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katieinca's review against another edition
4.0
Probably most useful for parents with kids 10-18. Makes some very convincing arguments that reassure me I'm doing a lot right, but also there are some things I probably want to change. I read the library copy, but am planning on buying my own for the references in the footnotes, and to have a loaner.
erikars's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
In The Self-Driven Child Strixrud and Johnson look at the importance of instilling a healthy sense of control in children. They emphasize that a sense of control is linked to many positive outcomes around health, well-being, academic success, and overall happiness. The authors stress that parents should aim to teach their children independence rather than control them, acting more as consultants than managers. By allowing children to make meaningful choices and find their inner motivation, parents can nurture children's ability to navigate life successfully.
The book highlights the detrimental effects of chronic stress on young brains,. A sense of control is the antidote to stress. This isn't to say that all stress is bad. Some stress can be positive and increase motivation and resilience. Other stress is tolerable and helps kids learn how to better handle stress. But toxic stress is harmful and reduces kids ability to cope in the long time. Parents often try to protect their kids of any sort of stress, but by letting children how deal with stress in a healthy way, they are teaching them how to handle it better.
The book emphasizes giving kids autonomy as much as possible by allowing kids to make (age appropriate) choices. Parents are encouraged to let kids fail and let them learn from their failures. However, this is not a recipe for anarchy. Parents can set bounds, especially around safety. They should also see themselves as providing key information that kids need to make good decisions. The authors repeat, in many contexts, that kids will often surprise us with their ability to make good decisions when they have the right information.
The book has deep dive chapters on technology; learning disabilities, ADHD, and ASD; standardized testing; college; and alternate life paths.
Overall, The Self-Driven Child offers a compelling argument for the importance of fostering a healthy sense of control in children to promote their well-being and success. It provides practical advice to empower children to become self-directed learners and resilient individuals. By reframing the parent-child relationship as one of guidance rather than enforcement, the book encourages parents to prioritize their children's autonomy and growth.
leathiabailey's review against another edition
5.0
I feel like this was one of the most helpful parenting books I've read. It's so hard as a parent to separate ourselves from our kids, but they are their own unique selves. It's so important to let them have their own autonomy and to foster independence. I loved so many of the tips in this book for approaching different situations. I have been working hard on letting my kids take the lead. Did I agree 100% with everything written? No, but I took away so many other wonderful things.
dan_cumberland's review against another edition
4.0
I found the first few chapters to be particularly helpful for creating an environment of ownership for my kids and allowing them to have more control over their day-to-day.
mary00's review against another edition
4.0
Excellent parenting book with high applicability to older kids, which some other parenting books are lacking. I loved so many points the authors made, and most of it left me feeling hopeful and not like I have already royally screwed everything up.
My only major quibble is that it felt a bit elitist in parts. For example, the suggestion that if a child is struggling in a certain school subject than the solution might be to hire outside help is not feasible for everyone. Tutors are pricey! There are many parents who do not have the means to make that happen. It also made multiple insinuations that the goal most parents have for their kids is to get into an ivy league school. A few similar examples left me feeling that the authors were just a tad out of touch with the average American family.
Having pointed that out, I just want to reiterate that most of the advice in this book seems extremely solid and it did both change and validate some of my own opinions.
My only major quibble is that it felt a bit elitist in parts. For example, the suggestion that if a child is struggling in a certain school subject than the solution might be to hire outside help is not feasible for everyone. Tutors are pricey! There are many parents who do not have the means to make that happen. It also made multiple insinuations that the goal most parents have for their kids is to get into an ivy league school. A few similar examples left me feeling that the authors were just a tad out of touch with the average American family.
Having pointed that out, I just want to reiterate that most of the advice in this book seems extremely solid and it did both change and validate some of my own opinions.
srpskimama's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
5.0
This book was recommended by a friend; definitely worth the read. It is one of the most memorable books I've read regarding parenting. It gives practical advice and at the end of each chapter, it has a Q&A section to assist you in implementing the recommendation discussed in that chapter.
cgriesemer's review against another edition
4.0
Very interesting read, really stresses the importance of giving kids autonomy over their life. It is their life, not yours. I hope to model a lot of these lessons with my kids going forward to be more of a consultant rather than an authoritarian source, planning out every step of their lives. Kids need to learn how to deal with bumps in the road on their own with you there as a resource, not a shot-caller.
jesssantdos's review against another edition
5.0
Loved. Very in line with what we want our parenting to look like, but with science and specific scripts and examples. So good.