Take a photo of a barcode or cover
3.96 AVERAGE
3.96 AVERAGE
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
men on average have been so evil lately that i needed the reminder to see their actions from a behaviorist perspective rather than biological but goddamn is their conditioning really expansiveđđ
informative
reflective
medium-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
informative
reflective
fast-paced
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
One of those books that Iâm glad I read, and could say I agreed with in general, but with some pretty heavy asterisks in most chapters. This was a complicated read; most of its cultural observations are still spot-on, 25 years later, but it also felt incredibly dated in other aspects. E.g.: yes, some people do use casual sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism to avoid attachments with others... but you could also say that about literally any activity (even reading - guilty as charged!), and singling out sex specifically is not doing the book any favors.
A positive: Iâm extremely relieved that this bookâs definition of love is both encompassing (not limited to the trinary romantic/platonic/familial model), but also specific enough to be usable (a desire for mutual growth and support). And I particularly like hooksâ definition of love as a verb, rather than a noun; it shifts the focus away from pointless discussions on what love âisâ, and toward what love âdoesâ; itâs not a role, itâs a series of actions and habits. As a whole, Iâd call All About Love a great introduction to compassionate politics. The keyword there being introduction, as I definitely think hooks has blind spots, like everyone else â and even her own later works attempt to fill them in. (I know this was published in the early 2000s, but some of the gender-based observations could have really benefitted from transfeminist perspectives.)
I found I enjoyed this book more when I stopped reading it as a self-help guide and more as reflections on hooksâ own life, because thereâs some aspects of the framework that I disagree with. People in other reviews have written that this book is more religious than they were expecting; and while I do think hooks takes care to separate organized religion from spirituality, and acknowledge the flaws of each, there is very much a Christian slant to these essays (another reason why the casual sex observation didnât quite sit right with me), even down to hooks drawing a parallel between declining church attendance and the decline of society as a whole. And while I think it would absolutely help some â being able to see the bigger picture outside yourself doesnât come naturally to everyone â I donât think you need to live a spiritual life to understand this principle. To me, it came across the same way as a bewildered Christian who canât wrap their head around the concept of atheists having a sense of morality. In the same way, I take issue with the idea of âestrangement from family membersâ being held in direct opposition to a âpath of healingâ. Itâs another of hooksâ ideas that sounds fantastic on paper, presented in idealistic, heal-society terms â and it would be fantastic for everyone if we all could heal broken bonds rather than severing them â but in practice, this puts unequal weight on victimized parties to just âbe the bigger personâ and forgive their abusers. As with spirituality, it does work for some; I just disagree with the presentation of it as a solution for all. That said, I do think this was a good foundation to hooksâ other books, as now I have a better sense of where sheâs coming from, her values, her ideals, etc.
The last thing I wanted to say, more of a personal gripe than anything else, was on hooksâ reading of societal greed â specifically, using a framework of greed to explain the phenomenon of addiction. Arguing that greed is a cornerstone of societyâs lovelessness was fine; I agree. Consumerism and individualism are two arms of the same social evil; I agree. But comparing consumerism to the physiological experience of addiction to alcohol or drugs? Frankly, that specific observation was so wildly out of touch with the reality of addiction that I nearly put down the book then and there. Consumerism is, at best, a psychological dependency; comparing it to an addiction is just flat-out wrong. And thatâs to say nothing of hooks putting money-motivated drug dealers and addicts looking for their next fix in the same category of greed â because if they âworshipâ something other than love, theyâre worshipping selfishness â and are thus incapable of forming truly loving bonds with others. I shouldnât have to mention that there are as many reasons for getting into, and remaining with, an addictive substance as there are addictive substances themselves â yet she seems (at least to me) to paint all addicts with the same broad brush, and paired with the judgmental undertone, I donât really see this as helping anyone. I genuinely hope her perspective on this changes in future writings.
I donât know. Maybe Iâm just missing something, but All About Love left me feeling more disappointed than inspired. And that really sucks, because I wanted to love it! It just really didnât resonate in the way I hoped, despite being a good book overall. Maybe I just wasnât the correct audience for it. Will still be reading more of bell hooksâ catalog, but probably wonât put this one on my reread radar.