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leslie_parrish's review
4.0
TL;DR see that toxic person, and we’re walking the other way
I wish I had this book 4 years ago when I was starting my healing journey. There is a lot of good information in here to help understand what you’ve gone through which is especially important if you’ve been made to feel like you can’t trust your own judgement about their behavior. I’ve seen some other reviews saying they don’t like the way that she talks about abusive people as pathological and people who can’t always be helped. I can understand where they’re coming from, but this book is for victims. I think one of the hardest things for me to accept initially is that I was abused on purpose, and they did know what they were doing. You have to accept that to be willing to get away from a person instead of making excuses for their behavior.
I wish I had this book 4 years ago when I was starting my healing journey. There is a lot of good information in here to help understand what you’ve gone through which is especially important if you’ve been made to feel like you can’t trust your own judgement about their behavior. I’ve seen some other reviews saying they don’t like the way that she talks about abusive people as pathological and people who can’t always be helped. I can understand where they’re coming from, but this book is for victims. I think one of the hardest things for me to accept initially is that I was abused on purpose, and they did know what they were doing. You have to accept that to be willing to get away from a person instead of making excuses for their behavior.
violettageminox's review against another edition
3.0
I struggle to find resources that genuinely reflect the experiences I have had, so I read this to assist the healing of only one piece of that experience. Unfortunately, I did not find it very helpful. Which, I must admit, is how I end up feeling about most abuse recovery resources I have read/utilized. Sure, it has good information, explanations, and addresses more than psychological abuse in romantic relationships, but I do not feel I learned anything new. Maybe that's because I have been working to heal for many years (with agonizingly slow progress). I did the leaving. I don't need advice on no contact. I don't need validation of my experience. I don't need far too generalized and obscure steps to recovery. I need help understanding genuine ways to cope with the CPTSD that I now live with every day, books for people that aren't trying to leave or just left.
I am almost a decade separated from my abuser, still struggling regularly with the repercussions of that. Though I absolutely agree that hidden abuse is abuse, what about when it was hidden and physical? Where are the resources that can help someone that experienced psychological, sexual, physical, and emotional abuse all from the same person over years? Where are the resources on sexual abuse that are not childhood or assault based? I know these were not the aims of this book, and I do not hold that against it. It's just a broader issue I encounter and feel frustrated by.
All of that being said, I do know someone at the very start of healing from such abuse that I will be recommending this book to.
I am almost a decade separated from my abuser, still struggling regularly with the repercussions of that. Though I absolutely agree that hidden abuse is abuse, what about when it was hidden and physical? Where are the resources that can help someone that experienced psychological, sexual, physical, and emotional abuse all from the same person over years? Where are the resources on sexual abuse that are not childhood or assault based? I know these were not the aims of this book, and I do not hold that against it. It's just a broader issue I encounter and feel frustrated by.
All of that being said, I do know someone at the very start of healing from such abuse that I will be recommending this book to.
avinz's review
2.0
I'm sure this book can be helpful to some. However, it seems to focus a lot on the negative intent of the abuser. I understand perspective where the writer is coming from, But for me it really doesn't ring true or resonate. The author seems to conflate and abuser having an abusive past or mental disorder as some type of justification for the behavior. Rather than say there is no justification and that the person is capable of not abusing, They focus on saying the abuser secretly has the intent to abuse all along.
In addition, there are some weird examples in the abuse area that stem from some pretty strong heteronormativity. Those situations could be abusive, But as described, they don't necessarily sound that way. (Specifically: mother-in-law still thinking as ex-wife of spouse as like a daughter, having a relationship with her.)
I'd recommend other books on abuse
In addition, there are some weird examples in the abuse area that stem from some pretty strong heteronormativity. Those situations could be abusive, But as described, they don't necessarily sound that way. (Specifically: mother-in-law still thinking as ex-wife of spouse as like a daughter, having a relationship with her.)
I'd recommend other books on abuse
rainafyre's review
5.0
This book helped me so much in healing from my last relationship. I knew evil was in the world, but to find out it was living with me was horrifying. Narcissistic abuse is painful, scary, & devastating. Healing from it is much harder than a normal break-up because it's spent piecing together all the lies, mind games, & manipulations. Knowing there is a specific pattern to these abusers helped to not feel so alone. There are others out there who have experienced it and found ways to heal from it is so inspiring. Thank you Shannon Thomas!