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3.54 AVERAGE
3.54 AVERAGE
I inhaled this book in one evening. Being a professional musician and having worked at the Advance Program for Young Scholars, I felt like I finally understood my Asian friends who always excel at what they do. I'm way on the other end of the parenting spectrum from the author, but appreciate her honesty and ideas. Excellent, quick read.
This book makes me realize that "everything in moderation" also applies to parenting. To start, I cannot judge this family fully as I am not a part of it and was raised differently in many aspects. Amy Chua's parenting may have worked very well for her children, and her children may now realize/understand why this form of parenting was forced upon them. However, being a Chinese daughter to immigrant parents, I must say my childhood and academic experience up till college was not like this at all. My parents were strict and definitely made their expectations clear, but they were not forcing it the way Chua did to her children.
Amy Chua definitely loves her children. I can see that. She wants the best for them and has a standard of excellence she wants them to meet. However, I found this book frustrating. While her children are successful and extremely talented, I question their happiness and their fulfillment from having a childhood as such. This level of pressure for perfection on one's shoulders can be extremely anxiety-inducing and also cause a ridiculous amount of stress. I'd be surprised if her children didn't suffer from some form of anxiety or some sort of fear toward failure. I also question if they feel like some of their passions were stunted/hindered in their youth, and are only able to develop now as they are older. Did they also have a hard time connecting with peers because of the lack of exposure to other areas of life?
My parents have raised 2 well-educated and successful Chinese daughters as well but not with the same strict mentality as Amy Chua's. They want us to be respectful and also do well in school but they have also provided room for failure, for our voices to be heard, and for us to self-start any of our own passion projects. It has made me feel confident in going to my parents about everything and ask for help when needed, and it also had me dependent on myself to make the most out of my childhood/youth/career/etc. So seeing that my sister and I turned out pretty well under fairly open-minded parents, I had a hard time accepting Amy Chua's parenting because of how close-minded many of her statements seemed.
I found Amy Chua to be too much. It became very clear to me she tied a successful life to achievements when she was even looking up rankings for how smart her dog was. She has an obsession tied to proving success through accolades and achievements, and she is able to force her family to practice, to work harder, to not disobey in order to get those perfect results. However, it is clear this is not a healthy way to parent or build any relationship with those around her. My heart broke when Lulu said that she didn't have any friends because she wasn't allowed to do anything. I can't even imagine being in her position or being in this family. It seemed like everyone's voice was not heard except for Amy Chua's. Chua views her parenting as successful when her children are able to respect her while getting good grades/awards. Her parenting is good if you only look at it through how successful/talented her daughters are. In that sense, kudos to her and her daughters for being able to achieve so much. However, this kind of childhood and this kind of preparation for adulthood can also lead to a lack of fulfillment in the future.
Amy Chua definitely loves her children. I can see that. She wants the best for them and has a standard of excellence she wants them to meet. However, I found this book frustrating. While her children are successful and extremely talented, I question their happiness and their fulfillment from having a childhood as such. This level of pressure for perfection on one's shoulders can be extremely anxiety-inducing and also cause a ridiculous amount of stress. I'd be surprised if her children didn't suffer from some form of anxiety or some sort of fear toward failure. I also question if they feel like some of their passions were stunted/hindered in their youth, and are only able to develop now as they are older. Did they also have a hard time connecting with peers because of the lack of exposure to other areas of life?
My parents have raised 2 well-educated and successful Chinese daughters as well but not with the same strict mentality as Amy Chua's. They want us to be respectful and also do well in school but they have also provided room for failure, for our voices to be heard, and for us to self-start any of our own passion projects. It has made me feel confident in going to my parents about everything and ask for help when needed, and it also had me dependent on myself to make the most out of my childhood/youth/career/etc. So seeing that my sister and I turned out pretty well under fairly open-minded parents, I had a hard time accepting Amy Chua's parenting because of how close-minded many of her statements seemed.
I found Amy Chua to be too much. It became very clear to me she tied a successful life to achievements when she was even looking up rankings for how smart her dog was. She has an obsession tied to proving success through accolades and achievements, and she is able to force her family to practice, to work harder, to not disobey in order to get those perfect results. However, it is clear this is not a healthy way to parent or build any relationship with those around her. My heart broke when Lulu said that she didn't have any friends because she wasn't allowed to do anything. I can't even imagine being in her position or being in this family. It seemed like everyone's voice was not heard except for Amy Chua's. Chua views her parenting as successful when her children are able to respect her while getting good grades/awards. Her parenting is good if you only look at it through how successful/talented her daughters are. In that sense, kudos to her and her daughters for being able to achieve so much. However, this kind of childhood and this kind of preparation for adulthood can also lead to a lack of fulfillment in the future.
I have had this review of "Tiger Mother" simmering on the back burner for a while, and I realized what better day to post than--Mother's Day. Ultimately this is a story of one mother’s journey, but rather than a journey to acceptance or realization, it is a journey of denial and control. I was curious after all the hype about this book, to find out if the flaming of this book was unfounded, as the author claimed. She maintained in many of her interviews that this book was written tongue in cheek. It was a *joke* she said, can't cha take a joke? Since I am fluent in sarcasm, I was able to read this book in its intended language. And there is a lot of sarcasm here. What mom hasn't threatened to throw out all the kids’ toys, make them study all night or yelled "No More Wire Hangers!!"? But there is something else here, something desperate and sad. Amy Chua is a woman consumed by fear. Fear of losing control, fear of failing, fear of not being viewed as successful. This is a bad place to parent from, since parenting is mostly a journey of errors. Ms. Chua can say that she was joking when she got upset with her husband because he didn't set high enough goals for their dog, but there is no joke when she bullies her daughters into writing a eulogy for their beloved grandmother. That is something no child should be forced to do, and Ms. Chua's motivation can only be the prestige of the praise she will receive afterwards. Her youngest daughter pegs her perfectly, accusing her of being vain and self-centered. That is what this book is about, one mother's attempt to keep the focus on herself, rather than let her daughters shine in their own spot light.
A really quick read. I'm not a parent, so I obviously cannot relate to the difficulties that the author has encountered, and whether her style of parenting is better or worse, but I do think that she is an engaging writer and with all the talk around this book for the past few weeks, she certainly knows how to engage her audience.
I waited to read this book until now so I could read it from the library. I didn't want to purchase it and I also wanted all the hype to die down. I had read things in the media about how mean and terrible the author is and went in thinking it was going to be difficult to read about how she treated her daughters. I am so glad I was wrong.
Amy Chua knows she was hard on her kids. She says it a lot. Yet, she is also just as hard on herself. She is overly involved in everything she made them do and not in a helicopter, oh, let me do that for you, kind of way. She expects them to do the work and to do it perfectly because she knows they can. She knew she was pushing them and she worried about how that would make them feel about her when they grew up. You see her back off and change how she deals with her youngest daughter in order to save that relationship. It's interesting the media never mentions that. I loved the fake sample interview she writes in the back about how the person doing the interview never really read the book and just based their opinions on what they'd read or heard in the media themselves.
I was fortunate to have parents who fell more toward Chinese mothers themselves. My parents did push me, but they didn't put in the time that Amy did with her children. And that is where Western parents differ the most for me - the ones who do push their children are pushing, but they're not actually taking part in the activity with them like Amy does with her kids. I expect my child to do well, but I am too lazy to do what Amy did.
Amy Chua knows she was hard on her kids. She says it a lot. Yet, she is also just as hard on herself. She is overly involved in everything she made them do and not in a helicopter, oh, let me do that for you, kind of way. She expects them to do the work and to do it perfectly because she knows they can. She knew she was pushing them and she worried about how that would make them feel about her when they grew up. You see her back off and change how she deals with her youngest daughter in order to save that relationship. It's interesting the media never mentions that. I loved the fake sample interview she writes in the back about how the person doing the interview never really read the book and just based their opinions on what they'd read or heard in the media themselves.
I was fortunate to have parents who fell more toward Chinese mothers themselves. My parents did push me, but they didn't put in the time that Amy did with her children. And that is where Western parents differ the most for me - the ones who do push their children are pushing, but they're not actually taking part in the activity with them like Amy does with her kids. I expect my child to do well, but I am too lazy to do what Amy did.
Easy read. Great food for thought, especially for parents who care about success for their kids. I so enjoyed Chua's honesty wrapped up in her tongue-in-cheek hyperbole. She didn't take herself too seriously, yet held up the mirror to her choices and really looked, letting us in on the reflection, too. Bless her heart for some of the parent-wars horror she had to endure when the book was first released. With the ease of this read, I hope lots of "gentle parents" give it a try and let their mirror be held up for a glance. I'm sure glad I did. PS I started the book last week, but read most of it in one day.
Reading this satirical memoir unequivocally sparks outrage with the turn of every page. But the afterword contextualizes the rest of the book in an almost forgiving manner. But wow, just wow.
When this book was suggested for my online book club, I must admit I wasn't expecting to like it. I thought it was a strange book for a group read. But I also knew it had generated a lot of controversy recently so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Also, all but one of my co-workers is Chinese and grew up with China and I thought it might give me some insight into why they are always working so much harder and more often than I am.
I was surprised once I started reading it that I was actually finding it somewhat humorous, although I am absolutely positive that neither she nor her daughters found it humorous as it was happening. Some of the things she spouts off are just so ridiculous (like she is upset that her husband has no plans for his dog's future!) that I couldn't help but laugh aloud. I also don't know where she found the energy to be so ANGRY all the time. Being that angry and intense is hard work! Like many, I worry about the effects it may have had on her children's psyche -- although she argues that in China most children are brought up this way and would never think it wrong or think to rebel against it, and they seem to have fewer psychological problems than we do in America -- I can't help but point out that her children are IN America. And they have a different view of the world and "fairness" than she did as a child (although I suppose she was in America, too, but I get the impression she wasn't as heavily immersed in society as her children are).
Some of the things she says or does horrify me and make me very glad I am not her daughter. Then again, I see her point at times -- I do wish I had someone who pushed me to practice piano and various other things. Children DON'T want to do "boring" stuff like that on their own in general, and I know so many people who now regret not sticking with music (or a foreign language, or drama, or or or). I really regret not practicing and becoming a much better pianist when I was younger... but riding bikes and reading books was far more fun at the time! And I agree with her "virtuous cycle" to an extent - it really ISN'T fun to start out learning a new thing and being awful at it, but once you finally do it right (I did it mom, I did it!) it is so exciting and rewarding and makes me want to work so much harder at it. But still, I think she went TOO far in that direction in many cases. It's one thing to make your child practice for an hour (or more) per day. It's another thing to force them to stay up until 3am practicing with no food and now allowing them to use the bathroom and screaming at them until they get a song right ... and it's not even for an upcoming performance!
What I found most fascinating about the book was actually the musical stuff. I am glad she went into so much detail about the music lessons and the practice sessions. I felt like I was learning some of the stuff right along with them. I absolutely LOVED reading her notes to her daughter, measure by measure, for how to practice. And the author came off as SUCH a different person in those notes (I think) than she did when she was just screaming at them. And the entire chapter about "The Little White Donkey" (Jacques Ibert) -- while I was horrified with the mother's behavior -- also brought back fond memories of ME practicing for days and weeks on end trying to master that same song, which is one of my favorites to play.
Overall, I found the book an interesting glimpse into a very different life than I experienced myself. In terms of which is "better", I think (like most things) both methods have their pluses and minuses. But (again, like most things) I believe there is a happy medium that can be reached between the two. And of course, what works for one child will not necessarily work for another - we aren't a deterministic system, after all.
I was surprised once I started reading it that I was actually finding it somewhat humorous, although I am absolutely positive that neither she nor her daughters found it humorous as it was happening. Some of the things she spouts off are just so ridiculous (like she is upset that her husband has no plans for his dog's future!) that I couldn't help but laugh aloud. I also don't know where she found the energy to be so ANGRY all the time. Being that angry and intense is hard work! Like many, I worry about the effects it may have had on her children's psyche -- although she argues that in China most children are brought up this way and would never think it wrong or think to rebel against it, and they seem to have fewer psychological problems than we do in America -- I can't help but point out that her children are IN America. And they have a different view of the world and "fairness" than she did as a child (although I suppose she was in America, too, but I get the impression she wasn't as heavily immersed in society as her children are).
Some of the things she says or does horrify me and make me very glad I am not her daughter. Then again, I see her point at times -- I do wish I had someone who pushed me to practice piano and various other things. Children DON'T want to do "boring" stuff like that on their own in general, and I know so many people who now regret not sticking with music (or a foreign language, or drama, or or or). I really regret not practicing and becoming a much better pianist when I was younger... but riding bikes and reading books was far more fun at the time! And I agree with her "virtuous cycle" to an extent - it really ISN'T fun to start out learning a new thing and being awful at it, but once you finally do it right (I did it mom, I did it!) it is so exciting and rewarding and makes me want to work so much harder at it. But still, I think she went TOO far in that direction in many cases. It's one thing to make your child practice for an hour (or more) per day. It's another thing to force them to stay up until 3am practicing with no food and now allowing them to use the bathroom and screaming at them until they get a song right ... and it's not even for an upcoming performance!
What I found most fascinating about the book was actually the musical stuff. I am glad she went into so much detail about the music lessons and the practice sessions. I felt like I was learning some of the stuff right along with them. I absolutely LOVED reading her notes to her daughter, measure by measure, for how to practice. And the author came off as SUCH a different person in those notes (I think) than she did when she was just screaming at them. And the entire chapter about "The Little White Donkey" (Jacques Ibert) -- while I was horrified with the mother's behavior -- also brought back fond memories of ME practicing for days and weeks on end trying to master that same song, which is one of my favorites to play.
Overall, I found the book an interesting glimpse into a very different life than I experienced myself. In terms of which is "better", I think (like most things) both methods have their pluses and minuses. But (again, like most things) I believe there is a happy medium that can be reached between the two. And of course, what works for one child will not necessarily work for another - we aren't a deterministic system, after all.
emotional
reflective
tense
fast-paced
Simultaneously offensive, hilarious and inspiring. Listened to on audio as read by Chua herself, which completed the experience. I got in my car this morning and was sad that it was over.
Offensive: I am one of the disdained "Western Parents" who give my daughters a choice "Do you want to sign up for soccer or stay in gymnastics?" "You are going to learn an instrument at age 5, do you want to learn piano or something else?" etc, etc.
Hilarious: The book is meant to be alarming, it is clear, especially when Chua reads it, that she knows how her parenting style is going to be perceived. And she is damn proud of being that intense mom. Hilarious in its absurdity, really, and in the unashamed ego Chua displays. Also, the stories about LuLu are awesome. She is a firecracker.
Inspiring: Chua worked her butt off, first as a practicing attorney, then to become a professor, then as a Yale Law professor. She touches a bit on her own career, but I think, underplays it a lot. Which is refreshing. There is no "It's so hard to balance" "Having a career and kids is really tough." She just DOES IT. She has a challenging and demanding career and can be the kind of mom that she wants to be. She is inspiring because she puts her family first, and shows that she can put her family first and still be a rocking and respected academic. Also inspiring in the mom sense: we need to chill about putting stress on our kids and pushing them too hard. It's good to push kids in a way that shows them how important and rewarding hard work is and allows them to understand their full potential.
Offensive: I am one of the disdained "Western Parents" who give my daughters a choice "Do you want to sign up for soccer or stay in gymnastics?" "You are going to learn an instrument at age 5, do you want to learn piano or something else?" etc, etc.
Hilarious: The book is meant to be alarming, it is clear, especially when Chua reads it, that she knows how her parenting style is going to be perceived. And she is damn proud of being that intense mom. Hilarious in its absurdity, really, and in the unashamed ego Chua displays. Also, the stories about LuLu are awesome. She is a firecracker.
Inspiring: Chua worked her butt off, first as a practicing attorney, then to become a professor, then as a Yale Law professor. She touches a bit on her own career, but I think, underplays it a lot. Which is refreshing. There is no "It's so hard to balance" "Having a career and kids is really tough." She just DOES IT. She has a challenging and demanding career and can be the kind of mom that she wants to be. She is inspiring because she puts her family first, and shows that she can put her family first and still be a rocking and respected academic. Also inspiring in the mom sense: we need to chill about putting stress on our kids and pushing them too hard. It's good to push kids in a way that shows them how important and rewarding hard work is and allows them to understand their full potential.