Reviews with content warning for Drug use - My Dark Vanessa

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My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

364 reviews

midnightrain_'s review against another edition

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dark emotional informative reflective sad tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.75

it's strange to know that whenever I remember myself at fifteen, I'll think of this

''My dark Vanessa'' is one of the most disturbing, yet important books that were made in this decade. We are invited into the world of 15 year old Vanessa Wye, who is struggling with the burden of being alienated by her friend and away from her family. There are two time lines, early 2000s when Vanessa first meets her teacher, who grooms her and the present when she's in her 30s dealing with the trauma from it. The story doesn't introduce a hero fighting for justice and a happy ending, instead we are met with the harsh reality of an event as traumatic as being abused by a teacher - being in denial. Vanessa doesn't believe she was ever abused, she believes she was in a relationship and is still struggling to move on from it.
This novel is in conversation with Nabokov's Lolita, which I quite enjoyed, especially given that the name of the novel comes from the author's 'Pale Fire'. One thing that's different from Lolita though, is that this is the perspective of the victim. The writing style manages to pull you in, while staying quite simple and accessible.

Some moments that really manage to capture my reading experience:

I wonder how much victimhood they'd be willing to grant a girl like me

Vanessa doesn't recognize her own victimhood, because of the way her life went after the incident. She never got the job of her dreams or a successful relationship, instead she spends nights with men she doesn't know, her apartment's always messy and after all these years she still talks to her abuser.

The excuses we make for them are outrageous but they’re nothing compared to the ones we make for ourselves

This is one of those moments where she starts to realise that she was a victim and I think the way the authors describes those subtle moments of suspicion, doubt and realization even in the beginning, pulls you into the complex reality of being abused

When Strane and I met, I was fifteen and he was forty two, a near perfect thirty years between us. That’s how I described the difference back then - perfect

Shows you just how much Vanessa romanticized what was happening to her, how brainwashed and vulnerable she truly was at 15

Because even if I sometimes use the word abuse to describe certain things that were done to me, in someone else’s mouth the word turns ugly and absolute. It swallows up everything that happened

While this quote shows you just how much the victim tries to hold on to the reality of her relationship being an actual relationship, and not a criminal lie, I think there is a more important message at hand. It provokes the discussion of do we let victims tell the stories that are actually theirs, or do we want them to say what we expect to hear. This novel as a whole holds meaning for actually listening to victims, what they went through, yes, but also not trying to chap and change their words, so they fit a narrative.

This isn't a book that you will enjoy, mainly because your jaw might be on the ground for half of it, and if you're sensitive to the topics in it (or have experienced being groomed) then it's definitely not for you. However it is absolutely a book that helps you understand and sympathize with victims, and is an important read for people, who have never went through such trauma. Definitely check the trigger warnings beforehand though!

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clo_l's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional mysterious sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

This was a really great book. It filled me with so many emotions from the very first page. It felt so incredibly real & I guess, in a way, it was.
Dark, beautiful, captivating, nauseating, intense.
Amazing.

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va1entine's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

a deeply complicated book, with a lot of pain in it. the author delivers every detail with familiarity and grace. not once did i feel vanessa’s defense of strane to be unnatural—it is hard to break from the safety of your abuse. a really good book, with ebbs and flows of speeding whirlwinds and slow meanders.

i find it deliciously frustrating to not know and understand what goes on in strane’s head. we never know if she was the only one. we never know how far things went with others.

i also find the depictions of vanessa’s dissociation from the sexual acts perfectly showcases what she experienced in this relationship. for strane, that was his priority—that’s why he forces so quickly to that point once they reached it the first time. but for vanessa, the parts she fixated on and remembered so deeply are the emotional moments. she remembers the moments they shared together that were emotionally intimate and vulnerable. at her core, vanessa wanted camaraderie and for people to be around her. strane took advantage of that, as a predator, to get what he wanted.

it’s a haunting, chilling story. i found it hard to read and harder to put down.

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matildamercury's review against another edition

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dark emotional inspiring reflective sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Fantastically well written book that captures shame (in the younger years) and low self worth (in current day) in a special way. I listened to the audiobook which was a fantastic way to experience Vanessa.

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bookmark3brodi's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated

3.5

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alishamegan's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

this book should replace all copies of lolita, especially in classrooms/english lit syllabuses. this book is what lolita should have been imo sorry not sorry. how good can your book really be at being anti-p****phillia and anti-CSA if even TODAY let alone when it was written people read it and blame the girl child for her CSA and sympathise with the abuser?

if masses of people misinterpret your book for exactly the opposite message of what you as the author intended maybe it is not a good enough book to convey that message?

if society has not reached that level of collective consciousness where they would read lolita and automatically condemn the abuser and rally around the victim-survivor then maybe it needs to be more EXPLICITLY anti-CSA and supportive of the victim?

THIS book is that. By being from the perspective of the girl child (and later woman) and her being a complicated, 'imperfect' (whatever that and whatever 'perfect' is meant to be) victim-survivor it gives a real, grounded narrative and experience.

I felt sick reading this but I could not stop reading it constantly. It also made me angry.

I wanted the man to die and he did so that felt good.

men are so $%^$%&$^*"^%^$%^5 URGH like FUCK OFF YOU CREEP

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presleymarie85's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

My Dark Vanessa is a dark and uncomfortable read, but written so profoundly, the words cling to your skin long after you've tried washing them away. My Dark Vanessa tells the story of Vanessa Wye and the grooming she endures at the age of 15 by her boarding school English teacher. The story is told in alternating timelines, in the past Vanessa at 15 grapples with what is happening to her and romanticizes the grooming that was occurring, as well as an older Vanessa now grown and still dealing with the fallout of what Jacob Strane has done to her, and now possibly other students. Another victim has come forward to tell her story of abuse at the hands of Strane, and Jenny wants Vanessa to come forward too. But Vanessa doesn't see herself as a victim but a willing participant, because if she saw herself for what the relationship was, would she be then a victim as well? This is a very heavy book, many times I had to take a break because it's so uncomfortable at times. If you are sensitive to this kind of subject, please consider skipping reading My Dark Vanessa.

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