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Reviews
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen
rookdigoo's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
5.0
I don't know that I have the words to express how deeply meaningful this book was to me. To see myself and my partner represented and celebrated here - I felt so loved, so seen, and helped me find words to try and explain our relationship to a society that focuses and priorities primarily romantic and sexual relationships.
I highly, highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. If only to see there are so many more ways to live a love-filled and deeply fulfilling life than just one.
I highly, highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. If only to see there are so many more ways to live a love-filled and deeply fulfilling life than just one.
teekeita's review
informative
medium-paced
3.0
book 41. this is a comprehensive qualitative account of ways that people (mainly white & USian) have formed close relationships that typically would be reserved for romantic partners. Cohen does a great job of describing these types of relationships and how they brush up against compulsary
heterosexuality and other norms. it's a PhD read for me as it's a book length data on intimacy outside of sex/romance; but i was left lacking because there wasn't any theoretical/conceptual interventions. this is firmily because of my needs of a book on this subject/expertise and less an issue on the writing. it's also not marketed as an academic text...but i was hopeful. i would love reporters to enage in more conceptualisation rather than reportage. makes it richer!
heterosexuality and other norms. it's a PhD read for me as it's a book length data on intimacy outside of sex/romance; but i was left lacking because there wasn't any theoretical/conceptual interventions. this is firmily because of my needs of a book on this subject/expertise and less an issue on the writing. it's also not marketed as an academic text...but i was hopeful. i would love reporters to enage in more conceptualisation rather than reportage. makes it richer!
sallydally's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
tense
medium-paced
4.25
(I don’t think works of nonfiction can be “spoiled” so do with that information what you will. )
The best chapter in this book is the one about grief. It has its faults (read end of review) but it is comforting to anyone who hasn’t been able to put a finger on what they’ve lost.
This book is an exploration of friendships in their most intense intimate form. It’s about variations on found family’s unconventional “frames” which are not widely understood in America, let alone culturally validated.
Role expectation in romantic relationships are often built on a foundation of societal sub clues (culture) and, personal beliefs. Oftentimes, these romantic partnerships are tweaked to suit individual needs but the basic boundaries of what these relationships encompass are understood well enough to be tested. Split finances, differing faiths, “too” close friends of possible attraction, are all insistences where the group status of the couple’s validity could be put onto strain. The underlying assumption is of emotional disconnection in a monogamous environment.
Financial decisions?
No, it’s a lack of trust, and an easy out.
Respect towards each other’s individual faiths?
They don’t love you enough to convert. And you don’t love them enough to “save”.
Security in their relationship to not micromanaging who they’re allowed to be friends with? You are encouraging them to engage in behavior that could lead to an affair.
These questions/answers are exaggerated. But these concerns are real and these reframings are faced with much resistance. The truth is these are good valid and necessary concerns for those in a monogamous environment where romanic partnership become such a core part of one’s identity.
But the point here is that these judgmental interpretation are limited. Most people would expand their definitions to include these partnership as worthy of their social acknowledgment/ recognition. Not to the full extent of it… Some people would go as far to say it’s not “real” love but it would be a rare occurrence for an individual to deny the relationship being romantic on it’s entirety.
Platonic soulmate are a different story… pushing the boundaries of a label with much more ill defined boundaries. It’s no wonder people who haven’t experienced these feelings resist these interpretations. It challenges them to consider if their “one and only” is truly the one and only in every sense. It’s a frustrating tight rope between self defense against their friendships being considered affairs (emotional strain / doubt) and self defense of the romantic relationship being monogamous as it becomes less special than it is often portrayed.
What a Journey it was reading this book.
I learnt a lot about myself as it gave more words to feelings I’ve experienced. The urge to connect. Not due to inadequacies of friends, but rather intensity of the relationship themselves.
Criticisms about this book that I’ve seen on StoryGraph are accurate. The experience of the woman who lost her best friend due to cancer was compared to the writers relationship step down was insensitive. Irked me the wrong way and I read it 3 times trying to understand what the author meant. It was a confusing ending to this book’s best chapter…
The best chapter in this book is the one about grief. It has its faults (read end of review) but it is comforting to anyone who hasn’t been able to put a finger on what they’ve lost.
This book is an exploration of friendships in their most intense intimate form. It’s about variations on found family’s unconventional “frames” which are not widely understood in America, let alone culturally validated.
Role expectation in romantic relationships are often built on a foundation of societal sub clues (culture) and, personal beliefs. Oftentimes, these romantic partnerships are tweaked to suit individual needs but the basic boundaries of what these relationships encompass are understood well enough to be tested. Split finances, differing faiths, “too” close friends of possible attraction, are all insistences where the group status of the couple’s validity could be put onto strain. The underlying assumption is of emotional disconnection in a monogamous environment.
Financial decisions?
No, it’s a lack of trust, and an easy out.
Respect towards each other’s individual faiths?
They don’t love you enough to convert. And you don’t love them enough to “save”.
Security in their relationship to not micromanaging who they’re allowed to be friends with? You are encouraging them to engage in behavior that could lead to an affair.
These questions/answers are exaggerated. But these concerns are real and these reframings are faced with much resistance. The truth is these are good valid and necessary concerns for those in a monogamous environment where romanic partnership become such a core part of one’s identity.
But the point here is that these judgmental interpretation are limited. Most people would expand their definitions to include these partnership as worthy of their social acknowledgment/ recognition. Not to the full extent of it… Some people would go as far to say it’s not “real” love but it would be a rare occurrence for an individual to deny the relationship being romantic on it’s entirety.
Platonic soulmate are a different story… pushing the boundaries of a label with much more ill defined boundaries. It’s no wonder people who haven’t experienced these feelings resist these interpretations. It challenges them to consider if their “one and only” is truly the one and only in every sense. It’s a frustrating tight rope between self defense against their friendships being considered affairs (emotional strain / doubt) and self defense of the romantic relationship being monogamous as it becomes less special than it is often portrayed.
What a Journey it was reading this book.
I learnt a lot about myself as it gave more words to feelings I’ve experienced. The urge to connect. Not due to inadequacies of friends, but rather intensity of the relationship themselves.
Criticisms about this book that I’ve seen on StoryGraph are accurate. The experience of the woman who lost her best friend due to cancer was compared to the writers relationship step down was insensitive. Irked me the wrong way and I read it 3 times trying to understand what the author meant. It was a confusing ending to this book’s best chapter…