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twerkingtobeethoven's review
5.0
What books do I fondly remember because they made me laugh so hard I couldn't help farting? Let's see what comes to mind...
1. Joe Lansdale's "Mister Weed-Eater" & "The Events Concerning a Nude Fold-Out Found in a Harlequin Romance" (tbh, these two are actually short stories but whatever),
2. Edward Lee's [b:The Pig And The House|2565611|The Pig And The House|Edward Lee|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1214882351l/2565611._SY75_.jpg|1620943], [b:The Bighead|905659|The Bighead|Edward Lee|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1347251893l/905659._SY75_.jpg|2574243] & [b:The Minotauress|2903168|The Minotauress|Edward Lee|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1433972237l/2903168._SX50_.jpg|2930307],
3. John Ringo's [b:Ghost|239420|Ghost (Paladin of Shadows, #1)|John Ringo|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1388431416l/239420._SY75_.jpg|1027423](*).
Please, do yourself a favour and read Adam Howe's latest offering, even though you think it might not be your cup of tea. It's a masterpiece, seriously, it is. This book is a tribute to every single action hero from the golden age of the eighties and the nineties...only shaped as a massive piss-taking session, that is. I'll tell you what? I'm one of the sparse bastards who absolutely adored John McTiernan's "Last Action Hero", a criminally underrated action-comedy flick that'll never cease to entertain me & stamp a retarded grin on my face. Right, in case you watched that gem featuring Arnold at the top of his game, "One Though Bastard" smells like a two gallon deluxe bottle of "Jack Slater's Armpit" essence with a touch of bizarro flavour to it (Duke).
Also...
Come on, you know you want to read this book.
(*) There are a few people out there who don't seem to be getting the joke, hence are absolutely convinced Ringo's book ought to be taken seriously & hellbent on cancelling it. I shit you not. That's why a couple of years ago or so, I had a bit of an Internet argument with one of said intellectual do-gooders in love with words such as "oxymoron", "dialectic", "subsume", "axiom", etc. I remember trying to reason him, but ended up calling him a "gestapo inbred piece of Fahrenheit 451 dung." Turned out he was one of the mods and proceeded to ban my sorry arse. That pissed me off bigtime...at first. I chuckled afterwards.
PS = https://youtu.be/7qDgCmzh5ao The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
1. Joe Lansdale's "Mister Weed-Eater" & "The Events Concerning a Nude Fold-Out Found in a Harlequin Romance" (tbh, these two are actually short stories but whatever),
2. Edward Lee's [b:The Pig And The House|2565611|The Pig And The House|Edward Lee|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1214882351l/2565611._SY75_.jpg|1620943], [b:The Bighead|905659|The Bighead|Edward Lee|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1347251893l/905659._SY75_.jpg|2574243] & [b:The Minotauress|2903168|The Minotauress|Edward Lee|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1433972237l/2903168._SX50_.jpg|2930307],
3. John Ringo's [b:Ghost|239420|Ghost (Paladin of Shadows, #1)|John Ringo|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1388431416l/239420._SY75_.jpg|1027423](*).
Please, do yourself a favour and read Adam Howe's latest offering, even though you think it might not be your cup of tea. It's a masterpiece, seriously, it is. This book is a tribute to every single action hero from the golden age of the eighties and the nineties...only shaped as a massive piss-taking session, that is. I'll tell you what? I'm one of the sparse bastards who absolutely adored John McTiernan's "Last Action Hero", a criminally underrated action-comedy flick that'll never cease to entertain me & stamp a retarded grin on my face. Right, in case you watched that gem featuring Arnold at the top of his game, "One Though Bastard" smells like a two gallon deluxe bottle of "Jack Slater's Armpit" essence with a touch of bizarro flavour to it (Duke).
Also...
Come on, you know you want to read this book.
(*) There are a few people out there who don't seem to be getting the joke, hence are absolutely convinced Ringo's book ought to be taken seriously & hellbent on cancelling it. I shit you not. That's why a couple of years ago or so, I had a bit of an Internet argument with one of said intellectual do-gooders in love with words such as "oxymoron", "dialectic", "subsume", "axiom", etc. I remember trying to reason him, but ended up calling him a "gestapo inbred piece of Fahrenheit 451 dung." Turned out he was one of the mods and proceeded to ban my sorry arse. That pissed me off bigtime...at first. I chuckled afterwards.
PS = https://youtu.be/7qDgCmzh5ao The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
thomaswjoyce's review
5.0
Adam Howe enjoys taking an oddball assortment of characters and placing them in different levels of strange and often humorous situations. Readers of his other stories featuring down-on-his-luck boxer turned strip-club bouncer Reggie Levine, or Scapegoat (co-authored with indie press heavyweight James Newman) in which a trip to Wrestlemania III takes a demonic turn for the worse, will have some idea of what to expect. But no amount of preparation will adequately equip you for the force of nature that is Shane Moxie.
Howe’s monstrous leading man, evoking less sympathy than Frankenstein’s creature, is a poster-child for the excess of 80s and 90s Hollywood action cinema. He wields toxic masculinity like some kind of contemptible superpower and, if his ego were any larger, his head would be orbited by its very own moon. This cosmic metaphor doesn’t do him justice; he’d be the star at the centre of his very own galaxy. He lists Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Damme et al. as his contemporaries, and not always in a positive way, often badmouthing the “Muscles from Brussels”. He views women purely as objects of desire, thinks very little of minority groups (in his case, anyone who identifies as anything other than straight white male) and thinks highly of Trump’s presidential capacity, if not of the man himself. It would take a monumentally villainous antagonist to paint Moxie in a favourable light.
Enter Moxie’s boyhood hero Klaus Kaiser. Styled in appearance on Arnold Schwarzenegger and boasting a similar rise to fame (with an impressive bodybuilding career followed by starring roles in movies like Krone the Berserker and The Obliterator), Kaiser’s career may mirror Arnie’s – including political aspirations for the highest office in the land – but he is far more sinister. With Brigitte Nielsen-lookalike Malina Kaminski at his side, his dark shadow engulfs Moxie and propels the story of One Tough Bastard. While the story begins with Moxie and an ill-prepared publicity stunt, he soon finds himself thrown together with his co-star from Copsicle, his greatest box office success. In that movie, Moxie played a caveman detective who is defrosted in late 80’s America to take down his nemesis with the aid of his ape partner, played by phenomenal ape thespian Duke.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Duke is an ape of higher-than-normal intelligence (even higher-than-Moxie intelligence) who captured the hearts of America’s moviegoers with his comedic timing and dramatic flair. When his human lover Lorna uncovers a nefarious criminal network and pays the ultimate price, he finds himself targeted, along with the hapless Moxie, leading to an 80s-style buddy comedy movie story that pays homage while simultaneously taking well-aimed pot-shots at the absurd situations. Explosive action sequences that would make Hollywood financiers hide their wallets, over-the-top villainy and bloody good deaths (emphasis on the “bloody”) are all present, and fair game for Howe’s wonderful propensity for humorous set-pieces and one-liners. The list of Moxie’s admirable qualities maybe easily counted on one hand, but the man is really just a buffoon, a clown whose sole function is crash test dummy for the preposterous ideas that swirl around in the gonzo imagination of this incredibly talented author.
Which brings me to the one warning I will offer for potential readers; Moxie is a man culturally hung up on the 80s. The movie Copsicle makes for a fitting metaphor for One Tough Bastard; a caveman struggling to fit in in 20th century America, not unlike Moxie, who actually thinks much like a stereotypical caveman. He is a man stuck in the past, and it often comes out in offensive jokes or comments. But these are merely there to offer insight into the mind of a buffoon, as previously stated. The way Howe pokes fun at such a character, while pitting him against a truly evil villain, requires a certain sense of humour. Fans of Tijuana Donkey Showdown or his novella Damn Dirty Apes will be thrilled with this latest offering, as will fans of quick-witted dialogue and sharp-tongued one-liners. Many are often at the expense of Moxie, and there is an argument to be made that Duke is the true star of the story (just look at that incredible cover by master of graphic art Matthew Revert), the ape who almost manages to rub off some of that charm on big, dumb animal Moxie.
For those readers of a certain age who grew up on a diet of action-comedy videos like Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours, and Tango & Cash, sat too close to their “massive” 32-inch CRT television sets (I’m carbon-dating myself, kids. Look it up), this book will provide a rip-roaring reading experience full of awesome action and laugh-out-loud banter delivered in Howe’s unique and masterful style. However, the jury is still out on the guarantee of becoming a sexual tyrannosaurus.
Howe’s monstrous leading man, evoking less sympathy than Frankenstein’s creature, is a poster-child for the excess of 80s and 90s Hollywood action cinema. He wields toxic masculinity like some kind of contemptible superpower and, if his ego were any larger, his head would be orbited by its very own moon. This cosmic metaphor doesn’t do him justice; he’d be the star at the centre of his very own galaxy. He lists Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Damme et al. as his contemporaries, and not always in a positive way, often badmouthing the “Muscles from Brussels”. He views women purely as objects of desire, thinks very little of minority groups (in his case, anyone who identifies as anything other than straight white male) and thinks highly of Trump’s presidential capacity, if not of the man himself. It would take a monumentally villainous antagonist to paint Moxie in a favourable light.
Enter Moxie’s boyhood hero Klaus Kaiser. Styled in appearance on Arnold Schwarzenegger and boasting a similar rise to fame (with an impressive bodybuilding career followed by starring roles in movies like Krone the Berserker and The Obliterator), Kaiser’s career may mirror Arnie’s – including political aspirations for the highest office in the land – but he is far more sinister. With Brigitte Nielsen-lookalike Malina Kaminski at his side, his dark shadow engulfs Moxie and propels the story of One Tough Bastard. While the story begins with Moxie and an ill-prepared publicity stunt, he soon finds himself thrown together with his co-star from Copsicle, his greatest box office success. In that movie, Moxie played a caveman detective who is defrosted in late 80’s America to take down his nemesis with the aid of his ape partner, played by phenomenal ape thespian Duke.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Duke is an ape of higher-than-normal intelligence (even higher-than-Moxie intelligence) who captured the hearts of America’s moviegoers with his comedic timing and dramatic flair. When his human lover Lorna uncovers a nefarious criminal network and pays the ultimate price, he finds himself targeted, along with the hapless Moxie, leading to an 80s-style buddy comedy movie story that pays homage while simultaneously taking well-aimed pot-shots at the absurd situations. Explosive action sequences that would make Hollywood financiers hide their wallets, over-the-top villainy and bloody good deaths (emphasis on the “bloody”) are all present, and fair game for Howe’s wonderful propensity for humorous set-pieces and one-liners. The list of Moxie’s admirable qualities maybe easily counted on one hand, but the man is really just a buffoon, a clown whose sole function is crash test dummy for the preposterous ideas that swirl around in the gonzo imagination of this incredibly talented author.
Which brings me to the one warning I will offer for potential readers; Moxie is a man culturally hung up on the 80s. The movie Copsicle makes for a fitting metaphor for One Tough Bastard; a caveman struggling to fit in in 20th century America, not unlike Moxie, who actually thinks much like a stereotypical caveman. He is a man stuck in the past, and it often comes out in offensive jokes or comments. But these are merely there to offer insight into the mind of a buffoon, as previously stated. The way Howe pokes fun at such a character, while pitting him against a truly evil villain, requires a certain sense of humour. Fans of Tijuana Donkey Showdown or his novella Damn Dirty Apes will be thrilled with this latest offering, as will fans of quick-witted dialogue and sharp-tongued one-liners. Many are often at the expense of Moxie, and there is an argument to be made that Duke is the true star of the story (just look at that incredible cover by master of graphic art Matthew Revert), the ape who almost manages to rub off some of that charm on big, dumb animal Moxie.
For those readers of a certain age who grew up on a diet of action-comedy videos like Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours, and Tango & Cash, sat too close to their “massive” 32-inch CRT television sets (I’m carbon-dating myself, kids. Look it up), this book will provide a rip-roaring reading experience full of awesome action and laugh-out-loud banter delivered in Howe’s unique and masterful style. However, the jury is still out on the guarantee of becoming a sexual tyrannosaurus.
kmk182's review
2.0
I tried multiple times to get into this, but I bailed half way through. There are some funny nostalgia clichés here; but anytime the plot started to actually move we go back to the same thing; our main character is a d*ck. The fun thing about the films this is aping is they are quick and mindless. This thing is a long drag filled with references that never really amounts to being worth your time.
robert_bose's review
5.0
In Adam Howe’s One Tough Bastard, the most legendary buddy team-up in cinematic history has flung itself from the 80’s silver screen to plummet onto the written page. Maybe not the traditional vector for this sort of blockbuster, but given the lack of time machines, it’s not like modern humanity is able to return the favour. If Adam ever got a film made from this book, the universe would probably explode, Ouroboros being what it is.
Worth the risk of course, and until then we have this exquisite… historical document about Moxie and Duke and their wild-ass testosterone drenched misadventures. As a child of the 80’s (acid wash notwithstanding) this book is a love letter. To me. Hell, I owned pastel blue parachute pants (made from a real parachute) and a jean vest and cowboy boots. And a sick mullet. I’d post a picture, but the twenties don’t appreciate style and I’d get arrested for being nostalgically awesome (a real thing, look it up).
Anyways, I digress. Actually, no I don’t, the 80’s ARE the best. Maybe you had to be there, maybe you had to be the right age, but nothing beats the pure unfettered blend of action and humour and music and style. Peak movie insanity. Peak wrestling. Peak cheap booze. Peak stripper bars. A higher percentage of enbiggening oxygen in the atmosphere (also a real thing).
So, what to say about One Tough Bastard that hasn’t already been politically incorrectly uttered in every cool bar in every cool corner of every cool city and town and backwater cesspool? It’s just plain, unapologetic fun. In a world that seems to think everything has to be have a deep, underlying theme about loss and grief, it’s fabulous to read a story that’s pure fun romp. Sure, there are integral themes about friendship and self-confidence and being unable to understand how much of an idiot you are. And sure, even a nod to grief, of course as fuel for revenge, but all heaped with a giggling lemon spread of fun. Which is exactly what 2021 needs. Beyond the 80’s buddy movie dynamic, Adam has created a mythology around the characters and story squeezed from the best this genre have to offer. Shane Moxie is a hero. Possibly flawed, sure, but who wouldn’t be with that much awesomeness warping reality? If his movies were available, bootleg or not, I’d have Amishing in Action, Gung Ho-Ho-Ho, and especially Copscicle, splashed across a 108” 8K screen every chance I could.
Worth the risk of course, and until then we have this exquisite… historical document about Moxie and Duke and their wild-ass testosterone drenched misadventures. As a child of the 80’s (acid wash notwithstanding) this book is a love letter. To me. Hell, I owned pastel blue parachute pants (made from a real parachute) and a jean vest and cowboy boots. And a sick mullet. I’d post a picture, but the twenties don’t appreciate style and I’d get arrested for being nostalgically awesome (a real thing, look it up).
Anyways, I digress. Actually, no I don’t, the 80’s ARE the best. Maybe you had to be there, maybe you had to be the right age, but nothing beats the pure unfettered blend of action and humour and music and style. Peak movie insanity. Peak wrestling. Peak cheap booze. Peak stripper bars. A higher percentage of enbiggening oxygen in the atmosphere (also a real thing).
So, what to say about One Tough Bastard that hasn’t already been politically incorrectly uttered in every cool bar in every cool corner of every cool city and town and backwater cesspool? It’s just plain, unapologetic fun. In a world that seems to think everything has to be have a deep, underlying theme about loss and grief, it’s fabulous to read a story that’s pure fun romp. Sure, there are integral themes about friendship and self-confidence and being unable to understand how much of an idiot you are. And sure, even a nod to grief, of course as fuel for revenge, but all heaped with a giggling lemon spread of fun. Which is exactly what 2021 needs. Beyond the 80’s buddy movie dynamic, Adam has created a mythology around the characters and story squeezed from the best this genre have to offer. Shane Moxie is a hero. Possibly flawed, sure, but who wouldn’t be with that much awesomeness warping reality? If his movies were available, bootleg or not, I’d have Amishing in Action, Gung Ho-Ho-Ho, and especially Copscicle, splashed across a 108” 8K screen every chance I could.
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