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Reviews tagging 'Sexual content'
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen
55 reviews
theaceofpages's review against another edition
medium-paced
3.0
I feel really bad for rating this book so low because education about asexuality is so important. But I found myself getting frustrated at several points. I'm going to write a review now but I might come back and add to it later. I feel like she covers a lot of important points but I found myself wishing that it had just been a book about compulsory sexuality (which it mostly was) since I didn't particularly enjoy the parts where she talks about herself (she keeps justifying why she ha sex with her boyfriend and often gets repetitive or off track). I'd say that this book is a good exploration of compulsory sexuality but I wouldn't necessarily send people here to learn about asexuality (although there aren't many options...) as this part feels very fragmented between the stronger thread of components of the harms of society's expectations around sex.
But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:
Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...
This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".
The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?
The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.
It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.
I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.
The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)
Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.
But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:
Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...
This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".
The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?
The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.
It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.
I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.
The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)
Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism and Acephobia/Arophobia
Moderate: Transphobia, Medical trauma, Sexual assault, Murder, Sexual content, and Racism
Minor: Rape
samchase112's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
4.5
Part cultural analysis, part introduction to asexuality and aromanticism, this is a well-written, well-researched exploration of sexuality in modern culture — mixed with experiences of people who identify as asexual. I knew this would be a fascinating, eye-opening read, and it lived up to those expectations. I hope this book continues to reach more people and educate, because this is an aspect of our culture that — as this book illustrates so clearly — needs to be understood on a wider scale.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Deportation, Sexism, Rape, Death, Murder, Sexual assault, and Sexual content
Minor: Religious bigotry, Terminal illness, Medical content, Homophobia, Toxic relationship, Panic attacks/disorders, and Transphobia
therainbowshelf's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
It took me a really long time to finish this, partially because I took a long break. It’s pretty dense, and several chapters covered some emotionally turbulent topics I wasn’t prepared to feel right then. Overall an excellent read and many interesting insights. I related to a lot of what was said and filled my copy with sticky tabs marking that and other content. A few times I felt this went off course or reached odd conclusions.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Ableism, Abandonment, Body shaming, Grief, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Sexism, Sexual harassment, Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual content
Aphobiadragon_s_hoard's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Acephobia/Arophobia
Minor: Sexual content, Homophobia, Biphobia, Classism, Medical content, Misogyny, Sexual assault, Ableism, Lesbophobia, Acephobia/Arophobia, and Sexual violence
nautilus18's review against another edition
informative
reflective
4.5
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual content
butlerebecca's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.75
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Sexual content, and Sexual assault
Minor: Racism
cris_is_in_crisis's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
A book dealing with asexuality, its meaning and all that derives from it told from the perspective of actual ace people. An intriguing lense in a world that is too often forgotten in the vast ocean of civil and LGBTQ+ rights (so much so that the book states that some people in the LGBTQ+ community don't even recognise aces or aros as their own sexualities).
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Biphobia, Body shaming, Classism, Dysphoria, Homophobia, Mental illness, Misogyny, Outing, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Racism, Sexual assault, and Sexual harassment
All the trigger warnings are dealt in a way as to explain why they are wrong, if so, and minimise the impact that they could have on a reader.divine529's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I really enjoyed this and I'm glad I read it and at the time I did.
Essentially this book is a deep dive and overview into Asexuality, but it's done from a journalistic point of view and explores many different facets of the community - sexuality, gender, race, disability, different types of relationships, age...it's absolutely fantastic. That's not to say everyone's experiences are like that in the book because we're all going to be different, but it covers a wide range and for that I think it's an incredible book.
Chen's research and knowledge add an extra layer to it as well, so it's part memoir, part community outreach, so it's own voices as well.
Regardless of how you identify (or don't identify), I'd recommend this. It's definitely a book I can see myself revisiting, and I'm just so glad something like this exists.
Essentially this book is a deep dive and overview into Asexuality, but it's done from a journalistic point of view and explores many different facets of the community - sexuality, gender, race, disability, different types of relationships, age...it's absolutely fantastic. That's not to say everyone's experiences are like that in the book because we're all going to be different, but it covers a wide range and for that I think it's an incredible book.
Chen's research and knowledge add an extra layer to it as well, so it's part memoir, part community outreach, so it's own voices as well.
Regardless of how you identify (or don't identify), I'd recommend this. It's definitely a book I can see myself revisiting, and I'm just so glad something like this exists.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Sexual content, Rape, Acephobia/Arophobia, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence
Minor: Racial slurs
thewordsdevourer's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
angela chen's ace is an informative, revelatory book on asexuality and its implications for society, though it's not as earth-shattering as i thought it'd be.
while the book can be repetitive at times, it affirms many of my own previous conjectures, reiterates the existence and importance of a variety of identities, and definitively offers a new and ace perspective thru which to see and exist in a hetero- and amatonormative world, in turn offering possibilities and hope for a society that values non-sexual relationships more, though reality def has a lot to catch up to.
overall im glad to have come across and read this book - esp since it's very intersectional - learn from it, and hope to go back for another more thorough read.
while the book can be repetitive at times, it affirms many of my own previous conjectures, reiterates the existence and importance of a variety of identities, and definitively offers a new and ace perspective thru which to see and exist in a hetero- and amatonormative world, in turn offering possibilities and hope for a society that values non-sexual relationships more, though reality def has a lot to catch up to.
overall im glad to have come across and read this book - esp since it's very intersectional - learn from it, and hope to go back for another more thorough read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Acephobia/Arophobia, Toxic relationship, Ableism, and Sexual content
Moderate: Lesbophobia, Racism, Sexism, Transphobia, and Homophobia
courtneyfalling's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
4.5
Genuinely a life-changing book, will be talking about the willful vs. enthusiastic consent model forever.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Acephobia/Arophobia
Moderate: Sexual content