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4.23 AVERAGE
4.23 AVERAGE
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I knew before reading this book that I would love it. I am a huge, ridiculous and sometimes annoying fan of Sugar. I read her columns religiously and almost every single one of them has hit me hard and made me sob. And now? Now, here are so many of them - all of my favorites and some that have never been posted on The Rumpus - right in one little place. I read them before Cheryl Strayed was revealed as Sugar and I read them afterward. She is glorious and a wonderful writer and she gives, I shit you not, the best advice I've ever seen without it even feeling like she's giving advice.
The Obliterated Place is the column that has hit me the hardest. I read it over and over and over back when I first discovered it shortly after my miscarriage and it saved me. I hadn't read it again until yesterday when I read it here, and once again it affected me greatly. I experienced the same visceral reaction as before.
She has been through hell and back more than once which has given her the ability and insight to do this so well. She's amazing.
Read this. Please. I can assure you that you will be touched at least once, if not countless times again and again.
If you don't have time/money to read the book, check your local library (that's where I got mine, though I've since bought a copy for myself and another to give to a specific someone who I think will benefit from reading it). Short of that, please read this column: the Obliterated Place.
The Obliterated Place is the column that has hit me the hardest. I read it over and over and over back when I first discovered it shortly after my miscarriage and it saved me. I hadn't read it again until yesterday when I read it here, and once again it affected me greatly. I experienced the same visceral reaction as before.
She has been through hell and back more than once which has given her the ability and insight to do this so well. She's amazing.
Read this. Please. I can assure you that you will be touched at least once, if not countless times again and again.
If you don't have time/money to read the book, check your local library (that's where I got mine, though I've since bought a copy for myself and another to give to a specific someone who I think will benefit from reading it). Short of that, please read this column: the Obliterated Place.
WOW. A lot of my friends have read this and I finally got to it. Now I think it should be recommended reading for all adults. There's just so much here. Some of the stories (the writers' and hers) are very hard, and I was struck by how many times she uncovered the thing the advice-seekers already knew but didn't want to admit or take action on. So often we all need to be told to listen to our gut, and given permission to do that.
Favorite quotes (among many):
"Powerful and soulful, Tiny Beautiful Things is destined to become a classic of the form, the sort of book readers will carry around in purses or backpacks during difficult times as a token or talisman because of the radiant wisdom and depth within." --Aimee Bender, author of The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake
"I've written often about how we have to reach hard in the direction of the lives we want, even if it's difficult to do so." (181)
"So here's the long and short of it, Wearing Thin: There is no why. You don't have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you're holding. And, dear one, you and I both were granted a mighty generous hand." (205)
"c) How can it be that so many people's ex-girlfriends are crazy? What happens to these women?" (210)
"What do you do when you don't know what to do about something? I talk to Mr. Sugar and my friends. I make lists. I attempt to analyze the situation from the perspective of my 'best self' -- the one that's generous, reasonable, forgiving, loving, big-hearted, and grateful. I think really hard about what I'll wish I did a year from now..." (215)
"It's such a cliche, but it's true: You must set boundaries. F***ed-up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. They are a purely peaceable thing: the basic principals you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you, and they teach you how to respect yourself." (227)
"It's a truism of transformation that if we want things to be different we have to change ourselves. I think both of you are going to have to take this to heart the way anyone who has ever changed anything about their lives has had to take it to heart: by making it not just a nice thing we say, but a hard thing we do." (237)
"I'll never know, and neither will you of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore." (248)
Favorite quotes (among many):
"Powerful and soulful, Tiny Beautiful Things is destined to become a classic of the form, the sort of book readers will carry around in purses or backpacks during difficult times as a token or talisman because of the radiant wisdom and depth within." --Aimee Bender, author of The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake
"I've written often about how we have to reach hard in the direction of the lives we want, even if it's difficult to do so." (181)
"So here's the long and short of it, Wearing Thin: There is no why. You don't have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you're holding. And, dear one, you and I both were granted a mighty generous hand." (205)
"c) How can it be that so many people's ex-girlfriends are crazy? What happens to these women?" (210)
"What do you do when you don't know what to do about something? I talk to Mr. Sugar and my friends. I make lists. I attempt to analyze the situation from the perspective of my 'best self' -- the one that's generous, reasonable, forgiving, loving, big-hearted, and grateful. I think really hard about what I'll wish I did a year from now..." (215)
"It's such a cliche, but it's true: You must set boundaries. F***ed-up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. They are a purely peaceable thing: the basic principals you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you, and they teach you how to respect yourself." (227)
"It's a truism of transformation that if we want things to be different we have to change ourselves. I think both of you are going to have to take this to heart the way anyone who has ever changed anything about their lives has had to take it to heart: by making it not just a nice thing we say, but a hard thing we do." (237)
"I'll never know, and neither will you of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore." (248)
I have mixed feelings here. Cheryl is a great writer and these advice letters are beautiful…they feel like getting coffee with a really direct and empathetic friend. But they also start to feel really similar after a while if you’re reading this all in one go. This was a library book so I had to read it quick, but it’s hard to read almost 400 pages of advice and not get bored or start skimming. This is a book to read slowly over time when you can sit with the letters you need and let Sugar’s advice sink in, and then put it down for a while and come back. Some of these moved me to tears and made me feel big feelings, others weren’t words I needed. Good writing, interesting stories, better to be savored over time.
I haven't read "Wild" or seen the movie and I can't remember what lead me to "Tiny Beautiful Things." But I'm a sucker for well-written, honest memoirs and that's pretty much what this is, albeit disguised as an advice column. I don't mean to discount the advice part of it; Strayed clearly takes seriously her role in helping people make sense of their lives, especially in those moments when it feels like nothing will ever make sense again. Her advice is mostly spot-on, thoughtful and constructive; she doesn't settle for being glib or snarky, which is so much easier. But the real reason to read this is Strayed's insight, and I'll admit that several of the columns had me in tears. Yes, it gets annoying that she calls everyone "Sweet Pea." Ignore that and read this anyway.
Advice columns from many years of Cheryl Strayed writing anonymously as ‘Dear Sugar’. Come for the letters, enjoy for the responses - witty, thoughtful, and actually helpful. Strayed notes that many writers already know what they should do and are looking for confirmation slash affirmation from a stranger. Recommended.
I've only just started this book and I'm already rationing how many letters a day I read to prolong the reading of this book. It's funny, sorrowful, touching, and just full of raw emotion.
This was a delightful read. I really enjoyed the advice the fortyish author would give to her 20-something self. What advice would you give to your 20-something self?
This was a delightful read. I really enjoyed the advice the fortyish author would give to her 20-something self. What advice would you give to your 20-something self?
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Cancer, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Incest, Infertility, Infidelity, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Dementia, Grief, Car accident, Abortion, Death of parent, Pregnancy, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, Dysphoria, Injury/Injury detail