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3.28 AVERAGE
3.28 AVERAGE
This book might be the only book I’ve ever given one star to, because it is so bad I literally think it is a waste of the paper its printed on. The only reason I finished this is so I could write a brutally honest review on it about how much it sucks. The author seems like a horrible self absorbed narcissistic person who has literally no self awareness. She’s a comedian but very rarely funny and the endlessly repetitive pointless ramblings of this book should have not made it through any editors approval accept for the fact that the clickbaity title is obviously a cash grab. This author is horribly vain and self absorbed and hasn’t thought about this subject matter nearly enough for how much nonsense she can spew about it. She does not address any of the issues she thinks she did (meaning the patriarchy and the oppression of women in romantic relationships). Does she bring up these phrases? Yes a million times. But does she say anything interesting relevant or enlightening about them? Absolutely not.
I would not recommend anyone to read this book and it is genuinely upsetting that she is for some reason releasing another this spring.
Seriously do not waste your money or time.
Another goodreads reader commented something like this woman says she hates men but she actually has the opposite problem. Which is completely true. Blythe thinks about men all the god damn time it seems and this just undermines the entire point of the book and makes her seem immature and shallow, only obsessed with saying she’s busy (which she brings up so many times while also saying people who say they’re busy all the time are annoying), kissing/having sex w as many men as she possibly can without forming any emotional or vulnerable attachment to any of them, and talking about herself and how hot she is.
I would not recommend anyone to read this book and it is genuinely upsetting that she is for some reason releasing another this spring.
Seriously do not waste your money or time.
Another goodreads reader commented something like this woman says she hates men but she actually has the opposite problem. Which is completely true. Blythe thinks about men all the god damn time it seems and this just undermines the entire point of the book and makes her seem immature and shallow, only obsessed with saying she’s busy (which she brings up so many times while also saying people who say they’re busy all the time are annoying), kissing/having sex w as many men as she possibly can without forming any emotional or vulnerable attachment to any of them, and talking about herself and how hot she is.
Ok so first of all it took me eeeeevrything to finish this book. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what it was advertised to be. Anyways here's my thoughts while reading.
Not actually a how to book
When she talks about crushes, I know she's exaggerating, but it's too much.
I feel like for someone who "hates men" she's always thinking about men and her crushes, and I don't understand why if she hates them
"Blurry-faced crushes" THAT HAPPENED TO ME
There is moments in the book where I could believe I'm the one who wrote it, wow
Romantic friendship, wow I feel called out.
Not actually a how to book
When she talks about crushes, I know she's exaggerating, but it's too much.
I feel like for someone who "hates men" she's always thinking about men and her crushes, and I don't understand why if she hates them
"Blurry-faced crushes" THAT HAPPENED TO ME
There is moments in the book where I could believe I'm the one who wrote it, wow
Romantic friendship, wow I feel called out.
I literally had force myself to read it. It got progressively worse. There is a lot of outdated dating references and it doesn’t really relate to todays dating life.
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
This is a personal and political book about dating in America during the twenty-first century. Because Roberson has a strong foundation in English literature (Harvard B.A.) and background in feminist theory, she cites quotes by feminist authors, such as bell hooks and Naomi Wolf, along with classic and contemporary writers such as Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, and Margaret Atwood to support her views about dating in a country with deep, patriarchal roots. The mix of her candor, diligent research and snarky humor make this book both engaging and entertaining.
In the second paragraph of the introduction, Roberson lets readers know her position on American women in the current dating world :
In the second paragraph of the introduction, Roberson lets readers know her position on American women in the current dating world :
“How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy philosophy book about what dating and loving are like now, in an era that we thought was the end of patriarchy (but we now know is at least five hundred years away from that) and at the beginning of an age where robots do all our dating for us. Honestly: it often sucks, and it’s hard to know if it’s because of my personality, the guy’s personality, or thousands of years of inequality stemming from gender imbalances created before plow farming. This book is loosely structured to mirror the arc of a relationship, from crushes to flirting, dating and encountering problems, getting serious, breaking up, being single, and. . .making art about it all! Ah, yes: the human life span,” (3).
Most of the issues Roberson discusses center around her dating experiences in New York during her twenties. She backs up her impressions and observations with loads of stats and data. She also tips a hat to the many female writers who came before her, pointing out the challenges they faced as they were expected (almost exclusively) to first care for others before caring for themselves and their artistic or writing pursuits.
“. . .the hard truth of this whole book is that I am a woman who is attracted to men in a crazy, VR simulated world that has been running for thousands of years on an algorithm designed to give men enormous legal and cultural power over women. I’m interested in being inspired by my lovers, but if I’m not careful about it, the structural imbalance between us could easily slip into watching them do their thing as I neglect mine. And I don’t wanna!” (101).
Many readers who’ve reviewed How to Date Men When You Hate Men on this website and Goodreads, have given it three stars or fewer, claiming the title of her book was the best thing. Some were disappointed that Roberson didn’t appear to hate men enough. (She is definitely not a man hater.) Others claimed Roberson was obsessed with men and spent the majority of the book deconstructing and comparing her good and bad dating situations. They found her silly and petty. (I did not.)
Here’s what I think about the book’s title: If Roberson had titled her book How to Date Men When Patriarchal Societies, it would have sounded highbrow, aloof, and academic. How to Date Men When You Hate Men is catchier because it leaves room for Roberson to explore the tensions in the hating-dating dilemma that can consume women's lives. Plus the assonance offers catchy rhyming.
This book is more of a critique on white privilege, especially the white privilege males have in first world countries — and the permission this gives them to act as they wish around women they do not know and women with whom they're intimately involved. In most misogynistic, patriarchal societies, men have been allowed to assert themselves aggressively in heterosexual relationships with little fear of reprisal or consequence. However, the #MeToo movement has certainly made a dent in changing that. (Except now we’re stuck fighting (again) for basic abortion rights since the stacked Supreme Court took it away. )
As much as Roberson criticizes and bashes men in her book she doesn’t hesitate to also poke fun at herself. She knows what her foibles are, excessive streaming of Harry Styles’s and Timothee Chalamet’s Instagram posts, and rating the hotness factor of men around her, but her self-deprecating humor about it is so entertaining, you’ll want to keep reading.
“. . .I’m pretty stoked to keep trying to get men to kiss me while not oppressing me. Failing that, simply not oppressing me is a good starting point! I thought I’d come out of this book happy and excited to never have to think about dating again, to move on and spend the rest of my life learning bizarre animal facts. (Ask me how many distinct species species of moth have been found living on just one sloth.) (Seven!) In actuality, I’m more convinced than ever that love and romance and, ugh, ‘dating’ are important and smart things to think and write about,” (267).
I bought this book too many years ago to remember (presumably 2019, the year it was apparently published) solely bc the cover colors caught my eye and the title made me laugh. It's not as glib as I originally feared -- Blythe Roberson made references to intersectionality and was aware as much of her privilege as she was of white/cis/het men's, a step many white feminist comics seem to skip -- but it wasn't terribly focused and tended to have overlapping contradictory takes. It also was, unfortunately, wholly unrelatable to me. But that's my own fault.
The parts about patriarchy and shit were really great, but the parts about relationships not so much. But that's on me, I haven't dated in any sense of the word, I snd most of my friends are happy long time relationships, as are the parents. So I found myself often rolling my eyes at the relationship parts. But a really great book, it's not Robertson's fault that I only have functional relationships around me!
funny
inspiring
medium-paced
Some good one liners in there
funny
reflective
relaxing
medium-paced
Men are terrible. Patriarchy sucks. Blah blah
Honestly, I expected more. The humor was very eh. I enjoy light hearted/ jokey feminist books but this wasn’t good. A few lines here and there but this constant circle back to “Im hot and still tryna get men I think are hot to kiss me”.. it’s stale. That and all the white men she found attractive, I either 1- didn’t know or 2- they were not
In summation loosely quoting the book: best way to find joy in romance is to find, experience and expect joy in every facet of your life so as to set a precedence. But to feel joy in love, you have to opt into it and not choose to settle or be forced.
Honestly, I expected more. The humor was very eh. I enjoy light hearted/ jokey feminist books but this wasn’t good. A few lines here and there but this constant circle back to “Im hot and still tryna get men I think are hot to kiss me”.. it’s stale. That and all the white men she found attractive, I either 1- didn’t know or 2- they were not
In summation loosely quoting the book: best way to find joy in romance is to find, experience and expect joy in every facet of your life so as to set a precedence. But to feel joy in love, you have to opt into it and not choose to settle or be forced.