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bluejayreads's review
I really wanted to like this book. I deeply, desperately wanted to hear what a journalist had to say about business in modern society and how we might be able to get some of that leisure time back. But nowhere on the cover, in the title, in the back cover, or even in the reviews is there any mention of the real focus of this book – it is, in reality, about work, love, and play when no parent has the time.
That’s not to say the time stresses on modern parents, especially mothers, isn’t an important topic. On the contrary, I very much agree with the assertion that working parents, especially women married to men, are being asked to (or are required to or are choosing to) do too much, which harms their work, their parenting, their relationships, their personal leisure, and pretty much everything else. And this seems like a well-written, well-researched exploration of the topic. I’m not criticizing the book on that.
In fact, I don’t think I want to criticize the book at all. It’s a good book and it covers its topics thoroughly and engagingly. However, I picked it up looking for an entirely different topic altogether. I am not a parent, and I very much hope to never be a parent. Though the challenges of time and parenting are important to millions of people, they are not personally relevant for me. And I picked this book up looking for something personally relevant. I wanted an exploration of how the many pressures of modern life, the cultural elevation of busyness to virtue, etc. is affecting our ability to work effectively, form and maintain relationships, and engage in fun/play/leisure, perhaps along with some suggestions for fixing it. But this book is single-mindedly focused on parents and how the time investment children require makes working effectively and being recognized for that work, connecting with your spouse, and engaging in hobbies and personal things you enjoy much more challenging.
And, sure, the book does mention at times that “of course people who aren’t parents could also benefit from having more free time” and “single people want to have leisure too!” But these are occasional lines in a book that overwhelmingly focuses on the time-related struggles of parenthood. Would I, as a child-free person, benefit from, for example, more options around “flex-time” and hybrid or work-from-home arrangements in the workplace? Absolutely. But the benefits I get have nothing to do with being home when my kid gets off the bus or the ability to leave work when the school nurse calls. The relentless focus on parents as the subject made it feel irrelevant to me. Not that it actually is – it’s one of those issues that doesn’t benefit me personally, but would be great for society as a whole if it were fixed/improved. But I had a really hard time engaging with it because I couldn’t see myself or my struggles in the pages.
Ultimately, this comes down to the fact that I wanted to read this book out of personal interest in the topic’s relevance to my life, and the book actually focused on how the topic affects a population that doesn’t include me. That doesn’t make the book bad, or irrelevant, or even not worth reading. But going in with incorrect expectations left me disappointed. I found myself skimming sections, ready for the part where Brigid stopped talking about parents specifically and started getting into stuff that mattered to me. If I had gone into it looking for a journalistic deep dive into a particular topic affecting society as a whole, I probably would be singing its praises right now. (I can’t stress this part enough – leaving aside my own expectations, this book is well-researched, engagingly written, and overall a worthwhile read.) This is one that I may come back to in the future with revised expectations and a readiness to read about a society-level issue that isn’t personally relevant to my life. The problem here was that I came in wanting something personal and, being not a parent, didn’t get it.
kellabee's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.0
holly_keimig's review against another edition
4.0
This book takes a good look at modern life and the author discusses how everyone is "overwhelmed". It was fun to read this book at Christmas because everyone around me does appear to be completely overwhelmed. The author even mentions how Christmas letters often say somewhere that the year has been crazy or overwhelming. She delves into three main areas: work, love, and play. In work, she discusses mainly how family policies (maternity/paternity leave, paid vacation time, etc) have changed and how they need to continue to change for workers to be happy. Even though I do not have children, I found this section interesting. She then talks about relationships in the love section and how they can suffer without proper intervention. Finally she talks about women's failure to "play" and how usually, for women, playing ends in adolescence and never returns. Made me want to go find some swings in the park...:) Highly recommended title if you are always feeling overwhelmed. While it is not a book that will help you solve all your problems (and is actually quote biographical in places), it might give you a few ideas on how to at least notice you are feeling "overwhelmed" and figure out a way or two to step out of the rat race.
heidihaverkamp's review against another edition
4.0
Shulte seems to me to hit right on the nose the struggle in most working families to stay balanced or "find the time." The clash between our culture's ideas of "The Ideal Worker," "The Perfect Mother," and rugged American individualism make for an impossible situation for working parents, stay at home parents, and children. I had no idea Richard Nixon has backed a universal child care bill that was torpedoed by Pat Buchanan in the early 70's. Schulte offers both history and theory, as well as practical tips for time "chunking," "automate, delegate, or drop," having more fun, working in "pulses," The Other Five Percent (random stuff that you try to do all together every day or two instead of at random scattered times), The Monday Morning Brain Dump, quitting unrealistic expectations and impossible ideals, and my favorite quote that "80% of your to-do list is crap." Easy and fun to read, even though it's sometimes a little depressing to think about how unfriendly most workplaces are to people with families.
layeredirony's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
very informative and eye-opening book! didn't agree with some side characters' opinions but overall agreed with the book's message. it left me feeling angry and frustrated at how women are really basically just set up to lose in the capitalist system we live in. also left me angry with capitalism in general haha
alexisrt's review against another edition
4.0
I've read or have seen several books in the same vein (women, work life balance, parenting), so Schulte is trodding popular territory here. They've all come out at around the same time, though, so I can't fault her for a bandwagon. (This book was chosen as part of a community reading program at my public library, which is partly why I read it.)
The diagnosis is typical, but it's well researched: the examples are good and she uses other countries as a contrast without idealizing them (the Danes wind up coming across as less perfect than they see themselves to be; I don't know if that was her intention). The framing of how this is all eating our time is well done, and she recognizes that the problem (and any solutions) are not just about women, but all of us.
THere are two flaws that got to me:
- The time problem is not just one for the middle classes. It's okay to write a book about middle class concerted cultivation parenting, as long as you've defined your topic clearly. However, the time crunch applies to a broad swath of the American population (those, who Schulte herself . If you're only interested in the time crunch of middle class families with children, define that. With a few exceptions, her targets fit a similar demographic.
- Her proposed solutions are weak, largely because there is no easy answer to broad social change. The people setting the policies are those who have managed to rise to the top in the current system. They're largely the ones who benefit. Further, we have firmly internalized Margaret Thatcher's famous remark that "There is no such thing as society." People (usually women) choose to have children and therefore to bear the consequences of that "choice." Schulte acknowledges American individualism, but facing up to its extent--that we begrudge people even the basics of sick time or recovery from childbirth--would make for a depressing conclusion.
The diagnosis is typical, but it's well researched: the examples are good and she uses other countries as a contrast without idealizing them (the Danes wind up coming across as less perfect than they see themselves to be; I don't know if that was her intention). The framing of how this is all eating our time is well done, and she recognizes that the problem (and any solutions) are not just about women, but all of us.
THere are two flaws that got to me:
- The time problem is not just one for the middle classes. It's okay to write a book about middle class concerted cultivation parenting, as long as you've defined your topic clearly. However, the time crunch applies to a broad swath of the American population (those, who Schulte herself . If you're only interested in the time crunch of middle class families with children, define that. With a few exceptions, her targets fit a similar demographic.
- Her proposed solutions are weak, largely because there is no easy answer to broad social change. The people setting the policies are those who have managed to rise to the top in the current system. They're largely the ones who benefit. Further, we have firmly internalized Margaret Thatcher's famous remark that "There is no such thing as society." People (usually women) choose to have children and therefore to bear the consequences of that "choice." Schulte acknowledges American individualism, but facing up to its extent--that we begrudge people even the basics of sick time or recovery from childbirth--would make for a depressing conclusion.
sedruola's review against another edition
5.0
This book has helped me articulate all that was closed up within me. Knowing there is more to our lives than working, paying bills and dying. Her research and easy way of writing make this book very relateable for anyone. She uses her own situation as a jumping point, but if you pay attention, you'll see yourself reflected. This book cleared my clutter and showed me exactly what I felt I was searching for. . . a way to relay my own story.