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4.11 AVERAGE
4.11 AVERAGE
Meh
Maybe I'd have appreciated this more if I was married
Maybe I'd have appreciated this more if I was married
hopeful
inspiring
medium-paced
3.5 stars
Review copy provided courtesy of NetGalley. Review is unbiased and reflects my personal opinion.
The premise of this relationship self-help book is that the eight conversations held within are necessary ones you and your partner should have in order to have a happy lifelong relationship. The first part of the book introduces you to the authors, the research that went into creating the exercises outlined in each chapter and different strategies for having what can be difficult conversations. The following eight chapters each cover a different date or conversation prefaced by a story about a couple who went on the date and what they learned. The end of the book surmises the findings and offers bonus exercises.
While the book is supposedly geared towards all couples lets be clear that it is more accurately geared towards those who are considering making a lifetime commitment to one another or those who have with the past few years. While couples who fall outside of that category may also find it interesting, those who aren't at that point yet in their relationships will be at a loss for what to do with some of the exercises and those that are much further in may find it better to pick and chose which "dates" best meet their current needs.
The book also purports to be for all couples regardless of gender. Here I am a little torn. The exercises themselves work fairly hard to be gender neutral, and at least appear as though they would work for couples of all gender. However of the majority of the examples given at the beginning of each chapter involve heteronormative couples, along with a handful of same sex couples. This may be due to lack of available research as the authors note but it leaves the book very much feeling like it is geared more towards heteronormative couples.
They do embrace a wide range of definitions for family and spirituality along with other topics. I was very happy to see in the family section to see that not having kids was seen as a valid life option and one to be upfront about. Also in there section on spirituality, they do not use religion and spirituality interchangeably but allow for a personal definition of spirituality to be developed.
Overall I think for couples that are looking to spend a lifetime together and need a little help getting started with difficult conversations regarding finances, family and more these "dates" or conversation exercises could be a great way to get started.
Review copy provided courtesy of NetGalley. Review is unbiased and reflects my personal opinion.
The premise of this relationship self-help book is that the eight conversations held within are necessary ones you and your partner should have in order to have a happy lifelong relationship. The first part of the book introduces you to the authors, the research that went into creating the exercises outlined in each chapter and different strategies for having what can be difficult conversations. The following eight chapters each cover a different date or conversation prefaced by a story about a couple who went on the date and what they learned. The end of the book surmises the findings and offers bonus exercises.
While the book is supposedly geared towards all couples lets be clear that it is more accurately geared towards those who are considering making a lifetime commitment to one another or those who have with the past few years. While couples who fall outside of that category may also find it interesting, those who aren't at that point yet in their relationships will be at a loss for what to do with some of the exercises and those that are much further in may find it better to pick and chose which "dates" best meet their current needs.
The book also purports to be for all couples regardless of gender. Here I am a little torn. The exercises themselves work fairly hard to be gender neutral, and at least appear as though they would work for couples of all gender. However of the majority of the examples given at the beginning of each chapter involve heteronormative couples, along with a handful of same sex couples. This may be due to lack of available research as the authors note but it leaves the book very much feeling like it is geared more towards heteronormative couples.
They do embrace a wide range of definitions for family and spirituality along with other topics. I was very happy to see in the family section to see that not having kids was seen as a valid life option and one to be upfront about. Also in there section on spirituality, they do not use religion and spirituality interchangeably but allow for a personal definition of spirituality to be developed.
Overall I think for couples that are looking to spend a lifetime together and need a little help getting started with difficult conversations regarding finances, family and more these "dates" or conversation exercises could be a great way to get started.
John Gottman should be required reading for anyone committing to a long-term relationship.
It's strange to me that our culture supposedly values marriage and family but yet spends very little time teaching people on how to survive those things. That, despite challenges, love and joy are inevitable when there's evidence all around us that it is regularly a source of struggle and dissatisfaction in people's lives.
Gottman's decades of research have provided insights into and how relationships succeed and fail. That would be enough, but he also shares personal successes and failures with his partner and collaborator, Julie. In other words, the Gottmans are not asking anything of us, that they don't already ask of themselves.
"Eight Dates" is organized into meaningful, actionable ideas and questions, making it accessible for virtually anyone in any kind of monogamous relationship. "Eight Dates" is a playbook for folks who prefer some thoughtful guidance throughout their relationship rather than winging it. (This includes me.) I will come back to it again and again.
It's strange to me that our culture supposedly values marriage and family but yet spends very little time teaching people on how to survive those things. That, despite challenges, love and joy are inevitable when there's evidence all around us that it is regularly a source of struggle and dissatisfaction in people's lives.
Gottman's decades of research have provided insights into and how relationships succeed and fail. That would be enough, but he also shares personal successes and failures with his partner and collaborator, Julie. In other words, the Gottmans are not asking anything of us, that they don't already ask of themselves.
"Eight Dates" is organized into meaningful, actionable ideas and questions, making it accessible for virtually anyone in any kind of monogamous relationship. "Eight Dates" is a playbook for folks who prefer some thoughtful guidance throughout their relationship rather than winging it. (This includes me.) I will come back to it again and again.
loved it
Read this book for a book club, and it’s not too long, very practical, and an emotional intelligence book that’s fun to read. It made me think a lot about how. I cherish all relationships in my life (or don’t and why)
Read this book for a book club, and it’s not too long, very practical, and an emotional intelligence book that’s fun to read. It made me think a lot about how. I cherish all relationships in my life (or don’t and why)
funny
hopeful
informative
medium-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Great outline book to have as a reference for couples at any stage in their relationship.
The advice is concise and to the point, the dates are well laid out and the questions are thought-provoking without feeling intimidating.
The kind of self-help book which is actually helpful and very easy to put to practice.
The advice is concise and to the point, the dates are well laid out and the questions are thought-provoking without feeling intimidating.
The kind of self-help book which is actually helpful and very easy to put to practice.
I’ve been working my way through most of the Gottman books, trying to find the right one to use in a class at church. This one is something I might recommend to couples preparing for marriage; it has some good fodder for conversations in it. But I found the “spiritual” questions lacking— they don’t address a lot of what I end up talking to couples about in their religious life.