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3.84 AVERAGE
3.84 AVERAGE
dark
reflective
sad
slow-paced
This book tore me apart then put me back together. The writing makes you feel as if you were living through what the author went through. Sonali Deraniyagala is a truly a phenomenal woman.
I had to give myself a full night’s rest to write this review compassionately. It’s challenging to critique memoirs, especially when we’re talking about a massive loss. In this case it was the author’s parents, husband, and two children.
Let me begin by saying I have been through a natural disaster that resulted in devastating loss. A few months after, my father died unexpectedly. So, I have a little bit of an understanding when it comes to an overwhelming amount of grief and loss. When I was going through this life-altering phase, I relied heavily upon family, friends, community, and therapy. But unlike the author, I had to move on in life. I found it hard to relate to Sonali as she refused to return to the family home for 4 years to avoid dealing with her loss. (How many people get to hide from their problems?) In the meantime, she displayed immature behavior (for example, harassing the Dutch family). I hate to say it, but if she mentioned not having a cook, nanny, guard, or chauffeur one more time I was going to lose it. I understand she was trying to demonstrate how much her life had changed, but the amount of self loathing was almost more depressing than the tsunami itself.
And speaking of the tsunami, what about it? I kept waiting for historical facts about the wave, but was let down. It’s my fault for assuming this would touch on historical data. Had I not googled the tsunami while reading the book, I would have misunderstood how devastating the disaster actually was. There were over 220,000 deaths. But according to the author, she was unable to speak her truth about the event because no one had gone through what she went through. When I read that part, I almost did not finish the book. You had a whole community you could have bonded and grieved with, met other families that actually did go through the same thing, participated in searches, volunteered in the disaster area, etc. But again, it’s not about them. It’s about her. The repeated theme here is, “Why me?” But all I could think was, “Why not you?” Why do you feel so entitled that you should be exempt from tragedy?
And to add to the author stating she couldn’t speak her truth, it peeved me when years later a complete stranger would be trying to make small talk with her and she would mentally insult the stranger by calling them a cow and telling them to shut up, that they have no idea. Look, I understand you’ve been through a lot, but everyone has been through a lot. And no, no one knows your story, so take it easy. This attitude makes her hard to sympathize/empathize with. (Insert “everyone grieves differently” here. But that doesn’t excuse nasty behavior.)
Lastly, I was hoping there would be a character arc. I was hoping for the sake of the author she would have learned how to deal with her grief or informed the audience of the coping mechanisms she developed to get over this slump. Not for the sake of a happy ending, but for the sake of the author’s wellbeing. But some people are just miserable.
Let me begin by saying I have been through a natural disaster that resulted in devastating loss. A few months after, my father died unexpectedly. So, I have a little bit of an understanding when it comes to an overwhelming amount of grief and loss. When I was going through this life-altering phase, I relied heavily upon family, friends, community, and therapy. But unlike the author, I had to move on in life. I found it hard to relate to Sonali as she refused to return to the family home for 4 years to avoid dealing with her loss. (How many people get to hide from their problems?) In the meantime, she displayed immature behavior (for example, harassing the Dutch family). I hate to say it, but if she mentioned not having a cook, nanny, guard, or chauffeur one more time I was going to lose it. I understand she was trying to demonstrate how much her life had changed, but the amount of self loathing was almost more depressing than the tsunami itself.
And speaking of the tsunami, what about it? I kept waiting for historical facts about the wave, but was let down. It’s my fault for assuming this would touch on historical data. Had I not googled the tsunami while reading the book, I would have misunderstood how devastating the disaster actually was. There were over 220,000 deaths. But according to the author, she was unable to speak her truth about the event because no one had gone through what she went through. When I read that part, I almost did not finish the book. You had a whole community you could have bonded and grieved with, met other families that actually did go through the same thing, participated in searches, volunteered in the disaster area, etc. But again, it’s not about them. It’s about her. The repeated theme here is, “Why me?” But all I could think was, “Why not you?” Why do you feel so entitled that you should be exempt from tragedy?
And to add to the author stating she couldn’t speak her truth, it peeved me when years later a complete stranger would be trying to make small talk with her and she would mentally insult the stranger by calling them a cow and telling them to shut up, that they have no idea. Look, I understand you’ve been through a lot, but everyone has been through a lot. And no, no one knows your story, so take it easy. This attitude makes her hard to sympathize/empathize with. (Insert “everyone grieves differently” here. But that doesn’t excuse nasty behavior.)
Lastly, I was hoping there would be a character arc. I was hoping for the sake of the author she would have learned how to deal with her grief or informed the audience of the coping mechanisms she developed to get over this slump. Not for the sake of a happy ending, but for the sake of the author’s wellbeing. But some people are just miserable.
This book was astonishing. I was amazed how fast it was to read, which was welcome because the subject is extremely painful. I was on the verge of tears through a lot of it. Yet several things made it a book I will never forget and would even read again despite the pain. First, Deraniyagala's depiction of grief is so painstakingly personal and precise that it brings a reader into that experience. And then ultimately, after an almost unbelievably long period -- a couple of years of incapacitation; nearly four years before she can bear to go home -- she begins to heal. In the process of that grief and healing, the book ultimately is about the power of love and how mysteriously love works its way into our beings.
Many of the negative reviews here criticize Deraniyagala for being well-off, for not writing about all the other tsunami victims (she mentions only learning the scope of the disaster much later, because she was in such shock), or for having the reactions she had in the midst of the disaster itself. This book is not about the tsunami, it is not about the other victims, and it is not about a narrator becoming a hero. It is rather one person narrating in detail how she experienced the very kind of personal disaster that especially parents cannot even bear to contemplate, and how she somehow managed to put herself back together, piece by piece, and rediscover how to live, and eventually how to even remember.
Many of the negative reviews here criticize Deraniyagala for being well-off, for not writing about all the other tsunami victims (she mentions only learning the scope of the disaster much later, because she was in such shock), or for having the reactions she had in the midst of the disaster itself. This book is not about the tsunami, it is not about the other victims, and it is not about a narrator becoming a hero. It is rather one person narrating in detail how she experienced the very kind of personal disaster that especially parents cannot even bear to contemplate, and how she somehow managed to put herself back together, piece by piece, and rediscover how to live, and eventually how to even remember.
Sonali lost five members of her family in the deadly tsunami of 2005. This included her mum, her dad, her husband and her two sons. She was a successful academic with a happy family and then things came crashing down all of a sudden with the floods. The book looks at how she went brought various stages of grief and realized that to process this tragedy she had to keep them close rather than forget and let them go. Through Sonali’s journey we understand how fragile life can be and why we must value every human relationship and give the ones that matter our full love, attention and intense unconditional care.
I can't remember the last time I read a book with such a clearly written anti-heroine. The author makes no attempt to come across as likeable or sympathetic; even going so far as to detail the harassment she metes out to the unfortunate strangers renting her parents' former home.
It's more an (understandable) ode to grief than a book about the 2004 tsunami). Though, the opening passages -her experience of the wave hitting- are heart in the mouth, visceral, heavy going.
It's more an (understandable) ode to grief than a book about the 2004 tsunami). Though, the opening passages -her experience of the wave hitting- are heart in the mouth, visceral, heavy going.
I’ve been reading more stories about grief recently, so when I saw this book, I was intrigued. The author is on vacation in Sri Lanka with her husband, two sons and her parents when an unimaginable thing happens. In just a few pages she has lost the five people she cared about most in a tsunami that came through unexpectedly and nearly ended her life, too. Her grief turns to suicidal thoughts and her family comes to her rescue, but they don’t understand what she is going through, and neither does she. She dabbles in substance abuse and begins harassing the new family that moved into her parents’ home, calling them at 2 a.m. and making ghost noises. She is haunted and haunting as she describes a grief that most people hide deep below the surface. It is a powerful story of such a tragic experience and the trauma that survivors face. Sadly, there is no happy ending to this story, just that she finally learns to live, grief and all. Keep your tissues close when you read this book.
This short memoir starts off as a primal scream and gradually tapers into coherence. Really well done and unbelievably sad.
Heartbreaking and hard to read...found myself having to put it down every 20 pages or so, because the author is honest about her struggle to come to terms with such a great loss. I cannot imagine experiencing such a monumental change in your life in an instant.
challenging
dark
reflective
sad
slow-paced