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4.11 AVERAGE
4.11 AVERAGE
Good conversations to have at any point in your relationship
Seems more pertinent for people already in relationships, date nights to keep progressing the partnership. Still, as someone who asks intense personal questions on the first date, this book was great for more open ended questions to add to the arsenal.
I do wonder about some of the things that "studies" were suggesting, like the frequency of expected compliments and kissing, and saying "I love you". I'm constantly assessing my understanding of typical behaviors and what I should expect, vs what is "fantasy thinking".
Also it bothered me that there aren't a lot of clinical citations. There were a few resources at the appendix, but it feels more self help and anecdotal at times, rather than clinical or academic. It's a 50/50 split
I do wonder about some of the things that "studies" were suggesting, like the frequency of expected compliments and kissing, and saying "I love you". I'm constantly assessing my understanding of typical behaviors and what I should expect, vs what is "fantasy thinking".
Also it bothered me that there aren't a lot of clinical citations. There were a few resources at the appendix, but it feels more self help and anecdotal at times, rather than clinical or academic. It's a 50/50 split
hopeful
informative
reflective
fast-paced
I had to read this book for therapy, but frame each chapter as about my relationship with myself instead of with another person. Over the last couple weeks of the exercises, this has been really transformative for how I think about myself. Highly recommend the exercise for moments you're struggling with self-esteem. It really let me key back into myself and my desires, and has a great psycholigcal backbone.
So, I borrowed this from the library and had to return it. I think this is a title that would be more useful to work with over time.
I like the chapters and the reasoning, I may update my rating later. My main take away is to talk with my partner and that habits and logic usually has a childhood story behind it. Being curious about the past leads to better empathy in the present.
I like the chapters and the reasoning, I may update my rating later. My main take away is to talk with my partner and that habits and logic usually has a childhood story behind it. Being curious about the past leads to better empathy in the present.
This is apparently the product of some smart, hard-working researchers who have spent an amazing amount of time studying relationships and romantic interactions in minute detail. They swear they can tell which relationships will last and which won't. The scientific formula? It depends on whether you usually speak positively or negatively about your partner. It's not hard to imagine that someone who constantly criticizes their partner is unlikely to have a happy, healthy long relationship with them. That hardly seemed to need the intense scientific scrutiny.
But surely there's more to it, more to the book than that, right?
The book itself consists of eight date ideas, each with a suggested conversation. The date ideas are fine. They'll be fun for some people, but not a good idea for others. Ok, great. That could easily be a short listicle somewhere. As for the conversations, they are each important subjects, to be sure. Do they really benefit from being matched with the date ideas? Have the authors run experiments to determine that these eight dates each lead to more successful relationships, have they run scientifically controlled experiments with different permutations to figure out the exact ingredients that make these eight dates magically work? Maybe I missed it, but I heard no such thing. It sounded rather more like the authors discussed what they felt were the most important topics for relationship partners to discuss, then made up random ideas for dates in which to discuss each of those topics.
It isn't BAD mind you. Anyone who can go on regular, physical dates with their partner and is open to new experiences and getting to know their partner better should definitely consider giving this a try. I just expected more substance and scientific backing. Again, it's listicle material. But it's still not bad, so if you like, go ahead and do it. Just be aware that you'll only truly get value out of this book if you actually have those eight conversations (or possibly, the eight full dates) with a partner, it's not just a book you can read and set aside.
But surely there's more to it, more to the book than that, right?
The book itself consists of eight date ideas, each with a suggested conversation. The date ideas are fine. They'll be fun for some people, but not a good idea for others. Ok, great. That could easily be a short listicle somewhere. As for the conversations, they are each important subjects, to be sure. Do they really benefit from being matched with the date ideas? Have the authors run experiments to determine that these eight dates each lead to more successful relationships, have they run scientifically controlled experiments with different permutations to figure out the exact ingredients that make these eight dates magically work? Maybe I missed it, but I heard no such thing. It sounded rather more like the authors discussed what they felt were the most important topics for relationship partners to discuss, then made up random ideas for dates in which to discuss each of those topics.
It isn't BAD mind you. Anyone who can go on regular, physical dates with their partner and is open to new experiences and getting to know their partner better should definitely consider giving this a try. I just expected more substance and scientific backing. Again, it's listicle material. But it's still not bad, so if you like, go ahead and do it. Just be aware that you'll only truly get value out of this book if you actually have those eight conversations (or possibly, the eight full dates) with a partner, it's not just a book you can read and set aside.
informative
lighthearted
medium-paced
adventurous
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
Introspective, fun and thought provoking exercises that Jake and I enjoyed!
informative
reflective
medium-paced