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492 reviews for:
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
Meghan Daum
3.65 AVERAGE
492 reviews for:
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
Meghan Daum
3.65 AVERAGE
funny
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
informative
reflective
medium-paced
The premise - essays about not having children from writers who have never had children - is interesting and sounds like something I'd enjoy. And I did enjoy some of the essays. Overall though, I was disappointed with how similar most of the women's (and they are mostly white women) reasons are and for how little variety in theme was presented.
Unlike the title of the book though - not all of these writers actively chose not to have children.
Some of the writers addressed the fact that women are asked about children more frequently then men and some tried to address the inequity in societal expectations. But most seemed to talk about their own childhoods, which wasn't of any particular interest to me.
The collection had a couple of gems, saving it from a lower rating from me, but overall it was rather bland.
Unlike the title of the book though - not all of these writers actively chose not to have children.
Some of the writers addressed the fact that women are asked about children more frequently then men and some tried to address the inequity in societal expectations. But most seemed to talk about their own childhoods, which wasn't of any particular interest to me.
The collection had a couple of gems, saving it from a lower rating from me, but overall it was rather bland.
This was a really refreshing and interesting view on the choice not to have kids. There were essays by 13 women and 3 men, straight, gay and lesbian, all writers (so one could argue profession-wise this wasn’t very diverse) and all actively choosing not to have kids (instead of wanting them but not being able to conceive which is a totally different topic) they all had various reasons for making this choice and different experiences from their own childhood, love life and surroundings. And contrary to popular believe, they’re not baby hating monsters but actually like children a lot!
The only essay which made my review drop down a star, was the one by Lionel Shriver, where I agree with a lot of reviewers, that it was just plainly racist.
The only essay which made my review drop down a star, was the one by Lionel Shriver, where I agree with a lot of reviewers, that it was just plainly racist.
emotional
informative
slow-paced
I really enjoyed this. I appreciated that there were multiple perspectives offered, that one’s reasons don’t have to be another’s.
I wanted to love these essays except Meghan Daum and all of the editors who read and decided to include Lionel Shriver’s essay, “Be Here Now Means Be Gone Later” fucked up. It is grossly racist.
I’m also disappointed in that so many of the writers seemed to agree that on some level, not having children is a Selfish, Shallow, and Self Absorbed choice... which to counter that idea quite simply — not having kids when you don’t want kids is not selfish, it’s smart. Reproducing because we want the intense love that a child could bring into our lives is way closer to being about our own egos — those who want children (not because they feel pressured to have them) only do it for “selfish” reasons. But there’s nothing wrong with that! You’re allowed to want to be a parent! Quite a few of these writers failed to address this, which I understand, because everyone has a different story to share. Still, it’s disappointing.
This was interesting and well written (of course) but I’d recommend reading “Regretting Motherhood” instead.
I’m also disappointed in that so many of the writers seemed to agree that on some level, not having children is a Selfish, Shallow, and Self Absorbed choice... which to counter that idea quite simply — not having kids when you don’t want kids is not selfish, it’s smart. Reproducing because we want the intense love that a child could bring into our lives is way closer to being about our own egos — those who want children (not because they feel pressured to have them) only do it for “selfish” reasons. But there’s nothing wrong with that! You’re allowed to want to be a parent! Quite a few of these writers failed to address this, which I understand, because everyone has a different story to share. Still, it’s disappointing.
This was interesting and well written (of course) but I’d recommend reading “Regretting Motherhood” instead.
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
“Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision to Not Have Kids”
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“She didn’t really want a baby, she wanted to want a baby.”
These 16 essays covered a diverse range of people who are child-free or childless by choice. The decision for this lifestyle is always more complicated than a one-reason answer—much like people’s reasonings for wanting children.
challenging
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Would have preferred to read more from people in their 20s and 30s, I’d say the focus here is 40s-60s.