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absoluteabsolem's review against another edition
informative
slow-paced
2.5
before i get mean i'll start by saying i don't think i'm the audience for this. i walked in expecting something that goes rly deep into polyamory since it's written by two women in their seventies (a great premise !) but it's more like a 101 thing. which is not a bad thing per se i suppose but like, i already know about all of this. even for someone new to the concepts introduced here, i'm not sure this is the book they should go for. it's incredibly repetitive, among other things.
it only took me eleven days to get through but it felt like weeks. as mentioned above the ethical slut is very surface-level about everything it mentions i feel, and sometimes concerningly utopian, especially about how suppodedly easy it is to be queer now. hell, four cis gay men (a category more marginalised people claim is always safe in public spaces and sure, they're a lot less at risk than trans women but they're still queer) got assaulted or killed in the goddamn street in france this past month alone. it feels a bit weird to read over and over that now everyone can get married so we got everything we ever wanted and our rights are secure forever, and this is an updated edition published once year after trump's election. the opening chapters are full of this super optimistic worldview and i find it puzzling. but hey, at least we got a little chapter about aids and queer revolution in the end
even in the more everyday-life aspects of it, it just doesn't deliver imo. it is written in there that if someone doesn't want to meet your other partners, just bide your time, they'll come around. that is not how things work. there's also a long chapter that talks about jealousy but only in terms of sex. i feel like emotional insecurities also play an important part in potential conflicts and that is addressed somewhat in other chapters but it doesn't go deep enough. nothing really goes deep enough, and it seems to always be wrapped in this idealistic paper that i just don't vibe with. glad to hear it resonates with other people though
it only took me eleven days to get through but it felt like weeks. as mentioned above the ethical slut is very surface-level about everything it mentions i feel, and sometimes concerningly utopian, especially about how suppodedly easy it is to be queer now. hell, four cis gay men (a category more marginalised people claim is always safe in public spaces and sure, they're a lot less at risk than trans women but they're still queer) got assaulted or killed in the goddamn street in france this past month alone. it feels a bit weird to read over and over that now everyone can get married so we got everything we ever wanted and our rights are secure forever, and this is an updated edition published once year after trump's election. the opening chapters are full of this super optimistic worldview and i find it puzzling. but hey, at least we got a little chapter about aids and queer revolution in the end
even in the more everyday-life aspects of it, it just doesn't deliver imo. it is written in there that if someone doesn't want to meet your other partners, just bide your time, they'll come around. that is not how things work. there's also a long chapter that talks about jealousy but only in terms of sex. i feel like emotional insecurities also play an important part in potential conflicts and that is addressed somewhat in other chapters but it doesn't go deep enough. nothing really goes deep enough, and it seems to always be wrapped in this idealistic paper that i just don't vibe with. glad to hear it resonates with other people though
korkny's review against another edition
4.0
Great illustration of how living life outside the bounds of mahogany can be (and often is) more ethical than within them. This book is a lesson in communication, consideration, and general caring and respect and it should be on some curriculum somewhere pls.
elizabeth12's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
I've read a couple of books on polyamory, and this was the best one. It's referred to as the Poly Bible for a reason. While I have been interested in exploring polyamory in the past, I don't necessarily think it's for me, but I found that the information in this book could be applied to monogamous relationships as well.
This was more research focused, but the authors did include some personal anecdotes when relevant, which I enjoyed. This helped me to reexamine my ideal relationship and what it includes or doesn't. I may have to get a copy of this book.
This was more research focused, but the authors did include some personal anecdotes when relevant, which I enjoyed. This helped me to reexamine my ideal relationship and what it includes or doesn't. I may have to get a copy of this book.
lootcard's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
4.0
20+ year old book written and rewritten by 2 women now in their 70s and discussing polyamory, open relationships, sex positivity and all the layers. Thought provoking
dalefu's review against another edition
2.0
I was pretty disappointed in this book. Everything I read seemed painfully obvious. Don't be a jerk, keep the lines of communication open, set rules, etc. Pretty standard stuff. And for subject matter with as much potential as this, the book was an incredibly dry read. No fun or enlightening anecdotes, barely any humour, etc. As I read the book it felt like its only accomplishment was existing in a society that generally frowns on this type of content. But the content itself was pretty standard fare. This book is an enigma. If you're open minded enough to buy it, chances are you've already come to these conclusions on your own. If you haven't thought these things through before, chances are you're not the type who would be buying this book.