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4.0 AVERAGE
4.0 AVERAGE
dark
sad
medium-paced
I really liked this. It's well written, and although sometimes the pacing feels off, it's a fantastic insight into Hornbacher's mind.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Mental illness, Forced institutionalization, Medical content, Alcohol, Dysphoria, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Suicide attempt
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
Tumultous, vivid, sort of babbling writing that spills over itself, veers into second person, and ultimately conveys the fact that the author was only 22 when she wrote this. It's hard to put this down because it's manic in its frenzy to describe what it was like to develop an eating disorder and eventually become completely unhinged because of it.
Marya has a problematic family dynamic. She grows up too fast, becomes a bad girl when she's really, really young: "...my first-day-of-school photo from sixth grade shows me standing in a knee-length blue skirt and a plaid shirt, bobby socks and tennis shoes, ponytail, ribbon, smiling for the infernal camera. One year later, I am leaning against the house, my hair down, wearing a long black skirt and a tank top, unsmiling, face thinner, lipstick, morning light. I am twelve years old. I look about twenty-two." (p. 57) But she's so driven to grow up that she gains all this freedom, goes to boarding school, lives in California. This freedom is very isolating and lets her grow her eating disorder for years, in secret, until it's out of control. She describes hospitalizations and sickening health problems.
At the end, it becomes a wonder that she can function. She never really is cured, more like she stops the behavior and then writes a book. The book is full of insights but I never got the feeling that after recovery she enjoyed having a body and eating.
Marya has a problematic family dynamic. She grows up too fast, becomes a bad girl when she's really, really young: "...my first-day-of-school photo from sixth grade shows me standing in a knee-length blue skirt and a plaid shirt, bobby socks and tennis shoes, ponytail, ribbon, smiling for the infernal camera. One year later, I am leaning against the house, my hair down, wearing a long black skirt and a tank top, unsmiling, face thinner, lipstick, morning light. I am twelve years old. I look about twenty-two." (p. 57) But she's so driven to grow up that she gains all this freedom, goes to boarding school, lives in California. This freedom is very isolating and lets her grow her eating disorder for years, in secret, until it's out of control. She describes hospitalizations and sickening health problems.
At the end, it becomes a wonder that she can function. She never really is cured, more like she stops the behavior and then writes a book. The book is full of insights but I never got the feeling that after recovery she enjoyed having a body and eating.
dark
reflective
tense
medium-paced
Oh man if only I wrote that well at 21.
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
This book is a roller coaster of sadness and disbelief that someone as young as Marya in this book was, went through all of it. And most of the time alone.
I have an eating disorder. I'm still getting used to writing that out. It's not "bad" but no form of an ED is "good", no matter if you only purge once or twice or more. It's not good. I've relapsed and recovered and relapsed and recovered and it goes on and on until I cease to exist I suppose.
Marya's ED was extreme in a way you see textbooks warn you about. When you think anorexia, your mind probably jumps to a walking skeletal girl with thinning hair and a slow gait. That's extreme. Marya was knocking at death's door and the door nearly opened, that's how "bad" her ED was.
I admire her for her honesty. It's not pretty. Some parts are so disturbing that I would sit the book down to read another day. It's the longest I've ever read one book. I could only read it a few pages at a time. Towards the end I raced to the last page because I just wanted to be DONE. It was so much pain in her life I wanted a happy ending I guess. Well you don't get one. You get an ending, but it's not that Lifetime movie where there's a cake and she eats it without worrying and a pop song of uplifting lyrics swells in the background.
The ending is real. It's sobering. You see the consequences of what happened. You're happy she's alive, but she's still suffering.
This book is not for people who are relapsing into their ED. It's vivid and triggering and full of tips and tricks one may not have known and may think, oh yeah, I should try that. I'm going to be honest and say I got ideas too which leaves me feeling ashamed in a way I'll have to discuss with my therapist I see currently. I feel this book should come with an automatic group therapy to discuss how it affected your life if you have an ED. It's a lot to take in.
But overall it's a great memoir. I can't believe she put this out in her early 20's. Amazing. Horrifying she lived through something like that so young, but wow, she put together a book like this in her 20's.
I have an eating disorder. I'm still getting used to writing that out. It's not "bad" but no form of an ED is "good", no matter if you only purge once or twice or more. It's not good. I've relapsed and recovered and relapsed and recovered and it goes on and on until I cease to exist I suppose.
Marya's ED was extreme in a way you see textbooks warn you about. When you think anorexia, your mind probably jumps to a walking skeletal girl with thinning hair and a slow gait. That's extreme. Marya was knocking at death's door and the door nearly opened, that's how "bad" her ED was.
I admire her for her honesty. It's not pretty. Some parts are so disturbing that I would sit the book down to read another day. It's the longest I've ever read one book. I could only read it a few pages at a time. Towards the end I raced to the last page because I just wanted to be DONE. It was so much pain in her life I wanted a happy ending I guess. Well you don't get one. You get an ending, but it's not that Lifetime movie where there's a cake and she eats it without worrying and a pop song of uplifting lyrics swells in the background.
The ending is real. It's sobering. You see the consequences of what happened. You're happy she's alive, but she's still suffering.
This book is not for people who are relapsing into their ED. It's vivid and triggering and full of tips and tricks one may not have known and may think, oh yeah, I should try that. I'm going to be honest and say I got ideas too which leaves me feeling ashamed in a way I'll have to discuss with my therapist I see currently. I feel this book should come with an automatic group therapy to discuss how it affected your life if you have an ED. It's a lot to take in.
But overall it's a great memoir. I can't believe she put this out in her early 20's. Amazing. Horrifying she lived through something like that so young, but wow, she put together a book like this in her 20's.
I heard about this book and what an incredible memoir it is. I'm surprised she survived. It was very graphic, mature, and triggering, so I wouldn't recommend this to anyone with an eating disorder or teenagers. Her journey in this book is dark and powerful. The world of eating disorders is complicated, and Hornbacher's depiction of her experience within it is clear and frightening.
This book floored me. It's intense and I'm still reeling. Highly recommended for anyone with food issues.
challenging
dark
medium-paced