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492 reviews for:
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
Meghan Daum
3.65 AVERAGE
492 reviews for:
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
Meghan Daum
3.65 AVERAGE
challenging
informative
reflective
fast-paced
TW: Racism, people who actually want kids???
I'll be honest, I DNF at page 186. I kept pushing through hoping the authors stories would be different. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was repeatedly hearing "I dont want kids, BUT I'm sorry and I'm actually not 100% on this and I might regret it." I'm pretty sure most people who buy a book like this don't want to hear a bunch of stories from people who are on the fence about their decision. I bought this to be empowered in my decision, not read about people crying (literally as the author puts it, I'm not being a dick) about their choice.
I have a feeling it comes down to the editing of this book and which stories were included and not included. Maybe one of the 4 stories at the end would have been good, but after reading 11 ones that missed the mark I just couldn't drag myself through it.
And, as many other reviews have mentioned a blatantly racist story was included (which I skipped). Like, no. Just no.
I'll be honest, I DNF at page 186. I kept pushing through hoping the authors stories would be different. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was repeatedly hearing "I dont want kids, BUT I'm sorry and I'm actually not 100% on this and I might regret it." I'm pretty sure most people who buy a book like this don't want to hear a bunch of stories from people who are on the fence about their decision. I bought this to be empowered in my decision, not read about people crying (literally as the author puts it, I'm not being a dick) about their choice.
I have a feeling it comes down to the editing of this book and which stories were included and not included. Maybe one of the 4 stories at the end would have been good, but after reading 11 ones that missed the mark I just couldn't drag myself through it.
And, as many other reviews have mentioned a blatantly racist story was included (which I skipped). Like, no. Just no.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Racism
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
As someone interested in this topic, this essay collection worked well for me. It was generally well written and engaging - I read all the essays in just a couple of days. Some of the essays were more in a memoir style, while others more an argument or political article, which I generally preferred. I was surprised to find that the articles written by men were generally my favourites - they seemed more open and committed to the idea of being child free, while some of the ones by women were more defensive than I hoped, with lots of discussion around how they still love children and being an aunt. There was only one, by Lionel Shriver, which I actively disliked. I would have liked to see more diversity in the writers, although did appreciate some gender mix and hearing perspectives from older people who do not regret their decisions and didn't change their mind (as so many are told when younger). There were a few essays that shared ideas I had thought before but not seen shared, in particular that if our purpose is in having children then what is their purpose, and so on, especially when nothing (even the human race and our universe) lasts forever - I loved that this was brought up. There were also interesting ideas around how being child free might be a demographic response to privelege and overpopulation, and that the idea of a child as a precious gift is not that old given high infant mortality rates earlier last century. I would be interested to read an angrier more political set of essays on this topic published now as I think perspectives are changing, and it would be nice to see more discussion of how the climate crisis fits into this. Generally good food for thought and easy to read - would recommend for those interested in this topic.
Pretty decent read, though I was perturbed that the whole book was written by writers. There were parts detailing a variety of reasons for not having children, and that made for a nice collection of memoirs. It was worth the read.
I liked the ones by BiPoc authors talking about their shitty childhoods (relatable).
Some essays have incorrect claims that are not backed by any research and reinforce toxic hegemonic beliefs (for example, that homosexuality is "innatural" in other species until they're "overpopulated"= false, many species have homosexual members regardless of population size). One essay was straight up racist.
Some essays have incorrect claims that are not backed by any research and reinforce toxic hegemonic beliefs (for example, that homosexuality is "innatural" in other species until they're "overpopulated"= false, many species have homosexual members regardless of population size). One essay was straight up racist.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Misogyny, Racism
Almost every essayist in this collection feels the need to explain that they love kids or there are still kids in their life, I notice.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Trying to find the words to describe how I felt about this book and it's hard. I can relate to almost all of the stories - and not in a I am choosing not to have kids kind of way, but a how I want to live my life with kids. Everyone was extremely logical and reasonable about their decision not to have kids. Ugghh I am not doing my feelings any justice. But would def rec to anyone interested in the topic.
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
slow-paced