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3.7 AVERAGE
3.7 AVERAGE
informative
reflective
medium-paced
informative
medium-paced
As someone rapidly approaching gibing birth, I picked this book up obviously intrigues to see what the title meant and if I would gain and tips or insights into arguably one of the scariest, transforming and life changing moments I can imagine going through.
I do think this book is good for people who are pregnant and not pregnant as well as those who want to give birth and maybe people who aren't interested but are looking to support partners or indeed just intrigued by this non fiction text.
However, I probably wouldn't recommend to anyone who is highly anxious about birth or people who may have issues with doctors or 'white coat syndrome'. One of the downfalls of this book is an unspoken emphasis that a home birth is the exemplary choice, both as a feminist and in terms of the least amount of medical push in when in reality, home birth is just not an option for so many different reasons for a majority of women. There are some horror stories shared by some women about their births from forced inductions, sweeps etc and while I would have liked a mix of stories for maybe times when medical interventions worked out best to give some balance, it's not necessarily a far cry from the general stories you end up hearing when people find out you're pregnant and think you need to know about their traumatic birth.
I did feel a certain kind of power reading this book though - even in just adding to a mental toolkit of how to prepare to stand up for myself and my birth preferences, to remind myself that I don't have to necessarily agree with every single thing a doctor or midwife tells me - I'm allowed to use my voice, ask for reasons and opinions, and use the BRAIN method - and doing this, doesn't make me a bad mother, it just means that I'm standing up for myself and in turn my child. And because of this, I'm really glad I read this book as I think I needed some of the knowledge that this text gave me.
HOWEVER, the version of the book I read had an updated chapter that I really felt was so unnecessary and put a damper on the reading experience for me which is the author wading into the trans debate, and who can or can't call themselves a woman. While I see where the author tried to come from, to a point, in terms of the language used in the book and how important the 'woman' label is in the labour room for what she was talking about when it comes to dismissal of fears etc by medical staff and how it's a feminist/equality issue, she failed to open her eyes how being a transman or non binary person in a similar situation could be even worse and these people could end up with an even more extensive list of ways they weren't listened to when it comes to their bodily autonomy, pronouns, names, etc not to mention any bad attitudes among hospital staff adding to a traumatic birth (and also not to even start on any mental health problems pregnancy could bring to a transperson due to body dysmorphia etc). And adding in a line about how 'JK Rowling tweeted to support you' is not a flex, it's a massive turn off.
So the ending was really unfortunate. I don't want to rate this book really low due to the fact I did gain something important from it for myself ahead of my own birth experience but I can't ignore the absolute doozy of that last chapter either.
I do think this book is good for people who are pregnant and not pregnant as well as those who want to give birth and maybe people who aren't interested but are looking to support partners or indeed just intrigued by this non fiction text.
However, I probably wouldn't recommend to anyone who is highly anxious about birth or people who may have issues with doctors or 'white coat syndrome'. One of the downfalls of this book is an unspoken emphasis that a home birth is the exemplary choice, both as a feminist and in terms of the least amount of medical push in when in reality, home birth is just not an option for so many different reasons for a majority of women. There are some horror stories shared by some women about their births from forced inductions, sweeps etc and while I would have liked a mix of stories for maybe times when medical interventions worked out best to give some balance, it's not necessarily a far cry from the general stories you end up hearing when people find out you're pregnant and think you need to know about their traumatic birth.
I did feel a certain kind of power reading this book though - even in just adding to a mental toolkit of how to prepare to stand up for myself and my birth preferences, to remind myself that I don't have to necessarily agree with every single thing a doctor or midwife tells me - I'm allowed to use my voice, ask for reasons and opinions, and use the BRAIN method - and doing this, doesn't make me a bad mother, it just means that I'm standing up for myself and in turn my child. And because of this, I'm really glad I read this book as I think I needed some of the knowledge that this text gave me.
HOWEVER, the version of the book I read had an updated chapter that I really felt was so unnecessary and put a damper on the reading experience for me which is the author wading into the trans debate, and who can or can't call themselves a woman. While I see where the author tried to come from, to a point, in terms of the language used in the book and how important the 'woman' label is in the labour room for what she was talking about when it comes to dismissal of fears etc by medical staff and how it's a feminist/equality issue, she failed to open her eyes how being a transman or non binary person in a similar situation could be even worse and these people could end up with an even more extensive list of ways they weren't listened to when it comes to their bodily autonomy, pronouns, names, etc not to mention any bad attitudes among hospital staff adding to a traumatic birth (and also not to even start on any mental health problems pregnancy could bring to a transperson due to body dysmorphia etc). And adding in a line about how 'JK Rowling tweeted to support you' is not a flex, it's a massive turn off.
So the ending was really unfortunate. I don't want to rate this book really low due to the fact I did gain something important from it for myself ahead of my own birth experience but I can't ignore the absolute doozy of that last chapter either.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Medical content, Medical trauma
Minor: Transphobia
adventurous
informative
reflective
slow-paced
A very important book.
Birth is personal and should be given back into the hands of the women that labor, also (and especially) when they want to make unconventional decisions. It’s our right to be able to make well informed decisions. The caregiver is only the informer, not the decision-maker.
Reading this book made me sad about the state of birth and how often basic human rights are breached during pregnancy, labor, birth and the postpartum period. It also gave me hope, because it looks like many women are taking charge of their births already and regarding it as a feminist issue. I'm excited to see a movement of women fight for positive birth experiences no matter where, how or when birth happens.
Birth is personal and should be given back into the hands of the women that labor, also (and especially) when they want to make unconventional decisions. It’s our right to be able to make well informed decisions. The caregiver is only the informer, not the decision-maker.
Reading this book made me sad about the state of birth and how often basic human rights are breached during pregnancy, labor, birth and the postpartum period. It also gave me hope, because it looks like many women are taking charge of their births already and regarding it as a feminist issue. I'm excited to see a movement of women fight for positive birth experiences no matter where, how or when birth happens.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I think the beginning of the book was very shaky, and I’m not sure that the middle and the end, though they picked up a bit, every really changed my mind. While she claims not to be, it feels that Milli is deeply hostile towards NHS midwives and obstetricians. I agree that ‘the establishment’ does itself no favours, and as a midwife we know that on occasion, we fail women, and there are so many meetings, initiatives, activism and training sessions to try and turn it around. So I think for Milli to insinuate that midwives either don’t know or don’t care that some women have traumatising births due to a lack of information, is unfair. We know, we care, but she’s right that it is such a huge system that it may take a generation to get to the kind of change we need.
I think encouraging women to see their midwives as antagonists in the birth journey is unhelpful. As a midwife, I am wholly against applying hospital policies for the sake of policies, and I care about reading and following birth plans, so when I come to care for a woman and it’s clear from the tone of her birth plan, that she is prepared to fight me every step of the way to get things that I would do for her without question, makes me feel like we’ve got off on the wrong foot, and interrupted the trusting bond we could have had. I can’t compete against nine months of books and websites and doulas telling her I’m not her friend - the best I can hope for in those births is that by not forming a bond, by standing back, I will do the least to offend her. This works if the birth proceeds normally and I am barely needed, but if things take a turn, I then have the horrible task of explaining interventions and medical recommendations to someone who hasn’t bonded with me and doesn’t trust me to have her best interests at heart at all.
Continuity of carer systems help fight against this, so I have this problem less in my current job, but I know so many colleagues who have this problem on a weekly basis. We need to restore trust. And I know midwives need to earn it, but also, an intervention will always feel wrong if you don’t trust the person offering it, even if they give you all the information and time in the world.
It is not just independent midwives and doulas who are activists for change in the birth room. However, ignoring this first part of the book, Milli has a lot of good things to say about human rights and consent, and a good overview of the law surrounding childbirth. I think it’s great for more women to learn that they don’t have to go along with everything. It is so infuriating when I am cut off in the middle of explaining something because the woman is like ‘sure, do whatever is best’ or worse, ‘do whatever everyone else does’ (!!). I applaud the efforts to encourage women to think carefully about each choice they make. I would just love if it could be emphasised that you can do this by having a heart to heart with your kind and attentive midwife!
I think encouraging women to see their midwives as antagonists in the birth journey is unhelpful. As a midwife, I am wholly against applying hospital policies for the sake of policies, and I care about reading and following birth plans, so when I come to care for a woman and it’s clear from the tone of her birth plan, that she is prepared to fight me every step of the way to get things that I would do for her without question, makes me feel like we’ve got off on the wrong foot, and interrupted the trusting bond we could have had. I can’t compete against nine months of books and websites and doulas telling her I’m not her friend - the best I can hope for in those births is that by not forming a bond, by standing back, I will do the least to offend her. This works if the birth proceeds normally and I am barely needed, but if things take a turn, I then have the horrible task of explaining interventions and medical recommendations to someone who hasn’t bonded with me and doesn’t trust me to have her best interests at heart at all.
Continuity of carer systems help fight against this, so I have this problem less in my current job, but I know so many colleagues who have this problem on a weekly basis. We need to restore trust. And I know midwives need to earn it, but also, an intervention will always feel wrong if you don’t trust the person offering it, even if they give you all the information and time in the world.
It is not just independent midwives and doulas who are activists for change in the birth room. However, ignoring this first part of the book, Milli has a lot of good things to say about human rights and consent, and a good overview of the law surrounding childbirth. I think it’s great for more women to learn that they don’t have to go along with everything. It is so infuriating when I am cut off in the middle of explaining something because the woman is like ‘sure, do whatever is best’ or worse, ‘do whatever everyone else does’ (!!). I applaud the efforts to encourage women to think carefully about each choice they make. I would just love if it could be emphasised that you can do this by having a heart to heart with your kind and attentive midwife!
challenging
informative
inspiring
slow-paced
I really wanted to like this book, because honestly, we need more books (and media in general) that are centred around feminist issues. However, it didn’t quite land for me. As a queer feminist myself, I found that some of the views didn’t resonate, and I was particularly uncomfortable with some of the language used throughout.
The book leans heavily on horror stories, but offers little in the way of constructive, empowering content that could genuinely help birthing people make informed choices that work for them. That said, I’m still glad that a book like this exists - it’s part of a conversation that needs to happen, even if this particular voice didn’t align with mine.
The book leans heavily on horror stories, but offers little in the way of constructive, empowering content that could genuinely help birthing people make informed choices that work for them. That said, I’m still glad that a book like this exists - it’s part of a conversation that needs to happen, even if this particular voice didn’t align with mine.
"...bear in mind a long history of seeing pregnant women as 'vessels', mere containers for the baby and by this implication as disposable as any other form of packaging" (pg. 103). This and "...in a world that is usually very careful to gain consent for organ donation, we might argue that this renders pregnant women with less bodily autonomy than a corpse" set the tone for the entire book which encourages females and pregnant people to stand up for themselves (pg. 103). Offering legal tools and assertive phrases to accomplish this, Milli Hill seeks to empower anyone possessing a uterus to stand before the raging bull and demand they be treated with the same respect and body autonomy as those who will never undergo the same level of body and reproductive regulation.
A valuable read for anyone and everyone.
A valuable read for anyone and everyone.
I don't think this book was for me. I'm not pregnant and don't necessarily see myself starting a family any time soon.
Hill is correct that birth is a feminist issue, but it's frustrating because I feel she definitely is too critical of medical institutions. I believe she made heaps of good points like ensuring individuals who are giving birth are given the dignity they deserve. I believe people have the right to choose what type of environment they'd like to give birth in. Seeing birth and delivery with medical institutions and doctors as becoming commercialised in a capitalist society certaintly made me much more critical. However, the book felt judgemental for those who do decide to go via medical routes. It was clear the author has a bias for natural birth. She tried by including minorities and POC but still felt like a half-measure. I don't think I'd recommend this book to anyone.. but because I think there may be more suitable and appropriate books out there..
Hill is correct that birth is a feminist issue, but it's frustrating because I feel she definitely is too critical of medical institutions. I believe she made heaps of good points like ensuring individuals who are giving birth are given the dignity they deserve. I believe people have the right to choose what type of environment they'd like to give birth in. Seeing birth and delivery with medical institutions and doctors as becoming commercialised in a capitalist society certaintly made me much more critical. However, the book felt judgemental for those who do decide to go via medical routes. It was clear the author has a bias for natural birth. She tried by including minorities and POC but still felt like a half-measure. I don't think I'd recommend this book to anyone.. but because I think there may be more suitable and appropriate books out there..
informative
medium-paced
I was enjoying this book until the end when a TERF chapter suddenly came out of nowhere 😬