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sonyakyr's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
super interesting, lots to look back on
susanhobbs's review
3.0
3.5, in my opinion. Some interesting bits in here about our psyches, thoughts for parents and learnings about social media.
bootman's review
5.0
Very insightful book, but I wish it offered some more solutions rather than “you’re just wired that way”
pecanpyes's review
3.0
I read this for my health development class…I’ll be honest! But there were a few moments in the book that made me crack up and that is definitely why it’s rated 3 stars from me. I probably wouldn’t have read this if it wasn’t a book option on my essay, but I’m glad I gained something from it.
moadore's review
3.0
I've got a little of a (completely non-sordid) confession to make. When I return back to Aberdeen I'm always asked "was it nice catching up with your friends/did you go for a night out?". I mutter off an awkward spiel about some of my friends now having children, some friends also moved away else where etc etc. That is only a half truth. The full truth is, while some friends have had kids and also moved on past my childhood village, I wasn't popular at high school and didn't really have a big friends group to hang out with in the first place.
For some reason I don't feel comfortable being honest about this, despite having grown into a likeable mid-20s woman who does have a solid friends group that was build post-school. But Mitch Pristein's book focuses on exactly this kind of thinking: how our popularity at school effects us as adults (and a few tips on un-doing the baggage).
There was nothing in this book that particularly surprised me. I'm someone who was unpopular at school but seems to have done well in adult life largely because I woke up one day, identified the reasons why I had been not widely likeable at school, and strove to fix them. I do live as proof that someone's social status at school doesn't have to carry on into adult life, but that you do need to take active steps to re-wire your outlook, social skills and emotional intelligence (and, in some cases, no longer being caught in the constraints that your maybe-not-cool parents set for you, such as an early curfew and not buying you a car).
Saying that, it is nice to have a professional psychologist confirm that my hunches on popularity and peer relations had largely been correct. But throughout his pages, he shared examples of the way popularity effects us as adults that I hadn't considered, and they made me realise that I still have some self-confidence issues that stem from my unpopular childhood that I need to shred.
Overall, I only knocked off a star because I kind of already knew most of it anyway and felt it could have been a bit more in-depth (I personally would love for him to write a self-development book that focuses on how to avoid continuing the cycle of low-likeability and low social status post school).
For some reason I don't feel comfortable being honest about this, despite having grown into a likeable mid-20s woman who does have a solid friends group that was build post-school. But Mitch Pristein's book focuses on exactly this kind of thinking: how our popularity at school effects us as adults (and a few tips on un-doing the baggage).
There was nothing in this book that particularly surprised me. I'm someone who was unpopular at school but seems to have done well in adult life largely because I woke up one day, identified the reasons why I had been not widely likeable at school, and strove to fix them. I do live as proof that someone's social status at school doesn't have to carry on into adult life, but that you do need to take active steps to re-wire your outlook, social skills and emotional intelligence (and, in some cases, no longer being caught in the constraints that your maybe-not-cool parents set for you, such as an early curfew and not buying you a car).
Saying that, it is nice to have a professional psychologist confirm that my hunches on popularity and peer relations had largely been correct. But throughout his pages, he shared examples of the way popularity effects us as adults that I hadn't considered, and they made me realise that I still have some self-confidence issues that stem from my unpopular childhood that I need to shred.
Overall, I only knocked off a star because I kind of already knew most of it anyway and felt it could have been a bit more in-depth (I personally would love for him to write a self-development book that focuses on how to avoid continuing the cycle of low-likeability and low social status post school).
taliaissmart's review
4.0
3.5 stars
Prinstein eloquently and accessibly provides a wealth of information and examples demonstrating the roles two kinds of popularity—status and likability—play in your mental and physical health & wellbeing. Very interesting!
I didn’t always feel like the information was especially surprising, but I enjoyed learning about the psychological studies and evidence that back up the loose notions of popularity that I already had. There are also not a lot of practical suggestions here, but it doesn’t claim to be a self-help book. Still, I feel like it could attract that audience, so just know going in that you’ll be getting info rather than advice.
Prinstein eloquently and accessibly provides a wealth of information and examples demonstrating the roles two kinds of popularity—status and likability—play in your mental and physical health & wellbeing. Very interesting!
I didn’t always feel like the information was especially surprising, but I enjoyed learning about the psychological studies and evidence that back up the loose notions of popularity that I already had. There are also not a lot of practical suggestions here, but it doesn’t claim to be a self-help book. Still, I feel like it could attract that audience, so just know going in that you’ll be getting info rather than advice.
themtj's review
5.0
Most books like this have 20-30 pages of content followed by 200 of repetitive fluff. This is not the case here. To the contrary, this book gets better and more data-heavy the longer it goes.
As the subtitle suggests, the two types of popularity are status and likability. Status is power, influence, and dominance. People who have status are both rated extremely high and low in likability. Likable people are the people who everyone enjoys being around even if it doesn't grant them status. In the long run status-driven people are prone to depression, isolation, and loneliness. Most of us want to be more popular and will mistakenly pursue status when likability is much more achievable and more desirable.
I'm short, if you're looking for a data-driven argument as to why you should strive to be a decent person, this is it.
As the subtitle suggests, the two types of popularity are status and likability. Status is power, influence, and dominance. People who have status are both rated extremely high and low in likability. Likable people are the people who everyone enjoys being around even if it doesn't grant them status. In the long run status-driven people are prone to depression, isolation, and loneliness. Most of us want to be more popular and will mistakenly pursue status when likability is much more achievable and more desirable.
I'm short, if you're looking for a data-driven argument as to why you should strive to be a decent person, this is it.
luckypluto's review
3.0
A pretty good look at what makes people “cool”, and, more importantly, likable. It helped me to clarify some of my own struggles (or perhaps lack thereof) in making friends. As with most pop psychology books, I found it to be a little light on details; there were some startling ideas and epiphanies that were mentioned in passing that could have warranted entire sections or even chapters, and I still don’t have a completely clear sense of what makes one likable. This book is a good foundation for further inquiry.
melhara's review against another edition
4.0
A very interesting analysis on “likability,” why we admire people who are more popular, and why we crave attention/popularity.
I found the “popularity” comparisons drawn between highschool and life after highschool to be pretty fascinating. For example, Prinstein claims that the way we admire celebrities or people with a higher status and picture ourselves being friends with them (or wishing they’d be your future wife/husband) is similar to the way we (not-so-popular kids) admired and wanted to be friends with the popular kid in school and craved to be noticed.
It’s important to note that Prinstein’s concepts are not necessarily universal - the concept of “popularity” is a social construct based on a society’s culture. A “popular kid” in Asia would not necessarily be considered “popular” in an American high school. Therefore, it’s important to distinguish that a lot of the key concepts that are shared in this book mostly applies to the average American.
I loved the sections of the book that focused on the implications that social media has on popularity. Social media sites have basically redefined social status and popularity by basing it on the number of ‘likes,’‘subscribers’ or ‘friends’ that we have online. It’s very reminiscent of one of my favourite Black Mirror episodes, Nosedive.
(if you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend that you check it out)
The last few chapters of this book focused on child development and what parents can do to make their children more likable. I might revisit this when I have children of my own.
We never really left highschool at all.
I found the “popularity” comparisons drawn between highschool and life after highschool to be pretty fascinating. For example, Prinstein claims that the way we admire celebrities or people with a higher status and picture ourselves being friends with them (or wishing they’d be your future wife/husband) is similar to the way we (not-so-popular kids) admired and wanted to be friends with the popular kid in school and craved to be noticed.
It’s important to note that Prinstein’s concepts are not necessarily universal - the concept of “popularity” is a social construct based on a society’s culture. A “popular kid” in Asia would not necessarily be considered “popular” in an American high school. Therefore, it’s important to distinguish that a lot of the key concepts that are shared in this book mostly applies to the average American.
I loved the sections of the book that focused on the implications that social media has on popularity. Social media sites have basically redefined social status and popularity by basing it on the number of ‘likes,’‘subscribers’ or ‘friends’ that we have online. It’s very reminiscent of one of my favourite Black Mirror episodes, Nosedive.
(if you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend that you check it out)
The last few chapters of this book focused on child development and what parents can do to make their children more likable. I might revisit this when I have children of my own.