of Harry and of people in war), grief, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks/mental health, miscarriage, alcoholism/drug use (on page, throughout)
THE MEAT OF IT:
I'm going to do my best here to sum up some of the notes I took while reading this book, but just know I'll be splitting these paragraphs up in this order: Harry's childhood, Harry as an active duty officer/in the military, William, and finally Meghan. This memoir opens up with Harry meeting his father and brother in the cemetery after the death of Prince Philip, Harry's grandfather and husband to Queen Elizabeth. They both expressed confusion as to why Harry even left the royal family in the beginning, and this is the catalyst for him sitting down to write a memoir about his entire life.
HARRY'S CHILDHOOD:
In the first third of the book Harry discusses his upbringing, going over the grief and confusion he experienced after the sudden death of his mother. There are a lot of details in here about how he always felt relegated to being the "spare" to William's "Heir" title because William was always going to become king eventually. Harry talks about the discrepancy in the way they were treated, from the sizes of bedrooms to the way their family would occasionally joke about Harry being the "spare" and how Harry always grew up knowing he was there in case William needed anything, from blood to a kidney transplant. Really it all boils down to his constant question of "Why's there a Union Jack on the coffin?", which is in reference to the British flag being laid on Diana's coffin and the way his personal grief has always been tied to public performance and reception.
This section also mentions interpersonal issues with the royal family, how they never hugged, never grew up affectionate, and how Charles was even severely bullied at boarding school and still has a tattered teddy bear, named Teddy, that he carries around (page 40, hardback ed.). A lot of this really just boils down to Harry having an upbringing that would make anyone a little insane. He was constantly fed to the press, every part of his life was a story and something for the entire world to read about, including his mistakes. He was also constantly objectified and briefly mentions the first time he had sex to being with an older woman who "rode him like a prize racehorse" and then left after her conquest (page 70).
There are nice sections of his childhood, of course everything wasn't always bad. I was baffled to learn he printed his old playstation username (imagine finding out your childhood Halo buddy was Prince Harry), talks of his relationships with the older members of his family, and genuinely moments he realized he was making lifelong friends. This section also covers his introduction to casual drug usage as a teen, plus the way people would prey on him just to get close to him. Harry's childhood is also peppered by the fact his brother, William, began to refuse having a personal relationship and always kept Harry at arms length because he didn't want his own image tainted by his younger brother.
HARRY'S MILITARY BACKGROUND:
Harry spent a lot of time in his 20s not knowing what he was supposed to do with his life, because it wasn't really his own. He decided that the military seemed like a good enough answer because of the structure it provided. I won't go into a lot of detail about the ways he discusses the military, but I felt like, genuinely, it provided a sense of family and security that he couldn't get anywhere else. There were people beside him that expected him to do right by them otherwise their lives were in danger, and for the first time it seemed like Harry realized that he was more than just a "spare" or something for the press to hunger over. He had actual responsibilities.
There were lots of moments of growth in his time in the military. He just seems like he attempts to be a good person as much as he can, including sharing his personal cell phone with other officers so they could call their loved ones. (He was required to keep one on his person because of his status as a royal.) Also, this man talked about his penis TOO MUCH. The frostbite story was funny, about how he got frostbitten skin after a trip to the North Pole right before William's wedding, but there are just some things I didn't need to know.
The military wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. There were moments that exposed the underbelly of the people around him knowing everything about him before they'd even met. When in training, specifically for torture training, Harry was mock-kidnapped and tortured by other officers, who brought up his mother in an attempt to break him. Most of this experience is glossed over in a way that I feel like only seems to be an attempt to disassociate from the memory. A lot of his life he was told to push through emotions, whether positive or negative, and that led to him hiking to the South Pole with a broken toe because "others had it worse." I'm just supremely grateful this man is in therapy, he'll probably need it until the day he dies.
WILLIAM:
I have a lot to say about this sack of used toilet paper. It comes down to the fact that regardless of Harry being the only other person on the planet to go through the exact same trauma as him, William refused to address his emotions and actually have a relationship with his brother. It's seen as early as when they were both at Eton together and telling Harry never to seek him out and to act like they aren't even related (page 42). It even extends to an obsession with the press where William clearly finds that his public presence is all that matters. Repeatedly, Harry brings up moments where he's trying to do his own work and be his own person and it's constantly undercut by William being worried that Harry will take good press from him. Even when Harry was starting the Invictus games, William (while Kate was pregnant) worried that Harry's work with wounded soldiers would make Harry a more popular royal. It's truly astounding how obsessed with his own image he is.
William's audacity is something else to behold on these pages. He makes fun of Harry's mental health and panic attacks. He had a hissy fit that Harry was able to get married with a beard and in the military uniform he chose (page 332). (The choice was not William's to make as future king when he was married, but Harry was alright because he was, again, the spare, and not as closely monitored) There are multiple moments where both Harry and Meghan attempted to sit down and have discussions with William and Kate, but they all end in fights. At one point William and Kate were mad that Harry and Meghan didn't give them EASTER PRESENTS? Kate brought Meghan to tears over Meghan's own wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses that needed to be hemmed (when there was a tailor on site, literally hemming garments but Kate wouldn't go.) It all culminated with Harry recounting a fight with William where William increasingly got angrier, then shoved Harry to the floor of Frogmore cottage where Harry landed on a dog bowl and cut his back. (page 360)
MEGHAN & NOW:
The third chunk of this book discusses Harry and Meghan meeting, their love story, and leaving the monarchy. At times this section really does feel like a fairy-tale, from fleeting moments in bars to fleeing to Africa just so they can get some peace together and see if this thing will truly work. Harry does mention in past sections other girlfriends and how things just don't click, how they were either not the right person or the right person and wrong circumstances, and I do appreciate the way he reflects kindly on a lot of the people he dated before Meghan. What I didn't appreciate, however, was the true colors that shine through on occasion with the way he speaks about Meghan originally. There's a weird moment when he's describing the luggage Meghan brought to Botswana and he talks about how expects her bag to have a hair dryer and other luxuries when she's literally camping in the bush, and how he was pleasantly surprised she didn't. This weird "not like other girls" moment felt out of left field and left a bad taste in my mouth. (page 278)
There were lots of sweet moments, from them grocery shopping together, but separate aisles in disguises texting back and forth to avoid paparazzi, to Harry borrowing Tom Hardy's costume from Mad Max so he could go to a Halloween party incognito. A lot of times friends were at the heart of Harry and Meghan's relationship even having the chance to blossom and then survive, with many friends offering their kindness, and even homes in the case of Tyler Perry who helped them move to LA during the start of the COVID pandemic.
Much of the final chapters of this book discuss Harry's relationship with the royal family. He confirms his support for the queen "even after she's gone" but wishes that they had done more for him and his family when their lives were threatened, Meghan was suicidal, and their entire livelihood stripped away (page 386). In the end, it's clear that regardless of how much Harry wanted to ride the line between royal and normal life, he had to choose. And he chose Meghan and his children over repeating the trauma that happened to him and risking his wife's life.
OVERALL:
I feel like Prince Harry needs no introduction, but in case you aren't well versed in the British monarchy or what's happened in the past thirty years, here is your incredibly brief run-down: Charles (the current king) married Diana Spencer, they had two boys. The press was always hounding Diana for years for not playing into their expectations for a princess. She died in a tunnel in Paris after being chased by paparazzi when Harry was only 12. This begins Harry's relationship with an institution who only sees him as an object to write about, rather than a human being growing up under critical gaze. This is Harry's story about his life, his relationship with his family, his military background, and his marriage to Meghan Markle.
MY REVIEW:
I don't blame you if you don't want context or dirt on anything that happened in this book. If you do, I've listed out a ton of things I noticed below. But overall, I'll give you my review here, at the top. Spare is an incredibly hard thing to rate because at the end of the day it's a man writing about his own life experiences and how are you supposed to rate that? The writing is flawless, though slow and boring a lot of times. Harry spends a lot of time on lengthy passages that just felt like they had no bearing on being in this book. There were also plenty of moments I noticed that he would set something up only for it to pay off later in life. I guess, when telling your life story, a lot of nuggets seem connected in retrospect.
Really, I do think this was well-written and I did find myself feeling horrifically bad for the events that happened to Harry. Prince, royalty, fame, or not - no one should have to live a life where they are scrutinized for every motion and free will stripped away. I just feel like it could have been about a hundred pages shorter. At the end of the day, this memoir serves to tell his side of the story, and yes, sometimes it's a boring one. I'm putting the content warnings below for anyone searching prior to reading.
Content Warnings: death of a parent, mentions of sex, emotional abuse, financial abuse, physical altercations, talk of war, racism (in relation to Meghan and war), dehumanization (of Harry and of people in war), grief, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks/mental health, miscarriage, alcoholism/drug use (on page, throughout)
THE MEAT OF IT:
I'm going to do my best here to sum up some of the notes I took while reading this book, but just know I'll be splitting these paragraphs up in this order: Harry's childhood, Harry as an active duty officer/in the military, William, and finally Meghan. This memoir opens up with Harry meeting his father and brother in the cemetery after the death of Prince Philip, Harry's grandfather and husband to Queen Elizabeth. They both expressed confusion as to why Harry even left the royal family in the beginning, and this is the catalyst for him sitting down to write a memoir about his entire life.
HARRY'S CHILDHOOD:
In the first third of the book Harry discusses his upbringing, going over the grief and confusion he experienced after the sudden death of his mother. There are a lot of details in here about how he always felt relegated to being the "spare" to William's "Heir" title because William was always going to become king eventually. Harry talks about the discrepancy in the way they were treated, from the sizes of bedrooms to the way their family would occasionally joke about Harry being the "spare" and how Harry always grew up knowing he was there in case William needed anything, from blood to a kidney transplant. Really it all boils down to his constant question of "Why's there a Union Jack on the coffin?", which is in reference to the British flag being laid on Diana's coffin and the way his personal grief has always been tied to public performance and reception.
This section also mentions interpersonal issues with the royal family, how they never hugged, never grew up affectionate, and how Charles was even severely bullied at boarding school and still has a tattered teddy bear, named Teddy, that he carries around (page 40, hardback ed.). A lot of this really just boils down to Harry having an upbringing that would make anyone a little insane. He was constantly fed to the press, every part of his life was a story and something for the entire world to read about, including his mistakes. He was also constantly objectified and briefly mentions the first time he had sex to being with an older woman who "rode him like a prize racehorse" and then left after her conquest (page 70).
There are nice sections of his childhood, of course everything wasn't always bad. I was baffled to learn he printed his old playstation username (imagine finding out your childhood Halo buddy was Prince Harry), talks of his relationships with the older members of his family, and genuinely moments he realized he was making lifelong friends. This section also covers his introduction to casual drug usage as a teen, plus the way people would prey on him just to get close to him. Harry's childhood is also peppered by the fact his brother, William, began to refuse having a personal relationship and always kept Harry at arms length because he didn't want his own image tainted by his younger brother.
HARRY'S MILITARY BACKGROUND:
Harry spent a lot of time in his 20s not knowing what he was supposed to do with his life, because it wasn't really his own. He decided that the military seemed like a good enough answer because of the structure it provided. I won't go into a lot of detail about the ways he discusses the military, but I felt like, genuinely, it provided a sense of family and security that he couldn't get anywhere else. There were people beside him that expected him to do right by them otherwise their lives were in danger, and for the first time it seemed like Harry realized that he was more than just a "spare" or something for the press to hunger over. He had actual responsibilities.
There were lots of moments of growth in his time in the military. He just seems like he attempts to be a good person as much as he can, including sharing his personal cell phone with other officers so they could call their loved ones. (He was required to keep one on his person because of his status as a royal.) Also, this man talked about his penis TOO MUCH. The frostbite story was funny, about how he got frostbitten skin after a trip to the North Pole right before William's wedding, but there are just some things I didn't need to know.
The military wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. There were moments that exposed the underbelly of the people around him knowing everything about him before they'd even met. When in training, specifically for torture training, Harry was mock-kidnapped and tortured by other officers, who brought up his mother in an attempt to break him. Most of this experience is glossed over in a way that I feel like only seems to be an attempt to disassociate from the memory. A lot of his life he was told to push through emotions, whether positive or negative, and that led to him hiking to the South Pole with a broken toe because "others had it worse." I'm just supremely grateful this man is in therapy, he'll probably need it until the day he dies.
WILLIAM:
I have a lot to say about this sack of used toilet paper. It comes down to the fact that regardless of Harry being the only other person on the planet to go through the exact same trauma as him, William refused to address his emotions and actually have a relationship with his brother. It's seen as early as when they were both at Eton together and telling Harry never to seek him out and to act like they aren't even related (page 42). It even extends to an obsession with the press where William clearly finds that his public presence is all that matters. Repeatedly, Harry brings up moments where he's trying to do his own work and be his own person and it's constantly undercut by William being worried that Harry will take good press from him. Even when Harry was starting the Invictus games, William (while Kate was pregnant) worried that Harry's work with wounded soldiers would make Harry a more popular royal. It's truly astounding how obsessed with his own image he is.
William's audacity is something else to behold on these pages. He makes fun of Harry's mental health and panic attacks. He had a hissy fit that Harry was able to get married with a beard and in the military uniform he chose (page 332). (The choice was not William's to make as future king when he was married, but Harry was alright because he was, again, the spare, and not as closely monitored) There are multiple moments where both Harry and Meghan attempted to sit down and have discussions with William and Kate, but they all end in fights. At one point William and Kate were mad that Harry and Meghan didn't give them EASTER PRESENTS? Kate brought Meghan to tears over Meghan's own wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses that needed to be hemmed (when there was a tailor on site, literally hemming garments but Kate wouldn't go.) It all culminated with Harry recounting a fight with William where William increasingly got angrier, then shoved Harry to the floor of Frogmore cottage where Harry landed on a dog bowl and cut his back. (page 360)
MEGHAN & NOW:
The third chunk of this book discusses Harry and Meghan meeting, their love story, and leaving the monarchy. At times this section really does feel like a fairy-tale, from fleeting moments in bars to fleeing to Africa just so they can get some peace together and see if this thing will truly work. Harry does mention in past sections other girlfriends and how things just don't click, how they were either not the right person or the right person and wrong circumstances, and I do appreciate the way he reflects kindly on a lot of the people he dated before Meghan. What I didn't appreciate, however, was the true colors that shine through on occasion with the way he speaks about Meghan originally. There's a weird moment when he's describing the luggage Meghan brought to Botswana and he talks about how expects her bag to have a hair dryer and other luxuries when she's literally camping in the bush, and how he was pleasantly surprised she didn't. This weird "not like other girls" moment felt out of left field and left a bad taste in my mouth. (page 278)
There were lots of sweet moments, from them grocery shopping together, but separate aisles in disguises texting back and forth to avoid paparazzi, to Harry borrowing Tom Hardy's costume from Mad Max so he could go to a Halloween party incognito. A lot of times friends were at the heart of Harry and Meghan's relationship even having the chance to blossom and then survive, with many friends offering their kindness, and even homes in the case of Tyler Perry who helped them move to LA during the start of the COVID pandemic.
Much of the final chapters of this book discuss Harry's relationship with the royal family. He confirms his support for the queen "even after she's gone" but wishes that they had done more for him and his family when their lives were threatened, Meghan was suicidal, and their entire livelihood stripped away (page 386). In the end, it's clear that regardless of how much Harry wanted to ride the line between royal and normal life, he had to choose. And he chose Meghan and his children over repeating the trauma that happened to him and risking his wife's life.
OVERALL:
Overall, I think this is a memoir about grief and hope and the ways it impacts our lives. Regardless of your personal feelings about the royal family, the Institution, or Harry, himself, you can tell there was a great amount of care and effort put into telling his story, as he experienced it. From the grief of being born into unattainable expectations, to the hope of realizing it's never too late to start over, Spare succeeds at one thing - humanizing a man who's been dehumanized his entire life.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Grief and Death of parent
Moderate: Physical abuse, Mental illness, Emotional abuse, Drug abuse, Racism, War, and Alcoholism
Minor: Miscarriage and Suicidal thoughts
mads_reads_books's review against another edition
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
I wish Harry had taken more ownership of the impacts of his actions. Particularly when talking about the time he wore a Nazi uniform to a party. He simply says he feels great shame and that he spoke with a rabbi to learn more about the Holocaust. In this time of antisemitism and hate crimes I think it was dismissive of Harry not to speak further to denounce and condemn antisemitism within this work or even to apologize for and condemn the other young men in particular who likely felt emboldened and supported by him due to this costume to act on and publicly share their own antisemitic beliefs
Content Warnings
Graphic: Gun violence, Classism, Colonisation, War, Death of parent, Death, Stalking, Pregnancy, Antisemitism, Murder, Grief, Car accident, and Physical abuse
Moderate: Slavery, Self harm, Racism, Ableism, Racial slurs, and Toxic friendship
Minor: War, Car accident, Eating disorder, Infidelity, Stalking, Cultural appropriation, Panic attacks/disorders, Miscarriage, Violence, Addiction, Genocide, Emotional abuse, Drug abuse, Colonisation, Islamophobia, Gaslighting, Racial slurs, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, Fire/Fire injury, Drug use, Classism, Physical abuse, Pregnancy, Racism, Domestic abuse, Antisemitism, Infertility, Vomit, Xenophobia, Incest, Toxic relationship, and Religious bigotry
kjgravelle's review
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent and Car accident
Moderate: Toxic relationship, Mental illness, Drug use, Miscarriage, Panic attacks/disorders, Forced institutionalization, Alcohol, Colonisation, Racism, Suicide, Physical abuse, and Car accident
kahalealexander's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
An illustration of the never ending damage of grief and the process of choosing to heal despite family toxicity and being unable to escape the most harmful aspect of his life—the media.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Mental illness, Emotional abuse, Racism, Pregnancy, Death, War, Death of parent, Car accident, Suicidal thoughts, and Grief
caitiedundas's review
reflective
fast-paced
3.0
I’m a bit ashamed to have read this but my curiosity got the better of me.
Mostly I just found it very sad. I think the book has been sensationalised by the leaked quotes and early sound bites, mostly about Harry’s penis, but the actual content is desperately sad. He comes across as a deeply traumatised, anxious man who is clearly haunted by a childhood and adolescence which sounds pretty grim despite the immense wealth and privilege. It’s very difficult not to empathise with him for his difficult experiences. I particularly enjoyed the first portion of the book, covering his childhood and early adolescence. It was interesting to get a look into this period and I felt he came across the most sincere in these parts. Not that his sincerity was something I really doubted later on in the book, but it was most pronounced early.
That being said, where I struggled to empathise was when it seemed like assertions were being made to try and ensure Harry came across as ‘a normal guy’. This is the worst in the second half of the book with passages dedicated to his supermarket routines, TK Max visits, etcetera. It seemed as though he was determined to come across as any old pleb, when it’s clear this simply isn’t the case, and this is something he does acknowledge in other areas of the book. In a passage near the end he recounts never having ordered an Amazon parcel, or held a house key, so he is clearly well aware of his unconventionally sheltered and elevated lifestyle, making the repeated attempts to situate himself as an ‘ordinary’ person all the more puzzling. Add to that the copious mentions of exclusive members club Soho House, plenty of occasions of friends with spare mansions, lots of monetary talk. The guy is clearly wealthy and privileged, and the book would be better for it if his honesty there was more consistent.
The writing was decent. Nothing I felt particularly blown away by but it was an enjoyable, fast paced read. The atmospheric descriptions, in particular, I thought were strong, and the themes which strung throughout the memoir and motifs which popped up repeatedly were used effectively (the flag, the biro, etc).
Not really a critique of the book as it is indeed reality but it was sad that the book ended on a rather negative note, with evidently little contact between Harry and his Royal family. It feels like quite an open ending, something I suspect is purposeful for another book.
Overall - a decent read! Despite being long it remained pretty fast paced and only took me a few days to read, with a fairly moderate amount of time dedicated to reading each day. Wouldn’t have spent the full price or indeed the current standard half price on it, but the nice it ends up in the charity shops it is absolutely worth a wee read!
Mostly I just found it very sad. I think the book has been sensationalised by the leaked quotes and early sound bites, mostly about Harry’s penis, but the actual content is desperately sad. He comes across as a deeply traumatised, anxious man who is clearly haunted by a childhood and adolescence which sounds pretty grim despite the immense wealth and privilege. It’s very difficult not to empathise with him for his difficult experiences. I particularly enjoyed the first portion of the book, covering his childhood and early adolescence. It was interesting to get a look into this period and I felt he came across the most sincere in these parts. Not that his sincerity was something I really doubted later on in the book, but it was most pronounced early.
That being said, where I struggled to empathise was when it seemed like assertions were being made to try and ensure Harry came across as ‘a normal guy’. This is the worst in the second half of the book with passages dedicated to his supermarket routines, TK Max visits, etcetera. It seemed as though he was determined to come across as any old pleb, when it’s clear this simply isn’t the case, and this is something he does acknowledge in other areas of the book. In a passage near the end he recounts never having ordered an Amazon parcel, or held a house key, so he is clearly well aware of his unconventionally sheltered and elevated lifestyle, making the repeated attempts to situate himself as an ‘ordinary’ person all the more puzzling. Add to that the copious mentions of exclusive members club Soho House, plenty of occasions of friends with spare mansions, lots of monetary talk. The guy is clearly wealthy and privileged, and the book would be better for it if his honesty there was more consistent.
The writing was decent. Nothing I felt particularly blown away by but it was an enjoyable, fast paced read. The atmospheric descriptions, in particular, I thought were strong, and the themes which strung throughout the memoir and motifs which popped up repeatedly were used effectively (the flag, the biro, etc).
Not really a critique of the book as it is indeed reality but it was sad that the book ended on a rather negative note, with evidently little contact between Harry and his Royal family. It feels like quite an open ending, something I suspect is purposeful for another book.
Overall - a decent read! Despite being long it remained pretty fast paced and only took me a few days to read, with a fairly moderate amount of time dedicated to reading each day. Wouldn’t have spent the full price or indeed the current standard half price on it, but the nice it ends up in the charity shops it is absolutely worth a wee read!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny, Colonisation, Panic attacks/disorders, Mental illness, War, Injury/Injury detail, Grief, Suicidal thoughts, Car accident, Death, Gaslighting, Death of parent, and Violence
Moderate: Antisemitism, Stalking, Drug abuse, Cultural appropriation, Abandonment, Alcohol, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Suicidal thoughts, and Racial slurs
Minor: Infertility, Drug use, Medical content, Racial slurs, Physical abuse, Bullying, Sexual content, and Miscarriage
lilyrooke's review
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.0
Spare is a story of emotional neglect, immense grief, and the myriad consequences of unaddressed trauma. In therapy, clients are often gently encouraged to consider how making meaning from their traumatic experiences - shaping their own narrative - may unlock aspects of the healing process. Harry utilises this strategy by making his memoir a means of returning to that bereaved little boy - who grew up in an environment where he was not permitted to seek physical affection from adults (hugs were an alien concept), and who knew from an early age that he born for the sole purpose of being the 'spare' - and leading him into the light of present-day freedom.
What struck me most while reading Spare was the necessity of dissolving the monarchy, if only for the sake of the children stuck in the spokes of its damaged, merciless wheel. Harry is not the only walking wounded. Other than the tabloid press, I felt William comes across worst, but I would be fascinated to read his own version of events alongside Harry's. William seems to be the typical 'golden child' while Harry is the 'black sheep', a common pattern in families with abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamics. But the golden child suffers too, the fundamental problem being that all the children are raised to believe the love around them is conditional on certain factors. Much of the toxicity and stressful situations involving the Core Four of Harry, Meghan, William, and Kate seem to stem from the immense pressure they were all put under, not only by the tabloid press but by the shifting power dynamics of the Royal Family, with aging figures such as the Queen and Prince Charles essentially out of commission, leaving their advisors (straight out of Downing Street) to pit the younger generation against one another. In this way, Spare reflects the changing times of contemporary British society, its generational and values divide.
Harry's fury is directed first and foremost at the British tabloid press - by all accounts with good reason. Is it a coincidence how you can't look at any UK publication without seeing article after article denigrating him for speaking up about his experiences and telling his truth? Ask yourself what they have to lose. Royal Family drama makes them a ton of money, and if people actually started questioning whether it's right to hound human beings like this, whether a celebrity has any right to privacy, whether readers should consider the impact on the subject's mental health, then surely people might start refusing to click these articles and give the media empires more ad revenue? One key takeaway for me is that I will work hard never again to read articles that leap on humanity's lowest instincts and thrive on the misery of other human beings. Even if they're rich. Even if they're famous. Even if they're privileged. It's one thing to see justice done for criminals, another to cackle over who said what to who, and who got upset by it.
Harry doesn't shy away from sharing how his wife grew suicidal from the tabloid intrusion, nor how the stress of their constant hounding likely contributed to her miscarriage. Much as he talks about dehumanising his enemies in Afghanistan, he and Meghan Markle became non-persons for the tabloid press - you get the sense they only saw £ signs in front of their eyes whenever there was an opportunity to post anything about Harry or Meghan. It's deeply concerning how Meghan Markle was treated, how Caroline Flack was treated, and how Harry was treated, especially as a child. I found it shocking how much could be legally published with no recourse, and how actually speaking up or suing would make it worse. There's a sense of being manipulated and victimised by a press that is always hungry for more drama. I felt my brain rotting just from reading about it so much. What do the press have to gain from keeping the British public distracted in this way? Surely not how the government is deliberately throwing the country off a cliff? It made me think of Plato's Cave. Step outside the cave and say no to the shadow puppet dance. Murdoch empire string-pullers.
I have no reason to believe anything Harry says is untrue, although clearly it's a one-sided account, which is why I would be fascinated to read William's contribution. They seem to see things so vastly differently, and clearly Harry was being left out of a lot of meetings and things were being discussed and decided without him, so I do wonder what was said to William, and what his motivations were. Late in the memoir, it becomes clear that there are a number of key advisers essentially holding the family to ransom based on their own perceptions of what is best. It honestly reminded me of Littlefinger and Varys from Game of Thrones. Growing up in a small, conservative village in England, from my perspective throughout school the Royal Family were these minor gods, removed from the realities of being human, and somehow perfect and unquestionable. But clearly they're all flesh and blood humans, and no one exemplifies this more than Charles, who comes across as deeply damaged by an emotionally abusive childhood and still carrying the scars of being bullied throughout his schooldays. Seemingly so desperate for love and approval that he'd throw his children under the PR bus if it meant more good publicity for him and Camilla. Not that he hates his children (while hugely repressed, he also comes across as loving and at times vulnerable in front of Harry), but he's so deeply lacking in core love and worth that he needs to seek it from the empty press.
Fundamentally, what I learnt from Spare is that the whole institution is fucked. It's frightening how emotionally removed the adults are from the children, and I respect Harry and William for clearly wanting to try to parent their children differently. The damage to Charles, Harry, William, is immense. This is a family that encapsulates the concept of generational trauma, and doubtless it goes back to the trauma of World War II, and even further, with generation after generation deeply impacted by upper-class white British repression and stiff upper lip misery. It would be interesting to read Spare after watching The King's Speech.
Finally, Harry himself comes across as a bit of a Made in Chelsea stereotype, if I'm being honest. He does make the point that he was infantilised and wanted to work and make his own money, but he was constrained by his father and the palace into a working royal role. It's fascinating how as a grown man he has access to millions of pounds for charitable foundations, but absolutely nothing for furnishing a flat, beyond what his father allows. So there's an incredible section about Meghan buying a sofa on credit, and IKEA lamps in their flat, and him sneaking out to the high street sales every six months or so to buy a few items of clothing. Yet he's also constantly hopping back and forth to Botswana, Australia, South Africa, living a life that's directionless and restrained, yet full of empty privilege, desperate to find some meaning and purpose.
There are times where he lacks self-awareness, such as when he compares himself to Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha); when he calls William and Kate to ask whether a Nazi uniform would be a good choice for a fancy dress party; when he uses a slur against a Pakistani friend etc. He does seem put out at the fact that he would be called racist for saying racist things, or criticised for comparing killing Taliban fighters with video games, when that's what he does. I did find myself getting frustrated by his wide-eyed attitude, since there comes a point where you need to think about what you say, and how it will be taken. Having said that, Harry also explores quite early on how his childhood trauma led to various behavioural changes, memory and processing issues, focus problems, that all point to actual lasting damage and are very real things. He doesn't seem to have had any help with any of this, until seeking out therapy much later in his life. That's a failing on the part of his family, because they didn't protect a vulnerable, bereaved child. Neglect features constantly.
I think some make the immediate criticism that he's grown up in castles and palaces and boarding schools, he wanted for nothing, so he shouldn't complain. As Harry describes it, he was limited to his bedroom, the dining room, and the sitting room, and lived a somewhat Spartan existence with limited possessions. What's clear to me is that you could have everything you ever wanted, but if you lack love, and can't have a cuddle, and don't know how to cry, and are dissociating from a young age, and all you get told is to be a man, then you're going to walk away deeply wounded and damaged. Some will scoff, but it's true. We need warmth and love more than we need anything else. Since Harry brings up post-traumatic stress, there's evidence that the difference between soldiers who end up with PTSD and those who don't often comes down to whether they formed strong early attachments, and how well those were sustained into adulthood. Put simply, you can suffer so much and come out basically fine if you know you're loved. If you feel unwanted and unworthy, you could be a Prince of England, yet believe yourself worse than nothing.
cw: trauma; emotional neglect; suicidal ideation; bereavement; racism; gaslighting; references to suicide; physical abuse; miscarriage
What struck me most while reading Spare was the necessity of dissolving the monarchy, if only for the sake of the children stuck in the spokes of its damaged, merciless wheel. Harry is not the only walking wounded. Other than the tabloid press, I felt William comes across worst, but I would be fascinated to read his own version of events alongside Harry's. William seems to be the typical 'golden child' while Harry is the 'black sheep', a common pattern in families with abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamics. But the golden child suffers too, the fundamental problem being that all the children are raised to believe the love around them is conditional on certain factors. Much of the toxicity and stressful situations involving the Core Four of Harry, Meghan, William, and Kate seem to stem from the immense pressure they were all put under, not only by the tabloid press but by the shifting power dynamics of the Royal Family, with aging figures such as the Queen and Prince Charles essentially out of commission, leaving their advisors (straight out of Downing Street) to pit the younger generation against one another. In this way, Spare reflects the changing times of contemporary British society, its generational and values divide.
Harry's fury is directed first and foremost at the British tabloid press - by all accounts with good reason. Is it a coincidence how you can't look at any UK publication without seeing article after article denigrating him for speaking up about his experiences and telling his truth? Ask yourself what they have to lose. Royal Family drama makes them a ton of money, and if people actually started questioning whether it's right to hound human beings like this, whether a celebrity has any right to privacy, whether readers should consider the impact on the subject's mental health, then surely people might start refusing to click these articles and give the media empires more ad revenue? One key takeaway for me is that I will work hard never again to read articles that leap on humanity's lowest instincts and thrive on the misery of other human beings. Even if they're rich. Even if they're famous. Even if they're privileged. It's one thing to see justice done for criminals, another to cackle over who said what to who, and who got upset by it.
Harry doesn't shy away from sharing how his wife grew suicidal from the tabloid intrusion, nor how the stress of their constant hounding likely contributed to her miscarriage. Much as he talks about dehumanising his enemies in Afghanistan, he and Meghan Markle became non-persons for the tabloid press - you get the sense they only saw £ signs in front of their eyes whenever there was an opportunity to post anything about Harry or Meghan. It's deeply concerning how Meghan Markle was treated, how Caroline Flack was treated, and how Harry was treated, especially as a child. I found it shocking how much could be legally published with no recourse, and how actually speaking up or suing would make it worse. There's a sense of being manipulated and victimised by a press that is always hungry for more drama. I felt my brain rotting just from reading about it so much. What do the press have to gain from keeping the British public distracted in this way? Surely not how the government is deliberately throwing the country off a cliff? It made me think of Plato's Cave. Step outside the cave and say no to the shadow puppet dance. Murdoch empire string-pullers.
I have no reason to believe anything Harry says is untrue, although clearly it's a one-sided account, which is why I would be fascinated to read William's contribution. They seem to see things so vastly differently, and clearly Harry was being left out of a lot of meetings and things were being discussed and decided without him, so I do wonder what was said to William, and what his motivations were. Late in the memoir, it becomes clear that there are a number of key advisers essentially holding the family to ransom based on their own perceptions of what is best. It honestly reminded me of Littlefinger and Varys from Game of Thrones. Growing up in a small, conservative village in England, from my perspective throughout school the Royal Family were these minor gods, removed from the realities of being human, and somehow perfect and unquestionable. But clearly they're all flesh and blood humans, and no one exemplifies this more than Charles, who comes across as deeply damaged by an emotionally abusive childhood and still carrying the scars of being bullied throughout his schooldays. Seemingly so desperate for love and approval that he'd throw his children under the PR bus if it meant more good publicity for him and Camilla. Not that he hates his children (while hugely repressed, he also comes across as loving and at times vulnerable in front of Harry), but he's so deeply lacking in core love and worth that he needs to seek it from the empty press.
Fundamentally, what I learnt from Spare is that the whole institution is fucked. It's frightening how emotionally removed the adults are from the children, and I respect Harry and William for clearly wanting to try to parent their children differently. The damage to Charles, Harry, William, is immense. This is a family that encapsulates the concept of generational trauma, and doubtless it goes back to the trauma of World War II, and even further, with generation after generation deeply impacted by upper-class white British repression and stiff upper lip misery. It would be interesting to read Spare after watching The King's Speech.
Finally, Harry himself comes across as a bit of a Made in Chelsea stereotype, if I'm being honest. He does make the point that he was infantilised and wanted to work and make his own money, but he was constrained by his father and the palace into a working royal role. It's fascinating how as a grown man he has access to millions of pounds for charitable foundations, but absolutely nothing for furnishing a flat, beyond what his father allows. So there's an incredible section about Meghan buying a sofa on credit, and IKEA lamps in their flat, and him sneaking out to the high street sales every six months or so to buy a few items of clothing. Yet he's also constantly hopping back and forth to Botswana, Australia, South Africa, living a life that's directionless and restrained, yet full of empty privilege, desperate to find some meaning and purpose.
There are times where he lacks self-awareness, such as when he compares himself to Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha); when he calls William and Kate to ask whether a Nazi uniform would be a good choice for a fancy dress party; when he uses a slur against a Pakistani friend etc. He does seem put out at the fact that he would be called racist for saying racist things, or criticised for comparing killing Taliban fighters with video games, when that's what he does. I did find myself getting frustrated by his wide-eyed attitude, since there comes a point where you need to think about what you say, and how it will be taken. Having said that, Harry also explores quite early on how his childhood trauma led to various behavioural changes, memory and processing issues, focus problems, that all point to actual lasting damage and are very real things. He doesn't seem to have had any help with any of this, until seeking out therapy much later in his life. That's a failing on the part of his family, because they didn't protect a vulnerable, bereaved child. Neglect features constantly.
I think some make the immediate criticism that he's grown up in castles and palaces and boarding schools, he wanted for nothing, so he shouldn't complain. As Harry describes it, he was limited to his bedroom, the dining room, and the sitting room, and lived a somewhat Spartan existence with limited possessions. What's clear to me is that you could have everything you ever wanted, but if you lack love, and can't have a cuddle, and don't know how to cry, and are dissociating from a young age, and all you get told is to be a man, then you're going to walk away deeply wounded and damaged. Some will scoff, but it's true. We need warmth and love more than we need anything else. Since Harry brings up post-traumatic stress, there's evidence that the difference between soldiers who end up with PTSD and those who don't often comes down to whether they formed strong early attachments, and how well those were sustained into adulthood. Put simply, you can suffer so much and come out basically fine if you know you're loved. If you feel unwanted and unworthy, you could be a Prince of England, yet believe yourself worse than nothing.
cw: trauma; emotional neglect; suicidal ideation; bereavement; racism; gaslighting; references to suicide; physical abuse; miscarriage
Content Warnings
Moderate: Death of parent, Grief, Suicidal thoughts, Physical abuse, Miscarriage, Emotional abuse, Racism, and Gaslighting
voyage_of_a_time_wanderer's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
2.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Pregnancy, Death of parent, Suicidal thoughts, and War
Moderate: Mental illness, Addiction, Alcohol, Car accident, Panic attacks/disorders, Drug abuse, Physical abuse, Miscarriage, and Drug use